Return to Normalcy: Chapter 8

During the night, a mighty north wind came howling down out of the mountains, shocked all the moisture into one very large storm over Tokyo then carried it well out to sea. The now dry wind roared on well into the night. By daylight though, it had fallen to a faint whisper of a chilly breeze, leaving Tokyo skies scrubbed a clear burning blue.

Tetsu-Akane sang out loud as she worked on breakfast in the kitchen. The song she sang was an old tune from a musical so old that it was seldom played by anyone anymore, but this one tune, A Bushel and a Peck, was so catchy that she simply could not resist singing it, even though she had great difficulty pronouncing the lyrics.

One of the great oddities about the ladies Tendou was that Akane was the only morning person of the three. She always woke up in a good mood, whereas Nabiki woke up and really needed to choke some small animal to death before she felt anything near human. Kasumi was much the same, but circumstances had forced her to adopt new habits and deeply religious attitudes. She was always serene in the early mornings, but Akane, provided she could not get outside and run around the neighborhood, sang like a bird.

She was in her cursed form and cooking without so much as a second thought about what sort of mental state she was inducing in her house mates - mostly because they were still asleep and she was planning breakfast to be a surprise for them. Eventually, Kasumi came downstairs and stared around the kitchen in amazed shock for a few minutes.

"Good morning, Kasumi-chan!" Tetsu-Akane said with a smile on her face and a happy grin in her heart.

Kasumi shook herself from head to foot and managed to squeak out, "Good morning, Little sister!" Kasumi paused to take a deep breath and then said, "Do you mind if I taste the rice?"

"Of course not, Big sister," Tetsu-Akane said. "I've already tasted everything. It's all good."

While Tetsu-Akane was busy grinding coffee beans, Kasumi decided it best if she verified Tetsu-Akane's claim. She was amazed. Tetsu-Akane had cooked mushroom and onion omelettes that morning and they were perfect, save for the one labeled Ranma, which had bell pepper in it. The truly wondrous, or perhaps horrifying thing about Tetsu-Akane's cooking was that the bacon was both greasy and delightfully crisp, the toast was done just right and even most of the pots and pans were washed and in the drying rack. Tetsu-Akane had been cleaning the kitchen while she cooked breakfast. Kasumi had never known Akane to walk into her kitchen and not turn it into an unsightly mess at the best, but this verged on professional quality work. A glorious smile bloomed on Kasumi's face as she realized what her baby sister had accomplished that morning.

"I'll set the table. You finish up in here, Akane."

"Right on, Big sis!" Tetsu-Akane said cheerfully, and then began singing A Bushel and a Peck while dancing a fair imitation of a sea shanty. She happily washed the now empty skillet as her bare feet slapped the floor with a happy rhythm.

Kasumi found Akane's cursed form's voice to be pleasing. It was a strong baritone. More importantly, she could actually sing on key and carry a tune perfectly in her cursed form. Something she had always struggled with in her natural form.

"Doodle, oodle, oodle, doodle, oodle, oodle, doodle, oodle, oodle ooo!" Akane sang, getting every note of the last verse right.

I wonder if little sister wasn't really my little brother in a girl's body? Kasumi silently wondered. If so, that means her curse is actually a blessing in disguise. Maybe all of this is just Kami-sama's plan unfolding.

Just as Kasumi finished setting the table, Nabiki came stumbling down the stairs with an exceedingly cross look on her face. She paused at the foot of the stairs and inhaled a deep breath through her nose.

"Oh, great, coffee! Thanks, Kasumi-chan."

Kasumi flashed Nabiki a very warm smile. "It's not quite done just yet. Have a seat, Sis."

Ranma stuck his head out of the doorway of the master bedroom and looked around very carefully. He always woke ready for a fight, thanks to the years of abusive training by his shitty father. He even double checked the floor before stepping on it. His single greatest weakness was slippery surfaces. He had decided to do something about it, but to do something he was obliged to check for the hazard before he stepped on it. He walked into the tatami room with bare feet and a cautious and sour look on his face. There were deep lines around his mouth and deep crinkles at the corners of his eyes. The wrinkles on his brow were fast becoming a permanent feature. It made him look both foreboding and fierce, even though he was still under twenty. He sat down and grimly stared at the newly set breakfast table without uttering a single word.

"Good morning, Ranma-san," Kasumi said in a voice that sounded more like wind chimes than it did a human voice. This seem to perk the Saotome childe up a bit.

"Good morning, Kasumi-san," Ranma said in a scratchy voice. "How're you this morning?"

"I'm quite well, thank you," Kasumi said. "In fact, I am better than well. I'm fine."

"Well, that's good news," Nabiki interjected. Nabiki's eyes widened as Tetsu-Akane trotted out with her coffee on a separate tray.

"Here, Nabiki-chan," Tetsu-Akane said. "I'll let you sweeten it to your taste. There's fresh cream in that little pot if you want it."

Kasumi looked smug. Ranma and Nabiki both looked alarmed. Nabiki screwed up her courage and tasted her coffee before she sweetened it.

"This almost doesn't need sugar or cream," Nabiki declared a voice saturated with wonder. "It's almost perfect as it is."

Kasumi giggled as she poured Ranma's orange juice. "Try your omelette, Ranma."

Ranma stared at Kasumi with abject terror suffusing his face.

"I've already tasted it," Kasumi said in what could only be described as an ecstatic voice. "It's really good. Go on! Try it."

Ranma and Nabiki both picked up their forks and tried a tiny portion of their omelets. Both were visibly overawed. Before they could make another move, Tetsu-Akane bounced into the room, singing another round of A Bushel and a Peck.

"I love you," Tetsu-Akane sang as she bent low to give Nabiki a peck on the cheek. This startled Nabiki's eyes wide "A bushel and peck! A bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck!" She threw her left arm around Ranma as she sat down on his right, the pecked him on the cheek.

"Ah!" Ranma squeaked, sounding more like his curse than his natural self.

Tetsu-Akane took no notice of Ranma's upset and continued with her act. "...A barrel and heap and I'm a talkin' in my sleep about you!" Then Tetsu-Akane picked up a pair of chop sticks and attacked her plate like she meant it while Ranma and Nabiki continued to sit staring at different walls with their jaws dangling. Kasumi did her best to not laugh at the scene and succeeded but only after allowing her beatific smile to widen considerably.

Tetsu-Akane swallowed her food and then threw her head back and sang, "Doodle, oodle, oodle, doodle, oodle, oodle, doodle, oodle, oodle ooo!"

This hit Ranma and Nabiki like a high voltage shock - their hair stood on end. Ranma stared hard at Tetsu-Akane as though he might give her a Gibbs-smack to the back of her head. Nabiki stared eagerly in anticipation, waiting to see what Ranma might mete out to her bizarre sister and his manly fiancée.

Kasumi managed to hold back her objections, but worried until Ranma's face suddenly softened. He was now staring at Tetsu-Akane as though she were still in her natural form. There was a bright blinding blue-white flash surrounded Ranma as he turned into Onna-Ramma. The look on his face was rapturous - as though he were helplessly in love, which is what he truly was. Not even Akane's curse could change that. The boy was well and truly smitten. Kasumi could see it in every fiber of his being. She heaved a great sigh.

Nabiki was startled by this turn of events; then briefly looked disappointed; then she broke out with unadulterated laughter, as though it was the funniest thing that she had ever seen. Kasumi was elated as she felt her heart soar. It felt as though it might fly right out of her chest if she did not act quickly.

"Please excuse me for a moment," Kasumi said as she rose to her feet. "I forgot to make a telephone call."

Kasumi felt as though she floated rather than walked to the telephone stand in the hallway.

Nabiki watched her elder sister go away and pick up the phone and she managed to contain her laughter. I'm going to get us another phone, she thought. I'll have the next two lines installed in my room. One for family business, one for my business and the third for emergency traffic. The third one will be unlisted and changed should anyone outside the family get their hands on it.

She looked over to the left to see that Onna-Ranma had yet to dig into his breakfast. He was still too busy making goo-goo eyes at Tetsu-Akane. She felt no pangs of guilt nor jealously. For Nabiki, life was too short for such emotional negativity. All she wanted was to be happy and she was definitely happy. The Waif had managed to save more than one soul with his noble buffoonery. She started to laugh, but reduced it to a chuckle. She wanted to eat her omelette while it was still hot.

Tetsu-Akane noticed Onna-Ranma making eyes at her and stopped to give him a deep kiss.

"You should eat your omelette," Tetsu-Akane said after they finished their kiss. "It'll get cold."

To Nabiki's utter astonishment, Onna-Ranma dug into his omelette like a normal person would eat. He took the time to savor the flavor of each single bite rather than simply inhaling his food the way he had always done.

"I'll bet it has been years since you have been able to enjoy a meal, neh, Ranma-kun?" Nabiki asked.

Onna-Ranma swallowed and said, "Mm. Seems more like a century. It's great not havin' Shit-daddy around tryin' ta steal food offen' my plate."

"But that was just training, right Ranma?" Kasumi asked as she sat back down at the table. "Or was that just an excuse?"

"It was both," Onna-Ranma said. "At least sometimes it was both, but only in the good times. Whenever we were really hard up for food, the old man didn't give a rat's ass whether I ate or not. His belly got filled first you I had to fight him most sincerely."

"Promise me you won't be that way to our children, Ranma," Tetsu-Akane said.

"No problem; I promise," Onna-Ranma said. Kasumi could tell that his statement was heartfelt. "I promise not take them on a long yamagomori without you, too. May the Kami strike me dead if I do."

Kasumi felt her heart try to soar out of her chest again. She hastened to finish her breakfast in silence. I've got a lot to do before he gets here, she thought. Oh, please, Kami-sama! Please let this all be true.

Kasumi began humming the tune Blue Skies under her breath. After the second bar, Tetsu-Akane picked up on it. Soon they were singing a duet between bites in counterpoint to each other. Then Onna-Ranma got in on the act. His female voice was a fine soprano. Nabiki just grinned and tapped her foot. Had she been a member of a band, she would have been its drummer.

Breakfast done, Onna-Ranma leaned close to Tetsu-Akane's ear and said, "You go getcher runnin' out of your system. We'll spar when you get back."

Tetsu-Akane gave Onna-Ranma another kiss and disappeared up the stairs.

"Where's mine, Ranma?" Nabiki asked.

Onna-Ranma snapped his eyes into focus on Nabiki's face, then flung himself at her so that she had to catch him. They kissed for a while, but Nabiki had to put Onna-Ranma down. "You're much heavier than you look, you know."

"Where'd Kasumi go?" Onna-Ranma asked as he scratched the back of his head searched what was visible of the first floor around them.

Nabiki held her hand up for quiet. "She's up in her room," Nabiki said after listening for a while. "It sounds as though she's moving stuff around."

"Moving what around?" Onna-Ranma asked.

"Beats me! She doesn't have all that much to move around."

They were still giving each other deeply puzzled stares when Kasumi's voice drifted down to them. "Could I get a hand with some of this, please?"

Nabiki cocked an eyebrow at Onna-Ranma who gave her a shrug as he headed for the stairway.

"I guess we're about to find out what it is she's moving, huh, Nabiki?"

"I think you're right, Ranma-kun."

By the time the two them reached the top of the stairs, Tetsu-Akane had finished changing into some of Ranma's old clothing. It did not fit her all that well, but at least it did cover her newly acquired body without being to tight that she could not breath.

"You and I need to do some serious shopping for our guy sides," Nabiki said to Akane.

Tetsu-Akane nodded her head. "As soon as finals are over. What is it that Kasumi needs?"

While Nabiki plotted out what she and Tetsu-Akane and she were going to do when it came time to shop, Onna-Ranma made his way to Kasumi's room. He was stood frozen in the doorway as the other two girls came up behind him. Kasumi had packed everything she owned, and had it all neatly stacked and ready to move.

What's up with this, Sis?" Nabiki asked.

"Yeah, Kasumi. What's going on?" Akane asked.

Onna-Ranma sounded sad when he spoke. "She's leavin' us, girls. That's what."

Nabiki and Tetsu-Akane were shocked speechless. Tetsu-Akane clapped both hands to her face. Nabiki rubbed her forehead with her left hand.

"No need to look so surprised or disappointed," Kasumi said. "It's my turn to go out and have some fun."

"I guess you've got Picolet coming here to pick you up, right?" Onna-Ranma asked.

"Hai," Kasumi said with an even more beatific smile-if such a thing were possible.

Onna-Ranma fought off the tears. It wasn't manly to cry when hearing good news about someone, after all.

"Congratulations, Kasumi," he said.

"Congratulations to you, too, Little Brother," Kasumi said. "I'm proud of you."

This puzzled Onna-Ranma. "Proud of me? For what?"

"First for becoming a man where in counts - in the heart and mind. Second, for being able to master your curse."

"Master my cur..."

Nabiki shouted her surprise. "I cannot believe that I didn't notice it. You turned into a girl without getting splashed this morning! You never noticed it did you?"

Tetsu-Akane looked taken aback as well. Kasumi merely beamed happiness.

Onna-Ranma was dumbstruck. Konatsu had it right, he thought. Shit-daddy really can go panda when he wants to. Now I can go girl when I want - well with some practice I might - but what about reversing the curse? Will I ever be able to do that? That can wait for later. Right now its time to send Kasumi off.

Onna-Ranma looked around and saw that golden sunlight was streaming into Kasumi's window. It was casting shadow bands and lighting up errant dust particles. He felt the wonder of a small child once again. It had been so many years that he could not remember the last time he felt this way. It was a bittersweet moment for him. Tears came into his eyes.

"I owe most of my growing up to you, Kasumi-san," Onna-Ranma said. "I don't know what I might have turned into if - if I hadn't met you."

Kasumi rushed forward and engulfed the smaller form of Onna-Ranma. Then her manly sister and her girly sister joined in the hug. It was one of those moments that you remember for a lifetime.

The repeated honks of an unusual sounding car horn followed by a knock at the front door brought it to an end.

"I'll get it," Onna-Ranma said. "You guys wait here."


He went down the stairs three steps at the time and rushed to the front door. It was Picolet Chardin flanked by four or five beefier men.

Chardin was taken aback by Onna-Ranma opening the door. He stared at Ranma as though he had expected someone else to open the door. He grinned like a fool who knew better, but he took Onna-Ramma's hand anyway and bowed over it, pretending to kiss it.

At least the arrogant boss-turd didn't touch his fat lips to my skin, Onna-Ranma thought.

"Greetings and felicitations, Saotome-san," Picolet said. "How have you been?"

"I've been doing fine," Onna-Ranma said, being careful to control his temper. "You're here to take Kasumi away from her life of drudgery, right?"

Picolet sneered. "But of course I am! Why would you think otherwise?"

"Because she's a good cook."

"She is a good home cook, not a professional chef. Besides, she will never have to cook anything again if she does not want to."

"That's good to know," Onna-Ranma said. "All she has done around here is be substitute wife for Soun."

Picolet visibly flinched at this news.

"I didn't mean it like that!" Onna-Ranma shouted. "I meant to say that she has been doing all the cooking and cleaning and mothering around here - especially to Soun."

"Ah! That I can readily appreciate," Picolet said, looking relieved. "She is very good at mentoring, isn't she?"

"Yeah, you betcha!" Onna-Ranma exclaimed. "You had best do right by her. If you don't..."

"You'll come see me?" Picolet asked. "Believe me, I know what that means, but surely you must appreciate the position I am in with her sister Nabiki?"

Onna-Ranma gave Picolet a rueful grin. "About the same situation I'm in with her."

"Then you can fully appreciate my circumstance, can you not?" Picolet said with an elegant sniff. "Just realize that I am genuinely smitten by her. I shall see to it that she lives comfortably and happily. If I cannot do that, I shall step aside and allow someone else the opportunity. Kasumi is an unrecognized national treasure."

Onna-Ranma felt his face relax. "Treasure is right..."

One of the men, the one who looked to be a supervisor type cleared his throat.

"Ah, yes!" Picolet exclaimed. "Will be good enough to guide these men to Kasumi's belongings?"

"Sure," Onna-Rannma said. "We were just about to move them outside when you knocked on the door."

"Good!" Picolet said. "May I see Kasumi-san now?"

"I don't think I could keep her away from you if I wanted to," Onna-Ranma said and gave the Franco-Japanese chef a wry grin. "Follow me, guys. I'll show where the stuff is at."

Onna-Ranma turned on his heel and led the moving crew up the stairs. Kasumi was standing at the head of the stairway, looking pensive.

"Picolet is waiting for you at the door," Onna-Ranma said. "Was I you, I'd go hang on his arm before some other woman comes along and finds the handsome bastard."

She giggled and then kissed Onna-Ranma on the cheek before running downstairs. Onna-Ranma stared after her for a moment, heaved a sigh and said, "This way to the work, guys."

It took only a few minutes to get Kasumi's belongings out of the house. The truck was sitting right outside the gate and in front of the big ugly monster was a pearl white Citroen DS 19. Clearly the elderly classic car had undergone a full restoration. Chardin must have spent a small fortune on it. He even had a driver standing holding the door open. Picolet and Kasumi waved at Onna-Ranma and her two sisters before getting into the elderly car that was incongruously futuristic in appearance and drove off. Onna-Ranma felt a stab of pain in his throat. The movers loaded the ramp on the truck, shut the back door of the box, and then drove off. The three of them were standing in the sunlit silence watching a nothing but leaves long dead and brown dancing around in the cold breeze.

The silence was too sad to last.

"I'm going to get my run in now," Tetsu-Akane said, and then took off.

Nabiki heaved a great sigh. "I never thought I'd see the day that she'd be leaving the nest, but it seems she managed to beat me to it."

Onna-Ranma gave Nabiki a hard stare. "You ain't goin' nowhere."

"Oh, really?"

"Not so long as we are in business together," Onna-Ranma said in a menacing voice. "I gotta keep my eye on my investments ya know."

Nabiki laughed and put her arm around Onna-Ranma as the walked back through the gate.

"I had not thought of that to tell you the truth, Ranma, but you're right. We gotta keep our eyes on the money."


Tetsu-Akane returned from her run. She found it necessary to run much farther in her cursed form than she did in her natural form. She worked her way through her usual cool down routine, and found it much easier than usual.

I can't believe the difference being a guy makes, she thought. This body is a real treat once you start getting used to it. No need to bathe, if I'm going to spar with Ranma, but I'll change back into a girl just to keep things safe.

She kicked her straw sandals off and walked over the small concrete pad Soun used for his ablutions, then turned the faucet on. The spray nozzle on the hose was already open and it sprayed her head down liberally. Then she walked into the house to discover that Nabiki and put a kettle on the stove. It was a little too hot, so she turned the burner from low to off and sat down on Kasumi's bar stool.

Onna-Ranma came strolling into the kitchen from the tatami room. "Whatcha doin' here, Akane?"

"Waiting for the kettle to cool off," Akane said.

"You don't need to change," Onna-Ranma said with a grim look on his face. "Let's go."

"I thought we were going to spar today," Akane said.

"We are. You're still gonna have a hard time hittin' me."

"You didn't see what I did to that poor guy at..."

"Nabiki told me about that,"Onna-Ranma said, cutting her off. "It's time for you to work on your control. If you don't have any or can't develop some, we'll hafta kill ya."

Akane felt a brief spike fo alarm, but then thought that Ranma was merely kidding. Onna-Ranma grinned at her. It was a fierce grin, but it was definitely amused.

"Good luck with that, lover boy!" Akane exclaimed.

Without warning or wind up, Onna-Ranma went from where he was standing to right up in Tetsu-Akane's face. He gave her a stinging slap across her left ear and passed right by her. She barely saw him move.

"Ow!"

"See, Tomboy?" Onna-Ranma asked. "You won't always be inside a dojo, and almost nobody you'll meet holds to any particular rules. It's anything goes! Ya got that?"

Tetsu-Akane quickly got over the emotional hurt that Onna-Ranma's slap had inflicted. It's just training. I is just training. Harsh training, but realistic. If I can't cope, I should take up cooking and sewing like all the other girls, Tetsu-Akane thought. Onna-Ranma was standing just outside her range of action, leering at her the way he had always done.

Even after I've been cursed to turn into a big strong male that can knock someone's teeth out with a single punch he still thinks he can belittle me! Akane's mind screamed. Adrenaline coursed through her veins and she struck out at Onna-Ranma hard, fast and furious.

Onna-Ranma danced around her attack just as he had always done until Tetsu-Akane was blowing like a horse that had been ridden hard for two miles or more - more like more. Her clothing was soaked through with sweat and it was running down into her eyes, making them sting and blurring her vision.

"D'ya know what the definition of a weapon is, Akane?"

"It's anything used to inflict bodily harm on someone," Akane answered between gasps for much needed air.

"Nah, it's more basic than that. A weapon is anything used to transfer energy to a target," Onna-Ranma said. "Guess what? You're now the target, and I gotta lot of energy left."

That said, Onna-Ranma turned into a veritable whirlwind of pain - for Tetsu-Akane. Once he was finished, she did not have a single muscle that was not suffering major spasms and pain. Ranma had not hit her hard a single time. All he had done was to use shiatsu techniques.

Tetsu-Akane felt thoroughly humiliated and started to stagger away, but Onna-Ranma got in front of her.

"Whoa, big girl! Where you goin'? We ain't done yet!"

Tetsu-Akane was shocked and horrified and Onna-Ranma saw her reaction before she could say a single word.

"That is unless you don't wanna play no more," Onna-Ranma said in the most mocking voice Tetsu-Akane had ever heard. "Iffen ya wanna play in my league, ya gotta get way tougher and way faster than you are now. More importantly, you need to be more cunning."

Tetsu-Akane stared at her noisome fiancé for a few seconds. He looked cute enough to eat, but she knew better - she'd have to catch him first and Ranma Saotome was as hard to catch as the wind, especially when he was in his cursed form.

Wait, what was it he said about cunning? We're both in the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. We must have learned the same basic kata and everything. He knows exactly what I am going to do and when I'm going to do it! That...that...HOUND DOG! Tetsu-Akane thought.

"There are some more kata that I haven't seen, isn't there?" Tetsu-Akane managed to choke out.

Onna-Ranma gave her a nasty sneer before saying, "For every offensive move ever dreamed up, there's a defensive that has been dreamed up to counter it. Ya gotta learn to surprise yer opponents, Akane."

Tetsu-Akane attacked. Onna-Ranma was actually forced to block this time rather than simply dodging as he had always done. His blocks hurt like hellfire. Tetsu-Akane saw it as progress - good progress - until the pain of being blocked repeatedly in rapid succession became so painful that she could no longer stand it.

Most people see martial arts moves on television and think that they know what is like. Nothing could be further from the truth - perhaps the Andromeda galaxy is farther off - but they have no clue about it. Until one of your punches has been deflected by someone who knows what he or she is doing, you have not felt pain. Tetsu-Akane's arms legs and even one foot were covered with welts that were going to turn into bruises. She was panting again.

"Okay, Tomboy!" Onna-Ranma said in a cheerful voice. "Your done for the day. Hit the furo."

Tetsu-Akane got up off her knees and staggered toward her diminutive fiancé. She seized him up in her arms and threw him over her shoulder. Onna-Ranma burst out laughing.

"You're coming with me, you little shit!" Tetsu-Akane said.

She staggered over to the engawa only to find Nabiki standing there looking at them with a superior air. She had her hands on her hips as though very dubious of their goings on.

"I've already ordered delivery for lunch," she told them as Tetsu-Akane staggered toward the furoba. "It'll be here about the time you get out."

"What'd ja order, Nabiki?" Onna-Ranma asked.

"Shrimp and vegetable tempura with extra vegetables," Nabiki said. "Hurry or it will get cold before you finish."

This all occurred during the midday of Sunday, November 1, 1989. A day that should live forever, much like New Years day. It was the very first day that Akane Tendou remembered actually working something out on her own that had to do with the martial arts. Up until that day, she had simply stuck to what her father had taught her, which while being good enough to defeat the untrained and lightly trained little boys at school, it was not nearly enough to take on the likes of Ranma Saotome. Sunday, November 1 of 1989 was the day that she opened the door on an entirely new universe. She would never look back - until they discovered that Ranma was pregnant. All three of them, Akane, Nabiki and Ranma, concluded that this was the night that Onna-Ranma conceived because he was well and truly exposed on that night.


Several days later during the early morning, Nabiki sat in the tatami room of Tendo-ke.

It's odd, Nabiki thought as thunder rumbled in the distance. Kasumi has just moved out of here and this place feels changed already. Dad hasn't been home for days. I hear that he has shacked up with Hinako-sensei. Good for them. It's time Dad moved on and she needs someone to cuddle with. Older men are always more comfortable and manageable than younger ones.

Nabiki caught the faint scent of Ranma's girl type body and looked around. She did not see him, so she took another long sip of her delightfully aromatic coffee.

Akane and I along with Ranma will just have to re-work this place to suit us and our new lifestyle - even though I can't quite figure what that will be. How on earth did I end up sharing my sister's fiancé? Was that an accident, or did we work it out without talking about it in advance? It's bound to cause tears eventually, but all long-term relationships do, so there's no help for it. I'll just try to remain my cool collected self whenever things start to get out of control.

Nabiki sensed a presence more than heard or saw anything.

"Okay, Ranma," she said aloud to the apparently empty room. "Enough with the Umisen-ken now. Show yourself."

A dripping wet Onna-Ranma suddenly became visible on the engawa just off the tatami mats.

Its not the Umisen-ken, Nabiki-chan," he said in his girlish voice. "Kenzan-kun is teaching some new tricks."

"Well, that's a good one," Nabiki said. "Does it require a lot of ki, or can just any old martial artist learn it?"

Onna-Kenzan suddenly appeared standing right next to Onna-Ranma. He was dripping as much water as Onna-Ranma was.

"It takes a great deal of practice, Nabiki-dono," Onna-Konatsu said in his alto-soprano voice, "but nearly anyone can learn to use it."

"Oh, good!" Nabiki exclaimed as she set her coffee cup on the table and rose. "I really need to learn how to do that. When can you start teaching it to me?" She asked over her shoulder as she opened the door to the furoba.

"Anytime you like, Nabiki-dono, but I must do some scheduling first," Konatsu said.

"I keep forgetting you have a job at a restaurant," Nabiki said as she came out of the furoba with two beach towels. She handed each Jusenkyou girl one. Both gratefully accepted and began drying off immediately. "How's your business doing?"

Onna-Kenzan paused and started at the ceiling before he answered.

"Well, it has been busy, but what do I know? Ukyou keeps all the books. I never learned to keep track of the money, you see. My stepmother, curse her black flabby heart, wouldn't have any of it. She wanted me kept in the dark as much as possible."

"So she could cheat you, I'd imagine," Nabiki said with a shark-like grin.

"Yeah, Nabiki!" Onna-Ranma interjected. "You know every thing there is to know about beating people out of their money-dontcha?"

Nabiki never even flinched.

"Oh, come now, Ranma! I thought you were growing up."

"Let's just say that I'm improvin' fast, Nabiki-chan," Onna-Ramma said with a rueful grin. "You can only hit me over the head so many times before I start latching hold of ideas."

"Would the two of you like me to fetch you some dry clothes?" Nabiki asked. "Or are you going to stand on the engawa where you can drip dry?"

"No need for that, Nabiki-chan," Onna-Ranma said in his chirruping femal voice. He whipped out a large bath towel from no where and flourished it around himself and Onna-Kenzan. After the flourish, both of them were dressed in dry clothing. Onna-Ranma had their wet clothing bundled up with the towels. He headed for the furoba with them as Onna-Kenzan sat down at the table.

"I'll just pop this stuff into the drier," Onna-Ranma said over his shoulder. "They don't need washing."

Nabiki stared after Onna-Ranma for a moment before turning her attention to the shivering Onna-Kenzan. "Would you like some coffee, Kenzan-kun?"

"That sounds good, Nabiki-dono," Onna-Kenzan said. "May I have a little cream in it please? Coffee is much nicer with cream."

Nabiki fought off the urge to give Onna-Kenzan a good pout and a lecture on the virtues of plain Kona coffee, but decided better of it. "Of course you may. Just let me fetch the carafe and cups."

Onna-Ranma was sitting opposite of Onna-Kenzan when Nabiki returned from the kitchen with the coffee. Onna-Konatsu was still struggling into the warm up suit Onna-Ranma had given him.

Nabiki settled down then poured both of their cups full and waited for Onna-Ranma to fill hers before taking up the business they needed to discuss. The tatami room filled with the aroma of good coffee and the two Jusenkyou girls; the smelled of arouse young women and men, with their womanly smell far more prominent. Nabiki drew in a deep breath through her nose and found herself transported to heaven.

"So have you guys found the car?" Nabiki asked looking first at Ranma and then Kenzan. She could tell from their body language that one of them had found the car.

"Yeah, we found it all right," Onna-Ranma said as he scratched at the back of his neck.

He always does that when he feels awkward, Nabiki thought. Something they found has upset him.

"So, where is it?" Nabiki asked.

"It's in an old repair shop for large trucks in Outa-cho," Onna-Kenzan said. "A man visits it at least once a week. First he pulls the tarp off of it. Then he gives it a very close inspection..."

"Yeah, he stares at for at least an hour," Onna-Ranma interjected.

"Then he dusts it off. After he has it dusted, he starts the engine and lets it warm up. He sits in it and runs through the gears - Oh, and he makes the rear end go up and down for some reason," Onna-Kenzan said.

"Yeah, it's really weird," Onna-Ranma interjected. "I ain't ever seen a car do anything like that. Then he starts putting this white pasty lookin' stuff on the car and rubs it until it shines."

Nabiki gritted her teeth. "Something must be wrong with the hydraulic system. The Caspita sits about two centimeters off the pavement, but it has a hydraulic lift system that can raise it as high as five centimeters."

"Both ends?" Onna-Kenzan asked.

Nabiki nodded her head. "Yes, both ends. If only the rear end is going up and down, there must be a problem with the hydraulics. At least he is doing what he can to keep it up."

Onna-Ranma made a sour face. "It's so damned wide that there must be only one or two wreckers in Tokyo that can haul it. D'ya know one?"

Nabiki grinned. "Sure, one of them belongs to the people who want us to recover the car."

Onna-Kenzan flicked his eyes over at Onna-Ranma. Onna-Ramma's face became even more sour.

"How well d'ya know these people? Are they reliable?" Onna-Ranma now looked suspicious enough to be completely paranoid.

"Well, they are an established insurer, Ranma," Nabiki said. "They are about as reliable as any big company. Why do you ask?"

"Please excuse me, Tendou-dono," Onna-Kenzan said, "but I wonder if you are right about that."

Nabiki was taken aback by Konatsu's statement. She gave Onna-Ranma a quick glance and saw from the look on his face that he agreed with Onna-Kenzan.

"What makes you think otherwise?" Nabiki asked them both.

"Aw hell, I don't know!" Onna-Ranma exclaimed. "There's just something about the way this guy acts around that hunk o'junk. It's easy to see that he loves it. He treats it better than Shit-daddy ever treated me!"

Nabiki watched Onna-Kenzan as he gravely nodded his head in agreement.

Drat! She thought. They're jealous of a car. They don't like the idea that anyone would lavish love on a car and not them. What am I going to do with these two? Neither one of them ever had a proper home or family. I've got to find a way to get them on my side of this op.

"Okay, guys. I can see right now that you don't get cars or car people, but believe me, his behavior is not as uncommon as you think, okay?" Nabiki said.

Neither of the young Jusenkyou victims looked convinced.

"He's not your usual gear-head, Tendou-dono," Onna-Kenzan said. "He's an elderly man and he treats that thing as though it were his favorite granddaughter."

"Please do at least one more check on the people who've hired us to recover this piece o'junk, okay?" Onna-Ranma all but begged. "I smell a rat here somehow."

Once again, Nabiki was surprised when Onna-Kenzan nodded his pretty head in agreement with Onna-Ranma. She blew out her cheeks and made a show of sighing. "Okay, but after that, we go after the car, okay?"

"No," Onna-Kenzan and Onna-Ranma said in chorus.

"We only go after tha damned thing of your contacts prove to be as reliable as they claim to be," Onna-Ranma said. "Otherwise, I ain't gonna take this old man's baby away from him."

"Ranma, it does not really belong to him," Nabiki said. He's being a pain now, and I don't understand why, she thought.

"I think it must be, though," Onna-Kenzan said. His voice all but overwhelmed Nabiki with its sincerity. "Please double-check to make certain of our actions. I think he might well die without that car to care for."

Nabiki was stumped, despite herself and her normal greed. This is about more than money. It's about the very first Japanese supercar. I'm not surprised that neither one of these guys get it, but geez! I know that a person can become unreasonably attached to something that does not belong to her. Why can't either one of these guys see that? Hasn't it ever happened to them?

"Okay, I'll double check just because you asked politely, okay?" Inwardly, Nabiki was seething with emotion, but she managed to contain her emotions - mostly. Ranma might have noticed a wee-tiny bit of leakage. "But you gotta realize that people do become attached to things they shouldn't - especially to cars and other mechanical things."

Both of the Jusenkyou girls responded with uncomprehending stares.

I'll have to take a shot at explaining to them.

"Almost none of us can hop, skip and jump across rooftops like you two do. For most of us, travel is slow and boring. We have to be satisfied with walking or running, but machines like trains, cars and airplanes, are a huge boon to most of us. They free us to travel great distances that our muscles aren't up to coping with."

"Oh, I can appreciate the relief of traveling in comfort," Onna-Ranma said with a now jaundiced look on his beautiful face. "But why would anyone use baby talk when they're speaking to a machine? Machines can't even hear! They're not alive!"

Nabiki giggled and she could see that she annoyed both of the Jusenkyou girls as she did.

"I think that after you have been exposed to a car of your own, you just might begin to understand, Ranma-kun."

Onna-Ranma responded with a derisive snort. "Not likely."

Onna-Kenzan reacted very differently. "I cannot imagine having enough money to buy an automobile, let alone driving one."

Nabiki stared at Onna-Ranma and asked, "What about you, Saotome? Ever dream of owning a car?"

Onna-Ranma shook his head. "Nah! I'm afraid I might spread out as wide as Shit-daddy if I ever gave in and bought one. Too much sittin' is bad for ya."

Nabiki propped her chin in the palm of her hand with her elbow on the table as she stared at Onna-Ranma. "We'll see about that. You are about to make enough money to be able to afford a car."

Onna-Ranma rolled his eyes to the heavens.

"Parking permits and all?"Onna-Ranma asked. "I just cain't see me ever doing that."

"Well, anyway, explain to me where this garage is," Nabiki said in her best let's-get-down-to-business tone of voice. "Is it on a major road or what?"

"Yes, it's right of the Shuto expressway just south of where it turns and goes west toward Tokyo bay in Outa-cho," Onna-Kenzan said in his chirrupy voice. "The garage is on the east side of Sangyo road, a four lane thoroughfare. Lot's of heavy truck traffic there."

"How did you guys find it?" Nabiki asked.

"It turned out to be a great deal simpler than we thought it would be," Onna-Ranma said.

"The lady at the recovery office told us that it was in Outa-ku," Onna-Kenzan said.

"So we went down there and caught a cab," Onna-Ranma said. "We were worn out just from gittin' to Outa-ku. Didn't have enough energy left to search."

"Mmm!" Onna-Kenzan nodded his strawberry blond head in agreement. "Then Onna-Ranma asked the cab driver where there might be a place where a car as wide as the Caspita could be hidden in Outa."

"Genius, Ranma," Nabiki decided to be lavish with him praise. Ranma has earned his rice with that one. "Sheer genius."

Onna-Ranma blushed, causing Onna-Kenzan to titter.

"Which language does the word 'Caspita' come from?" Onna-Kenzan asked.

"Yeah, and what does it mean anyway - if means anything," Onna-Ranma added.

Nabiki gave them an evil smile as she spoke. "It's an Italian exclamation that means the same thing as 'Aremaa!'"

Onna-Ranma burst out laughing. "That changes everything, Nabiki-chan! You shudda told me that Kasumi named a damned car."

Onna-Kenzan had a stunned look on his pretty face.

"Good heavens?" He asked. "Caspita means 'good heavens' in Italian?"

Nabiki by now was laughing out loud. "Yeah, you'd a thought Kasumi saw it the day it was unveiled, wouldn't you?"


A week later, Otoko-Nabiki sat on the bus loaded down with photography gear; the straps were tangled all about her person and people were staring at her as though she had just landed from Mars or something. Nabiki did not realize it, but everyone outside Nerima just naturally stared at Nerimaeans despite themselves. It was a recent development that only started after Happosai had distributed the "Make Love Plants" around Nerima. Everyone from Nerima simply oozed sexuality. They had become so attractive to people never before exposed to the plants that it was eerie. Nabiki found herself silently cursing.

Damn this rain! Damn Jusenkyou. Damn this too-too thin male curse of mine. Damn these infuriating male hormones! They are making it difficult for me to think. No, Ranma and Konatsu are deliberately baiting me, and that's what's making it hard to think!

Onna-Ranma and Onna-Kenzan were sitting near her looking cuter than ever. Otoko-Nabiki's newly acquired male hormones were raging out of control at the very sight of the two unlikely girly-boys, because both of them were behaving like sluts on the make which, thanks to the "Make Love" plant, was exactly what they were.

Probably Ranma's idea of being a real girl, Otoko-Nabiki thought. Or maybe not, Kenzan-kun is acting just as horny as Ranma-kun is. It doesn't matter, the two of them are driving this male body of mine mad with lust. Wait, I thought that a person's biggest sex organ was his brain? I know I read that somewhere.

Onna-Kenzan in his cursed form was a breathtakingly beautiful strawberry blonde - that is when his hair was the color it ordinarily turned when he was splashed with cold water, but he had found a way to turn it completely golden for this gig. The new hair color, combined with Onna-Kenzan's cursedly curvaceous figure went well in the two piece sailor-fuku uniform Onna-Kenzan put on for the gig. The fit suited Onna-Kenzan's figure to a T and he wore it over a pair of panty hose with the usual knee-hi white socks that most Japanese school girls wore with their uniforms. Onna-Kenzan's were decorated at the top with butterflies drawn in the ink from a red felt-tip pen. The color matched the piping of his uniform.

Not only was the situation embarrassing, it was causing her, Tendou Nabiki, to lose face - well it was causing her cursed form to lose face. She remembered all the times that she and her other female colleagues played "Make 'im Stiff' without touchin' 'im. She regretted every last time she ever played that game now.

I don't know how guys stand this, she thought. I can't think about anything other than sex for more than a two minutes. Is that really normal for guys? That would explain Happosai, I think. Geez! When I let my imagination excite it, this body really reacts in an embarrassing way.

Remembering all those times that she and her female classmates had tormented their male counterparts by exposing various parts of their anatomy just to see which boy would, or would not, show hard, felt waves of guilt wash over her.

Guys get hard because they can't help it, Tetsu-Nabiki thought. She and her companions had been shooting fish in a tub. If Ranma wriggles like that one more time I'm going to pinch him on his cute little ass! He is such a hot chick! Wait! He knows it, too. He's picking on me. That naughty little turd! He's picking on me deliberately. In fact, he and Kenzan-kun are taking turns on me. No wonder I can't get this stick between my legs to wilt. Shit!

Nabiki involuntarily shivered as she felt her testicles crawl up toward the pockets in her crotch and her penis begin to throb.

Don't these two realize that they are playing with live fire here?

Otoko-Nabiki thought. Surely they know better. They were born male. Why are they baiting me like this?

Onna-Kenzan giggled and winked at Onna-Ranma. Onna-Ranma gave his cursed comrade an evil knowing grin in return.

"You're right," Kenzan-kun," Onna-Ranma unexpectedly said as he thrust out his more than ample bosom. "She gets turned on by the sight of you even more than she does lookin' at me."

Otoko-Nabiki choked on her protest before she could say anything, and Onna-Kenzan giggled in response before what Otoko-Nabiki was about to say even reached her malfunctioning from being overheated cerebral cortex.

"I told you she would, you know," Onna-Kenzan said giving Onna-Ranma a sly wink.

"That's only 'cause she hasn't gotten inta yer pants, yet, Konatsu-chan," Onna-Ranma said. "She's been in mine plenty of times awready."

The two cursed girls glanced around the bus, and Onna-Ranma gave Onna-Kenzan the palm-down wave the Japanese use to flag a person in closer for a whispered conversation. Even the wave of his tiny little fight-hardened and roughed up hand turned Otoko-Nabiki on. He had shoved that little hand deep inside her natural form for hours at a stretch on more than one occasion, but instead of getting a melting open feeling between her legs, Otoko-Nabiki felt a hard knot of semen form up in the region between her scrotum and her anus. This response set her teeth on edge, so she ground them together until they hurt.

There was a great deal of racket on the bus. It was constantly speeding up and slowing down thanks to the poorly timed street lights; Onna-Ranma had to whisper loud enough for Otoko-Nabiki and several of the natural males on the bus to hear.

"If you haven't been fisted, ya need ta try it," Onna-Ranma said with his male diction in his ever so cute cursed form's voice. "Ya gotta have it done to ya before ya do it to Ukyou."

Onna-Kenzan gave Otoko-Nabiki a pleading stare and blushed prettily before answering Onna-Ranma. "Sounds like it might be fun. Have you done it to Akane?"

Onna-Ranma nodded his head vigorously. "She loves it. Thrashes around like a snake caught in a hay baler every time, too."

This caused every other male within earshot to sit bolt upright and take serious notice - much to Otoko-Nabiki's embarrassment - then she discovered that her own back had stiffened and was annoyed.

So that was what all that screaming was about last night, Otoko-Nabiki thought. The hard little knot of semen squirmed forward a little, forcing her to shiver again. He used my technique on baby sister. Good for you, Akane. Well...Shit! Jusenkyou curses were so complicated that they're even confusing to get all hot and bothered about.

The brakes on the bus squealed as it stopped at the bend in the Shuto expressway. Otoko-Nabiki got off the bus at the corner of the Shuto expressway and Sangyo road. The two girly-boys were right behind her, all of them ladened with sufficient quantity of photographic equipment to convince the geriatric thief that they wanted to use his fancy car as a background prop.

Sangyo road was jammed with truck traffic along the four lanes of its north-south stretch. Sangyo road, unlike the expressway, had so many lights that there was no hope of timing the majority of them. It was constantly so that it was rush hour all day and most of the night. It had taken the bus an hour to reach the expressway. Otoko-Nabiki was grateful to debark bus. The constant speeding up and slowing down had begun to give her motion sickness.

The rough weather, intermittent heavy rain with long spells of cold drizzle and dead grey skies overhead made a poor fit with the anticipation Otoko-Nabiki was feeling. She was looking forward to finally putting her hands on the very first Japanese supercar - the Jiotto Caspita.


Tetsu-Akane wiped her brow and sighed. Finals were a real live bitch. She had never studied so hard in all her life as she was studying now. It was an awful grind. She was eating like a horse and sitting - sitting - sitting and just sitting some more. Her muscles ached for exercise, but there wasn't time. She had to study some more. Worse, she wanted to go home and have sex with Ranma again. She did not know which side of herself was worse - her girl side or her guy side. She suspected that her girl side liked having sex a great deal more than her guy side, because her guy side faded too quickly. That was the real trouble with the male body. It lacked the stamina it needed to do a girl up properly. Most of the time it was finished after the fourth or fifth orgasm in a row, but her girl side could go right on humping without a break all night.

Tetsu-Akane was suddenly distracted by the mouthwatering smell of a bacon and egg okonomiyaki. She looked up to see Ukyou grinning at her.

"Gratis!" Ukyou said and batted her eye lashes at Tetsu-Akane. "For messing up your wedding. I'm really sorry for doing that."

Ukyou down-shifted her rear end into roll'em slow as she walked away from Tetsu-Akane. The results caught Tetsu-Akane's fully focused attention.

She has a great little heart shaped ass, Akane thought. Wait! We're both girls. I shouldn't be looking at her that way. Good grief! What is with male hormones anyway? Their hormones render their minds into oatmeal when a good looking woman is around. No wonder they act so weird.

Yuka sat down on one side of Tetsu-Akane while Sayuri sat on the other. Both of them leaned on her, rubbing at least one breast on each arm. Tetsu-Akane desperately tried to remember if they had done that while she was in her natural form, but could not recall it.

"How's it hangin', Akane?" Yuka asked.

"Yeah, how goes it with the curse?" Sayuri asked.

When Tetsu-Akane could not pull her tongue from the roof of her mouth to make a reply, Yuka stuck her hand between Tetsu's legs and squeezed her rapidly growing shaft. Tetsu-Akane gasped and shouted, "Will you please!"

"Please what, Akane?" Yuka asked.

"Yeah, Akane, please who?" Sayuri said as she slid her hand between Tetsu-Akane's legs. "Ooh, you're not cursed, Akane. You're blessed!"

"Oh, come on, Akane," Yuka said in a pleading voice. "We all know you can't get a girl pregnant."

"Yeah, we just wanna know what its like for real," Sayuri said, as she stroked the middle of Tetsu's shaft. Yuka was stroking the head of it. "We just don't wanna get pregnant to learn how it feels."

Akane in her natural form was infamous for her powerful grip, but now she was literally wrinkling the top of her metal desk. "Will you two baka please knock it off?"

"Knock off what, Akane?" Yuka asked and gave Tetsu's head a gentle squeeze.

"You want we should knock off a quick piece of ass, with you?" Sayuri asked, as her eyes went wide with delight. "What a wonderful idea!"

"I'm ensconced!" Tetsu-Akane blurted out. Tetsu-Akane's face was now as crimson as her name suggested. "I mean engaged!"

Yuka grinned evilly. "Ensconced? By who?"

"Yeah, Akane," Sayuri said. "Does that mean you've dipping your big wick into onnatekki Ranma?"

Tetsu-Akane could feel her blood pressure surge. Her face felt much hotter than it had just been feeling. "Ranma can turn back into a guy, you know."

"What's that got to do with anything?" Yuka asked as she started rubbing Tetsu's little head. She seemed to enjoy it immensely.

"It means he's protected from me," Tetsu-Akane said. "All he has to do afterwards is splash himself with cold water."

"Eew!" Both girls chorused. Their faces suddenly flushed red then they turned a dead looking white and both disappeared like a pair of cats surprised by a lawn sprinkler.

Tetsu-Akane heaved a great sigh and turned her attention to her now cooled okonomiyaki.

"Are ya sure that's true, Sugar?" Ukyou asked as she sat down on the corner of Tetsu-Akane's desk.

"What's true, Ukyou?"

"That all you need to do if you're cursed is to invoke it to avoid being pregnant?"

"Can you explain how the curse can let you stay pregnant while changing your sex?" Tetsu-Akane asked.

"No, I can't," Ukyou said. "It doesn't seem reasonable."

"Then it must be true, right?" Tetsu-Akane said. She then sighed and went back to work on her okonomiyaki.

"You gonna tell Ranma about those two?" Ukyou asked.

"No, they didn't do any real harm."

"They manged to turn me on and all did was watch them work on you, Sugar. "You don't count that as damage?"

"Well...right now...I'm a guy but I'm really a girl..."

"So it doesn't matter?"

"No, not really," Tetsu-Akane said in a voice quivering with doubt. "It came to nothing so it isn't a problem - at least not yet."