Tonks moved as if in a dream, if she tripped she got up again, desperately trying not to think about the hand which had pulled her up for so long.

She didn't crack jokes or laugh.

She felt as if most of her life was spent crying.

Her mum had said "it'll pass, just wait"

But it had been 3 weeks since Remus had left.

It felt like a lifetime.

Each day was a year long.

Each day painful,

Each week torture.

3 weeks, so why won't the pain stop?

……………………………………..

She stared in the mirror, concentrating with every atom of her being.

Short pink, come on, short pink

But her hair remained stubbornly long and murky brown.

She let herself slide down till she was curled up against the bathtub, feeling more tears well up behind her eyes.

Her spells were affected.

Her apparition was affected.

And now her Metamorphmagi abilities were, gone? Temporarily misplaced?

All she knew or cared about was that if she was still with Remus, everything would be alright.

She let the tears fall, knowing she was powerless to stop them. She had been trying to morph for 3 weeks now, each time failed.

She cursed the tears that fell so often now.

She knew that wishing wouldn't work and love just caused pain…

………………………………………………

She entered the meeting, which were now conducted at the Burrow, casting her eye quickly over the assembled faces.

She didn't see the face she yearned the most, and the yet one she wanted least to see.

She sank into one of the chairs at the table and cupped her face in her hands.

She heard the chatter change in pitch around her and tried tuning the constant noise out. She couldn't hear the rest of the room, but she could hear the two people closest to her, Molly and Kingsley talking by the sink.

"Poor girl, she looks so sad nowadays, so much older than her years" began Molly, fretting as usual.

"Remus looks almost exactly the same" replied Kingsley in an undertone "He asked me to keep an eye on her, For him because he can't."

"He evidently still loves her, I didn't want him to accept Dumbledore's mission, but he did." Sighed Molly "Has he said anything to you?"

"No," Kingsley shook his head "he hasn't mentioned her, and he wont talk about anything other than the order work. I think he needs to talk, but you know Remus, he keeps everything inside."

Too right thought Tonks bitterly he never speaks. But I can tell you why he left, he wants me to have a life with another bloke, oh and to just forget my feelings for him so I'd be safe. Did I miss anything?

Tonks had had enough. She jumped up so quickly her chair fell down and broke, but she didn't care, she needed to get out of there. She needed to breathe.

She stumbled towards the door, ignoring the entire room as they turned to face her as one, she kept her head down so no-one could see the welling tears.

Unfortunately this meant she wasn't watching where she was going.

Unfortunately it was Minerva McGonagall that she ran into. Minerva caught her. Tonks could see Albus Dumbledore in the doorway behind her, she'd been so close to escaping.

Minerva guided her back to her seat, one arm around Tonks's shoulders.

Tonks felt trapped and wondered if this was how a cadged animal felt like.

She sank into one of the seats at the table, with Minerva on one side and Molly on the other, both wearing identical masks of worry.

Tonks paid no attention to the meeting; it was just words with no meaning, like a book with no pages. All colours and blurs as one after another key members added their piece.

"—and Remus will be updating us on the Werewolf activity for the next meeting—"

She knew that Kingsley was speaking but the only words which wormed its way through her carefully built wall was Remus and Werewolf. Her wall crumbled against its supports as she struggled to keep in the sob that was threatening to overwhelm her.

She wanted to get out, she didn't want to talk or smile or socialise. She wanted to be able to breathe properly for the first time in weeks, but she knew that unless Remus dropped his noble self sacrificing act, then she would never feel whole again.

…………………………………………………………

"Molly?"

"Yes dear?"

"Do you mind if I come round tonight, for a chat?"

"Of course dear! Come after the children are in bed."

"Thanks"

Tonks appeared just outside the boundary to the Burrow, a few feet in front of the door. In the window she could see Molly, bustling about with a kettle, obviously making tea.

For the first time in what felt like an age, Tonks managed a genuine smile.

How very trpical Molly she thought

She knocked at the door. Molly could be heard scrambling on the other side.

"Who's there?" she whispered

"Nymphadora Tonks, once a metamorphmagi, but powers severely affected by my arse of an ex."

Molly scrambled with locks, both magical and muggle on the other side of the door. It flew opened and Tonks found herself wrapped in a warm hug.

"Come in!" Molly exclaimed "I've just put the kettle on."

Nobody ever checked whether Tonks was Tonks, like they did with so many others, Dumbledore had tried adding one of her hairs to a Polyjuice Potion when she'd joined the order, the potion had exploded. Dumbledore thought it was because her physiology changed so often there wasn't a base to fix on. Nobody could pretend they were Nymphadora Tonks.

Molly listened, just like she had so long ago at Grimmauld Place early one morning, when Tonks had realised that she couldn't live without this man.

She only asked one thing then, and only asked one thing now.

"Do you want Arthur to talk to him?"

"No!," Tonks shook her head violently "Remus is big enough and ugly enough to figure his own mistakes out, he'll be back, he has to be…" Tonks began to sniff, Molly patted her on the arm sympathetically.

A loud knock on the door shocked both women, enough for Tonks to stop crying.

"Who in Merlin could that be at this time of night?" Molly looked scared. She checked her watch "It's one o'clock in the morning!"

She crept slowly to the door and pushed her mouth to the crack

"Molly, relax!" whispered Tonks across the room.

"Who's there? Declare yourself," Molly whispered.

"It is I, Dumbledore, bringing Harry." Dumbledore's voice sounded through the wood, it sounded very odd as she couldn't see where the noise was coming from.

Tonks groaned quietly, the very last person she wanted to see right now was Dumbledore.

Molly let them in.

Tonks saw Harry's mouth drop slightly as he came through the door and saw her for the first time. Tonks knew she didn't look good, her skin was pale and her hair was lank and plain, she had stopped bothering to do anything with it, and she knew she looked decidedly odd without her usual bright shades.

"Wotcher Harry." She said smiling wanly. Harry still looked shocked.

Tonks decided it was time to go, she was feeling extremely uncomfortable.

"I'd better be off" she said quickly, grabbing her cloak and getting the fastenings muddled. "Thanks for the tea and sympathy Molly."

She needed to get away. Now.

"Please don't stay on my account" said Dumbledore pleasantly "I cannot stay, I have urgent matters to discuss with Rufus Scrimgeour."

Why? Why was he being nice?

"No, no, I need to get going" she couldn't meet Dumbledore's eye, she felt more uncomfortable with every passing second. "Night…"

Molly tried once more to get Tonks back into a "normal" routine, she was spending to much time alone.

"Dear, why not come round for dinner at the weekend, Remus and Mad-Eye are coming—?"

Tonks wanted to scream, why wasn't she getting it? They'd been talking for 3 hours straight!

"No, really Molly… thanks anyway… goodnight everyone…"

She practically ran out of the house, a few steps in front of the door and she spun on her heel.

She threw her keys into the bowl on the table and threw herself down onto her sofa, destined to spend the night alone again.