Chapter eight on the 8th of July lol
Enjoy *wink wink*
Dan awoke to a weird feeling. He glanced around his room, now dark as the sun had set. His eyes were still bleary from the sleep, but he wasn't blind. And he backed away instantly. He fell off his bed, his legs flailing and his heart racing ten thousands miles a minute.
"What the hell?!" he yelled, scrambling to his feet as he stared at the figure who stood up from his chair. Dan could bet they were sitting there earlier. Watching him.
More than creeped out, he quickly reached for the switch to the fairylights hanging on the wall by his bed and clicked it on. A soft blue light shone over the room, revealing the person.
Nice long legs, black jeans and a leather jacket came into his sight. The pair of icy blue eyes seemed to gleam in the dark.
"Phil? What the- How did you get here?" Dan demanded, suddenly feeling too self-conscious of his body, of his room, of the whole situation.
His eyes flickered over every surface, checking if his room wasn't too messy. Luckily, it wasn't. His room was the normal sort of messy, the a-teen-lives-here kind. The white desk he decoupaged with flowers had only his pen holder and the fifty or so pencils he forgot to put away. His chair with two black cushions resting against the backrest - the one Phil was occupying earlier - looked neat and his bed with the black and grey chequered bedspread was made.
Walls - colour of which was a mix of almond, pink and violet - were covered in posters of his favourite bands. Muse and Fall Out Boy took up the most of the space. To hell with Phil if he judged him. It was Dan's room, for fuck's sake.
So why his opinion seemed so important?
Dan straightened his sweater - crumpled a little from having slept on it - and flushed as the boy stared at him.
"I- I'm sorry," Phil stammered, looking down. "PJ texted me and I realised how much of a dick move I pulled on you today," he confessed, gazing into Dan's eyes. "I shouldn't have left, I shouldn't have stormed out like that."
Dan relaxed a little. It was alright, in some sense of the word. Phil wanted to apologise.
"Couldn't you wait till tomorrow?" he asked, rubbing his eyes with his left hand. "We'd see each other. You know, in school?"
The boy's eyes fell to the ground. Was it- was it a blush on his cheeks?
Phil shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He puffed out his lips.
"I couldn't wait," he said softly and Dan stared. "I had to tell you-" Phil halted, scrunching his nose. "When you told me that-" he paused and a grimace passed over his face.
Did he mean...? Phil felt the same and wanted to tell him? Shit, he would tell him, right? He was so shy and so nervous. He must have something rather important to tell Dan.
He knew his heart would pretty much give out if he didn't find out soon. Like, right then.
"Yeah?" Dan asked, waiting, voice tiny in the dimness of his room.
Phil looked at his feet. "I just can't bear to see you do something you're not okay with."
Oh.
Dan hoped his face hasn't literally fallen, that the stab he felt in his heart was invisible on the outside. But Phil didn't see, his eyes were fixed on the floor, not on Dan's face, not on his watering eyes.
"I know Rob has probably made you do things you weren't totally cool with," Phil carried on upon no reply from Dan. "I don't want to do the same."
Phil studied Dan's floor - the fluffy beige carpet. If only he looked up, he would understand. He would notice that Dan was so close to breaking down and crying any second now. He would see the shaky quiet breath Dan let out, he would see how his eyes turned glassy all of a sudden.
And Phil would understand. That smart mind which hid under the black and blue hair would finally get how strong emotions Dan has possesed toward it from the moment they first talked and Dan learnt Phil was no bully, that his look was just a look, but nothing else. A perfect cover, at the same time, but just a fucking look. Nothing more.
"I did agree to the whole thing," he remarked, sounding too rough to his own liking. He cleared his throat, "I thought you knew."
Phil glanced up. His forehead wrinkled in thought and Dan only hoped the few tears that did fall were few enough not to be seen by the boy.
"Yeah, I just-" Phil took a step toward him. "I realised we will probably have to do things that we haven't really discussed out earlier."
Dan raised an eyebrow in both curiosity and fear.
"Meaning?"
Phil blushed and rubbed at the nape of his neck. He was literally blushing, his cheeks as if tinged with a pastel pink paint. It was too cute. Phil shouldn't be cute. Dan was supposed to be angry at him.
"Eh. . . Parties are- you know how parties look like," the boy stammered, not meeting his gaze and Dan nodded, rolling his eyes.
Of course he knew what parties looked like. Maybe he wasn't the most popular type but he did attend a few parties in his school life. They were often full of drinking, chatting and socializing. He was scared the most of the latter. Maybe that was the reason why eventually he stopped appearing at them. Or because one Friday no invitations from the students appeared in his inbox. Both were true, Dan knew.
"There will be lots of people who doubt our relationship," Phil said, finally looking Dan in the eyes. The blue crossing with the brown.
"I think we'll have to give them some proof."
Dan blinked.
They were already holding hands, they've called themselves a couple on the beginning of this week. Was it not enough?
"But we do hold hands. . ." he drifted off, trying to comprehend what Phil's words meant.
"I- I know," Phil agreed, flashing Dan a weak smile, like the boy was trying to comfort him a little. What was going on?
"But?"
Phil gave him another sheepish smile, "I think we have to show them that we are together. Like, more physically."
"More physically? More than already?" Phil nodded and Dan blushed. "You mean like-" he hesitated with saying it out loud. "Like what couples do?" he choked out at last, blushing enormously.
Could Dan be more cringy, Phil was too polite to point it out.
"Would you be okay with that?" Phil asked, slowly stepping closer.
For a second Dan forgot he had a tongue.
"We don't have to, you know. It was just an idea. A stupid one, for that matter," the beautiful boy added, laughing to himself.
Oh, fuck it. YOLO is my motto after all.
"We'd have to make a rehearsal, though," Dan whispered, mouth dry. Anticipating.
He saw a hint of smile on Phil's face as the boy took one last step that separated them and looked down at Dan. Phil was slightly taller from Dan, but they were almost the same height. Almost.
"I could ruffle your hair right now," the boy pointed out, his blue eyes glimmering in that dim light.
"Are you gonna do that at the party, too? Or did you mean something else? More 'physical'?" Dan tried to be subtle with the hints. Phil grinned at his attempts.
The boy leaned down and after a few agonizing seconds that stretched into much too long, his and Dan's lips met in a short but sweet kiss. Dan felt calm and fuzzy inside but at the same time he could tell his heart wanted to escape his chest.
"That was quick," Dam whispered, their faces almost touching.
"Well, we can always try again. They're called rehearsals for a reason," Phil muttered and before Dan had a chance to come up with a sneaky retort, he kissed Dan again.
One of Phil's hands travelled down to Dan's waist, a gentle touch, and the other to his neck. Dan was glad for the grounding. He wasn't sure if he wouldn't fly off the face of the Earth if nothing held him down.
Dan wrapped his arms around the boy, bringing them even closer than before. Phil pushed on him, steering him to walk backwards. Dan had no idea what the boy had in mind but then Dan's knees hit the bed and he understood.
Millions of thoughts were running through the jumble he usually called his head. What Dan was just doing couldn't be good. But godamnit, they were just kissing. For the fun of it, to make their relationship all the more realistic. Not because they were in love with each other. Dan was, but Phil didn't know that.
Kissing wasn't illegal after all.
He wondered if he would regret it with time. But then, who told that he couldn't dream? Well aware that it was all an act, Dan's feelings couldn't get hurt because he already knew it wasn't real.
And above everything, Phil was a damn good kisser and it felt nice.
So nice that when Phil lowered him to the bed, laying Dan down, he let out a sigh of content between the kisses. The boy, of course, noticed. He grinned, pulling away.
"If they don't believe us-" he said in between next kisses, "-then I don't know what they expect."
Dan hummed in agreement as his hands roamed Phil's chest, his fingers trying to sneak under the black material. He needed it out of his way. Right then. Though Dan tried really hard, with every time he failed because the boy's mouth trailed from his lips to his neck. Mercilessly slowly, leaving a burning feeling anywhere Phil left a kiss. Dan had to abandon his plans, so overwhelmed by the sensations that shaky little breaths left his mouth. He tilted his head back, lips parted, almost moaning under the touch of the boy's lips on his skin.
Phil grunted as he started to suck at his skin- No, wait, he couldn't grunt. It wouldn't make sense.
And it sounded from the door, not from above him.
"Boys. . . You may want to tone it down a little," said his mother.
Oh God, said his mother, standing somewhere there, in the doorway.
They broke away from each other in an instant, like thieves caught red-handed. Which, in fact, they were. Not thieves, but very closely.
They were both panting, their fringes pretty much messed up and Phil's shirt rolled up a little. Dan couldn't look at his mother but he had to check her reaction. He glanced up and, yes, she was flushed with embarrasment at having seen her son in a situation like this.
Well, they could look just the same.
"Umm, I can explain-"
"I understand we have a guest," she cut him off, giving both of them her warm smile. For someone who has just walked in on two teen boys having a full blown make-out, she managed well. "Why didn't you say so earlier? I'd make more food. It must have been one of my mother's instincts because I actually prepared too much. We literally could feed a whole army," she laughed at her own joke.
Dan could predict that in a minute she'd start babbling and that could be the worst ending. He had only once seen his mother babbling. And it was right after he found her with his dad in a. . . in a closet. None of them has talked about it and his parents kept a poker face. The image, however, was etched in Dan's memory.
He ran to the door, pushing his mother out of the doorway, and into the hallway.
"I'm so sorry, I- we weren't going to-"
His mother shushed him. Her face was still red, and she avoided to look into his eyes for longer than three seconds but she seemed more composed.
Dan, on the opposite, was on the verge of a panic attack.
"Oh, if you have only told me that you invited someone over, I would knock," she explained, lowering her voice.
"But- you're. . . you're not angry?" he choked out, confused.
His mother smiled, "Of course I am. I have to be," she then winked at him. But her face turned solemn in the next second, "We will have a serious conversation later," she warned him and Dan had a hard time stopping himself from rolling his eyes.
The talk about the sex. Great. Dan couldn't wait. Sweet.
"I'm just happy you're letting your past stay in the past," she said with a tear in her eye.
"Mum, please-"
"-I know, I know," she filled in for him. "Don't make you regret I was the one who gave birth to you, I remember," she recited words he once used.
She smiled at him once, and turned to the staircase, "Dinner will be in twenty. Please, make you and your. . . friend look decently," she asked him as she descended the stairs.
Dan breathed out and went back into the room. Phil was exactly were Dan left him; half sitting, half lying on his bed, hair a complete chaos and a quite shocked expression on his face.
"I- I'm sorry for this. The doors weren't closed," he told Phil.
For a second Phil remained frozen, unmoving like a statue. Then, a big smile brighted his face and he laughed, burying his face in his hands.
"What? Why are you laughing?" Dan inquired, leaning down toward Phil, corners of his own lips rising on its own accord.
Phil chuckled and explained, "It was our first rehearsal and we already had an audience."
Dan bit on his bottom lip, "I swear, Philip, you're the worst. If you do not stop laughing, I'll break up with you," he threatened.
The boy only clutched at his stomach, laughing harder and even though it pained Dan that it all was just a fake, he soon joined the boy.
Needless to say, they almost made it on time to the dinner.
*** Pastel pagebreak flowers ***
The meal passed in the weirdest atmosphere Dan has ever endured. His mum tried to strike up a conversation while his father questioned Phil, as if he were a suspect he had to interrogate.
"So, you and my son are. . .?" he drifted off, leaving a visible pause for them to speak up.
"Boy-"
"Friends," said Dan, cutting Phil off and sending daggers his way. Phil raised an eyebrow at that.
His father watched them both. The wrinkles on his forehead indicated his confusion.
"Friends," pressured Dan.
"So it's not official yet?" asked his mum, tone so nonchalant but so suggestive. "Oh, James, I think we were not meant to know that," she said, turning to dad. "Maybe Dan's not ready to tell us," she added as she speared some of the salad onto her fork and raised it to her mouth.
Dan stared at his plate, avoiding anyone's gaze.
His dad cleared his throat, "Philip, or is it Phil? What school do you go to?"
Dan was glad for change of the subject, but after they finished the dinner and Phil and he were assigned to help with the plates, Phil whispered,
"Friends? Really, Dan?"
Dan dried the plate with a cloth, purposefully not looking at the boy.
"We were caught at it, it's not like we can hide it. From your mum, at least," the boy remarked quietly as Dan gave him the last plate to put away.
Dan didn't explain himself, feeling quite stupid but at the same time right. His parents didn't need to know about them. Any 'we' that existed was an act. He didn't want to have to lie to his parents, too. Had enough people to trick already.
He wanted to tell Phil, but he couldn't find any words that would voice his thoughts the way he meant them.
The boy said his goodbye to Dan's parents, thanking for such delicious dinner and immediately scoring brownie points with his mother. Dan rolled his eyes, but smiled when Phil received a tight hug from her and a handshake from his father.
"You have great parents," his 'boyfriend' stated after Dan walked him to the door. They stood in the hallway like two shy kids, away from each other.
Dan looked down, "Well, you haven't seen my mum when I forget to take out the trash."
Phil chuckled softly, "I guess not," he agreed, glancing down for a split second. "I better go, it's quite late," he said, staring attentively into Dan's eyes. "See you tomorrow?"
"Of course," Dan assured, opening the door for the boy. Phil waved him goodbye as he walked down the stairs through the front yard to his car. Dan closed the door and let out a long breath.
He would never believe if his past self said that he'd make out with someone he wasn't boyfriends with for real. For a stupid reason he let Phil kiss him. No, he not only let Phil kiss him, Dan encouraged him to do so. He not only agreed to become more physical with the boy, but he also showed his willingness. And Phil. Phil seemed to like it. . .? But then, during the dinner Phil had to blurt out to his parents that they were together. Which they weren't. It was ridiculous that he did. Considering they would never date for real. Phil said so one time.
'I'd never ask you that if it wasn't necessary.'
He declared it. Loud and clear.
It only added to Dan's annoyance and frustration.
He felt a sudden need to let Phil Lester know how big of a crush he had on him and how big of an idiot Phil Lester was for not noticing. Dan opened the front door again, determined to either find out if the boy felt the same or nothing at all. Bare his emotions in front of him and kiss the stupid boy or put their acquaintance, their fake relationship, whatever it was between them, to an end. He was ready to tell him, to finally stop the uncertainty, the dubiety. To know why Phil kissed him like he wanted to, why he caught that mysterious glint in the blue eyes when Dan suggested they try it out.
As he jogged down the stairs though, the blue mazda was gone already.
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A smol self-promo: *insert drums* I'll be posting a part II of a big story I've started writing for PBB, but which turned out to be too long to finish as a part of it. Anyone who would fancy to read a punk/photographer AU? :D
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