a/n: I want everyone to realise that they're still in 10th grade and somethings happen out of purely being naive and believing in things we learn don't always come true. I hope you enjoy the story.
An oblivious Rick Grimes didn't notice the frequent stares and hushed whispers that sprawled around him as he closed his locker. However, he was aware of the empty feeling that set in his heart when the mocking voice of Michonne didn't greet him along with her face.
There was no way of denying that the absence of her made it feel like the world was so much larger than it really was.
Ever since last night he had felt a ray of emotions.
She couldn't just drop what had happened last night and ignore him forever, the kiss they shared meant something. There was a passion Rick felr every time he thought about it, every time he thought about her hands around his neck and her tongue touching his.
Getting up this morning had been difficult, he had gotten redressed twice because whilst getting dressed he constantly looked over to the wall and ignored what his hands were doing – putting on clothes back to front and inside out.
Rick sighed and looked around to find eyes watching him as if he had a big red sign pointing at him that he couldn't see.
Not wanting to question it, he simply raised an eyebrow, patted himself down and shrugged to everyone, showing he had no clue at all what they were staring at him for.
Left with nothing to do, Rick reopened his locker and started to sort out the things inside of them, trying to put some order to one part of his life again.
Shifting through stuff whilst slowly becoming aware of the whispers around him but staying just as lost on the topic, he found a picture of him and Michonne that she had taken on a whim last year on a polaroid camera she had gotten for her birthday.
He remembered the situation vividly, with just him, her and Shane at her house. Shane had disappeared to the toilet and Michonne had whispered to him that she wanted a quick picture.
"'Aren't you going to wait for Shane?"' Rick had asked.
"'No, just me and you, he'd make too much of a silly face."'
Not wanting to disappoint her on her birthday, Rick posed with her, taking into account he couldn't do his normally silly face. The flash stung his eyes just a little, making him shriek and rub them frantically as Michonne laughed at him.
"'Here, shake it until the picture turns up, yeah?" Michonne passed it to him and Rick shook it delicately, not wanting to damage it. "'Rick,'" she had rolled her eyes then and grabbed his hand, making him shake the picture quicker. "'Not everything in this life you have to treat with kindness, not all things deserve it... not saying that about this picture, it deserves it. But I'm trying to teach you a life lesson, like... don't be kind to mean people, it's in your nature. But it's a bad habit."'
He had looked at her then, confused about why the sudden topic had come to flourish.
"'I'm just saying, okay? Now, I think there's more birthday cake to eat, let's leave the room and worry Shane!'" She jumped up and tapped his shoulder, leaving him to shove the picture in his jeans pocket and only remember he had it when he got home.
Shaking the memory off Rick placed down the picture to be greeted by a huffing Shane, who held up a finger as he bent over and caught his breath.
Gasping Shane clung on Rick's shoulder and shook him slightly. "You... RUN!"
"Why?" He laughed.
"It's no joke," Shane straightened up, looking at him dead in the eyes. "Mikes after you and he's not telling anyone why, but he's asking about you."
The blood ran from Rick's body and his hands started to shake, but the look in his face didn't change. No one knew the reason why, that was good, he could play it off as a joke. Laughing once again, Rick slapped his arm, "I'm sure it's nothing. I'll handle it."
Part of him wanted to be made that Michonne mentioned it, but he understood why. He saw the way she had left and the look in her eyes, the absolute confusion and the need to find someone to empathise with her and give her some sense of stability.
Bracing himself as Mike came around the corner, Rick took a deep breath in a remembered that kindness didn't need to exist here but it would be easier than punches, questions and a bloody mouth.
"I got your back bud." Shane stood beside him, his shoulders high and hands in a ball. Rick wanted to smile, a smile full of pure gratitude, but he kept his face neutral, ready.
Although fear tainted his every pore, he stood beside Shane, with his mind clear as day and his heart pumping in his ears.
They locked eyes as Mike sauntered towards him, his friends behind him with sneers on their faces laced with confusion towards why Mike was bothered by such a minute person.
Rick felt the rush of adrenaline raise the hairs all over his body and stood rooted in the spot, not moving, anxious from all the eyes watching him but brave enough to stand and fight – if needed, which he hoped it wouldn't come to – so all the eyes watching him would think of him bigger than they did now.
"Yo, Rick." Mike's smile was falser than the smile Rick gave his Mama when she placed porridge in front of him for breakfast.
"Mike." His voice was sharp, a whole few notes deeper.
"Mike." Shane repeated, adding a nod at the end and a sly smile as he crossed his arms.
"You know what I'm here about, I'm just keeping it quiet to save you the embarrassment."
"You call this quiet?" Rick rose an eyebrow and signalled to the crowd that was forming around them. It came to mind that the bell was set to go off in any moment and if this spilled over that time, there would be a deeper amount of trouble laid out in front of all of them.
"Your mouths too quick." Mike stepped towards him and Rick stayed put, he heard the whistle from Shane and felt to chuckle just a little bit.
"This isn't needed."
"It is." He stepped closer, there was about a rulers length between them. "Bro code."
"It wasn't broken, you aren't eve-" In the longest seconds of Rick's life he watched Mike's fists raise and Shane step in front of him, blocking the punch with his forearm and bringing it right back down to Mike's side as he grabbed it.
"No one raises a hand to my friend, ever." Shane shut it down, instantly. Everyone holding their breath in the audience they had achieved. Rick stepped aside, no longer blocked by Shane who's eyes still showed a slight humour but a darkness that shouldn't be messed with. Rick saw that look once, not too long ago, when in soccer practice some jerk had purposely kicked him for the ball.
"Your friend," Mike spat, staring daggers at Rick who straightened his back and mirrored the same look towards him. "Needs to learn to not step over boundaries that have been set."
Shane shrugged, "He's learned from the best, but I'll have a word with him. Now everybody, shows over the bell is going to ring... ah, right on queue." Everyone groaned and mumbled disappointed things as feet shuffled towards their classes.
"You and I, we need to talk," Shane turned towards him, "but right now, I have gym class and I'm ready to kick some ass." He placed a hand on Rick's shoulder, making him look into his eyes. "Try to stay out of trouble while we're apart."
Rick nodded and as Shane left, he saw Michonne running around the corner, her shocked face and scrambling eyes jumping from Mike and his group to Rick who stood in the middle of the hallway, traces of shock still in his body.
She opened her mouth and closed it again as Mike grabbed her hand and pulled her right back around the corner.
"So," Shane sat down, wiping his hands on his jeans before digging into the lasagne and chips that they had been fed today. "Spill."
"I kissed her." The way Rick said it made it sound almost too normal, like it just happened, like it was something that required no thought and hadn't been running through his mind all day. When he said it, he imagined it, imagined the sweet sky pink of her tongue and her plump lips pressed against his. The way she felt close to him, as he pulled her closer to him and burned for a forever with her. If only they had had more time, there would have been more kisses and confessions, she may have changed her mind.
"And by her you mean...?" Shane spooned a huge mouthful of lasagne in his mouth and shared a look with Rick, who's eyes did not shift one bit. Raising an eyebrow to Rick, his question was answered immediately and resulted in him spitting his food on the side of his place.
"That's gross Shane!" Rick suddenly didn't feel like eating any more.
"You're gross...ly awesome! Way to go dude, you got balls!" Shane picked back up the same food he had just spat out and shoved it back in his mouth, swallowing it.
"Eurgh. But no, Shane, it's no good. You saw what it's caused." His head hung lower then. Rick Grimes was no man that caused trouble, he couldn't be, the law didn't allow for it and he didn't want that on his conscience when he found himself with a badge and the name 'Officer Grimes' on it.
"But how is that your fault? I mean Michonne shouldn't have told... yeah! She shouldn't have told." If he could, Shane probably would have patted himself on the back for contributing a idea.
Rick shook his head and picked up the fork to play around with his food, "You can't blame her, he's her... whatever."
Shane gave him a thumbs up while his mouth was full. When he finally finished, he gave a satisfying smack of his lips and leant back in his chair. "What was it like?"
Rick shrugged, "Well I wasn't really worried about him fighting me, 'cause you were-"
"No, kissing her." Shane gave him his full attention and waited for his reply, but Rick didn't know how. He kept thinking about it, the way it had felt and what it meant for him. How could he put all the words and emotions into a single sentence?
"It was... okay. She kissed me back, so that counts as something, right?"
"Was it saucy ?"
"Shane."
"Did you feel her butt?"
"Shane?"
"I have to ask! Well that's your first kiss done and done Rick Grimes, you're no longer a lip virgin!" He drum rolled on the table and caused the cafeteria to look in their direction. "Let's go, I feel like hanging outside today."
"Aren't Mike and Michonne and all their gang outside?" The worry started to set in him, but the shrug demonstrated in front of him made him feel at ease.
"So what? He's just angry that you stole his girl that wasn't even his girl, he'll get over it, I've seen it happened enough." Shane gave him a wink and pushed his chair in, Rick following right behind him just before being stopped by a chirpy Lori in the hallway.
"Hey Rick. Hi Shane," Shane gave her a smile and flicked his eyes over to Rick before making a kissy face she thankfully couldn't see. "I, uh, just wanted to ask if you wanted to come over tonight, to study for biology. Funnily enough, even if you say no, both our mums are aware that it's happening." She giggled and watched Rick fidget with his hands, before putting a smile on his face and touching her upper arm.
"'Course I'll be there, mitosis ?"
"You know it." Lori whipped her hair and gave him a big smile before walking away from him. "You're funny Rick Grimes!"
As Rick swaggered towards Shane – who was shaking his head in eternal confusion – he thought of all the events that had happened in the short space of time that was this school day.
"You're putting me to shame Rick, you're putting me to shame."
As they walked, however, Rick could only think about Michonne.
The end of the day finally held it's hand out to Rick who happily accepted it. Opening his locker, like a sign that couldn't be missed, the photo he had been looking at earlier fell to the ground. Grabbing it quickly, a part of him wanted to scrunch it up in a ball and throw it in the nearest bin, but the buzz of hope that rung through him made him slip it in between two books he never touched and smile just a little.
Closing the locker and shaking his head with the same smile on his face, he jumped at the tap on his shoulder followed the sound of his voice.
"Rick Grimes, come on, I have it all planned!" She took hand and laced her fingers through it, stirring exasperated sounds from the people beside them.
As they quickly walked down the steps and took a different route home, Rick found the constant attention from everyone around them embarrassing to say the least, he hated it. Hated the blood that rushed to his cheeks and the forcefulness that Lori held his hand with. On the other hand, he liked her simmering fire – no, it didn't burn bright – but the fact she could grab his hands and could make plans with no way of him escaping them made her interesting and that power she had, he hadn't seen in that type of form.
Once they escaped prying eyes and walked down her street she slowed down, letting go of his hands to fish out her house key and smile at him. "You know where I live right?"
"I faintly remember coming over that one time in the beginning of our mother's friendship."
"It's got even better since then!"
They walked to a white picket fenced house, like the one Rick had imagined a number of times for future him and Michonne. Strangling the thought from his mind he closed the gate behind him and walked behind her, watching the sun catch the brown in her hair and bring it alive.
"No one's home, I don't think... hello?!" She shouted as both Rick and her stepped into the house, closing the door behind them. When she got no reply, she turned to him with a big grin and took his hand. "So Mitosis," she said as they walked up the stairs, the blush rising on Rick's cheeks and a feeling setting in his lower stomach too close to his centre. "You understand any of it?"
As she looked back and her eyes met his, Rick was lost for words and shook his head in return. "Well, mitosis is how body cells divide and replicate, I think..." They ended up at a door painted pink with 'Lori' painted over it. "Cheesy, I know." Her room was based on a palette of pink, white and a light brown. "Again, mum chose it. I had no say."
Laying flat on her double bed, Rick glanced as she kicked off her shoes in the corner of his eye whilst he looked at all of her trophies. "Horse riding?"
"Mother."
"Swimming?"
"Mother."
"Archery?"
"M- actually, that was my choice, seemed like a cool sport."
"so the rest aren't?" Rick felt himself easing into the new scenario in front of him, so much so that he went to lay beside her on the bed and stare at the ceiling. He couldn't feel any slither of awkward tension, no emotions that he wanted to pour out to her in silences, they just were what they were.
Part of him, naïve as he was, still thought of revising Biology. Rick wanted to ask about it, but could only listen to Lori answer his question and felt too rude to interrupt.
"... she chooses everything for me. Sometimes it's hard not being able to do everything I want."
The frustration in her voice was a sign Rick asking about mitosis would probably be rude and not taken very well. "Like what?"
"Well, I have to get my hair done every Sunday so it's pressed and ready for a tiring week of school. Then my homework has to be done on the day it's given or something of mine gets taken away from me for three days. She even makes sure I exercise three times a week." She sighed and frowned momentarily. "It doesn't matter, nothing really matters."
"Your thoughts and feelings matter Lori." They faced each other slowly, like a sudden dawning of realisation had exposed itself to them. Rick, as young and foolish as he was, nearly brought himself to stop it, to put it to rest because the contents of the day was not even buried and the contents of yesterday couldn't even die. But, with how the sunlight made Lori's body glow through the big window and the hurt made him want to touch again, their lips met.
The answer he hadn't wanted made it's way to him. The passion wasn't there. This was dim, a fire about to burn out that had been left to burn by people who were long gone from their camping spot.
Upon realising this he opened his eyes to Lori's closed ones and closed them just as quickly, before Lori's mouth left his cold and wet. "I need to ask before... why was Mike mad at you?"
He contemplated telling the truth but when this was in front of him, how could he? "Over some stupid rumour he thought I made about him." Most of him felt bad for lying and it brought up images of last night along with it. Leaning in, he kissed the air as Lori drew back and looked him up and down, as if contemplating her own demons. He watched as she wound herself up only to release and sigh, "Okay." When he got close to her mouth again, she pressed a finger on his lips. "When someone comes through that door, this stops and we study, okay?"
Strolling home Rick could almost feel the shadow of guilt falling over him.
Had he really wanted to kiss her?
Is that what people do when they got lonely?
Was it right?
As the sun set and Rick kept his hands in his pockets, he thought of all the things that had happened and how much had changed in so little time. The same colours painted the sky as yesterday and Rick cursed inwardly to himself, wishing he had someone to share it with. At times like this he didn't like walking alone. It was too quiet. It made every feeling too loud.
Eventually he turned the corner to his house and was met by Michonne sat on the doorstep. She smiled at him, his face sour and confused. How could she sit there so comfortably?
"Isn't your boyfriend around?" He asked grudgingly.
"He's not my boyfriend." Michonne bounced up and stood between Rick and the door, there was no way he could escape.
"He was ready to fight me like he was."
Ignoring his comment, Michonne continued, "No one's home, so I've stayed out here for a while. I saw you, with Lori, studying Shane said?"
"Why does it matter to you Michonne?"
Looking down she played with her thumbs and sighed, "I'm trying to make this conversation last."
"After ignoring me for a whole day? After the way you left yesterday? I felt like crap!"
"And you think I didn't? You're so selfish!"
Rick looked at her in bewilderment. "I'm selfish? I'm the selfish one? You just left like what we shared meant nothing at all." Starting to trip over words, he exhaled and watched her try to fight back at him.
"I'm not here to fight with you Rick, I'm here to talk, to make things just a little bit better before-"
"Before you leave again?" The crickets filled the silence and it dawned on Rick what was happening, the break in his voice gave away his hurt and surprise. "You're leaving again?"
"It won't work if I keep speaking to you. I'll always think a big what if, you'll always be - want to be number one and you can't be, Rick... he loves me, I want this to work, forever."
He couldn't believe it.
His slowing heart couldn't believe it.
"But I lo-" He bit back, not wanting to embarrass himself again, not wanting an ounce of regret to find him after this was over. "You're willing to let me go forever?"
"No, no I couldn't Rick, you mean something to me, but..." The tears in her eyes felt like betrayal to Rick.
"I'm not waiting on you Michonne, I can't."
She hugged him then and as much as he didn't want to return it, he found himself lacing his arms around her and burying into her shoulder. It hurt; every single word, step, cell, sentence.
"Goodbye Rick." Her wet cheeks made him want to concave, but instead he smiled at her blurry face and nodded, then watched her walk away and in her disappearance cried right on his doorstep.
