I was sitting across from Kakashi. He was in his chair I was on the couch. Make Out Paradise was cast aside. He was staring at me intently. I didn't know what to say. I had let him read the scroll I received about the mission. Was he choosing his words carefully? Was he mad?
"So…?" I asked breaking the silence.
"You will be labeled a rough ninja; we will have to hunt you down… if I were to see you I would be required to kill you. Shikyo, you will be throwing your life away." he advised.
I sighed. "Kakashi we both know I don't have much life left."
"We don't know that. You're different from the others." He was in denial. Mother left me in his care. He took it very seriously.
I looked at his messy gray hair. He wasn't wearing his headband so his sharingan eye was closed. He was wearing his mask as always. I had seen him a handful of times without it. Sometimes I forgot what he looked like underneath it. I remember Naruto and the gang asking me what he actually looked like without the mask and I had told them he had horrible acne that he hides. It was always fun messing with them when they were younger. Had it only been a year since team seven disbanded to be trained by the legendary sannin?
"My plan isn't to join though I told you that," I reminded him.
"Taken prisoner would mean death." He hissed.
"They want me alive!" I shot back.
"Itachi Uchiha is there, Shikyo."
I paused. The thought had crossed my mind but I tried not to pay attention to it. I had saw Kakashi near death because of him. "I can handle it." I said indignantly.
"Shikyo," he sighed rubbing his eyes. "Your mother would kill me to let you agree to this."
It was sad smile that was on my face. "She would think I was capable of this."
Kakashi glared at me. "I didn't say I didn't think you were capable. I was reminding you of what this will cost you."
"I'm aware of what this mission means… if I can protect this village…or Naruto even, it would be worth it in the end." I didn't know how to describe how I could see my own mortality in the future. "Do you remember when mother brought me home for the first time?"
He glared at me with one eye. "Don't change the subject."
I smiled. "I'm not. I just wanted to reminisce. I remember when you used to not like me."
"Come to think of it, I think I liked you better when you were afraid of me." He joked.
When I first came to the Leaf Village mother treated me to ice cream. It was my first time ever having any and it changed my life. It was something we would always do together. When she died Kakashi took me out for special occasions: successful missions, birthdays, when I got promoted to Jonin, or just when we hadn't spent much time with each other. After her death he really did make an effort to be there for me.
When I first entered the house he and mother argued over me. He called me a project that she would just discard when she got bored. I remember sitting on the couch listening to them. Their dogs eventually came out. I had always loved animals and they could sense it. When it was obvious they accepted me he had no choice. I was part of the pack.
For years he was nothing but cold to me though. He would ignore and avoid me. I had made efforts, especially when I was younger, to impress him. It wasn't just mother who I wanted to accept me it was him too. I was hoping since he had a dojutsu as well that he would help me with mine but he was in the Anbu then and never had time and when he did…I wasn't who he wanted to spend time with.
Mother told me he would come around eventually that I had to be patient, so I tried being interested in what he was. When I learned how to read I asked if I could read his books. Now that I know what they're actually about I understand his reaction. He went out and bought me my own series about a girl and her ninja cat. He came to regret that. I never stopped asking for my own ninja cat after that. The dogs he always said, even when I asked them and made so many deals with them, it was still a no; but it was the first time I believed he might actually like me.
I was obsessed with cooking. Having spent most of life being hungry always having food around took a while to get used to. I would sometimes go without dinner because I was scared they wouldn't eat if I did. It took a long time for me to learn that we would always have food; so I learned how to cook. I found out his favorite meals and I made it for his birthday or just special occasions. I would do anything so he would see I wasn't a nuisance.
I tried so hard to bridge the gap we had. We would read together on lazy days. I took care of the dogs when he was on missions. It didn't get better until after mother died. I know he regrets it. I know he loves me like a daughter now. He was the only father figure I had. I was around for his dark days and he saw me through mine. He was the one to convince me to leave the Anbu. He told me to live my life how I wanted. When I told him it didn't matter that I would die young because of my curse he never lost faith in me.
When he passed Team 7 I was kind of jealous. He had never paid any attention to anyone close to my age besides my team. It took me awhile to come around to the idea. I tried to keep my distance. I knew about Naruto. I had known Sasuke when he was a child. I completely ignored Sakura. He told me the time would come when I was to train the new ninja. I guess that'll never happen.
"I still want a ninja cat," I gave him a cheeky smile. It was better to joke right now. This would be our last day together. I didn't want it to be sad.
"I'm allergic," it was something he always said.
"You've been… a good dad. I think if you were to have children they'd be lucky," I felt myself tear up. I could hide this from him couldn't I? How I knew I would die and I think this would be the last time we saw each other. I wouldn't meet his future children. I wouldn't be around to give him shit when he started getting old. I had known all this for a long time but it was here now. "I'm so thankful for you."
He hugged me. We weren't the type to talk of love or hug. Mother did that. Maybe we still weren't as close as I was with her but I cherished our relationship. All the lessons he taught me. Protecting me, even if that meant from myself. He was always there for me.
"I don't want to let you down," I whispered.
He was arm's length away from me. "You never have. Your mother would be so proud…If you feel this is what you need to accomplish in life I won't stop you…I am proud of you, Shikyo."
I looked down at my lap trying not to cry. Why was I so emotional? "Thank you, Kakashi."
I'm sorry.
҉
I had coughed up blood when I woke up. In a haze I rushed into the bathroom. My eyes nose and ears were all bleeding. It wasn't much. I was dying faster than I thought I would.
"I just need a little more time," I hissed at my body.
"Shikyo?" Itachi was behind me.
Fuck.
"I'm fine!" I turned to shut the door but he was there and he saw. He saw my weakening body. I'm so screwed. "I'm fine." I said again as he stared at me. Please be a bad eye day. Kakashi said his vision was dwindling right? Please be true. I had no evidence to believe such a thing.
"What's wrong?" I saw what could be concern on his face. No, that can't be he couldn't actually care, right?
I was only wearing a long t-shirt; I could feel how messy my hair was from sleep. Itachi wasn't wearing a shirt. I tried not to let it distract me. He was explaining to me about the Akatsuki when I fell asleep. Was he on the bed when I woke up? I couldn't remember.
"I… uh it's the phoenix," I was wiping the blood of my face. I felt fine. I still had time. I would make time.
Itachi reached out and wiped the blood from the side of my lips. Keeping his hand under my chin he moved my face up to look at him. He moved my head side to side. I was trying to keep my breathing steady. Having an anxiety attack right now would solve nothing. He activated his sharingan. I froze.
He deactivated them. "I can't see anything wrong."
"I don't think even your eyes can see this," I whispered. His hand was still on my chin. Good, looking at his face would make it so my eyes wouldn't wonder. This was not the time to let old feelings surface. Last night was nice, it was civil at least. I'm glad I wouldn't be miserable. I could normally turn any situation in my favor.
He let go of my chin and went through the desk in his room. Last night I sat on the bed and he at the desk. I wasn't complaining. I think we both needed the distance. I tried not to stare but his muscle back demanded my attention, Muscles from years and years of training. He didn't have any scares on him Surprising for our line of work. Everyone I know shows some kind of tale of the ninja world on their skin. His are in his head I realized.
He brings me a vial like the last time. Why does he have this? I shut the door to the bathroom. Changing my mind I crack it and whisper thank you. Being rude wouldn't solve this. At least, for some reason, he was helping me. I keep my shower short and cold. I have something to accomplish today.
Itachi is gone when I reenter the room. I almost think this would be easier if I avoided him. He's been a distraction, and with Akari around I didn't need anything else distracting me from my goal. I had to send a message to the Leaf. My week was almost up.
I put on my black pants and the sheer shirt with a black crop top over it. I stared at my headband. I put it on. I went over to the desk and borrowed a piece of paper and a pen. What should I write exactly? I forgot my cloak.
Exiting the Akatsuki hideout I only ran into one member: the blonde, Deidara. We had both looked each other up and down but didn't say anything. He was cute and if our last encounter was true he seemed to be a talker. Maybe I should get to know him more. Liquor can make anyone talk.
I didn't know my way around the Rain Village very well but I remembered enough from yesterday on how to leave. It was the early morning not many people were out yet. It was more of a mist than rain right now. I still wouldn't let it touch me. Pain had all but confirmed it was his rain and he knew everything going on under it. I needed privacy.
I walked maybe an hour away from the village. This should be far enough. I stopped and activated my soshigan. Looking all around me I made sure I wasn't followed. Somehow Akari had dodged my senses and I wouldn't make that mistake again. No one. I was in the clear.
I bit my thumb and using the needed hand signs I summoned a bird. I tied the tiny piece of paper to its leg. I wanted to write more. Tsunade will tell Kakashi I'm okay I'm sure of it. I told them all our suspicions were correct and I had successfully infiltrated the organization. I also put I wouldn't know when my next message would be. This was the initial test. Either I died or joined. Luckily the latter happened.
I did wish Kakashi was here. I would like to talk to him about Akari. When I had returned from my homeland the first time I told him I still had family out there but I wanted nothing to do with her. That was still true, but seeing as were partners right now I'm stuck with her. I could use his advice on how to deal with her. I wonder if the Akatsuki trade partners often. Maybe I could try Deidara. I wonder who his partner was.
My next bird will have more information on the members. They already knew about Itachi and Kisame so I should really start paying attention to the other members, especially Pain. I think I should head back and get close with Deidara, besides Itachi, he's closest to my age and he did seem interested in me. I could work with that.
I started the long walk back to the hideout. At least I'll be back by the time most normal people would wake and no one would notice my absence…my soshigan activated as I sensed the massive amount of chakra. Kisame? No this was different. I froze looking around I couldn't place it. I could feel my pulse quicken. My body was going into fight or flight mode. And then, it was gone as fast as it came.
All my senses calmed down. That was weird. I walked faster; I needed to get out of here. I wasn't wearing my cloak! What if that was one of the Akatsuki members and they didn't know I was one of them. I did not need to be attacked. My back was almost healed now. When I looked into the mirror this morning I barley had any scabs and no scarring. I was so lucky but that didn't mean I was any match for whatever that was.
I made it back to the hideout in less than forty-five minutes. I tried to steady my breathing before I entered. I didn't want anything to seem amiss. Luckily, I didn't see anyone. Was everyone already on missions or were they still sleeping? I guess it was only a couple hours after sunrise.
I paused. I couldn't sense anyone. That was…no. I felt farther. I tried for the people on the street. Nothing. What in the world was happening? I opened the door to Itachi's room. I needed to grab my cloak. Why couldn't I sense anything?
And then I heard it; such intense coughing. I turned and saw Itachi in the bathroom. He was coughing something up in the sink. I saw the bright red liquid. Everything I was just fretting about evacuated my mind.
"Itachi!"
I rushed over to his side. He was panting and the sink was covered in blood splatter. This was worse than whatever I had. I put my hand on his shoulder. He didn't have a shirt on and I could feel his clammy skin. He finally noticed me and tried to shake me off but another coughing fit took over him.
The medicine that he's been giving me… it was for him. I took out the rest of the vial from my pocket. I only drank half. I was saving the rest in case he didn't want to share in the future. He dropped to the ground his back against the wall. He was shivering. I bent down in from of him and pushed the vial to his lips. He drank.
"Are you alright?" I wiped some blood from his face. He was still sweaty.
He looked at me with those onyx eyes. My blue eyes stared back. His fire. I could feel it again…but only his. I would figure it out later.
"…I'm fine." He tried standing but I could see his legs shaking.
It was like déjà vu from this morning. I put his arm over my shoulders. I was a lot shorter than him but I could at least help him to his bed. "Shut up."
I laid him on his bed. I grabbed a washcloth and put it under the running water of the sink. I blew on it chilling the water molecules. Going back to Itachi I covered his forehead. He's still shivering. I covered him with his blanket and using my soshigan I warmed the air in the room; only a couple degrees. I had to be precise. Was it sweat out a fever or freeze out? Ehh, seems like a "why not both" situation.
It took Itachi five minutes to be back to normal. Whatever medicine he had was amazing. I need to get me some of that. Maybe he'll help me out. I feel like he owes me now. I played nurse…oh wait I guess we're even…probably not he played nurse with me for a couple days not ten minutes. How is he the good guy all of a sudden?
"You good?" I asked. He glared at me. "Well, you're welcome."
He sat up. His skin was glistening with sweat. Alright, Shikyo, stop staring. I can tell I'm feeling better I'm starting to notice Itachi more and more not to mention remembering a lot from when we were kids. I tried locking away those memories years ago but seeing him here being so close to him it was getting harder and harder to ignore all those suppressed feelings.
I rolled my eyes at him, I went to grab my cloak when he reach out and took my hand. "Sit."
I sat on the bed. He let go of my hand. I reached out to check his skin again but he stopped my hand. "If you're still hot I can cool you."
He showed me the washcloth and wipes his neck. "Why didn't you drink all the medicine?"
I hesitated, "I…uh wasn't sure if you'd give me anymore in the future." I shrugged while smirking. "Lucky for you I'm cautious."
"Where have you been?"`
"Exploring," I waved it off. "Stop changing the subject, what's wrong with you?"
He stopped talking. He was dabbing his collarbone with the washcloth. My eyes followed his hands. I huffed. I feel like he was trying to play me. I stood up.
"If you don't want…"
"Shikyo," he interrupted me. He nodded to where I was sitting. I sat back down. And I waited, and waited…and waited.
"Ugh!" I shot up. "I'm leaving Itachi. I don't know what's wrong with you or why you insist I listen to nothing!"
He was on top of me. Somehow we switched places. He was so fast I wasn't expecting it from him. Not now after seeing him so sick. He had both my hands pinned on either side of my head. One knee was between my legs. I sucked in air. I could feel the heat from his body. I stared into his eyes.
"You have my attention." I said trying to stay nonchalant. Trying to ignore the weight on me. Trying to ignore all the feelings forming like a fire in the pit of my stomach. Trying to ignore this insane attraction washing over me.
"You…are too impatient."
"Somethings never change," I breathed. I had to focus on my breathing. Not the man on top of me. Just focus on the bad things. The massacre, he's going after Naruto, he smelled so good… no! He's Akatsuki, criminals… he is so attractive. Fighting with myself was going nowhere. And I was stuck like this until he decided otherwise.
I had never felt like I wasn't 100% in control of a situation with a man. Itachi Uchiha was surprising me at every turn. He was so annoying.
"Do you think so little of me?" he asked.
"…What?" I was dumbfounded.
"You test me," he raised both my hands over my head and locked them together with one of his. He trailed his finger down my face. "Using your body to get a reaction from me." His fingers traced my lips went down my chin to my neck towards my chest. "As if I am not a man." His light finger went straight down my chest to my navel stopping at the edge of my pants.
Focus on breathing. Focus on breathing. I was trying not to pant. I could feel myself sweating. My heart was hammering in my chest. He traced the curve of my waist to hip.
"I…um don't know what you're talking about." The smirk he gave me was enough to make me nervous.
"We are not children anymore, Snowflake."
He lowered his head. His lips grazed my jawline and when they met mine something inside me came to life. I felt a wave of electricity flow over me. My mind went totally blank. And I let him consume me. He wrapped one arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. I needed him closer. I struggled to free my hands. I wanted to touch him but his grip was firm.
He pulled away and I could feel myself panting. I was close to delirium. I had to focus. I had a mission and he was nothing but a distraction. I couldn't stay here anymore. I'd have to bunk with Akari. I was still laying down staring at the ceiling. I couldn't stay here with Itachi Uchiha the great disgrace of Konoha.
I sat up and looked him. I somehow still felt helpless to him. I wanted him more than I have ever wanted anyone. My body was almost vibrating with need. He smirked and leaned in again our lips barely touching.
"I won."
