Disclaimer: Nothing in this story belongs to me. I'm merely acting as the translator of a beautifully written SessKik fanfiction 犹如故人归 by 风落潇湘 as I wish to share it with readers who cannot read or understand Chinese. If there are any issues relating to copyright from the author, then I'll remove this story without hassle at once.
Translator's Notes: Unfortunately, I had to make a bit of editing in this chapter's dialogue to allow it to flow with better coherence as well as finding the right vocabulary to match its Chinese counterpart. Therefore, while it's not a perfect translation, I did try my best to convey what the original story is trying to tell.
fabelliot: Don't be too sad. I also think that Inuyasha needs to learn a lesson for being indecisive. He has kept Kagome, Kikyo and the readers/audience waiting for an answer/decision during the entire series. As for Sesshomaru, I totally agree. He's awesome! XD Thanks for supporting both of my SessKik fanfic and I'm happy that you're enjoying them.
HinaSasuChoAsu: Here's a longer chapter. Hopefully this one's length will make up for the shorter one last week. You're absolutely correct; unlike Inuyasha, Sesshomaru lets his action speak for him rather than waste time being indecisive. He's cool like that. ;)
yami2703: YES! SessKik forever! They are indeed a perfect match for each other. Thank you for supporting this story and the pairing.
8579: Yep, while there is no way Sesshomaru is going to openly utter words of affection, his actions can show a bit of what he keeps hidden behind his impassiveness. I'm glad you liked that part; I liked it a lot too since these little details about Sesshomaru are nice.
…
…
…
Chapter 8-Deprived but Prideful Soul
Everything was RED. There were large patches of RED. The entire world was dyed RED. The beginning of the world was RED and so was the end.
But there was also a period of time where the world was brightened by other colors:
There was a magnificent orange sunset.
A lake the reflected tinges of golden red from the sun.
The maple trees colored red and brown by autumn.
There was a shell of rouge being a cherished gift.
And a mirror that revealed the reflection of a woman underneath the stoic façade.
There were the spots of pink that touched his cheeks.
Then the dream concluded and the nightmare began:
A robe like flames came from behind, the sleeves flapping.
Blood was splattered everywhere.
The burning flames of a burial that devoured everything.
…
The various shades of red took liability in overturning her past's scabs.
—Memories.
All those memories intertwined with love and hate, with blood and tears. They were repetitively entangled with strife, creating a string of images that flashed within her brain. Switching, overlapping and changing to replay themselves, they could only be described as an endless loop that persistently tormented her. They clanged tight onto her even as she drifted between the realms of the living and the dead.
Her chest felt heavy, like someone had decided to pile weighty objects on top of her lungs. A sharp pain flared from within, with an excruciating agony that scorched her as it rapidly spread across the left side of her upper torso.
The arrival of such unbearable pain, combined with the one consistent in her heart, forced her to open her mouth as a name rolled off her tongue amidst a groan.
"Inu-Inuyasha…"
—Inuyasha huh?
A traitorous brow rose above Sesshomaru's hairline. He turned his head towards the miko resting against the wall and took notice of the light movements from her eyelashes.
Following another soft moan, Kikyo's eyes fluttered open and were instantly hit with light. It wasn't a blinding sight but it still felt uncomfortable for someone who had just stirred from a death-like slumber.
'I… I am alive still?' Kikyo's hand reached for the wound on her chest. It felt cool to touch and much to her surprise, there was an extremely powerful youki that dwelled within her, restraining the corrosive nature of the miasma.
Confused, she rotated her head until her sight found a familiar white figure that she had encountered thrice in the past few days.
"So you are the one who saved me?"
Perchance he deemed the question to be conclusive with enough common sense, for Sesshomaru supplied no answer and instead gave an inquiry of his own. "Inuyasha. You uttered the half-breed's name in peril. Are you filled with the foolish desire that he will be the one to save you?"
His words were indifferent as always but they felt derisive to Kikyo as they strike a harsh blow to her self-esteem. While there was no visible injury, she felt the burning pain that provoked her. Irritated, she straightened her back, narrowed her eyes into slits, and unconsciously increased her volume. "Stop it. Cease your nonsense. I had no expectations that involved the assistance of another, in particular, Inuyasha's!"
"Hmph," Sesshomaru scoffed and moved his gaze back to the entrance of the cave, having lost his initial interest. "Quiet down. Know that I care nothing about your repudiation."
Doused in the blanket of freezing water that was the reality, Kikyo was left at a state of disbelief by her own emotional outburst. But being the miko she was, she regained her composure as soon as her stoic mask slipped back into place. A humorless smile stretched across her face.
Despite being taken over by her sentiments, what she told Sesshomaru was nothing less than the truth. She didn't expect anyone to lend a hand because she was no longer a woman who yearned for someone's protection.
'I fully understand now. My will is the only sanctuary that can protect me. I will be the protector of myself. I have no need for the protection of another.'
Even as she cemented the idea into her head, she took a moment to persuade herself further—that the sole reason why she would utter Inuyasha's name was nothing more than an instinct. As a human, she also possessed the intuitive urge to call for the one who was the most important to her when exposed to danger. Call it a woman's weakness but precisely because it was innate, it was something that was inescapable. Regardless, it was not something that Sesshomaru needed to know.
Heaving a silent sigh, she lowered her head to conceal the complex emotions in her eyes with her bangs. Her gaze dropped to regard the end of the serrated cracks on her clay body that her clothing failed to fully hide.
"Why did you save me? I am merely a false existence that roams the realm of the living." With another deep exhale of breath, she managed to cast aside her feelings and kept her voice detached of any emotion.
Sesshomaru had no intention of replying, though there was something about the delivery of her statement that irked him. Was she actually asking him to justify his action? 'Ridiculous,' the daiyoukai thought. He needed no one's approval. His choices were his own and no one could tell him otherwise.
"You are such a fool." There was a scoff, followed by his cool nonchalance.
Kikyo perked up, taken aback. He displayed his usual indifference, though closer consideration of his words hinted a possible connotation that emanated a sense of ambiguity. Somewhat curious, the miko searched his features for a clue to his cryptic message.
Although she gave external appearances little consideration, she had to inwardly admit that the daiyoukai was bestowed with a grandeur that most would envy. It was a shame that he was always so impassive and cold. If only he would permit his elegant eyebrows to relax, then perhaps people wouldn't feel as intimidated. Or was that part of his intention?
Noticing that her musings had strayed far from her initial thoughts, she gave up on the attempt at comprehending the enigma that was Sesshomaru. She withdrew her gaze and her lips curved upwards in self-mockery. There shouldn't be the need to invest her interest on Sesshomaru.
Disinclined to dwell on her irrelevant thoughts, she ran her hand across the rough ground. Out of habit, she tried to locate her bow, only to remember that it had been broken during her battle with Naraku. Moreover, her quiver was shattered when the tentacles pierced through her shoulder, with all remaining arrows having dived head first into the river of miasma.
A sense of discomfort wormed its way through her upon the realization. Making a mental note to replenish her supplies at once, Kikyo supported herself with a hand and was just about to regain on her feet when the two opposing energies within her tussled for dominance.
Kikyo hissed and her knees buckled before she landed back against the wall. Her hand shot towards her chest. It would appear that her movement had aggravated the foreign energies that currently dwelled within her.
While the quiet noise she made would've escaped most people, Sesshomaru could still catch the sound. He spared a glance in her direction and uttered, "How pompous."
Despite the limited interaction, Sesshomaru was extremely good when it came to getting on her nerve. For the second time in just one day, Kikyo found herself glaring daggers at the one who saved her.
It was too bad that Sesshomaru wasn't in the least intimidated by the intensity that burned within her eyes. If anything, the daiyoukai was inwardly amused. "What is it? Do you have an objection, stubborn miko?"
That did not have the effect he wanted, for said stubborn miko curled her fingers into fists before making another attempt at getting up. Reminding himself that all his effort would go to waste if he allowed her to do as she pleased, he reined in his impatience with self-discipline and shifted his tone slightly. "Sit down and rest if you want to extract vengeance on Naraku."
Hesitation flashed on Kikyo's determined countenance. She had no intention of appearing weak before the daiyoukai who continuously regarded her as a fool, but her rationale forced her to concede victory to Sesshomaru. He was right; she would need to restore her strength in order to purge Naraku from this world. Hence, she relented and sank lower against the wall.
"… Thank you for saving me," she whispered, her tone polite but distant.
Sesshomaru passed another fleeting glimpse of her. He made no acknowledgment that he heard her words of appreciation and instead asked, "How will you purify the miasma?"
And the question was well founded because there were going to be consequences if she continued to resort to Sesshomaru's youki as a means of suppression. Not to mention that the most apparent issue was how her spiritual powers might respond to the two foreign sources of demonic energies. Her aura was currently weak but there was no telling if it would clash with the daiyoukai's power once it recovered.
Kikyo pursed her lips, her mahogany pools reflecting solemnly. Similar to how a doctor was incapable of treating his own ailments, Kikyo could not purify the miasma inflicted on her body. If she wants to live, there was only one person she could turn to.
—Her reincarnation, Kagome.
But that alternative was a resounding slap in the face.
It was apparent why Naraku did not bother to verify her death. He understood her enough to know that even if she survived the fall, she would never resort to asking for the girl's help. Even if Kagome offered her aid, Kikyo still had her pride to cling onto. One could most certainly call her stubborn, but the pride she had was engraved deep into her bones, ineradicable even after the heartbreaks she suffered.
'You must be laughing at my predicament, Naraku. Indeed, my time is limited… Sooner or later, my body will disintegrate due to your miasma. However, you are underestimating my tenacity. I vow to drag you to hell before I die. As for Inuyasha—'
"—Inuyasha. He was born ignorant and lives as a miserable half-demon. So fragile that solitude scarred him. Don't you agree, miko? And not just half-breeds, humans too."
The cold voice jolted Kikyo back into reality, and she was briefly entertained by the idea that Sesshomaru was telepathic. She guided her eyes until they landed on him, who had his sights on the sky from the opening of the cave.
'How different is his perception of the sky compared to the rest of us?' That would've been the first question that Kikyo would've asked, though there was no way she could ignore what was just said. Once again, she deciphered the inconspicuous meaning in his words. Perhaps it was because he breached the topic she considered a taboo, but her eyes glistened coldly in apparent anger. "Sesshomaru, what did you just say? Are you implying that I am dependent on him for survival?"
"From what I've seen thus far, that is the conclusion I, Sesshomaru, have reached," commented Sesshomaru, inwardly surprised that the miko had interpreted the significance of his statement. It would appear that she did possess the level of intellect to understand him, which was not all that common amongst both the demon and humankind.
"Don't talk nonsense." Kikyo frowned, lifting her chin up to imitate his stance. "I have my pride. I will never allow such shameless behavior, youkai."
—Youkai?
The abrupt change in how she addressed him was apparent, especially with the emphasis she placed. Was that an indication that she was emotionally strung? Whatever it was, Sesshomaru did not care. However, he did take the extra second to assess the miko in her prideful glory. Her straight back and her raised eyebrows that resisted his condescension by mirroring his attitude were the manifestation of her noble pride, along with her aversion to yield.
Then why did she of all people submit to that half demon? Was it because of the pathetic feeling mortals referred to as love?
He had no intention of discovering the worthless answer to the equally worthless inquiry.
Perchance Kikyo was still irritated, for Sesshomaru detected a sudden spike in her recovering aura. How annoying. He didn't execute the effort to save her only for her to waste away. "Your spiritual powers are agitated. Control your temper if you do not wish for a premature death before Naraku's."
"So what is your point in the preceding conversation?" asked Kikyo, but heeded his warning nonetheless as she took steadying breaths to calm herself.
Despite knowing that her gaze was still glued to him, Sesshomaru did not return the gesture as he supplied her with his blunt answer. "When it comes to Inuyasha, he is a disgrace best forgotten."
Silence passed between them, with Kikyo having gone quiet.
As usual, Sesshomaru allowed the stillness to settle in comfortably. In all honesty, he felt that he had indulged her once too many. For someone whose words were rarer than gold, it was very unusual for him to initiated a conversation. But the miko had sparked an odd sense of curiosity in him. He would come to grasp the reason for his atypical interest in due time. But at present, all he knew was that she was not like ordinary mortals.
"Do you… believe that I am capable of erasing those memories freely…?" It was a while before he heard her voice again, though it lacked any of her former self-assurance. She was instead soft-spoken, with the faintest trace of a quiver.
"…"
"Before… when I was alive, I was the miko who was entrusted to guard the jewel of four souls… I was not allowed to carry the heart of a human. I showed my weaknesses to no one for a single blunder would've cost my life..." There was no indication that the impassive daiyoukai was listening. Kikyo continued to speak nonetheless, seemingly having become apathetic towards her surroundings. "However, I am no longer the guardian of the jewel, nor am I alive. My soul is so much freer now than it was then. My emotions are liberated from repression. I am free to hate. Free to love…"
Sesshomaru was still silent, though he did pay a certain degree of attention to her honest confession. There were other better alternatives than to linger around; he could always resort to silencing her or simply leaving. Nonetheless, he chose neither of the orthodox options. Strangely enough, there was a part of him that guided his focus towards the mumbling miko.
"I have given up on life. There exists no future for an undead such as myself. I exchanged everything for the freedom that lies beyond life… Yet, I am still not free of my memories. Why!? I cannot comprehend!?" It would seem that years of maintaining a stoic façade had finally left her devastated, unable to control the eruption of emotions that threatened to shatter her mask of equanimity. Her words spew forth in a stuttering manner, her voice cracking as though on the verge of rupture.
Aware that Kikyo's mentality had spiraled out of control, Sesshomaru's brows furrowed minutely with the impression of a serious contemplation before he turned his head around. Although the daiyoukai's face was phlegmatic, he was inwardly surprised by the sight that greeted him.
He saw her leaning against the wall, her body curled up into a ball so that her arms could wrap defensively around her knees. Her dark bangs hid her face from him but the daiyoukai could instantly tell that her lips were trembling based on her shuddering body. Gone was the miko who could imitate his solemnity and in her place was a woman who appeared so frail that a single breeze could blow her away.
'How dull. So she is just another ordinary girl under the pretense,' Sesshomaru summarized. Regardless of how strong she seemed, she was essentially a human dominated by her own emotions. That conclusion should've left him appalled, but something halted him from finishing the thought. An inner voice manifested, urging him to supply a word of comfort. It sounded something his father would wholeheartedly promote, though Sesshomaru disregarded it immediately by crashing it with a mental foot.
Certainly, the great Inu no Taisho and the half-breed Inuyasha might be capable of such act of compassion, but Sesshomaru was not born lenient nor gracious.
Deciding that the miko was no longer worth his time, Sesshomaru was about to abandon her when she perked up. Her countenance was that of sangfroid, apparently having regained her composure. Her eyes were no longer listless as they reflected an immeasurable depth of wisdom. They were impassive and utterly serene, displaying her typical demeanor.
"Forgive my anomalous outburst and I request for you to forget. However, understand that I do not need nor desire your solace," Kikyo said stiffly, her face devoid of any emotion. Had Sesshomaru not been there to witness her earlier display, then perhaps he would've been tempted to believe that nothing was out of the ordinary.
"Hmph," he scoffed in return, though one could only wonder what thoughts occupied his mind.
