Chapter 8 – Lily
I walked into the bathroom at around one in the morning looking for my favorite sweatshirt. Truth was, I really couldn't sleep. Sirius had brought home the most beautiful looking witch he ever had before and it was twisting my heart up into a knot. She was gone now, but not before being alone with Sirius in his room for an hour. The whole time, I'd been nauseous. I think James had noticed too, I felt bad for that, but what could I do? I still loved them both so much more than I would've thought possible. I wanted and needed them both in every way and it was killing me.
So when I walked into the bathroom to see a very gorgeous, very naked Sirius getting out of the tub, my heart stopped. He looked up at me, surprised and grabbed a towel off of the side of the tub, wrapping it around his waist.
"Lily," he said throatily. I wanted to reach out and touch him. Touch all of his new tattoos and his slightly more grown body. I wanted to feel his hair, which was longer than it used to be, and his face which was slightly scruffier. I wanted to feel him, just so I could know what he felt like again. I had forgotten and that was painful to me.
I wasn't wearing much clothing either – only a tank top and underwear – and I could feel his gaze upon my body. It was burning me in the most pleasant way.
We walked towards each other, like we were magnetized, and I reached out to place my hand on his chest. I traced one of his new tattoos with my fingertips. It was a snake with a sword through its body. Air gushed out from between his lips. I touched my lips lightly to another tattoo. This one was a heart, being ripped in two. He groaned.
"Lily," he pleaded. I lay my head against his heart. I wanted to make sure it was still there, still beating even though I had ruthlessly torn it apart.
"I'm sorry, Sirius," I whispered, my breath raising goose bumps on his skin, "I'm sorry for hurting you so much." He shook his head like I hadn't hurt him at all, but I knew that wasn't true. He touched my hair lightly, like he was afraid that he'd combust if he did. I pulled away from him and walked towards the pool. My hands were trembling as I reached up and pulled my shirt over my head. He groaned again, softly, and I could tell he wanted to touch me. I could see it in his eyes. I reached out for him and he hesitantly made his way over to me, taking each step like he was afraid he would burst into flames. I felt like I would too. When he took my hand hesitantly, I pulled him up so that his chest was flush with mine. I pulled off my underwear slowly and he took off the towel. I walked back into the water, pulling him with me.
When we were standing waist high in the water, I kissed him. And suddenly he came alive. We put everything into that kiss, like it was the last time we'd ever see each other. His hands were in my hair, pulling me even closer to him, while his tongue pushed against mine, my hands found his shoulders and I pulled us down further into the water.
When he entered me I gasped and he groaned. I had forgotten exactly how good it felt to be with him.
"God, Lily," He moaned. And I knew exactly what he meant.
"Lily?" James murmured from the bed, stretching his arms above his head. I quietly shut the door behind me and sat down on the ground, my cheek against the door.
"Lily, what's wrong?" He got out of bed, coming over to me. He wore only a pair of shorts so when he reached to hug me, it felt like his skin would burn mine. It was not at all pleasant. I could almost hear the sizzle as his fingers touched my forehead gently, stroking my hair back out of my face. I felt like I would just sit here and waste away, like one day I would wake up and find him with someone else – someone better – and I would just turn into a pile of ashes. A lump formed in my throat as he held me, humming softly, trying to take away my pain. If only he knew what it was. But I couldn't tell him, not yet anyway. I didn't think I could talk at all. Part of me wanted to destroy something; take a fist to the wall or rip my hair out, and another part just wanted to sit here and have him hold me, forgiving me when I didn't deserve it.
"Lily, it's okay," He kissed the top of my head, rubbing soothing circles on my back, "Whatever it is, it'll be okay."
And I knew that he'd forgive me, eventually, even if I never did.
A/N: Okay so I know these are getting shorter, but I keep wanting to switch point of views, so tell me what you think!
