Okay, so I will be watching the Twilight movie several times this month(*_*)So I posted some excerpts early to show what is to come. Be honest and review. I write parody scripts far better than story format, so you are forewarned of crappy writing.

Warnings: Out of character(to you probably, not to me! Mwauhahaha!), random babblings

Disclaimer: I do not own AR(lucky for you!), Harry Potter, or...anything else mentioned pretty much v_v

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Preview One:

Yassen was put-out. Not only was he stuck 30,000 feet above ground, but he had also struck out on ideas of how to kill off his new trainee. He had already fed one of his pupils to a great white.

-Force them to listen to Miley Cyrus songs. Check.

-Plant a bomb inside a large strudel. Check.

-Disguise yourself as the prime minister and pretend that you think you're Britney Spears. Check plus brownies points! That had caused instant heart attacks.

He supposed he could whip out the old dried pasta trick, but it just so overdone! And using a gun wasn't creative enough.

Perhaps he could borrow John Rider's idea and rent High School musical.

Cringing at the thought, he smiled. Living through that movie had proved to John how much potential he had. Many watch HSM, few are seen alive again.

Speaking of his trainee...

"Did you know that every time a plane crashes, an angel gets his wings?" Bob smiled dreamily and the Asian man sitting next to him suddenly looked deathly pale.

"I-uh. No, no."

"Do you want to see my batman underwear?"

"Um..."

Yassen tried to kick his trainee in the foot, but missed.

"AAH!" The other man yelled.

"What was that for Yassen? I was just about to tell him about cannibalism among airline crash passengers on deserted islands! Nurse! We need some help over here."

"Don't."

"Why?"

"They're called stewardesses, not nurses."

"Why?"

"Because they are."

"Why?"

Yassen commenced to swearing under his breath and Bob frowned. Suddenly an gremlin-like creature popped up on Yassen's shoulder.

Devil Yassen: Do it now. No one will know. A little strangle will do the trick.

Yassen was about to take him up on the suggestion when a miniature angel appeared on his other shoulder.

Angel Yassen: You don't want to do that Yassen! You're better than that!

Devil Yassen: No he's not.

Angel Yassen: Okay, so you aren't. But who's to say you can't learn from your mistakes?

Devil Yassen: You mean his past thirty seven recruits that died?

Angel Yassen: What the?!? YOU FREAKING KILLED THIRTY SEVEN TRAINEES?!? Man, you are so going to hell! –poofs away-

Yassen: -_-

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Preview Two:

It was a damp, flickering compartment. Yassen Gregorovich had just stepped inside the metro and commenced to scanning the enclosed compartment with an unnatural gaze, looking for any possible threat.

Quietly he made his way to one of the seats in the back, as, all of the front compartments were taken up by teenagers, which he found unusual and revolting as teenagers were disgusting creatures whose only purpose was to take up breathing space. He didn't quite understand them, and truthfully, he didn't ever remember being one.

"Last call for Hogwarts!"

Yassen paused. What was the conductor talking about? He was just trying to get a rider down to liverpool. But it wasn't like he had taken the wrong ride or anything. He never did that! Or did he?

Oh well, he thought and plopped down onto the plush seat.

During the ride, Yassen met a angst ridden schoolboy and discovered how much they had in common. Having deceased parents, sexy scars, and the fact they are both occasionally possessed by Lord Voldemort, Yassen was thrilled to finally find someone who understood him.

"So how do you take care of the fangirl problem?" Harry asked.

"Shoot them," Yassen said simply.

"You kill all those innocent girls?!?" Harry exclaimed. Yes, they bothered him, but having an army of women chasing you did have it's occasional advantages.

"Innocent? Have you even read any fanfiction stories? They hook you up with Draco in steamy romance scenes, all the time! ...Harry? Harry! HARRY?!?"

But Harry cannot answer because he has just choked on the water he was drinking. The truth was too horrible for his already angst filled mind to handle.

Yassen thinks back to his emergency life-saving classes that he learned back at school and-

"Argh! They didn't teach us any life-saving classes at mob school!"

Angel Yassen: Pssst! –whispers-

Yassen: Ooooh.

----INSERT CPR SCENE HERE----

"You saved me Yassen!" Harry exclaimed. –cue Best Friends Forever theme- "But woudl it kill you to brush your teeth?" –abrupt stop to music-

"We never speak of this to anyone." Yassen said shiftily.

"Obviously. Thanks goodness no one was listening to us or anything!" Harry smiled happily.

And unknown to both of them, Bob was sitting in the compartment behind him, broadcasting his hidden camera via YouTube. Ah yes, his blackmail had only begun.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Preview Three:

Yassen was halfway through, 'The Little Mermaid' when he heard the doorbell ring.

"Delivery!" A voice shouted through his door.

Yassen angrily opened the lock. "I didn't order anythi-"

And of course there was his trainee standing with a stupid smile on his face. "I thought we could have some male bonding time since it was your day off and all."

"Oh. Uhm..."Yassen was careful to make sure he was blocking the television. If his Disney princess obsessions were to be discovered... Just the thought of it made him shiver!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Preview Four:

"I cannot believe a cop is following us!" Yassen shouted in his trainees ears. "If Rothman were to find out about the most deadly killer in the world-"

"Don't worry. Bob is one smooth operator," Bob said.

He rolled the window down as the policeman approached.

"Hey, you must've been doin' 125 mph to keep up with me!" Bob exclaimed.

The officer frowned, "Are you aware of why you were pulled over?"

"No, but I'm sure glad one of us does."

Yassen nearly choked on his own tongue. This idiot was hanging himself. He nudged Bob with his arm and coughed a hint.

Bob turned and whispered loudly enough for the policeman to hear, "Don't worry Yassen. I'm sure he won't check the trunk."

The officer blinked. "Do you have an explanation for abusing the speed limit?"

"Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control. What's that Yassen? Oh yeah, he had nothing to do with it."

"Have you been drinking, sir?"

"What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum." Yassen tossed him a gun.

"What's that?"

"It's a deadly assassin's weapon. One that someone as inferior as yourself could not possibly begin to understand."

"It looks like bazooka." The officer stared at it in disbelief.

"IT'S NOT A BAZOOKA! Bad cop! No doughnut!"