"It's okay Clary, just stay with me now. Come one Hun, I love you okay? Come on you can't leave me now." he whispered fiercely.
I smiled sleepily, "Jace..." I whispered before everything went black.
JPOV
They say you must never you regret anything you do in life because at one point it was what you wanted. They have never been more wrong. I regret every moment I spent away from Clary, every word I didn't say and every kiss we didn't share. I regret not telling her she looked beautiful, or being there when she blushed. I regret every time she laughed and I forced myself to look away. Every time I was an ass and she was one too. But most of all, I regret not saying 'I love you' to her, every morning when she woke up and every evening when she slipped to sleep. That's what I regret the most.
I looked up, Clary was still there, unmoving. She was pale, her cheekbones pronounced and her eyes sunken in. Her flaming hair was the only colour on her and she seemed to blend in with the stark white sheets. She looked peaceful, yet so troubled at the same time.
Every time I looked at her I felt a number of emotions. I felt love that I had tried to repress for the past two months, but I also felt pain that she was lying there in a comatose state. I felt the relief that she didn't die but the guilt that I was the reason she was there. And lastly I felt happy that I told her I loved her, yet disgusted at myself for having to wait until she almost died before I could utter those words.
"Jace..." Isabelle's voice cut through my reverie. I jerked my head up.
"What Iz?"
She sighed slightly, "Mangus is here."
I quickly rose to my feet, my eyes searching behind her for a glimpse of glitter. "Well? Where is he?"
"He wants to talk to you in the kitchen, he thinks its the only way you'll leave her and eat or drink."
I snorted, he was right. I was not going to leave Clary's side, but I needed to know what was up with her. I nodded quickly and we walked to the kitchen. There was no obvious tension between us but Isabelle kept shooting me these nervous glances and I finally had enough.
"Iz, I'm not going to drop dead, just quit staring at me like I'm fragile or something."
I heard her giggle and smile, "That's most expression I have gotten out of you in two days!" she squealed. I just rolled my eyes.
When we got to the kitchen saw everyone was there. Alec cosied up next to Mangus. James immediately gripped Iz around the waist, they were together, much to Simon's detriment. Ash was in the corner sulking, he still cared for Clary but I refused to talk to him. Tomas was leaning against the sink and Maryse next to him. I felt Gabriella come up next to me and rest her hand on my forearm in means of comfort. I was unsure of what to do, I mean the whole reason Clary was in this state was because she had misread signs between Bella and I. Yet, I needed a friend right now and she was the only one who knew the proper reason for Clary running into the demon. Every one else thought Clary had just gone on another hunting expedition.
I leaned into her touch and breathed out a sigh. I took a deep breath and faced everyone.
"What's the verdict Mangus?" I asked, my voice cold and emotionless.
Mangus shifted uncomfortable, "Well Jace, I got most of the demon poison out of her system, but there was an unidentifiable substance in her, which seems to be causing havoc."
I sat down quickly and noticed there was a plate of bacon and eggs on the table. Was it morning already? I had lost track of night and day. I spent my hours at Clary's side, dwelling in regret, anger, guilt and pain. Yet always willing her to get better for me.
"Eat Jace..." Maryse said quietly her hand on my shoulder. "We can speak to Mangus afterwards, but right now you need food."
I nodded before wolfing down my food. I didn't realise how hungry I was before but the moment the salty bacon touched my tongue I was yearning for more. Though the food had lost its taste, the orange juice didn't quench my thirst. I need and lived for Clary, she needed to live otherwise this would be my life. Dull, tasteless, full of monotony.
"Okay, I'm done. What are we going to do about this weird substance?"
"Okay Jace, I have no idea what the substance is, it was in the demons poison, but I can't remove what I don't know."
"I understand Mangus, but what are we going to do about it?" I asked impatiently. Gabriella put a reassuring arm on my shoulder.
Maryse cleared her throat, "We have to take her to Paolini."
I almost choked on my own spit. "Paolini?" I stuttered. "We are going to spend her to mentally insane warlock? Are you all crazy!"
"He is the most talented warlock in centuries Jace! He will be able to help her," Tomas added.
"Are you insane Tom! Sending her a warlock that we have been taught is an example of wrong since we were born. You want to send her to warlock that tried to eat Fey hair and blood to gain their beauty and tried to consume Vampires while they were still rats in order to gain their speed and immunity? Are you serious, who knows what he'll do with Clary! She had an excess amount of Angel Blood, he'll probably try eat her heart when we're not looking!" But this time I was foaming at the mouthing, my breathing ragged and uneven.
"Sit down Jace," Bella instructed. I sat down heavily, understanding how dire the situation was if they wanted to send Clary to Paolini.
"It's the only way she can recover Jace," James appealed to me.
I released a shaky breath.
"You want her to live right Jace?" Ash whispered from the corner, looking me in the eye, knowing that was the selling point. But coming from his mouth I just wanted to rip out someone's throat.
"Don't talk me about Clary," I growled menacingly at him. Maryse stepped forward and said in a reprimanding tone, "Do not talk to Ash like that Jace. You know he is right."
I stood up knowing they were right. "Okay then."
They all looked at me in surprise with some underlying suspicion that I had given in so easily.
"What?" I asked looking around, "I need her to live." and with that turned and left the room, knowing they would let me go.
When I got to Clary's side again I leaned against her bed, her clammy head on my forehead.
"Clary," I groaned.
"Jace..." she whispered. I looked up in surprise.
CPOV
About a month ago
"Okay Clary, we need to get you looking absolutely fabutastic!" Isabelle squealed when I asked her to dress me up. She knew it was because I was trying to impress Jace. Everything I had done these past few weeks was to redeem myself in Jace's eyes.
I smiled at her grimly, "Do what ever is needed." I heard her shriek in pleasure and rush off into her closet.
Three hours later, after plucking, waxing, yanking and zipping I was dressed and done. I was wearing a pale green dress that highlighted my eyes. It was short and stopped mid thigh, I was wearing black tights and 4 inch black knee high boots. I had a thigh sheath and various other places for my weapons. Since Jace stopped coming to my training sessions I wanted to show him how much I had improved. My make up was almost all natural Iz had just highlighted my eyes and made my lips extra pink and extra pouty.
When we made our way to the boys I could see Ash's face drop in awe, James smiled but mostly at Isabelle and Jace... Jace looked at me with wonder as if he was surprised I could look this good. I gave him a flirty smile, ignoring Ash. As soon as Jace seemed to realise he was leering he closed up. His eyes hardened and his face became blank, it was the mask again.
Once we reached the Pandemonium I hit the dance floor with Izzy. We were swinging our hips, waving our hands and jiving to the music. I looked over at Jace to see if he had noticed. I was sorely disappointed. He was at the bar flirting with some girl wearing a very short skirt and a top that showed off her boobs and stomach. I pulled Izzy to the other end of the club, pretending to still be dancing but in a position were I could still see Jace and the skank.
While he was shamelessly flirting he looked over once or twice and I knew he saw me. It struck me that maybe he wanted me to see. A sharp pain travelled through my chest making me gasp. Jealousy, I realised. Sure I had felt it before, more than often with Jace, but this was more acute. It stabbed my in my heart and made me want to cry. He was doing it on purpose, to hurt me, to get back at me. I wasn't sure if I felt angry with him for wanting to cause me this agonizing pain, or if I understood that he felt the need to make me understand. Either way I had stopped dancing and Izzy was trying to get my attention.
"Clary? Clary? Clary! For gods sake what is the matter with you?"
When I didn't reply she followed my gaze and saw Jace. She sighed softly, "Clary," she said, her eyes still on them, "He's just flirting nothing mor-"
She broke off when I sucked in a painful breath.
He was kissing the girl.
The pain I had felt earlier was nothing compared to this one. This pain made me go weak. It made me want to fall to the ground and just lie there. The pain made me want to crawl into a foetal position and claw my heart out. I wanted to yank the bloody organ out and get rid of the pain. It felt like insanity! Like I was slowly losing it. I felt like someone had kicked me in the gut and then proceeded to torture me slowly. It was like dripping water down a thirty man's face, but making sure it didn't go into his mouth. It was agony.
I heard a sob from my mouth and found it in me to move. I rushed out the back,into the dark alleys that people were told to stay away from. Right not though I wanted to be killed, I wanted to get rid of the excruciating pain in my chest. I slid down the brick wall, vaguely noticing Isabelle calling out my name, searching for me. I was in the shadows, and I felt like my life's purpose had disappeared and I wanted to disappear with it.
It was that evening when I lay in my bed, to scared to sleep in fear of nightmares, that I built my walls. Walls that prevented people from accessing me and having the power of making me feel that pain again. It was still raw and kept me up that night but I knew it would fade to a dull ache, as long as I kept my walls up. As long as no one else broke my heart.
JPOV
Present time
"Clary?" I asked in disbelief.
"Jace..." she whimpered again.
"Yes Clary, what's wrong Darling...where is the pain? Where does it heart?" I asked, grabbing her hand and pulling it into my chest.
"Give it back," she whispered, "Give it back."
Give what back Clary?" I asked confused.
"My heart Jace. Give it back... before you break it again."
