Maya:
The waiting was the worst part for her. She was sitting in the waiting room for her first prenatal appointment. She fidgeted in her seat, feeling super uncomfortable. All around the room she could feel eyes on her. There were only a few people there; couples mostly, and women with big round bellies. She put a hand on her stomach, feeling her small bump. She was starting to show now. Zig said it wasn't noticeable, but she knew he was lying.
She felt like the other people in the room were all judging her. The receptionist, the husbands and wives; all looking at her and thinking to themselves: Look at her, she's so young. Just another statistic, a life wasted. Didn't anyone educate her on using protection?
She focused her eyes on the floor. Another bad thing was that her mother couldn't come with her. So she had to go alone with Zig, who seemed to be totally unaware of her paranoia.
This sucks. She thought angrily. She wondered what it would be like to be sitting here next to Drew. Would it be ten times more awkward? Or would he bring her comfort?
She didn't know, and that scared her.
She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't even hear the nurse call her name.
Zig tapped her on the shoulder. "Come on." He said.
She didn't want to come on, she wanted to run home. But she knew she had to do this. It was, after all, her own fault that she had to be here in the first place.
She stood up and her legs moved mechanically towards the nurse who had called her name.
Zig followed behind. She wished he would just stay in the waiting room, but she didn't say anything, she didn't want to upset him.
"Ms. Matlin?" The nurse asked.
Maya nodded.
"Right this way, please." The nurse smiled at her, but Maya thought it looked a little forced. She looked tired and bored.
Maya smiled back thinking she probably looked exactly the same.
The nurse led them to a room, and then, there was more waiting.
"This is taking forever." She sighed. "I can't remember a time when I wasn't sitting in this stupid doctor's office."
Zig laughed. He actually laughed.
Maya felt like slapping him for some reason; she chalked it down to hormones.
He didn't look nervous at all. He didn't shift around in his seat, he didn't look around the room with a horrified expression. All he did was look at her. It was unnerving.
"Patience, Maya." He said.
Maya put her head back.
This didn't have anything to do with patience. It had everything to do with shame.
Maya just knew that the doctor would come in, take one look at her face, and know she was a liar.
They would know what she was doing. They would know she didn't know who the father was. She knew it was stupid… but these doctors saw people like her every day. Maybe those people had a certain look on them, a guilty look.
Finally the doctor entered. Maya was eternally grateful to see that it was a woman.
She greeted the two teenagers warmly and introduced herself as Dr. Lawson.
Maya tried to gage whether her fears had come true, but the doctor showed no sign of disdain. She seemed nice, friendly.
I'll go ahead and sum everything that happened in the appointment up: a lot of questions were asked, and a lot of questions were answered. They were questions about things like diet and how far along Maya thought she might be.
Then came the exciting part, the ultrasound.
Maya gripped Zig's hand a little too tight as the doctor squeezed the cold gel onto her skin.
After sliding the wand around for a few minutes, the doctor spoke.
"I would say you're at about 19 weeks. You're due on January 18."
January? Maya counted in her head; that was almost five months! That meant she only had four months left. Four months from now a living, breathing baby would come out of her.
She almost fainted at the thought.
"Would you like to know the gender?" Dr. Lawson asked the two.
Maya barely heard her, all caught up in her swirling thoughts again.
Maya felt both sets of eyes on her and looked up. She looked at the doctor's face to avoid looking at the screen next to her. That would make everything just too real.
She shrugged and looked over to Zig who gave her an encouraging nod. She knew what it meant, whatever she wanted, he wanted. But she didn't want to make the decision, it made her feel alone. She wished she would've asked Drew whether or not he wanted to know. He always had an opinion to share.
"Yes." She finally said, just to relieve the tension (that she was mostly just imagining.)
"You are having a beautiful little girl. She seems very healthy too." Dr. Lawson answered.
A girl. Suddenly an image flashed into Maya's mind; a little girl with big blue eyes and black hair; smiling, laughing, playing the piano.
She couldn't help it, she smiled.
The doctor took the wand away and wiped away the gel.
"Now there are a few things I suggest when I get a younger patient like you." Dr. Lawson said. "First and foremost is seeing a counselor to go over your options and decide which is best for you and your child. Also, if you would want a paternity test for any reason, I would be happy to explain to you the different options, one being a prenatal test."
"You can do that?" Maya asked, at the same time Zig said "That won't be necessary."
The two looked at each other and Maya felt her face flush.
The doctor looked at them. "Should I give you two a moment?" she asked.
Maya panicked, she didn't want to be alone with Zig, she was afraid he might ask her questions she didn't have the answers to.
"No!" she said quickly. "I was just surprised. I didn't know that you could do a paternity test this early."
The doctor nodded. "It's a relatively new practice, all we need to do is to take a sample of the mother's blood and swab the father's cheek and send it away for testing."
Maya tried to keep her face blank, but she felt sick. This could give her the answer she had been looking for.
She looked over at Zig. He was glaring at her with that jealous, impatient look of his.
"Is there anything else?" Maya asked quietly.
"I don't think so. I'll just get you a copy of your sonogram and then you can go."
As they left the doctor's office, both teenagers were silent. Maya carefully held the sonogram in one hand and looked at the ground.
Suddenly Zig stopped walking. She nearly ran right into him, but caught herself just in time.
"What?" She asked.
"Is there something we need to talk about?!" He asked. He was mad, that was never good.
"No, there's nothing." She replied.
"Why did you ask about a paternity test?" He pushed.
"I… I didn't. The doctor brought it up. I was just interested." She said, but she didn't look at him. "And truthfully it might be a good idea to get one just to, you know, make sure… I mean, neither of us are very clear on that night and there were a lot of people there. Something could have…"
Zig cut her off. "It was us." He said sharply.
"Oh really? Do you remember? Have you magically regained you memories?" She finally looked up at his face. He looked hurt.
"No… but I just know okay? I thought we both knew."
She took his hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. It was us, you're right, it was us."
As she said this she tried to make herself believe it, but she still wasn't sure.
She had to keep lying to him and it was killing her.
"You're the only good thing in my life, Maya; you… and our baby." He said with a shaky voice.
The intensity of his gaze made Maya shiver. She couldn't think of anything to say so she just kept quiet.
She felt the urge to cry, but she couldn't. Not now, not in front of him.
She was quiet the whole way home; thinking about what the truth would do to Zig, how it would tear him apart. But she also thought about how the all the lies were tearing her apart.
If he really loves me, then when I tell him the truth, no matter how bad it may be, he'll stay. She thought.
When they got to the front door, Maya had decided.
She was going to get a paternity test. If Zig wouldn't help her, fine. She knew someone that would.
She wanted to learn the truth. She wanted to start telling the truth.
A list of things Maya will soon learn about telling the truth:
-It rarely comes without consequence
-Someone always gets hurt
-Nothing goes according to plan
AN: I really hope there are some awesome and patient people out there still reading this! I have been in a creative slump for so long! And it doesn't help that I no longer have Degrassi. (No Netflix) I'll definitely keep working on this story!
