Have you ever had the entire weight of your soul ripped out of your own body, flung through an expansive cosmic black, swirled through the cosmos, then gracelessly knit back together in your stomach? Because I have, and it's not fun.
That's what teleportation feels like, by the way. It's cool in theory, but not a good time in practice. One second I'm admiring some damn cool armour on my new friends, and the next I'm in some dank, crumbling mage tower across the continent in the enemy's largest stronghold, trying my hardest not to pee or vomit everywhere in front of a group of human mages who stared at us like we just murdered a baby in front of them.
Also, my hair's fucked up now, and that's not okay. Someone will pay dearly for this. Maybe a baby.
Our little squadron of elves looked at our assigned leader and collectively prayed that she'd not let us get killed immediately.
I had some fate in Faine, but the last time I was in Stormwind, I was held prisoner for longer than I would have liked, and I'm pretty sure there's like a 30 day guarantee to put me back in there if I misbehaved, so forgive me if I'm a bit hesitant.
After what felt like way too long, she said something in a surprisingly rude tone to the humans in human-speak.
I rolled my eyes at how absolutely terrible this woman was at first impressions. It really makes me wonder how the hell she's managed to live for however long she has, because I'm sure I'm not the first person to think she's kinda egotistical and not well-spoken regarding her feelings.
The mages began to move, and I was ready to strike down with the wrath of the gods if needed. They disappeared for a while, until they returned through a portal with five extremely beefy looking guards. I imagine the humans caught this particular set of soldiers while they were on their way to the dick-measuring contest, and I guess they're so upset because they'll be late now.
I began praying again, this time begging the Light to smite Faine before she could open her stupid mouth and say something snarky or offensive to these guys.
There was a lot of foreign talk, a lot of puffing of chests and raising of shields and what not before Faine started walking to the group!
Like really!? This woman has a deathwish that makes me second guess why I'm here. If I were to ever die, let it be known that Faine probably played a leading role in it. Gods. They better pick someone cute to play my part in the theater, or I'll roll in my (probably very shallow and unmarked) grave for the rest of eternity.
The guards pulled their swords, we pulled ours, they got into prime elf-killing formation, Faine kept walking, yadda yadda yadda. I saw my life flash before my eyes like eight separate times in the span of a minute and I'm pretty sure that's not healthy on the heart or the mind.
After that, the next few minutes were so utterly boring to me that I started to wish I would have died in that damned mage tower so I wouldn't have to suffer this much. I felt like an alien. Faine kept arguing with the guards in Common and no one provided me with translated dialogue, so I couldn't get in on all the juicy drama. I assumed Faine was just running her mouth and the guards were threatening her with perjury or treason or something, but deep down, I really wished I knew what the ever living fuck was going on.
For all I knew, I was marching across the snow to my death. Probably via the Stockades again. Most likely right beside the druid. Maybe even actual cellmates with it this time. Now wouldn't that be a treat for me… or it, I guess.
There was some whispering going on at the front of the group between Faine and one of the guards, and even some light laughter, before everyone fell into silence. I imagined that was the sound of Faine selling our souls to the devil to get herself a get-out-of-jail-free card.
All the secrecy in Common kept making me realize that I truly knew nothing about this woman, besides the fact that Garrosh allegedly stole her sister, who was allegedly banging Lor'Themar, who allegedly thought me and this smorgasbord of elves were the absolute perfect group to head to Stormwind, where allegedly we would be granted safe passage to allegedly help the King of the Alliance. All allegedly, of course.
The peace never lasted long for me, because of course, at the top of the steps to the king's castle, Faine started shit with the royal guards. My sword was drawn mere seconds after Faine somehow bought herself her own sword to her throat.
This fucking woman, I swear.
But I'll give it to her, whatever snarky shit she said next, made the sword leave her neck and return to its owner's side. Maybe there still is hope left for her.
Nope. I take that back. I have no hope for her or me or any of us.
The literal second the King saw Faine, the rest of us were forced to leave. The royal guards corralled us into a meeting room like old dairy cows heading to their all-expenses paid vacation to the slaughter house.
The vibes in this room were skewed. I could sense the lingering, ghostly aura of a thousand possible plans drafted to invade my sorta hometown, Orgrimmar. Most likely concocted by the King himself.
My arrest- sorry, I mean my illegal, unlawful, inhumane detainment- was probably even birthed in this very room.
Very boring room. It was empty except for a massive table with exactly 32 chairs, a wooden bookshelf with a grand total of 17 books on it, and a large, woven map of Azeroth hanging on, what I calculated to be, the western wall of the place.
I realized then that we were probably going to be in this room for a while, so I tried to break the ice and get to know my new war buddies, but the guards rudely cut me off with a visual of what I assumed had to mean they'd cut my neck if I didn't stop.
So, here we are, in some dusty, nondescript room, all of us waiting for Faine to hurry up with her blabbing.
...I should have saved the chair and book counting for later.
A/N: Hey guys. A quick, half-assed filler chapter, because this just needed to get done. I'm sorry that it took so long, I have a completely true story for what happened: I wrote exactly 3 words (the first 3 of this chapter) sometime in early April, and literally a week later, my roommate burned down our apartment. I'm not even kidding. I had to quit my job and drop out of college and I have since been living back in my boring hometown with my very generous best friend and his family. I've opened google docs maybe twice since then and I've had no dedication or time to write, but I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. There is more (and better, I promise) to come, I just need time! :)
