'Tis another chapter to read! Yaaaay! I hope you enjoy and I don't really have much else to say!

Oinker-P: Those Goddess damned Goddesses! They probably are the main villains... Oh! And that Ruto fic will (hopefully) be next! But it might not... But it might will!

Guest: I'm guessing all of these are from the same person. Thank you for these amusing comments. I must say, if you hated this story so much, why are reading it? Also, have I accidentally pushed you into insanity?

Disclaimer: Still don't own LOZ. If I did, Zelda and I would be on our honeymoon right now.


Chapter 8: Clone Lovin' (Dark Link x Link)

Description: Dark Link plans to do anything to kill his worst enemy, Link, even if it means teaming up with the most annoying, most stupid, most infuriating brat in the world! Also, he can't swim! This has nothing to do with the story, or anything, and it's totally not foreshadowing anything. Dark Link just can't swim. He won't drown. I swear.


The party to celebrate the future execution of Link was... Wild, to say the least. Villains were drinking like there was no tomorrow, screaming and dancing at the top of their lungs. Everyone was really happy that their worst enemy, the green hero that foiled their plans so much, was finally going to die the next day.

Even Vaati and Ghirahim were getting along, and that's saying something!

"Wooooooo!" Ghirahim cheered, arm over the shorter man's shoulder, "I wonder why we even hated each other!"

"We don't even know each other in canon! The author is just making us enemies for some future plot thing or something," Vaati slurred.

"I'm sure we'd be the best of buddies if we met in canon!" Ghirahim laughed.

"... Actually, we probably wouldn't," Vaati muttered, left ignored by the insanely drunk Ghirahim.

Dark Link couldn't help but smirk as he watched the scene, holding his cup of Evil Beerâ„¢. He, too, was incredibly pleased at this event, glad that his stupid clone in green would die. Nothing could ruin this moment! At least, that's what Dark Link thought.

"DIEEEEE LINK!" Dark Link found himself tackled by a crazy looking person dressed head-to-toe in clothes from Hot Topic. No one bothered to stop this, all too intoxicated to care.

Dark Link wrestled off this crazy person to see a male who looked a bit similar to him, it was another Link! He never knew there was another Dark Link - did Ganondorf create him without telling the first Dark Link?

He gestured at this angry shadow.

"Wah..!? Ya forgot meeee already!? I'm Shadow Link! Ya killed my boyfriend!" This strange 'Shadow Link' continued his vain attempts at attacking Dark Link.

"..." Dark Link gestured some more.

"Whadoya mean ya not recognise me!? We meet, like, two weeks ago! YA KILLED MA BOYFRIEND!" Shadow Link screamed maniacally. All the other villains were now gazing at the boys in interest, the two clearly having made a scene.

Dark Link gave a sigh, before pulling Shadow Link away, entering a private room so he could get answers. He looked down at the other, gesturing.

"Eh!? Ya Link's dark side!? BULLSHIT! I know Link when I see him! Ya Link!" The shadow exclaimed.

Dark Link rolled his eyes.

"Ya red eyes are contacts, obviously!"

Dark Link sighed.

"Ya grey skin is paint!"

Dark Link raised an eyebrow.

"Ya white hair is dyed!"

Dark Link facepalmed.

"Waaaaaait! Ya not Link!" Shadow Link gasped, "YA TRIED TO TRICK ME!"

"..." Dark Link deadpanned. Was this person really that... Stupid?

"Wait, ya hate Link too?! YAY!" Doing a complete 360, Shadow changed from furious to ecstatic, jumping on to Dark Link, hugging him tightly.

"..." Dark Link sighed.

Letting go of the hug, Shadow gleefully squealed, "We should, like, totally team up or something and kill Link!"

Dark Link had to explain that Link was getting executed the next day, so there was no point.

"BULLSHIT! LINK AIN'T DYIN' YET!" Shadow Link exclaimed. Dark Link sighed for the hundredth time - this was going to be a loooong night.

The next day, however, Dark Link's hopes and dreams were all crushed when his Master proclaimed his love for the hero, died and then the hero escaped. Soon, the evil palace of complete evilness was completely empty, except for Dark Link and his new, self-proclaimed roommate... *sigh*... Shadow Link.

Instead of planning to kill Link together, like Dark Link hoped, Shadow Link just blabbered about his problems, listened to this song which went "WAKE ME UP INSIDE" and angsted.

Well, at least Dark Link discovered the annoying brat's motives - explained exactly like this:

"SO! Like, one day I was adventurin' with Link, who was split in four and I was dating his purple version, Vio! So, like, we then find this other Link dude - ya Link - and, like the lovely peoples we were, we gave 'em a place ta stay! And, like, how he repays us, ya ask? TRIES TO SEDUCE MY BAE! If it, like, weren't for the amazin' me, my boyfriend would have, like, almost fallen for it! BUT THEN LINK KILLED MY BOYFRIEND IN COLD BLOOD! Like, dude! Just cuz you, like, weren't able to sleep with my supah sexy boyfriend doesn't mean you 'ave ta kill 'em!"

Shadow Link explained that, in those exact words, every hour. It got on Dark Link's nerves - if he could talk, he would have yelled at the insufferable shadow already. Unfortunately, he couldn't talk, so he had to bare with it.

It had been a week since the tragic death of Dark Link's Master, Ganondorf, and the two still hadn't got to planning how they would take down Link for good. Apparently, Shadow Link had a very busy schedule - he wakes up at ten in the morning, before spending three hours angsting, then at one he spends an hour eating lunch, at two he begins another three hours of angsting, then five comes and he ALWAYS throws a party (only he and Dark Link attend though), the party ends at ten, then Shadow spends the night thinking about his dead boyfriend.

It was really annoying.

Dark Link stood outside of Shadow Link's chambers, impatient. Today he was going to confront Shadow on his annoying behaviour, tell him he needs to start helping him plot to kill Link or he will be kicked out. He wasn't even helping Dark Link pay rent for the palace, and the rent was expensive to pay on your own!

"WAKE ME UP! WAKE ME UP INSIDE!" Shadow sung at the top of his lungs from inside his chambers, his voice echoing through the whole palace, "WAKE ME UP! WAKE ME UP INSIDE! SAAAVE ME! SAVE ME FROM THE NOTHING I'VE BECOME!"

Dark Link loudly slammed his fist against the door.

Shadow Link ignored him and continued singing, "WAKE ME UP INSIDE!"

"..!" Dark Link was punching the door by this point, trying his hardest to gain the idiot's attention.

Finally, after what felt like and probably was hours, Shadow replied, opening the door with an angry expression, "WHAT!? I'M BUSY ANGSTING HERE!"

Dark Link angrily gestured.

"Of course we're gonna kill Link! Like, I'm totally planning his death as I angst!" Shadow lied.

Dark Link raised an eyebrow.

"So!? My boyfriend is, like, DEAD. I can angst as much as I want!" Shadow yelled, before slamming the door on Dark Link's face, "YA CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TA DO! YA AIN'T MA MOTHER!"

Dark Link facepalmed, before storming off. He seriously should kick that pest out. Instead of doing that, however, he left the palace, storming through Castle Town in the middle of the night, storming to Telma's bar. He really needed a drink at this point. He would drown his sorrows, something that was easy considering Dark Link couldn't swim. He would drown in the alcohol he'd consume, flapping and flailing as he drifted into intoxication. A comparison that totally doesn't foreSHADOW anything and has no relevance to this story.

The evil version of the hero grumpily sat at one of the stools of the bar, looking really grumpy.

"What do you want?" Telma, the lady in charge of the bar, questioned.

Dark Link gestured and she passed him a glass of Evil Beerâ„¢ , him paying her a few rupees. The male began to drink the alcoholic beverage, trying to forget about the torturous week he just had. He could really stand to do something stupid right now.

Someone sat down next to Dark Link. It was Link!

Dark Link gasped, turning to glare at him, and Link glared back. Both reached for their Master Swords (the real ones), preparing to fight to the death.

"Boys!" Telma snapped, glaring at them and pointing at a sign next to her, "No killing in the bar!"

Dark Link and Link glared at her, asking for a better solution.

"Well, how 'bout you two have a drinking competition!" Telma suggested, realising that she could make money out of the two, "The one to win is the best one!"

People in the bar cheered at the idea, and Link and Dark Link exchanged glances. They eventually both nodded and they prepared for this competition that would decide their fate. Telma gave each Link a large tray of shot glasses and the two began their battle, glugging down as much alcohol they could.

Dark Link glared at Link, who was in the lead, and increased his pace, gulping down the shots at twice the speed. They soon both finished at the exact same time, drunkily glaring at one another.

"It's a draw!" Telma cheered and the whole bar laughed.

Link looked at Telma and gestured.

"You want a re-round? Alright!" She grinned as Link paid her some more, passing the boys some more shot glasses. Five rounds of drawing later, the boys gave up on this competition. At this point, they were really drunk, dancing around the pub and slurring on their gestures.

They even forgot they hated each other, instead laughing with one another, telling each other about how their lives were.

Dark Link drunkily gestured to Link.

Link gestured back.

They burst into laughter.

Dark Link then pointed at his own shadow then at the purple curtains.

Link gasped, and told him his side of the tale! He pointed at the purple curtains, then at the chains which for some reason hung at the walls.

Dark Link gasped.

He then pointed at red curtains, and at some cookies, then at some blood. Dark Link gasped even more.

Link pointed at green curtains, then at a picture on the wall of someone getting married. Dark Link almost fainted.

Then the hero pointed at blue curtains and gave a dreamy sigh, clutching his heart. That sigh was soon replaced by an angered expression and the mimic of stabbing someone.

Dark Link couldn't believe what he just heard: the truth of what happened with Shadow Link!

The boys drunk some more, and soon Dark Link and Link completely blacked out, unable to remember the later events of that night.

The next morning, Dark Link awoke in his chambers, harbouring an epic hangover. His head was in agony. He slowly opened his ruby coloured orbs, uncomfortably lying in his bed. Slowly, he sat up, only to realise something absolutely and completely utterly majorly horrible. He was in bed with Link, both naked.

It didn't take a genius to figure out what happened.

Not long after Dark Link awoke, Link woke up and, seeing Dark Link, almost screamed. They both nudged away from each other, using the sheets to cover their bodies. Both were clearly horrified, realising that the night prior, their swords came into contact with each other.

That was when the door opened, flying off its hinges.

"Hey! Dark Link! I've come up with an epic idea of how ta kill-" Shadow froze the moment he saw Link and Dark Link in bed together, "... This is exactly what it looks like, ain't it?"

"..." both Link and Dark Link stayed silent, shame radiating from the both of them.

"... Ya guys are clones!" Shadow shrieked in disgust, "Y-Ya sleepin' together... Tha... That shit's just NASTY!"

Link and Dark Link both raised their eyebrows at Shadow.

"Hey!" Shadow gasped in offence, "What Vi and I had was different! We had connection, love, loyalty and really, REALLY amazin' sex!"

"..." Link rolled his eyes.

"No! Ya and Dark Link together is completely different! It's gross and wrong! Ya guys look IDENTICAL! IT'S NASTY!" Shadow screamed, waving his arms in the air, eyes wide in complete and utter disgust.

Dark Link then gestured.

"Then explain a legit reason why Vi and I ain't nasty?" Shadow repeated, disgusted, "I already said so! Also! The author ships us, so HA!"

Dark Link sighed before facepalming.

"What's ma plan to kill Link, ya ask?" Shadow asked smugly, almost as if Link wasn't there, sitting awkwardly in the bed, "WELL! We shall put a slice of cake outside his house and once he's lured out by the cake, we pounce! Stab 'em to death! He'll never see it coming! MWAHAHAHAHA!"

Link coughed to grab Shadow's attention.

"You heard nothin'," Shadow whispered ominously.

"..." Link gestured, repeating the shadow's plan.

"..." Shadow then screamed, "GODDESS DARN IT! I SPENT FIVE HOURS WORKIN' ON THAT! AGH!"

The purple haired male stormed out the room, crying lots and lots of tears. He was very sad because his plan was ruined. Now back to Dark Link and Link.

The males both exchanged glances, before bursting into laughter. Although an annoyance called 'Shadow' wasn't the best thing to talk to when hungover, he could be amusing at times. However, when they realised who they were laughing with, both males froze.

An awkward silence came upon them, and they both looked down. Dark Link awkwardly fiddled with the bed sheets, not really knowing what to gesture. The two were soon dressed, no longer basking in the afterglow. Dark Link showed Link to the exit of the castle, after asking if he wanted any eggs, the two standing outside, near the moat filled deeply with deep water. Almost as deeply as Dark Link's sword was in Link the night prior.

They stood still for what felt like forever, the same thought in their head. Surely, they could never see each other in the same light, perceptions forever changed by the hard, rough, passionate night they had just had. A hard, rough, passionate night that made them realise something they never had realised before.

Link didn't leave. Instead deep blue eyes that anyone, especially Dark Link (who couldn't swim), could drown in, meet with blood red, crimson, scarlet eyes.

"..." asked Link.

"..." bellowed Dark Link.

"..." admitted Link.

"..." sighed Dark Link.

"..." muttered Link.

"..." inquired Dark Link.

"..." affirmed Link.

"..." whispered Dark Link.

"..." confessed Link.

"..." agreed Dark Link.

And so, the love of Link and Dark Link was sealed.

Suddenly, as their lips graced each other, a terrible thing occurred. Jumping terrifyingly out the window, Shadow Link landed on the ground, surrounded by black magic.

"MWAHAHAHA! I 'AVE FIGURED OUT HOW WE GONNA KILL LINK!" Shadow Link exclaimed maniacally, "WE'LL KILL 'EM WITH, GET THIS, FIIIIYAAAAAH!"

The shadow used his magical powers to magically create a magical ball of fire. He blasted it in Link's direction. Unable to fathom the love of his life dying, Dark Link leapt in front of Link, the ball of fire surrounding him. He was burning alive - he needed to think quick!

Looking at the water filled moat, Dark Link went to action, running and leaping into the water. Almost instantly, the flames went out, and Dark Link was safe.

That was when he realised it, a terrible thought creeping up on him.

Dark Link fucked up.

He couldn't swim.

The clone of the hero gasped for air, trying his very hardest to survive, flailing his arms panically in the air, choking. Link watched his new lover in complete horror, while Shadow quickly decided to run away, pretending he didn't just cause the likely death of his new ally.

That was when a miracle happened, something amazing, something beautiful. Because Dark Link was just as beautiful as Link, all the fish fell in love with him, so they used all their force to bring the dark clone to the surface and he gasped for air. The male stumbled on to the other side of the moat, where he looked at Link, standing at the opposite side, cheering in glee. For once, his lover survived. For once, he could live the rest of his days with the one he loved.

A shark watched as the loved of its life floated a shore, a horrified expression on its face. It had only seen them once, but it knew it was true love. Knowing this was its last chance at love, the shark leapt ashore, grabbing the one it loved and eating them whole, meaning that forever they would stay with the shark.

Link's jaw dropped, seeing his latest lover get eaten. He then shrugged - there were many other... FISH IN THE SEA (geddit? Geddit?)!


Told you he wouldn't drown.