WARNINGS: This chapter contains panic attacks, self harm, and mentions of rape/non-con.


"Albus, hurry up! Rose and Olivia want to meet up with us before the party starts!"

"I'll be out in a second!"

Albus bit his lip hard and stared at his wrist. He had cut early today in preparation for the blasted party. The cuts were bleeding, blood dripping down his arm and onto the floor. There were only two new ones but he had gone a bit deeper than before. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the pain, tried to distract himself from the fact that he was most definitely going to see Ava at the party, with James.

Someone was banging on the door again, causing his eyes to fly open, "Come on! I've got to use the loo, Potter."

That was Richard.

Albus sighed. He waved his wand cleaning the new wounds on his wrist, and then wrapped a bandage around it. Then, moving quickly, he put on his clothes, making sure that his sleeves covered the bandages, and exited the bathroom.

"There you are!" Scorpius exclaimed. He was sitting on his bed, dressed in his best dress robes with his hair styled perfectly, whereas Albus couldn't find it in him to look good for the party and instead had grabbed some blue jeans and a dark green hoodie that would cover his arms easily. His hair, as always, was a complete mess. Despite this, Scorpius only beamed at him, "Ready to go?"

Albus nodded, even though he really wasn't, "Yeah, let's go. Where are we meeting Rose and Olivia?"

"They said that they would be outside the Great Hall," Scorpius answered as he stood up from the bed, beckoning Albus to follow him, which Albus did. They set off out of their room, "They wanted to grab something to eat before the party. Rose said she didn't trust whatever food was provided."

"That's probably a smart idea," Albus said. Had he been feeling up to it, he would have done the same, but he didn't have an appetite. He doubted that he would eat anything at the party either.

Scorpius snorted lightly and grinned at Albus, "But that's what makes it fun."

"When did you become a Gryffindor?" Albus joked, throwing his boyfriend a smirk and a raised eyebrow, "If James, Freddie, or Roxanne had anything to do with the food, you know it will probably make your hair turn green or bubbles to come out of your ears."

That just made Scorpius laugh and he began walking faster. Then, suddenly, he grinned widely, shouting, "Race you!" before breaking out into a run down the hall.

Albus guffawed at his boyfriend, but he couldn't help the grin that exploded across his face as he chased after Scorpius. Hunger and lack of sleep made him much slower than usual, but he just laughed.

Ava was far from his mind.


Scorpius was laughing, leaning up against the wall and holding his stomach, when Albus came to a stop by him and the girls, panting for air, "Wow, I am so out of shape."

Rose and Olivia looked amused. Both were dressed in casual muggle attire, though looked much more well-dressed than Albus. Rose was dressed in a simple, purple dress, her red hair flowing down her shoulders. Olivia was dressed in ripped black jeans and a white crop top with her brown hair pulled back into a tight ponytail.

"I'm glad to see you two so chipper," Rose said as Albus approached. She pushed her hair back behind her ear and glanced over at her girlfriend with a grin, "You boys ready to go?"

Albus nodded as he caught his breath, leaning on the wall and clutching his stomach, much in the same way as Scorpius, but more because of how dizzy he has gotten than Scorpius' laughter, "Yeah. Yeah, just give me a minute."

It took him a moment to come back to normal, and by then Rose, Olivia, and Scorpius have begun walking. Albus quickly caught up with them, falling into stride beside his boyfriend.

A sixth year Gryffindor that Albus doesn't recognize was standing outside of the Gryffindor Common Room when they arrived. He didn't speak to them as they arrived and instead, only scowled at Albus and Scorpius and then turned to the Fat Lady, muttering the password, quiet enough that none of them could hear it.

Albus felt a little bit of annoyance at that. He knew it was because the boy didn't want other houses, particularly the Snakes, infiltrating the Lion's Den. Still, he ignored it. He had a lot of experience dealing with people who didn't like Slytherins.

They entered the Common Room and Albus was, for a moment, stunned. The party was definitely a big one. He was pretty sure the majority of the castle was there, crammed into the Common Room. Music was blaring and students were dancing, several of them holding cups of what could only be firewhiskey. A group of Gryffindors had taken occupancy on the couches that surrounded the fireplace and were playing a rather loud game of exploding snap. Another group of a mixture of Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors, with one or two Ravenclaws sprinkled in, were in a circle, playing some sort of game that resulted in lots of screaming. A few Slytherins had even joined some Ravenclaws in a game of Gobstones.

"Albus! Rose!"

Dominque was walking towards them, a drunken grin on her face. Her blonde hair was pulled back in French braids and she was dressed in shorts and a black tank top. She was bare foot and more than a little tipsy.

Albus had not seen his cousin since it happened, but he couldn't help but feel a bit of nervousness around her. She was Ava's best friend and had been partly responsible for everything that had happened, though Albus was sure it was unintentional. She had told Ava to make James jealous, and she had gotten James and Ava back together.

"Hey, Dom," Rose greeted the girl as she approached. She looked amused, "How much have you had to drink?"

Dominique just grinned and put an arm around Rose's shoulders, "Ah, don't worry about me, Rosie. Just don't tell Vic, alright? She'll freak out."

Rose rolled her eyes at Dominique and then said, "Alright, we need to get you some water. Olivia, honey, come help?"

Albus watched, with a slight frown, as Rose and Olivia pulled Dominique towards a table that had been set up, filled with several different types of drinks, including soda, water, and firewhiskey. Honestly, it was a wonder that they had managed to set the whole thing up without any of the professors finding out about it.

He felt Scorpius grab his hand and it was so sudden that he flinched away, pulling his hand back quickly before he could think about it. Scorpius frowned heavily at that, a hurt look crossing his face and sending guilt through Albus, and he opened his mouth to say something, before thinking better of it.

Instead, he said, "Let's go get some firewhiskey."

He was walking towards the table before Albus could react. He blinked in surprise, eyebrows furrowing in concern as he chased after Scorpius, "What? Albus, we can't drink!"

"Why not?" Scorpius was already at the table, grabbing a cup and filling it with firewhiskey. He turned to Albus with a smile, "Everyone else is," he tipped the cup back and downed the drink, before coughing hard at the unexpected taste. He spoke in a strained voice, "That was strong."

"Yeah, because it's firewhiskey," Albus hissed, attempting to grab the cup out of Scorpius' hand, "You're a prefect! Do you know how much trouble you could get into?"

Scorpius shrugged and pulled the cup just out of Albus' reach. Then, he tipped it back, drinking some more. He coughed again, but not as much as before, and turned back to the table to fill the cup back up, "Relax, Albie. Just loosen up a bit. We're here to have fun, aren't we?"

The name made him flinch and he discreetly pressed down hard on his wrist to avoid the memories that bubbled to the surface. He stared warily at his boyfriend, and then at the firewhiskey.

Then someone bumped into him. He stumbled forward slightly, breath caught in his throat, and looked up into Scorpius' grey eyes. The boy took another sip and grinned, "See? I'm drinking and nothing is happening. It's fine, Albie."

He pressed harder.

Then, he nodded.

"Okay," he whispered, voice barely audible. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and then stepped forward, grabbing a cup of his own and filling it up. The smell assaulted his senses. It was strong stuff, nothing like anything Albus had ever had before. He coughed before even taking a sip, looking up warily at Scorpius, who topped up his cup and began to walk towards where Richard was playing Gobstones.

He took another deep breath to prepare himself and then took a small sip of the drink.

He set the cup back down on the table, coughing harshly. Firewhiskey was definitely the right name for it. It burned as it went down his throat, leaving him feeling very warm.

Warm.

He closed his eyes hard as memories assaulted him again, remembering the bloody potion that Ava had forced down his throat.

"Albus?"

He jumped violently at the voice. It was Lily. Of course it was Lily. He turned to her quickly, noticing her concerned gaze. She, unlike most people around, had simply stayed in her robes for the party, "Hey."

"You okay?" she asked slowly and Albus cursed inwardly. Why is it that he could hide everything from everyone but his little sister?

He nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just wasn't expecting the firewhiskey to be so strong. Don't think I'm going to finish this cup."

She quirked an eyebrow at him, "Good. Don't be like James," she jerked her thumb back and Albus followed it, heart sinking as he spotted James and Ava. Both were very obviously drunk, heavily making out on one of the couches, giggling loudly.

He felt sick and forced himself to look away, "I won't," he said, leaving his cup on the table, "I'm going to find Scorpius."

With that, he left, needing to get away from her before she found out anything.

He quickly moved away from her, making his way towards Scorpius, Richard, and the rest of the group that was playing Gobstones. Scorpius had jumped into the game and Albus could tell that the firewhiskey was already taking an effect on the boy as he beamed cheerfully at Albus, gesturing for him to come join, which he did, hesitant and wary.

"I haven't played Gobstones in forever," he said, trying to seem casual, "So I can't promise that I'll be any good."

He tried to loosen up, but it was difficult to do so with so many people shouting and screaming, and the blaring music pounding into his ears.


They played several rounds. Albus found himself slightly grateful for the small little group, which were much calmer than the rest of those at the party, even though Scorpius had gotten to the point where he was giddy and babbling, leaning on Albus, who was stiff as a board from the touch, but able to keep himself fairly calm.

Then Scorpius won a round, and he cheered loudly, turning and kissing Albus in celebration.

He panicked, caught off guard. His hands came up to Scorpius' chest, pushing him off and gasping, "No!"

The Gobstones group fell silent at this. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lily turn towards them, looking like she was about to intervene. Scorpius was staring at Albus with a crushed expression.

"Do you not like me anymore?" Scorpius asked after a moment of silence, "Is that it?"

"No," Albus said desperately. He stood up, feeling very small, feeling as if everyone was staring at him. His heart was pounding in his chest and his lungs seemed to be growing smaller, "No, Scorpius, I do-"

"Then what's going on?" Scorpius interrupted him, voice slurring slightly. Albus was dismayed to see tears in the blonde's eyes.

He wanted to answer. He really did. He just couldn't breathe now.

Lily was suddenly by his side, "Sorry, Scorpius. I need to steal Albus for the moment."

She put one hand on his back briefly, to let him know to follow her, but didn't touch him again. He followed her, actually relieved to have Lily knowing about his panic attacks at the moment.

He followed his sister out of the Gryffindor Common Room and to a nearby empty part of the hall.

"Albus, breathe," Lily said softly as he leaned against the wall, clutching his chest again, watching to punch himself for letting them happen again, "Everything's okay. You're in the hallway with me. No one else is here."

He listened to her carefully as she talked him through it, and found himself able to calm down a bit quicker than the other day, though it still felt like forever.

"Breathe in. Breathe out. There, just like that. Breathe in. Breathe out."

Distantly, he realized that he was crying, but he ignored it in favor of trying to calm himself down, trying to breathe.

Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think about it.

The room spun and blinked in and out of existence, but he refused to let it win. He took several slow breaths and then focused on Lily. She was here. They weren't in Ava's room. He was safe. He was fine.

Finally, he had calmed down enough to speak, "Thanks."

"No problem, Al," Lily said with a soft smile that fell quickly, "Um, Al, did Scorpius do anything to you?"

There was silence for a moment. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion before he realized what she was saying. He shook his head quickly, horrified, feeling a bit sick, "No, no, Scorpius would never do that to me. He wouldn't do anything to hurt me. He just startled me. That's all."

"Albus…" Lily trailed off before sighing, "Look, if you ever need to talk, I'm here, okay?"

Albus nodded and pushed himself into a standing position, licking his lips lightly, "I know. Thanks, Lils."

She gave a short nod at his words, muttered, "You're welcome," and then stilled, glancing down the hallway, "Is that-"

"James, stop!" Rose's voice could be heard down the hall. Albus stood up straighter, looking down the hall. He could see James running towards them. He was crying and looked angry. Rose was following him, frantic, "James!"

"What the-" Albus barely got anything out before James barreled into him.

All the air left his chest as he was slammed roughly into the wall by James. He hissed in surprise, pain blossoming across his back, stunned for a moment, before he pushed James off of him, "What's your problem, James?"

"You slept with her!"

Everything froze. He stared at James, mouthing falling open in horror, "What?"

"You slept with her! You slept with Ava!" James shouted. He pushed him again, "You fucking slept with her!"

"James-"

A fist flew and caught Albus in the face. Pain blossomed on his nose and he brought his hand to his face, feeling blood.

"James, stop!" Rose had made it to them. She grabbed James, pulling him away from Albus, "This doesn't solve anything!"

James broke down, a sob leaving his lips. He wrenched himself out of Rose's arms and glared tearfully at Albus, who could only stare in absolute horror, hand held to his nose. Nothing made any sense. He couldn't think.

"Fuck you, Albus," James hissed, "You're my brother. What were you thinking? And Scorpius!"

"Scorpius," Albus gasped out, finally finding his words, "Does he-"

Rose nodded, looking conflicted, "He knows. Ava said it in front of everyone."

No. No.

He looked up. Lily was staring at Albus with wide eyes. He could see that she had figured something out, but he couldn't find it in himself to worry about that right now.

"Where is he?" he asked, panicked, "Where's Scorpius?"

"He ran off," Rose answered quietly, "I don't know where he went."

Albus didn't bother asking anything else. Instead, he took off at a run, ignoring his bloody nose, desperate to find Scorpius. He had to let him know that he hadn't cheated on him on purpose, that he never would have done it willingly. He needed to be sure that Scorpius didn't hate him.

He knew where he would be. There was only one place that Scorpius went to when he was upset and wanted to be alone.

He made it to the Observatory in record time. Scorpius was there, as he expected. He was sitting, leaning against the wall and staring out at the skyline. He looked up when Albus entered and stiffened, standing suddenly and staring at the ground. Albus could see tear streaks on his face.

"Scorpius. I-"

"Did you cheat on me?" Scorpius asked, voice fragile. He choked on a breath, "Did you sleep with her?"

Albus was quiet for a moment. A tear of his own slipped down his cheek, "Scorpius, no, I-"

"You didn't sleep with her?" Scorpius looked up, eyes hard and angry. He hesitated lightly at the sight of Albus' bloody face but his eyes hardened.

He wilted, pulling away from Scorpius slightly. Then, voice thick with tears and pain, he whispered, "I did, but-"

Scorpius didn't let him continue. He was upset and angry and drunk. Albus didn't blame him, but it hurt. It hurt badly.

"That's why you don't want to kiss me anymore, isn't it? You don't like me. You like Ava," he spat out her name in disgust. Fresh tears had begun slipping down his cheek now and he gasped, a sob leaving his lips, "I loved you, Albus. I thought you loved me too."

The past tense felt like a stab in the chest. Scorpius was blurry now, Albus' vision blurred with tears. He shook his head furiously, "Scorpius, no. I love you. I do. I love you so much. You don't understand."

He took a step forward, needing Scorpius to understand, but his boyfriend stepped backwards.

"No. No, you don't get to say that," Scorpius hissed out angrily. He took a deep breath, calming himself down, and then looked him straight in the eye. It was like Albus was looking into a storm, "We're over, Albus Potter."

With that, he spun around and left Albus standing there, in the middle of the observatory, alone. Albus watched him leave, wanting to call him back, to beg him to understand that it wasn't his fault, but he couldn't. He couldn't say anything. His entire world had just fallen apart around him.

He collapsed onto his knees and buried his face in his hand, weeping silently.