Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Contains major spoilers.
Also contains some Ichigo/Orihime, but only if you squint. You'll understand once you read the one-shot. Just to let you know before hand, Ichigo and Orihime are not together in this one-shot, that's only Rukia's thinking.
It takes place during episode 161-163...I think. It's somewhere around there though.
I'm actually super proud of this one. I think I did a really good job. But, you tell me how I did.
It's a cold thing you never know all the ways I tried And you never were, and you never will be mine
It's a hard thing faking a smile when I feel like I'm falling apart inside
And now you're gone it's like an echo in my head
And I remember every word you said
No, you never were, and you never will be mine
--Be Mine by Robyn
Hachi
Forgotten
Pain.
I can feel it swirling around in my body.
I open my eyes slowly, even though my eye lids feel heavy. I can feel my light grip on the hilt of my Zanpakutou. I cough loudly and the blood rushes out of my lungs and onto the wet ground under me. A fresh wave of pain consumes my body and I try to scream, but it comes out more like a muffled cry. I attempt to get up, and after a while of struggling, I manage to sit up on my shins. I pull my Zanpakutou slowly to my side and try to sheath it, but my arms feel weighed down and my Zanpakutou barely moves off of the ground. I give up after a while and let the blade fall to the floor.
I look around the dark room and see what mess I made. Walls are broken and there is liquid all over the floor. Ice and snow covers the ground as well as the walls and the platforms. There are dents in the room and pieces of concrete tumble off of crumpled edges. The patches of sunlight come though the holes in the wall and fall onto a section of the dim room.
I feel the blood pouring out of my wounds and I realize that if I don't treat my wounds now, I'll die. I swore I would come back alive. I'll try and keep that promise.
I grip my shinigami outfit and rip both sleeves off. I make multiple, thin strips of fabric out of them and I tie them around each wound I have. I realize, when I'm done, that I don't have enough to cover the massive wound around my waist. I grip that with my bare arm. The blood from my waist stains my arm and I watch as some droplets of blood run down my arm and onto my clothes.
I grab my Zanpakutou and use it as I cane as I slowly stand up. When I do, pain racks my whole body and I have to double over to try and control the fire within me. No use. The pain consumes me and I feebly fall back down onto the ground like an old, dirty, and smelly rag doll thrown away in the trash can. I try to yell in frustration, but I end up coughing up more blood than before. I can feel myself begin to wither away.
My mind begins to wander to Ichigo. It always does, as if on instinct. I close my eyes and I try to find his reiatsu. After a moment I do find it, but it flares...he's fighting...he's fighting hard. I smile to myself. He's always trying to be the hero. Always trying to save everyone. It's just like him to go all out and fight every enemy without holding anything back.
All of a sudden I feel Ichigo's reiatsu waver and then it slowly starts to shrink. My eyes snap open and widen. It's going down with every second and I can feel my heart pounding erratically in my chest. Finally his reiatsu steadies out, but it's still too low. He might...might...
"HE SWORE!" I yell out to the heavens, "HE SWORE HE WOULDN'T DIE! ICHIGO!" My loud screams die down after a moment and I let out small choked sobs instead. Please, if there is a God anywhere. An angel. Anyone. Please don't make him leave me. I...I can't live without him. Please. I make a silent plea and hope it doesn't go unheard.
I can feel my blood making a shallow pool around me. I laugh a little. Dying in my own blood. It's morbid, but in my current state it strikes me as funny. I know my mental state is crumbling every second. I wonder how long I can last before I go completely insane.
I close my eyes and let my mind wander far, far away from reality. I picture Ichigo storming in here and finding me laying on the floor. He'll yell my name and run over. He would pick me up and place my head in his lap and I would see tears streaming down his face and fall onto my tattered clothes. He'll yell at me for being so careless and stupid. Then he'd hold me tightly against his chest and say,
'I was so close to loosing you again, midget. Don't ever to that again Rukia.' I would smile and reply,
'I won't, but next time, don't let yourself get so beat up, carrot top.'
Then...oh, and then he would lower his head until our lips were almost touching. I would be able to feel his warm breath on my cold face. He would lower his lips until they touched mine and then everything would explode into fireworks. We would be so lost in ourselves that we wouldn't notice the others standing there watching in shock. Then he'd pull back and give me a smirk. He'd pick me up and cradle me in his arms as though I was a fragile baby. He would whisper-
Wait, what am I thinking? None of that would ever happen. There many reasons why that silly little dream will never come true.
I'm dying on the floor.
Ichigo is dying somewhere else.
And most important of all, Ichigo doesn't love me. He loves Inoue.
And Inoue loves him too.
I may be naive, but I'm far from stupid. I know that look that Inoue gives Ichigo. It's the same look I give him everyday. The look that's full of love, care, softness, and warmth. The look that makes him feel important, like he can save the world with one hand tied behind his back. The look that makes him smile even though he's upset. Of course I would I know that look.
But the look that Ichigo gives back to Inoue is one I quite haven't figured out, and I probably never will.
I can feel the tears fall down on my cheeks. The cold hard truth hits me like a bullet and I finally realize, I never had a chance. Inoue has so much that I don't. She can protect herself and others without getting hurt. She can help Ichigo when he can't help himself. I've only caused him pain. No wonder he doesn't love me. Inoue is prettier, stronger, nicer, and taller. She has so much more than I could ever hope to have. She has Ichigo in the palm of her hand, while I struggle to even graze his arm.
Even if Ichigo did find out I was here, dying on the floor, he would go after Inoue first. He wouldn't even care that I'm here. He cares about her much more than he cares about me. I think I may be getting jealous and that's not what I want. I should be happy for both of them. It's okay if Ichigo never comes for me. It's okay if I die here. Just knowing that he'll be okay and happy will be enough for me.
A new wave of pain crashes down on me and I yelp. I grit my teeth, but it's futile. I begin to shake violently. Like I'm having spasms all over my body. Even though I'm in terrible pain, it'll never match the pain that I've carried around in my heart for centuries. No matter how many blades pierce my skin, they'll never match up to how many times I've been stabbed in the heart. Nope, it's no competition.
I can't hold on much longer and maybe I don't want to. Maybe I want to die right now.
Ichigo's reiatsu slowly goes back up and I let out a relived sigh. He's okay. He'll be alright. I can die in peace now. I don't know why I had any doubts. Ichigo is strong. He can withstand anything.
I lay there, face up in the wet concrete and I hope Ichigo is okay. I pray that he will come and save me this time. I'll admit that I need to be saved. I know that he won't come though. He doesn't care for the dying midget laying on the floor surrounded by her own blood. Why would he? I'm no one important to him. Plus, he has to save Inoue. After all, she's the only one he truly cares about. I'm nothing compared to her.
Maybe after I'm gone, my name will come into his thoughts. I heard one girl at school say that 'you never know what you have until you loose it'. Is that really true? Maybe he'll feel bad that he didn't come for me. I hope he doesn't. It's not his fault. It's mine. I wasn't strong enough to protect myself. Ichigo had nothing to do with this. I chose to come here and save Inoue because I knew she meant a lot to Ichigo. I'm proud of myself that I tried even though I didn't secede.
I'm a failure, a murderer. I deserve to die. I regret that I couldn't have died earlier, before I met Ichigo. Because now, I'm bound to him. He's what makes my life worth living. I regret not being able to say good-bye to Ichigo. Not being able to tell him how much I love him. But, I don't want to die full of regrets. I want to die knowing that I've done at least one good thing in my life.
So I lay there, drowning in my own blood, praying for a vain cause, that maybe Ichigo will care. That maybe he will come. That maybe I won't have to die alone.
I cling onto my life, even though I know it's useless. I take in my last breath and let my eye lids fall slowly over my eyes.
I love you...
This author's note contains spoilers!
I watched episode 160-165 over the weekend, and I must say I'm mad. I'm a hard-core IchiRuki fan, so that must be why I'm angry.
Ulquorria tells Ichigo that Rukia's dead and as soon as he mentions Inoue's name, Ichigo forgets all about Rukia. I wanted to shake him and say. "Hey! Rukia's dead the floor. Inoue is okay and alive. Go after Rukia!" But sadly, he never did.
So I just had to write this one-shot, but it's written mostly for myself and I apologize if I'm being too hard on Ichigo or Orihime.
I don't know whether Rukia dies or not. Please tell me if you know and if you know if anyone really does go after her, please tell me that also. Thanks!
I hope you liked it and please review!
