I apologise for how long it's taken to get this written. I've just started my first job and I've been working practically all week, so I haven't had much time (which will be a usual thing from now on I think) and I'm absolutely exhausted.
Also, just wanted to quickly mention - I've said I won't write smut, but I maybe might potentially possibly change my mind for this fic... I don't know yet. We'll just have to wait and see.
Hope you enjoy this chapter!
"So where were you all last night?" Sebastian demanded the moment Jeff walked in the door "Why didn't you text me until this morning?"
Jeff sighed, kicking off his boots and changing quickly into cut-off jeans and an old t-shirt. Then he sat on the edge of his bed, facing away from his friend. He'd known he'd have to deal with this when he got back, but he certainly didn't want to. He didn't want Sebastian to be mad at him again and there was no doubt he'd be pissed off when he found out he'd spent the night at Nick's. Again.
"Some guy hired me for the night." Technically that was true.
"You could have texted me," Sebastian sighed "It's nine in the morning. I was getting worried."
Jeff glanced over his shoulder at his friend, smiling slightly. He knew Sebastian cared and he'd proved it over and over – especially recently – but it was always nice to see it. But then he had to keep asking questions, didn't he? He could have left it at that but no, Sebastian had to know more.
"So how much did you get then? Have we got enough for next week's rent?"
Jeff bit his lip, hesitating before answering with a wince, "I'm going to get a couple hundred."
"Going to?" Sebastian moved to stand in front of his friend so he couldn't avoid looking at him "What do you mean, going to?"
"He's paying me tomorrow."
The brunette just stared at him like he was insane – which was a definite possibility. "Are you sure they should have let you out of the hospital? What the hell are you talking about?"
"I trust him enough to pay it, okay?" Jeff snapped, standing up "Now just shut up about it."
"Who the fuck do you trust enough to…" The elder's face fell as realisation hit him and Jeff turned away to head to the bathroom, get some time alone without his friend shouting at him. But he didn't get very far before he was grabbed by the back of the shirt and slammed into the wall chest-first, head twisted to the side. He barely comprehended that situation before Sebastian flipped him over so his back was pressed to the wall. Jeff knew this was going to bruise – the last ones hadn't even healed properly yet.
"Nick? You were with Nick last night?" Sebastian yelled.
"It's none of your fucking business. So what if I was?" Jeff returned, kicking out. He wasn't going to take this crap from his friend. Not today.
"He hurt you! And me! And you still go and fuck him like it doesn't mean anything to you?"
"I didn't, if that changes anything!" Jeff shouted, pushing hard against the hands holding him in place. Finally he managed to get the brunette to let go a little and he slipped from the wall, legs shaking. Sebastian backed up a few paces, anger still flaring in his eyes. Quieter now, in a dark tone, Jeff finished what he'd been trying to say.
"I didn't fuck him. And he might have pissed me off, but where would we be if I left after every time you pissed me off? I keep giving you chances to be better and you throw it in my face every single time. Nick, on the other hand, seems to actually give a damn about what he did. He's fucking better than you."
That seemed to hit a nerve and Sebastian stumbled back like he'd been physically hit. The confusion and anger contorted his face and he couldn't get the words out to reply to that. Jeff took the opportunity while Sebastian was struggling to continue.
"And you know what? He said some bad things to me, but he's not the one who sent me to the hospital with an overdose that nearly killed me." The brunette didn't move, horror and guilt overcoming him and keeping him silent. To finish, Jeff spat, "Nick saved my life. Twice. All you do is keep hurting me."
He knelt by the bed and dragged his messenger bag out, making sure it had everything in it – everything he owned – before standing up. Sebastian still hadn't moved or even made a sound. He just stood there, staring blankly and looking like he'd been punched in the gut. Brushing back tears of anger and guilt, Jeff opened his mouth to say something but stopped. He'd said more than enough. So instead he walked to the door and only glanced back once as he shut it behind him.
The moment he hit the street, he stopped. He didn't know where to go. Would Trent let him stay for a few days? Perhaps. It was his only option. So he headed for the club, hoping the man would have a little pity and let him crash there. He didn't have anywhere else to stay except the street, and he hadn't had to sleep like that in years. He'd been so lucky.
When he reached the closed-up club he ducked around to the back and knocked on the door, shouting for Trent to come down and open it. When he didn't get a reply he looked up at the window, hoping to see his friend up there. Why wasn't he responding? The answer was suddenly very clear when he got a look at the window – or rather, who was pressed up against it.
He couldn't tell exactly who it was, but it was obvious that the mystery guy and Trent were quite busy. Whoever was backed up against the window was shirtless and, from the angle Jeff was looking from, making out with Trent – he could just see the familiar man's face. It seemed that Trent had either heard Jeff or saw him as a moment later the mystery man was shoved out of the way and the window opened.
"Not right now, Jeff," Trent called "You can see I'm a little busy."
And then the window was slammed shut and Jeff was left standing there with nowhere to go. He stared at the ground for a moment before he headed back out to the street almost on autopilot, his brain already trying to figure out his next move.
He couldn't go back to Sebastian right now. And Trent was too busy and Jeff needed someone now. Anyone. Anywhere. Just so he could collapse and forget everything he'd done today and how badly he'd fucked up again. He was always fucking up. Everything was his fault – from yelling at Sebastian to getting attacked to the damn reason he was even here – in this business – in the first place. All his fault.
A stray thought hit him and he wondered…
Nick was just walking out the door to head to his classes (what a joy) when he ran into the last person he could have expected. He blinked and stared at the blonde in front of him, who was tugging on the strap of his messenger bag awkwardly and seemingly trying to find the words to express what he wanted. Finally, after a moment's silence, Jeff managed to say, "I just… I… God, this is stupid, I'm sorry, I'll just go, I don't know what I'm doing here…"
He turned to leave and Nick grabbed his shoulder, looking him in the eye and asking, "What's up? Is something wrong?"
His question was answered by the shine of budding tears and the brunette bit his lip, not sure what to do. Here he was, just about to go to class, now dealing with a man about to break down on his doorstep. Hesitantly, he asked, "Do you want to come inside?"
"No, you're busy," Jeff replied shakily "That's okay, I shouldn't be here anyway. I'm sorry."
"It's okay," Nick said before he could really think "Come on." He grabbed Jeff's wrist and pulled him inside, leaving his bag by the door and leading the blonde to the couch. Jeff just followed without resistance, sitting beside Nick on the couch and saying nothing. There was a long moment of awkward silence until the brunette uncertainly put a hand on the other's shoulder and asked, "What's going on?"
He wasn't sure what he was expecting. Maybe he'd thought Jeff would just brush him off as he had done in the past. But the reaction he got was very different. The blonde sat there for a second, seemingly contemplating something, before the tears started to fall and Nick was faced with a shaking, sobbing mess attempting to talk but failing miserably. He stared for a moment, unsure of how to fix the situation, before tentatively reaching an arm out and laying it around Jeff's shoulders. The blonde seemed grateful, leaning into him as he cried. For a good five minutes or so neither of them moved. Jeff just let himself cry and Nick sat there awkwardly, wondering what was wrong and why the blonde had come to him.
Eventually Jeff pulled away and rubbed at his eyes, trying to sputter out some kind of apology. "I-I'm so-sorry, I did-didn't mean to…"
"Did you want to… talk about it?" Nick bit his lip, not sure he wanted to know. Jeff stumbled a little over his words, a half-explanation and half-refusal. "I – you don't want to – it's j-just friends… nothing im-portant."
"Okay then," Nick replied quietly "But you can… you know… tell me later if you feel like it."
The blonde just nodded blankly, staring at the floor and gripping the strap of his messenger bag so hard his knuckles were white. A moment later he spoke in a low tone made rough from tears. "I shouldn't be asking y-you this, I can't believe I'm going to… but… I need a place to stay f-for a few days."
Nick stared at him, more confused than ever now. Jeff looked up with a scared look in his eyes as he quickly rambled, "I'll pay you, I promise, you don't even have to pay for last night, I'll give you whatever you want, anything, I just need somewhere for a few days, please."
The brunette frowned, not entirely sure how this turn of events had occurred. One minute he'd been on his way out, the next he was comforting a sobbing prostitute who was asking to stay for a couple of days. None of this was making any sense. But he knew he couldn't, in good conscience, turn Jeff out. He obviously didn't have anywhere else if he was asking him, and he wasn't going to make the guy sleep on the street or something. So after a few minutes of working that through in his head, Nick nodded slowly.
"If you haven't got anywhere else to go… I-I suppose so."
The desperation slipped from Jeff's eyes and he nodded. "Thank you."
Again that long, awkward pause reigned and Nick chewed on his lip while Jeff turned his attention back to the floor. Finally the brunette stood and went to collect a blanket for the other, mostly to give him something to do. His mind was in overdrive as he found a spare one and headed back, only to find Jeff had curled up on the couch and fallen asleep. He finally looked peaceful and calm, bangs falling in front of his face and bag hugged tightly to his chest. Nick walked over quietly and tried to pull it away so he'd be more comfortable and wouldn't accidentally crush anything inside, but Jeff refused to let go, even in sleep, and only whimpered and pulled it closer. In the end Nick gave up and just lay the blanket over him. Straightening, he looked down at the blonde with a sigh. He felt like he'd just been smacked over the head with a hammer and if you asked, he couldn't tell you at all how he'd gotten from heading to class to agreeing to let a distraught hooker stay at his place. He didn't have the slightest clue, but he knew two things – he couldn't back out now, and he couldn't leave Jeff on his own. Not after he'd asked for help and so clearly needed it. So there was nothing for it. Jeff was staying.
So maybe this was the stupidest thing he'd ever done in his entire life, and he'd done some incredibly stupid things. Maybe this was going to be the thing that finally killed him after all the things he'd been through. He almost hoped so. Because he'd fucked absolutely everything up this time and there might not even be a way to fix it. And anyway, he was tired. Tired of the business, tired of the club, tired of the strange men and the lingering touches that made him want to be sick. Tired of hiding. Tired of running. Tired of everything. He was almost hoping that when he passed out as he was pretty sure he eventually would, he wouldn't wake up.
He'd never done this before. Coke was as hard as he'd ever got. Of course, he'd been through a cocktail of various other softer drugs, but he'd never gotten addicted too badly. Coke was his weakness. But he knew he needed something different, something that would give him a different and stronger buzz and make everything go away. Jamie had said this would give him what he wanted; he hoped so.
Sebastian winced as he pulled the needle from the crease of his elbow, dropping it on the floor with a sigh. That part was over. Now he just had to wait for it to hit-
Wow, this was fucking brilliant. Sebastian smiled, leaning his head back against the wall. He could get used to this. Especially when everything in his life wasn't going in a direction he could cope with. Jeff had disappeared on him, Trent wasn't saying anything other than the guy had turned up at the club but he'd told him to leave. Where, he didn't know. And while he'd said he didn't really care, Sebastian knew otherwise. The kid had an effect on both of them. They both cared about him and they both worried about him when he was upset or hurt. The emotions went at least two-ways, as Sebastian knew they cared about him too. And if he thought about it, they both kind of cared about Trent. He'd saved them in a way. He'd pulled them off the streets and given them jobs and made them stars – of the gay strip club world, but stars nonetheless. And he got to dance. Sebastian liked that. Dancing and singing – he'd always loved doing that. As a child he'd wanted to grow up and be a performer. In some twisted way, that dream had come true.
Sebastian chuckled to himself and closed his eyes, vaguely wondering if he was going to open them again. Part of him was telling him he had to; Jeff would probably come back at some point and apologise and he kind of had to be there for that. And Jeff would be seriously messed up if he found his friend dead.
But a much larger part was hoping, wishing, he didn't wake up.
When Jeff woke, his first thought was why am I so stiff and sore?He stretched out, muscles complaining. The blonde winced as he realised he couldn't quite stretch his arms or legs out straight without a considerable amount of pain. In the end he hauled himself upright, knocking his bag from his lap and sending it to the floor. Objects, clothes and what little cash he had was suddenly scattered across the floor and in a panic, Jeff fell to his knees on the floor and tried to grab it all. He shoved everything into the bag and reached out to pick up the last of his belongings – only to find someone in front of him, also kneeling, holding it in his hand.
"Here," Nick said quietly, shifting the silver necklace from one hand to the other, the chain slipping through his fingers while the pendant, a faceless angel, rested in his palm. Jeff quickly snatched it from him, stashing it in the bag and trying to ignore the pain in his muscles. He made a mental note not to sleep curled up like that again.
"Don't touch it," Jeff warned, tucking his bag behind him "Don't touch any of my stuff. It's mine."
Nick held up his hands in mock surrender and said genuinely, "Sorry. I was just trying to help. How are you feeling?"
"Sore?" Jeff admitted, looking back down to the floor. Suddenly everything was awkward again. For a moment neither of them said anything. After a little while Jeff glanced up again and found Nick staring at him – as their eyes locked, he saw something there that he'd hated for the longest time.
"Don't pity me," he said quietly, not shifting his gaze away as he spoke "I don't want it."
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to – I…" Nick sighed, leaning back on his heels as he ran a hand through his hair "I don't know how to talk to you."
"Don't feel like you have to," Jeff shrugged, shifting a little and crossing his legs under him, bag in his lap. Nick looked down at the floor for a moment, contemplating something, before lifting his gaze again and saying, "You're just… you're different, to anyone I've ever met. I don't really know why."
Jeff wasn't sure how to take that – he was pretty sure the guy meant it in a good way, but what did it even mean? Different? How? And why did it even matter? Nick didn't have to make the effort to talk to him if he didn't want to.
"You hungry?" Nick finally broke the silence, giving the blonde a slight smile. Jeff chewed on his lip and replied, "A little." It was a lie – he hadn't eaten anything since yesterday and he was starving. But Nick didn't need to know that. The brunette's smile widened and he got to his feet. "Pizza okay?"
"Whatever you like."
When Jeff walked out of the bathroom at almost nine that night, he hoped he'd be able to duck out of the house without Nick noticing. For some reason he felt kind of bad staying at the guy's place while working at the same time – maybe it was how weird Nick felt about the whole thing that was rubbing off on him. At any rate he felt uncomfortable and hoped to disappear without having to talk to the guy, but just as he reached the front door a voice asked quietly, "You going?"
He paused and turned, tugging on his wifebeater. "Yeah."
Watching Nick, Jeff saw the resignation in his eyes, mixed with what he thought might have been a touch of sadness but he didn't think too long about that – the other was speaking.
"You'll need a key to get back in," he said, still quiet. Jeff just blinked as the brunette disappeared for a moment before returning, key in hand. He held it out, not taking his eyes off the blonde for a second. Jeff chewed on his lip as he took it, feeling incredibly uneasy about this whole situation. But it was better than staying with Sebastian after that argument, wasn't it?
"I thought you'd have something to say."
Nick shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets, eyes still never leaving the other's face. "It's your life. You can do what you like."
Jeff nodded and yet again (in what seemed to be becoming a common occurrence between them) there was a short, uncomfortable pause. Then quickly, Jeff reached for the door and left, saying a brief 'see you' because he felt like he had to at least say something.
Outside he sighed, shivering a little in the cool breeze. It was a little colder tonight, but that wasn't going to bother him for very long. Hooking his thumbs into the waistband of his shorts he began making his way towards his usual territory, boots clicking on the pavement in what was otherwise silence.
He didn't see Sebastian that night and it worried him.
He only managed two guys before he felt sick and had to ditch work.
He made it halfway back to Nick's place before he stumbled, the pavement tearing at the skin of his knees, and threw up on the side of the road.
He finally made it back to the house an hour later. Quietly, he fixed his knees as quickly as he could with a splash of water (he wished he had some alcohol on him; it usually worked pretty well at stopping any infections) and washed his mouth out. Then slowly, painfully, he collapsed on the couch, pulled the blanket over him, wrapped his arms around his stomach and cried himself to sleep. Not for the first time he slipped into his dreams hoping that when he woke up it would be somewhere different, next to someone who told him he loved him, and that the whole nightmare would be over.
Thank you, all of you. Please review :)
