Chapter 8
"Do you think he'll be okay?" Leslie felt stupid asking the question. She knew Kyle was not okay but in the silence didn't know what else to say.
"I don't know but at least he's home. I think letting it all out helped, at least I hope it did." Leslie knew Jess was right but she also knew he was holding back. The look on his face probably matched hers. After taking their friend home the drive back to the Burke home was uncomfortably quiet. Leslie wanted to talk. She didn't want to talk about war and death or the toll it had taken on their friend. She just wanted to talk to Jess. She had barely been home a day and yet so much had happened. At this point she thought she would be exhausted but wasn't. As well as she knew Jess Leslie was finding that reading his emotions wasn't as easy as it used to be.
"Jess?" She asked sheepishly.
"Yeah?" he answered as he parked his car in the driveway.
"Will you come in? I…I don't really want to be alone right now." She felt incredibly childish asking but after years apart she saw no reason to waste any more time. The winter break would fly by and soon she would be back in California.
"Sure, of course" he answered quickly. "But, um, you sure your parents are going to be okay with it? I mean it is late." Leslie couldn't stop herself from laughing. It felt good to laugh.
"We are adults Jess," she said still laughing. "My parents are passed out by now and Matthew too. Besides you're welcome in my parent's home anytime whether I'm there or not." She took his hand. "If they are awake they would demand you come in anyway."
"I can't believe how long it's been since I've been inside your parent's house" Jess said as they made their way into the home. "This was practically a second home to me." If Jess and Leslie weren't running around Terabithia they tended to spend more time at the Burke household. There was more room, less people and little drama. It seemed so far from the world he lived in just one house over. The house was dark, clearly the Burke's had long ago gone to bed.
"First, things first" Leslie whispered leading Jess into the kitchen. "We need food."
"I couldn't agree more." While Leslie dug through the refrigerator Jess studied the pictures that adorned the door. There were several pictures of Leslie. Some were obviously from California while others were clearly somewhere in Europe. Jess felt a twinge of jealousy realizing the life she had. The feelings, however, didn't last. He was proud of her. Leslie chased her dreams just as he knew she would.
"Leftover pasta?" Leslie suddenly peeked up from the fridge. "You always loved Burke family pasta."
"That would be great I haven't had that in years." Leftover pasta would be a vast improvement over the typical meal Jess generally prepared for himself. Not much of a cook his meals generally consisted of microwave cuisine. Leslie on the other hand experimented with cooking as a teenager but really found a love for it while living in Italy. Not that she spent much time cooking with her hectic schedule but she loved to treat friends to a well prepared meal when the opportunity presented itself. Leslie quickly prepared two plates, sprinkled on some parmesan cheese and placed them on the table. As they sat down and were ready to dig in Leslie suddenly stopped.
"Wait, I've got an idea" she said just as Jess was about to take a bite. "Grab your plate and follow me." Jess decided not to question her and did as she asked. He soon found himself in perhaps the most special room in the entire house; well, special to Jess and Leslie. As soon as Leslie flipped the light switch she looked to Jess. "Can you believe my parents put a fresh coat of gold paint on just a couple of months ago?" It was one of the fondest memories the friends shared. That day so many years ago when two twelve year old best friends joined Bill and Judy Burke and painted the room gold. They danced, ate popcorn and for the first time Jess realized just how special this girl was.
"This is incredible" Jess said as he looked around in wonder. The room had undergone some changes since his last visit but the gold walls were as vibrant as ever. "Your parents turned it into the library."
"Yeah, you know how they are about books."
"I know where you got your love of books if that's what you're referring to." Leslie smiled as she led Jess over to one bookshelf in particular. On it rested a row of pictures depicting Jess and Leslie from those pre-teen days all the way through high school. It was a chronological history of their friendship right up to Leslie leaving for California. It was disturbingly obvious how the story seemed to end at that point.
"Do you remember that time in high school when we got into a fight about my out of control social life?" Leslie asked as they sat down on the floor and began eating their pasta. She could tell from Jess's expression that he was having difficulty remembering. "It was our junior year, you and Kyle were driving to D.C. over Labor Day weekend and you wanted me to come." Jess looked up, his mouth stuffed with pasta, clearly he remembered.
"Yeah, I remember that" he said in between bites. "Not exactly our best moment. You ended up going to a party with Sara Foster and that other girl from cross-country."
"That's right. Not only did you and I get into a fight but I stayed out way past curfew and came home a little…drunk."
"Really?" Jess was genuinely surprised. "I'm a little shocked Miss Burke. Those girls were a bad influence on you." Even though Jess was teasing he was making her point.
"That's exactly what my parents said. When I was sober enough to listen they brought me in here to this room and asked me if I remembered the day we painted it. Bill looks at me and says, 'whatever happened to Jess?'
"I've often wondered that myself."
"Quiet smarty pants I'm telling a story." Leslie scolded while trying not to laugh. "You and I were nearly inseparable for those first few years. The only person that we let in to our circle was Kyle. Then…"
"Then the rest of the school began to discover how great Leslie Burke was." Leslie wanted to scold Jess for interrupting her again but he was so sincere and sweet when he said it she just couldn't.
"Bill and Judy were both proud that I had become…so social. It was a far cry from the days before Lark Creek. I was becoming part of a world that always seemed off limits. However, they were trying to tell me that the best thing that ever happened to me was right next door and I was neglecting him. If I wasn't careful I could lose him."
"They really said that?"
"Yeah they did" Leslie said as she finished her plate. "Bill and Judy love you Jess, you're family in their eyes. That first year I left for college they changed this room and set up those pictures." The two sat in silence for a moment then Jess put his plate down and moved closer to Leslie. He cuddled up next to her and took her hand in his.
"You know twenty-four hours ago I was at work looking at this picture." Jess pulled out his phone and showed Leslie the picture of Kyle and her in Hollywood. "I love this picture. It always makes me happy. The two best friends I've ever had and the only girl I've ever loved." It took a second for Leslie to register what Jess had said. She looked over at him. Did he really just say he loved her?
"What…what did you say?" she asked for reassurance.
"I love you Leslie" he said again looking into her eyes. "I wish I would've told you years ago. I don't know why I didn't. I guess I was just scared…I don't know. But…"
"But what Jess? What is it?" Leslie could see he was searching for the words.
"When I told Kyle that you kissed me he said it was about time because you and I had been in love forever. He wasn't surprised just happy. After everything he went through, all that God awful hell he comes home and makes it his mission to ensure we don't make the biggest mistake of our lives. I mean he set up the meeting at Murphy's intentionally to get us together." Jess paused for a moment as he looked around the room. "He was right about everything. Life is short, it can all end tomorrow. Just a few years ago we saw each other every day and in a flash it was over. Suddenly you were on the other side of the country and then the other side of the world. We just kept drifting farther and farther apart. It seems insane but it happened. Leslie, I don't want to lose you. When you left for California I…I felt like the world was coming to an end. It was like I lost a piece of myself. I felt terrible because you were gone. You won't believe this but even my dad said letting you go off to California without telling you how I felt was the biggest mistake of my life. I've always felt there was more to us than just a chance meeting in grade school. It's like fate or destiny, whatever you want to call it was ensuring we met because Jess and Leslie go together like junior mints and popcorn. I love you Leslie Burke."
Leslie felt the tears as they welled up in her eyes. She didn't know if she was going to be able to speak. This sweet boy next door that she beat in a race in the 5th grade, the boy that became her king and her best friend just confessed his love for her in such beautiful honesty she was overcome.
"That's everything I've always wanted to hear you say" she finally said. "It's everything I wish I said to you. I love you too Jess Aarons." The young couple shared their second kiss and fell into an embrace that neither wanted to end. They enjoyed the warmth of one another and the quiet calm that settled over them.
"This has been one hell of a day" Jess said with a laugh.
"Yeah, and it's only been one day. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings." Though she said it sarcastically Leslie was looking forward to the next day. She was looking forward to the next moment. Doubts crept into her mind about everything happening so fast but she brushed them aside. It wasn't in her nature to dwell on such things. Besides she didn't doubt the love she felt for Jess Aarons or the love he felt for her and at the moment that was all that mattered. "Come on," Leslie said as she got up. "There's a nice, comfortable couch right here and we're sitting on the floor."
"Well, it's kind of nostalgic considering."
"I know but my butt was falling asleep." Leslie grabbed a blanket that was folded up nice and proper as though it had been placed there specifically for them. She motioned for Jess to join her and soon the pair cuddled up under the blanket. Wrapped securely in his arms Leslie thought back to only the day before when she actually found herself dreading the return to Lark Creek. What if she stayed in Los Angeles instead of coming home? She wouldn't be with Jess this very moment, she wouldn't have been there for Kyle and Kyle wouldn't have been able to bring Jess and her together. She smiled; she smiled because she did come home and those events did happen. Perhaps Jess was right. Perhaps fate did have a say. Maybe the heavens were giving them a second chance. On that thought she closed her eyes and quickly drifted off to sleep.
Kyle Travis felt drained. An oppressive feeling of fatigue hung over each and every muscle. His mind was clouded in a fog. Even after falling into a dead sleep for several hours he felt no better. Maybe it was the beer. That would be pathetic considering he only drank one. Then again the shots of tequila he took from his parent's liquor cabinet probably didn't help.
"Guess I'm not cut out to be a drinker" he mumbled to himself. "God I'm pathetic." He glanced over at the clock on the nightstand. It was barely past three in the morning and despite how he felt sleeping wasn't something he wanted to do. The nightmares more often than not would find their way back. He didn't want that to happen while at his parent's home. The less questions from them the better. He loved his parents but they didn't need to know the details of his life in the Marine Corps. Let them hold onto the image of the son they knew before the war. Besides he had other things to attend to. Right now he needed to feed his steady diet of coffee and energy drinks. It was a habit he picked up overseas and seemed to need even more now. In boot camp all he ever wanted to do was sleep now he was afraid of it. Life certainly had a sense of irony. Glancing around his old room it dawned on him that his parents kept the room just as he left it. Marine Corps posters still stuck to the walls, there was even a Marine Corps clock hanging above his door. He remembered his mom giving it to him in high school. He always found it odd since his parents were not in favor of his choice to join. Kyle felt an overwhelming desire to rip the posters off the wall and destroy anything and everything that screamed Marine Corps. Just a few years earlier he lived and breathed Marine Corps now he would give anything to leave it all behind. Destroying his room wouldn't change anything and the last thing he wanted to do was attract attention.
Instead he got off his bed and made his way to his old desk. He dug into his backpack and pulled out a shiny can of caffeine infused energy. Sinking into the chair Kyle reached for the desk lamp and turned the switch. There was a framed picture of Jess and Leslie that had been resting there for years. It was taken sometime in high school, probably ninth grade. He treasured it, he treasured his friends. Jess and Leslie were the best friends he ever had. Granted, there were some guys he knew in the Corps that he would die for; people he would never forget, but not all of them made it. For those that did survive somehow he knew time would separate them. They would all go their separate ways and put the nightmare behind them. That's just the way it was. Jess and Leslie, they were different. They knew him before the military. Somehow he always felt they were different than everybody else. He couldn't pinpoint any specific reason it was just a feeling. They were special and he took great pride in playing a role in bringing them back together. It was a good thing; something positive that came from the most positive of emotions, love. Of course, only a few hours later he violently beat down Scott Brady in a bar. Even back home the violence followed him. He expected the police to show up at his parent's house any moment but they never came. It was unlikely Scott wanted any more attention regarding the incident. There were plenty of witnesses and Scott was three sheets to the wind. Rumor had it Scott had been arrested once for fighting already. He probably didn't want any more contact with the police.
Kyle flipped open his laptop and waited for it to power on. Something he had been dwelling on was again at the forefront of his mind. It was disturbingly persistent. At first it was just a passing thought. Everybody thinks about it sometimes. With each passing day, however it became more than that. It became a solution; a way out of the turmoil. The thoughts made him restless and writing helped ease the tension. Besides he always did his best writing at night. Kyle couldn't remember how many nights he robbed himself of sleep for the sake of writing just one more chapter. Since joining the service his writing shifted from fictional stories to letters to family and friends and his ever present journal. He chronicled his entire time in the Marine Corps. Kyle was meticulous in his writing. From the initial terror of boot camp to the real horror of war he didn't shy away from any of it in his writing. It was therapeutic. He could empty the contents of his mind onto the paper and for a time let go of the pain.
Tonight, however he had something else to write. He wasn't sure how to even start but he let his instincts guide him. As he began to type he stopped and stared at the screen. After a few minutes he reached for a notepad in his backpack. With pen in hand he began to write. Kyle was always better with the written word. He could explain everything far more eloquently in this manner. Often he wished he had pursued writing as a career. If he had just gone to college as his parents pleaded who knows where he would be. He could have fine-tuned his craft and put to paper any number of the thousands of stories that floated through his mind. Maybe he would've been a famous author or maybe even a screenwriter. But that was yesterday and yesterday was gone.
Kyle considered heading to the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee. He preferred to chase down an energy drink with coffee. Straight, black coffee acted as a one-two punch. It gave him an extra jolt before the inevitable crash. The coffee would undoubtedly attract his parents and likely his sister. Home from New York City Cathy Travis was in many ways Kyle's opposite. Two years older she graduated from college with honors and promptly accepted an internship at a management firm in the big city. She was as outgoing as Kyle was reserved, as driven as he was laid back but they were both academically gifted. Cathy, however, had a gift for the more practical subjects of business, management and even math; subject matter that made Kyle cringe. The siblings always got along but were never close. Growing up they had their own friends and simply existed in their own worlds occasionally stopping to say hi. It was an odd sort of relationship to most outsiders but Kyle never thought is strange.
One thing he learned in the very brief time they both had been home was they shared a love of coffee. However, Cathy seemed to have a true passion for coffee whereas Kyle simply saw it as a means to an end. He knew some serious coffee drinkers in the Corps but doubted any of them had the palate to recognize the difference between the beans of a Costa Rican coffee and those of an Ethiopian blend. He didn't care if it was French roast, house blend, came from a drip, French press or percolator. What the hell was a percolator anyway? The concoctions he drank in the Marines, particularly the hooch brew they made in the field was far from what most civilians would consider coffee. With that thought he passed on brewing a pot and reached for another energy drink.
By the time he felt satisfied with what he wrote he looked over his document. In the digital age Kyle felt the world was missing out on how beautiful words were on actual paper. It was an art on the verge of extinction. His penmanship wasn't the best but he practiced enough to make it legible. It was more personal this way. To see the lines forming the words written by the authors own hand gave it a sense of humanity; not the cold, sterile vision of a typed page. Of course, he wasn't sure how they would take to this particular piece of writing. Was it even necessary? Of course he felt an obligation to explain because there would be the inevitable questions. No amount of explaining would ever make them understand. Nobody could understand he wasn't sure he did; still he felt compelled. He walked over to his closet and grabbed some clothes and quickly got dressed. He proceeded to dig through a plastic container that looked to have spent several years in the back of his closest. Kyle grabbed several items and carefully placed them into his backpack. He dug through his desk and found a couple of envelopes. He folded the letters carefully and placed them into the envelopes. Kyle pulled a torn and heavily worn journal out of his backpack; the journal that traveled with him for years across the country and across the world. He found it hard to even contemplate what he was going to do. He placed one envelope inside the journal and back into his backpack.
He looked at his room. A huge chunk of his life was captured in this one room. So many hours spent at that desk writing, so many hours playing as a child. A strong sense of nostalgia overtook him. He grabbed the picture of Jess and Leslie off his desk and quickly headed out. He didn't want to linger. Kyle glanced over at the door to his parent's room then to his sisters. What would they think of all this? Did it matter? He supposed it was selfish but the Kyle Travis they knew was gone. Things would never be the same. He would never be the boy they raised. Still, a wave of guilt washed over him. He didn't want to hurt anyone else. There was enough pain already. That deep ache that lived inside him wasn't something he wished on anyone. However, if there was one thing Kyle Travis learned in combat it was that the mission continues regardless. Marines die, they get wounded but the mission continued and he was on a mission. He carefully made his way into the living room and quietly slipped out the front door into the night cold.
