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It was when Victoria took Thomas and Jimmy to lunch in a lovely little place in Covent garden that the answer to the long contemplated question; 'Why is Victoria so invested in the illicit affairs of two men?' was revealed, and it came in the form of a young man in his mid- twenties who practically galloped over to the three when he saw Victoria there, the girl standing to welcome his embrace. The pair exchanged kisses and compliments while Thomas and Jimmy examined the young man who held delicate features, flawless complexion, blue eyes, and the brightest blonde hair they had ever seen which flapped freely as he bounced excitedly. Their attention then turned to a second man who was approaching them. He was older than the first, around thirty years old; his face was more masculine, as defined by his stubble, which was as dark as the glossy curls which were kept tidily to his head with pomade.
Victoria greeted the second man with similar enthusiasm to the first, before realising her former colleagues were waiting to be introduced, "I'm sorry, Thomas, Jimmy, this is my brother Luke."
The blonde man, Luke, outstretched his hand to Thomas, then Jimmy, in greeting, "So nice to meet you both at last. Victoria's told me so much about you."
"Not too much I hope." Thomas smirked as he gripped Luke's hand enthusiastically.
"And this is Darren," Victoria indicated to the brunette stood patiently by, "who is like a brother to me." Darren took Thomas and Jimmy warmly by the hand before they all sat around the table.
"Victoria told us about your situation, I can't tell you how happy we both are that it worked out for you." Luke winked as he took a seat between Darren and his sister.
"Thank you," Thomas glared at the girl who was looking about the room innocently, "I'm afraid you have the advantage over us."
"You didn't tell them anything about us did you, sister?"
"No, I didn't. I didn't want them to think I was only helping them because of you, and besides I love hearing you tell this story. I never quite do it justice."
This story Luke began to tell, much to Victoria's joy. "I work in the Ritz as a waiter, and as I was starting a shift I saw Darren and his employer in the restaurant. My heart stopped, I couldn't breathe. I strangled my colleague to tell me just who this mystifying customer was but all he said was that the table was reserved for a Mr Arkwright the tailor and his employee. Before I could do anything about it they had left. Anyway I couldn't get this mysterious employee's face out of my head, so when I finished my shift I went to Arkwright's and looked through the window and I saw him. So every day for the next three months I went that way to and from work, just to get a glimpse of him. I was possessed, but I never had the courage to go in and speak to him, nor did they come back to the restaurant; I didn't know what to do-"
"What Luke didn't know was that I saw him at the Ritz that day and I was instantly taken by him," Darren took over the narration, "I even asked Mr Arkwright if we could stay a while longer, even if I could just capture a better image of his face, though I knew I would recognise him if I saw him again, but unfortunately we had to go back to work. Like Luke I went back to the Ritz to find him as soon as I finished work, but he had left. I kept thinking about him and I went in the Ritz whenever I could on the off chance he might serve me, but I found I just couldn't speak to him; I couldn't even let him see me there when he was working, though I was so desperate for him to. Then, after three strenuous months, he came into Arkwright's. I practically begged Mr Arkwright to let me measure this stranger, as unfortunately he was just that to me at the time, and I was only in training back then, but he let me do it and well I made a right mess of it I was so nervous, but when I asked Luke why he wanted the suit it… changed my life."
"Why? What did he say?" Jimmy asked, leaning forward in his interest.
"He said; 'I'm a waiter down at the Ritz, and three months ago I saw the most exquisite vision I had ever laid eyes on, and ever since I have been working up the courage to speak to him, I stayed up all night working on just what to say to him' my heart stopped at that point, I think I actually died, don't know whether it was from hope that he might be talking about me, or heartbreak at the thought he wasn't, but I just asked him again, 'surely a young attractive man like you doesn't need a suit to win this 'vision's' heart?' and he said, 'maybe not, but buying a suit was the only excuse I could think of to come in and talk to him.' I fell in love with him right then, that's if I hadn't already fallen before."
"That's a lovely story." Jimmy relaxed back with a smile, thinking of his and Thomas' story and wishing their union was more like the other couple's.
"I didn't believe it myself at first," Victoria said, "because Luke always has enough courage to do anything, and those three months after he first saw Darren he wouldn't shut up about this 'mysterious tailor', but no matter how much I pushed him to go and speak to him he would say that he was too scared. That was when I knew, my older brother had finally fallen in love. But I still had to go with him, didn't I Luke? You were so nervous."
"I'd never done anything like that before, and well, look at him," Luke gestured to Darren's features, the brunette scratching his temple lightly in modesty, "Who wouldn't turn into a mess when speaking to him?"
The conclusion of the story saw an exchange of glances between Thomas and Jimmy, who now understood why Victoria was so eager for the four of them to meet, and the reason she was willing to get herself sacked on their behalf.
"So Victoria, are you and Luke close?" Thomas was curious to know.
"Yes, very, except he doesn't dance with me anymore." The girl pouted at her brother.
"When am I supposed to dance with you? But I'll tell you what, next time there's a fancy ball in town we can dance our waltz."
"Done." The siblings shook hands.
"So what have you got planned for today?" Darren asked the couple.
"Strangely enough I need to buy a suit." Jimmy replied with a smile at all the talk of suits.
"Oh, that's lucky." Victoria remarked, "Could you help him Darren?"
"Don't think I can afford a tailored suit." Jimmy said.
"What do you need it for?" The tailor asked.
"Thomas and I are going out on the town apparently."
"Oo you could come to L'Abri? I could pull some strings for you?" Luke suggested, L'Abri being the downstairs bar in the Ritz, frequented by men in high society with 'unusual' tastes.
"Thank you but I used to work at Cavour so I thought I might take Jimmy there." Thomas told him.
"Very nice." Darren nodded in approval, "Do you come from London then?"
"No, but when I left home I came straight here, I heard there might be more opportunities for shameless men like us." Thomas adjusted himself in his seat, finding that he was strangely relaxed being in the company of another male couple who seemed to be so happy and at ease with themselves and their situation, even in a crowded cafe.
"How did you end up at Downton then?"
"I wanted to go into service."
"Well, good for you." Luke said, "I'm afraid we enjoy our small sense of liberality here too much to leave it." Liberality Thomas could not help but be envious of as he looked at Jimmy, who was completely absorbed in hearing of it. "In fact we want more, not less, we've been talking of going to Berlin."
"Still talking about Berlin?" Victoria rolled her eyes, "I know it's great for people like you, but Darren doesn't speak German, and yours isn't perfect."
"Darren is learning, aren't you?"
"Ja!" Darren grinned boyishly.
"Once we've perfected it we're going." Luke insisted, though Victoria was clearly not convinced, or she didn't want to believe her dear brother was going to leave her to live in another country, either way she was keen to change the subject.
"Anyway Darren, can you help Jimmy out? You'll need some more commission to afford your trip." The last comment meant snidely for Luke.
"I'm sure I can find you something in the shop Jimmy, rich folk often send suits back once they've done with them after the occasion they're made for and we rent them out or sell them. I'm sure we'll have something that fits, and I can get you a decent discount."
"Sounds perfect, Jimmy. Why don't you go with Luke and Darren, if they wouldn't mind?" Thomas exclaimed, looking over at the couple, asking appreciatively with his eyes for their compliance.
"We'd be delighted!" Luke practically beamed at the opportunity to dress up the handsome footman.
"Don't you want to come?" Jimmy asked Thomas, with wilting eyes, after all they were in London to spend time together.
"Who's going to watch Victoria, and make sure she doesn't meddle in anyone else's lives?"
"How rude!" The girl hit Thomas on the arm with her napkin in offence.
"Don't worry Jimmy, we'll look after you I promise. Unless you really can't bear to be parted from Thomas. Though looking at him I can see why you'd have trouble." Darren gave his bold lover a derogatory look, but he seemed to be accustomed to this kind of behaviour from Luke, who shot him a beautiful smile, the expression never seeming to leave his lips.
"I think I'll survive without this dark horse for a couple of hours." Jimmy said, touching the side of Thomas' leg with the back of his fingers to let him know he would be missed, "That's very kind of you. Thank you."
"So if we eat and meet up later at the guest house?" Victoria put the plan to the table.
"Sounds like a plan." The men agreed as they opened their menus to order lunch.
Darren and Luke took Jimmy to the tailors after they ate, it was a small place but with a friendly atmosphere, and Mr Arkwright was happy to see his employee had brought him a customer who he wouldn't have to tend to personally as Darren and Luke requested to do it. Jimmy left everything in the couple's hands as he didn't know what kind of place this 'Cavour' was, but the couple told him they had been there many times and so Jimmy trusted them to pick something for him to wear that Thomas would feel proud to walk into his former workplace with. It seemed to be a painstaking process but eventually the two men ushered Jimmy into the fitting room where they dressed him in various suits, trying various combinations, until they found the perfect one.
"How do I look?" Jimmy asked them as he tried on the fourth ensemble. He knew how he felt; very comfortable, more comfortable than in livery anyway, he could hardly believe this suit fell in his budget.
"Looks like we need to lock the door."
"Luke!" Darren scolded his lover, before turning to Jimmy, "You look stunning."
"Oh, and I'm being inappropriate." Luke crossed his arms.
"I was paying a compliment, you were being filthy."
"So it looks good?" Jimmy repeated.
"He won't know what hit him. Speaking of which, do you need any… advice?" Luke approached the footman and gave him a suggestive glance.
"About what?"
"Well Victoria said this is all a bit new for you, you know; men. So do you need any pointers about what to do?"
"Luke you're embarrassing the lad." Darren spoke for Jimmy's face, which turned a deep shade of red.
"I'm just asking. I would have liked someone to have given me some advice before we uh-"
"Thanks but it won't be necessary." Jimmy tried to smile, though Luke was right; he wouldn't mind some advice, just not from two men he had just met, no matter how much he liked them. Also with the way things had been between him and Thomas in the bedroom Jimmy couldn't see him needing such advice for a while yet.
"Sorry if I overstepped." Luke apologised.
"That's all right, you're like your sister."
"It's true, you are." Darren agreed as Luke made a move to oppose such a claim, instead he decided to pass some advice to the footman anyway, knowing that he would have rejected his offer as a matter of pride.
"Jimmy, I'm not going to lie, it will hurt the first time, a lot, but after, you will never look at or even think of a woman again."
"What's a woman?" Darren asked quizzically.
"See."
"Thanks fellas." Jimmy was torn between feeling excited at the prospect, or downhearted on what he was missing.
"You're welcome. I'm not sure about this tie though. I think I'd prefer you in a black tie with that dinner jacket. I'll be back!" Luke spun around and went to leave the changing room, smacking Darren on the rear as he exited with a flourish.
"I know why Victoria said she didn't believe that story about how you two met. He's very expressive." Jimmy said when the door closed behind Luke.
"He loves life, and it helps that we feel safe here, things have been changing in London, you'd be surprised, there's more pubs and bars for people like us, it makes it easier, it's accepted that people of us are around as long as it's not shoved in their faces, and even if it wasn't Luke's a rather flamboyant character. Some find it annoying, but it's one thing, one of many, that makes me love him even more."
"I envy you; your life seems perfect, not hard at all."
"Hard? Of course it's hard, it just doesn't matter to us that it is. When Luke suggested we live together, I didn't have a choice, because I knew I would never be with a woman and I would never want to, not when I could have him."
"You live together?"
"Yes, two weeks after we starting walking out. We have a small two bedroom place, has to be two bedroom to avoid suspicion, but it suits us; we're together."
"Don't you ever think you might want something different? Some normality?"
"Without Luke nothing's normal. We've only been together six months, but I barely needed six seconds to see that I was supposed to spend my life with him. If I lost him, I don't think I could go on living." Darren forced a smile as he removed Jimmy's tie in anticipation of Luke coming back with a replacement, but he could not disguise the very real threat that one day he could lose Luke, and not through agents of his own doing, for that would be impossible. "Just to warn you I may have to jump on him when he comes back."
"I understand." Jimmy shared Darren's sentiment as he equally wished Thomas were there to be jumped on.
"Here we are!" Luke announced himself as he returned to the fitting room, brandishing a silken black bow tie, "why don't you try this one?"
"Thanks Luke." Jimmy gratefully accepted it, turning towards the mirror to give the couple some privacy for what Darren kindly warned him was coming.
"Oh dear, what's happened?" Luke sensed the serious atmosphere, until he looked at Darren, whose calm yet assured gaze was fixed upon him, full of love and desire, "Oh, I know those eyes. Sorry Jimmy." Luke apologised, being able to read Darren's intention and unable to resist the lure of those seductive eyes he knew so well.
Darren pushed Luke up against the wall and gripped him in a passion as he forced his lips upon the younger man. Jimmy tried focussing on fixing his new tie, which was an improvement on the old one, but in the mirror he could not help but look at the reflection of the two men behind him, and he sighed in sorrow at the perfection he was seeing. He had conjured this idyllic scenario in his head so many times between he and Thomas, but had not yet passed; that feeling of unrelenting passion. What was more disconcerting was that he did not know why he had not felt it from Thomas, when it coursed in Jimmy's own blood when they lay together. Though Jimmy wasn't ready to give himself to Thomas fully, though he had imagined it, he did want more, even if it was just a taste of what Darren and Luke were feeling right then. When the lovers finally pulled away from each other, Jimmy could not turn to face them as, much to his shame, he had grown stiff in his trousers at the idea, and from watching them. He had never seen two men like that before, and he never expected it to affect him so, but lack of fulfilment and thoughts of Thomas heightened his sensitivity. Fortunately, the two were busy blandishing, and coating each other in gentle caresses to notice Jimmy's state. The footman wished that maybe Luke was right, and that night he would see this exciting side in his Thomas Barrow.
Meanwhile, Thomas and Victoria were out buying groceries the girl had promised her parents she would buy for them while she was out, and knew that the real reason Thomas didn't want to go to the tailors with Jimmy was so he could have one of their chats. The chilly winter wind made them huddle together, Victoria linking her arm through Thomas' as they pulled their coats up around their necks to defy the cold.
"So, Luke and Darren," Thomas started, "they're why you're so understanding about me and Jimmy?"
"Of course. Though I would be anyway if not, but I think the reason I was so invested in trying to get you together with Jimmy was because you two remind me of Luke and Darren, and I couldn't deprive you both of the happiness I know they have."
"I'm glad you couldn't."
They came to a market stall where Victoria contemplated buying some oranges, which she hoped had not been long out in the cold, as she tested their ripeness in her hand she broached the subject they both seemed to want to speak of but not initiate. "I know it's only been a couple of days, but how have things been?"
"It could be better." Thomas shrugged as he strummed his fingers on a watermelon.
"Something must have happened for Mr Carson to let you and Jimmy come to London overnight and have a day off at such short notice. What happened?"
Thomas came up behind Victoria so he could speak to her quietly, while she paid for a bag of oranges, "I were caught stealing wine by Mrs Hughes, I told her I've been finding it hard, that's why me and Jimmy were allowed to come today. I haven't told Jimmy about the wine, please don't tell him."
Victoria sighed, but not in disappointment, only at how hard she found it to hear how badly her friend was suffering, and that things might have been different if she had stayed, "Mrs Hughes is a good woman, but I take it you still haven't taken my advice and told Jimmy the truth about everything else?"
"I can't, Victoria."
"What makes you think he won't understand?" The pair wandered over to a bench and sat down; shrugging off the cold in preference of their conversation, Victoria took one of the oranges she had just purchased from the bag and started peeling one.
"It's not that, he's going through enough as it is, trying to figure himself out. He doesn't need me telling him that since the Duke I don't know me own head and I can't be with him the way I want to be." The girl gave the under butler a segment of the fruit and he gladly took it, just for something to focus on while he spoke.
"You mean physically as well don't you? I know you wouldn't say, you're a man, but you can't can you?" Victoria did not want to ask, she had been meaning to for a couple of weeks, but from what Thomas said she knew she had to now, even though the under butler still did not say anything and continued eating. "I see. I'm sorry. Maybe you'd feel better if Jimmy knew; if you told him. He's bound to find out some of it if you can't... perform. You need someone now I'm not there. I think you under estimate Jimmy. Remember what he was like when the Duke was at Downton? He came through for you. He really cares for you."
"He nearly got sacked," Thomas reminded her, "he's still immature; he doesn't understand the world as I do, what it's like for people like us, and I can't tell him, he has to learn it. He told me I saw every side of him, but I don't think I have yet. I can't, not until he's learnt and dealt with it; what the rest of his life will be like. Until then I'm staying guarded. Don't get me wrong, I care for him too, more than anything, but it's another reason why I can't tell him. It'll hurt him and it'll only hurt me."
Victoria nodded in understanding, giving Thomas another segment of orange in return for his honesty, "What do you plan on doing in the meantime?"
"I don't know; just take each day as it comes."
"Like you are now? Stealing wine?"
"Victoria please." Thomas begged her not to remind him of that shameful night.
"I'm sorry," The girl moved closer to Thomas' so their shoulders were together, and placed a comforting hand on his knee, "I don't mean to sound like I'm reprimanding you because I'm not; I just don't think this is something you should be going through alone. You told Mrs Hughes you're struggling, couldn't you confide in her?"
"I don't know." He took the girl's hand and held it between his own.
"How have you been sleeping? Is he still there?" Victoria asked, tightening her grip on Thomas' fingers to affirm her presence so he would know she was there for him.
"Every night. Every day. I'm finding it harder to keep it in. I think people are starting to see. I'm scared every minute." Thomas took a moment, as emotions claimed him and he choked. "God I'm so afraid I'll never be happy again. That I can never commit to Jimmy, that I can never trust him or tell him I love him, because I don't know if me heart is capable of it anymore."
"Of course it is Thomas, of course it is. I have seen how much love there is in your heart. Don't doubt it for a moment." The girl touched Thomas' wobbling cheek tenderly as tears came to his eyes, "Has Jimmy told you he loves you? Because I think he does, just as I think he trusts you. He's been so good to you so far; you said he hasn't put too much pressure on you and he's given you space when you ask for it. I think he must love and trust you very much. Can you not find a way to trust him?"
"I want to Victoria. I really do."
"Well, I suppose that's something, but I can't make you trust him. Once you know he has learned what it is to be like you, that he has accepted his future and is happy about it, do you think you will be able to?"
"That's the thing; I don't know. I don't know what I want from him, and I don't expect anything either."
The girl took the under butler's arm and placed it around her shoulders as she leaned into his chest, still holding his other hand on his lap while the man drew circles on her shoulder with his gloved thumb. "Then I don't know Mr Barrow, I don't know, but maybe you should try and figure it out. In the meantime you better tell me what the gossip downstairs at Downton is like these days."
Believe it or not Cavour and L'Abri were real places in 1920s London, just as Berlin was the most tolerant city in Europe for homosexuals at the time.
