A/N: Finished Uni and now trying to do little fanficcy bits here and there before I have to start work. Apologies to all of you who have been bored with waiting. DFQ xxx


Almost half an hour had passed before the chocolatier and the pirate had any luck escaping the looping path. Eventually Jack's arm, which had been dragging along the left-hand wall, dropped into space. He flailed about to grab at a brick that wasn't there and fell sideways onto a previously invisible path.

"Oh, how charming!" Mr Wonka said, approvingly. "The wall in this path looks just like the ones we were walking past. What a neat idea. Wish I'd thought of it."

Jack grunted as he once again picked himself up from the floor.

"I wish you'd found it."

"Thank you!" Wonka beamed.

"Hmm," said Jack.

He stared at the never-ending route ahead.

"I vote that you do the wall tracing this time."

"No need, Mr Sparrow."

Jack scratched his head.

"Why's that then?"

Mr Wonka walked a few paces forwards, reached out and poked the air in front of him. To Jack's utter bafflement, the image of the infinite path keeled over backwards to reveal a paved area of a more maze-like quality.

"Observation is key, Mr Sparrow. Obviously it was only a cardboard cut-out of a path."

"Aye, obviously," Jack replied sourly.

The two unusually attired persons wandered into a place of sand-coloured paving slabs punctuated with walls of the same pattern. Paths curved, right-angled and wound from nearly every direction before disappearing behind their respective walls.

"Oh dear, this isn't good at all. Not one little chicken." Mr Wonka shook his head at the amount of choice.

Jack, meanwhile, was hopping about on one foot as he extracted a stick of charcoal from inside a boot. He snapped it in half and offered one piece to Mr Wonka.

"'Ere, take this, an' use it to mark your route. It'll be better if we splits up. More of a chance o' finding the right way. Savvy?"

William looked mortified.

"That's been in your shoe! Under sweaty pirate socks!"

"I'm not wearing socks."

"Ew!"

"Just take the bloody stick, Wonka. You're wearing gloves."

Mr Wonka wrinkled his nose and daintily took the charcoal between finger and thumb.

"What are we gonna do if one of us finds the way before the other?"

Jack shrugged.

"Shout?"

"Okie dokie."

They set off in opposite directions, marking little lines on the slabs as they went. After some minutes, cries of "Bugger!" and "Darnit!" echoed about the maze.

Jack spun around on the spot in confusion. He had returned from a cul-de-sac to find that the arrow he'd drawn on the floor had disappeared. He backtracked, confident he was going back the way he had come, but his signs were nowhere to be seen. He glared suspiciously at his charcoal for a moment and then drew another arrow, really thickly this time, onto a floor stone. He pressed on along a path he was slightly sure he had not tried.

It was a dead end.

"Oh."

He spun on his heel and strolled back to the junction. He gawped.

The stone he had drawn on was levitating a couple of centimetres and turning to face a new destination.

"Oi!" Jack yelled. He bolted to the stone, which suddenly dropped into place as he reached it. Growling, he dug his fingernails into the cracks either side of the stone and ripped it from the ground. There was a small screech from underneath. Jack peered into the hole.

The tiniest woman he had ever seen stood in what looked like the kitchen of a miniature doll's house. She wore a frilly pink cap and a shawl the size of a stamp.

"Whattayoudoingwithourfraggingroof?" she screamed up at the pirate, shaking a minute ladle. "Putitthefragdown!"

"Ah," said Jack. "Apologies, madam."

He carefully put the stone back in place as the disturbed inhabitant ranted and raved.


Mr Wonka had suffered a similar experience. It was one thing to find that your doodles of arrows and happy faces were turning or swivelling out of sight, but he'd been quite shocked after opening up a wall-stone to see what was behind and finding a very embarrassed man smaller than an Oompa Loompa sitting on a toilet.

He'd hastened to escape the situation, a squeal of "Fragoff!" chasing him on his way.

Fanning himself with his hat, he looked resignedly at the unknown paths.

"Mr Sparrow!" he called. "How's your search goin'?"

As though there was a time zone delay, Jack's voice came after several seconds, "Awful! Little people everywhere. Won't let me keep track of meself."

Mr Wonka wandered in the vague direction of Jack's voice, turning back on himself whenever he reached the end of a path. He yelled over to where he deemed the pirate to be.

"This is certainly a pickle. I'm startin' to wish Mr Crane were here. He'd know what to do with somethin' like -."

Jack finally discovered the area he'd begun in, unless it was a very similar one. He frowned at the chocolatier being cut off.

"Wonka?"

There was a groan from behind him. Jack turned to see Ichabod crouched on the ground.

"Ah, welcome back, constable. Wonka replaced you I s'pose?" the pirate wondered.

"Most probably," sighed Crane. "That woman is unrelenting. No humanity in her at all."

Jack helped the constable to his feet.

"Not to worry, Bodders. With a bit of luck, one of us will win her over and 'ave her tame as a pussycat."

"Or she may get bored and decide to turn us into goblins anyway," Ichabod said glumly. "She got more aggressive as time passed. I wouldn't help her get what she wanted, so she wants it more."

The constable looked pointedly at Jack.

"What?" asked the pirate.

"You don't want to know what she's after?"

Jack's eyes darted momentarily.

"Do tell, Mr Crane."

Ichabod dusted off his shirt collar and sleeves as he spoke.

"She's trying to find Edward. I am not sure of the reason but she seems very determined. Somehow she knows about him too, even the place he's supposed to be found, but she cannot seem to get hold of him. Isn't that strange?"

Jack nodded.

"Oh aye, very strange."

He walked ahead of Ichabod and closed his eyes in relief. So she hadn't found the boy. No wonder she was cranky.

Constable Crane watched Jack shrewdly, and then changed the subject.

"So, what were you and Wonka doing before I arrived?"

"Trying to find a way through this maze. We tried splitting up and marking our way. Problem is, under our feet and in the walls there are lots of little people living in little 'ouses. Didn't like us making a mess of their 'ome."

"I see," said Crane with an edge of smarm.

"I suppose you have a better suggestion, Mr Crane?"

Ichabod folded his arms leisurely.

"Did you ask for directions?"