Antimatter

By tikitikirevenge

Legal note: I do not intend any profit from writing about Nintendo-owned characters. However, if you could spare a couple million dollars, I'd be much obliged…

Dark Heart of the Woods

"So dark here," said Pitch. "So cold, too."
"Shut up," said Coo, throwing a stick at Pitch.
"ARGH!" yelled Pitch. "THE PAIN!"
"Hmm…" said Kirby, as they moved deeper in. "We're here to see Whispy, right?"
The others nodded. Whispy Woods was the resident anthropomorphic tree of Green Greens, and he was quite a useful and wise friend.
"We should talk to him to see if he knows what to do," said Rick. "He's always level-headed in times of crisis."
"Actually," said Kirby, "I seem to recall that whenever crisis strikes, he always gets possessed and/or coerced into fighting us!"
"So…?" said Rick.
"So he could be possessed and evil again!" said Kirby.
"Ridiculous," said Coo, "that's just a wild and unfounded guess."
"So the fact that it's dark and cold here doesn't count?" said Kirby.
"No," said Coo.
"Or the fact that everyone here has really red eyes and is glaring at us menacingly?" said Kirby.
"No," said Coo.
"ARGH!" screamed a random Cappy, running past them. "WHISPY WOODS IS POSSESSED!"
"Aha!" said Rick. "Kirby was right!"
"I knew it all along," said Coo, who was very wise.
"Letsch find Wisspy adn eet Wadl D's," said Gooey simple-mindedly.

As it turned out, Whispy Woods had indeed been possessed by Dark Matter. It was rather unfortunate, for him at least, because whenever Whispy was possessed, someone invariably beat him up. Usually Kirby.
As Kirby and friends were about to encounter him, the outcome of this meeting should be completely unsurprising.

"Hi, Whispy," said Kirby.
"I'm Dark Matter, idi- oh, hi, Kirby, it's me, Whispy," said Whispy Woods.
"See?" said Pitch, turning to the others. "Whispy isn't possessed!"
Whispy Woods laughed maniacally and dropped an apple on Pitch, crushing him.
"Ow," said Pitch.
Whispy Woods laughed a bit more and started bombarding them with apples.
"I still hold that he's possessed," said Kirby.
They ran.
Around in circles, of course. For some strange reason, it hadn't occurred to them that leaving the vicinity would help them escape the wrath of a tree.
"Well, back to my old anti-Whispy standby," said Kirby, who was too tired after about one second of running.
He inhaled an apple…
…and spat it out at Whispy Woods!
He inhaled an apple…
…and spat it out at Whispy Woods!
He inhaled an apple…
…and spat it out at Whispy Woods!
He inhaled an apple…
…and spat it out at Whispy Woods!
He inhaled an apple…
…and spat it out at Whispy Woods!
He inhaled an-
"An orange?" said Chuchu incredulously. "Since when do apple trees- oh, gross; pretend I never said anything."
"Ooh vewy ecksotic," said Gooey, right before the eggplant he was staring at crushed him into a pulp.
"Ha!" bellowed Whispy Woods in Dark Matter's voice. "As an apple tree, I can't be defeated! When I control Pop Star, I shall be invincible!"
"Right, right," said Nago, scratching Whispy Woods in the face.
"Ow!" said Whispy Woods. "That stung!"
"Serves you right for trying to destroy everything that we all hold dear," said Nago rather self-righteously.
"HA!" shouted Whispy Woods. "You cannot defeat me, the great Dark Matter! I have tracked your progress across Green Greens, and I-"
"How?" said Coo.
"Single mind," explained Whispy Woods, who was actually Dark Matter, who was actually – oops, we'll just leave that for the un-climatic climax, shall we?

During the fight, Gooey had snuck away to hunt Waddle Dees. He met with little success. Thus Gooey was a prime candidate for your pity.

Somehow, the fight completely devolved to the point where Whispy Woods trapped everyone somewhere nasty, such as… under a giant apple!
"Oh, no," said Kirby. "Whispy Woods is going to kill us unless someone shows up at the last minute to save us!"
Fortunately and predictably, Kine showed up. "Stop!" he said. "Don't hurt my friends!"
Whispy Woods, again speaking in Dark Matter's voice, said, "Oh, yeah? And what exactly are you going to do to me, fish?"
"Oh," said someone else, "he's going to really beat you up because he's the most amazing person in the world and after that we're going to be best of friends and we'll have-"
"You brought her along?" said Chuchu angrily, motioning to the pink fish.
Kine blushed. "She won't go away; and besides, I thought it would make for a useful distraction."
"Fair enough."
"How did the seven of you get trapped under that apple, anyway?" said Kine.
"Shut up!" shouted Whispy Woods a. k. a. Dark Matter.
The annoying pink fish held her ground. "-but then if that happens, that'll be okay because we're, like, like, you know, like the greatest couple ever and then we'll all be best friends and the world will be perfect and-"
"Come closer!" shouted Whispy Woods, straining to attack the fish.
"I'm just going to sit down and watch the show," said Kine.
"Oh, but I don't need to," said the pink fish, giggling, "because Kine is, like, the best fish in the entire universe and-"
"GARGH!" yelled Whispy Woods, and he broke away from the ground, and started walking on his roots towards the pink fish.
"-then that evil person will have to listen to reason and Kine will-"
Whispy Woods walked closer, beginning to bombard the fish with fruit.
The pink fish didn't notice. "-which will, of course, you know, mean that- OOH a tree out of the ground!"
Whispy Woods looked down. "Oops. Well, this body is useless, then." With a loud bang!, Dark Matter zoomed out of Whispy Woods. "Curse you, you vile and utterly annoying fish!" he yelled, before zooming away.
It finally occurred to Kirby that he could just inhale the apple pinning them down, and promptly did so.
"Oh, not again," said Whispy Woods, looking down. "Uh, could someone push me back to my usual spot? Before I die, you know?"
"Oh, okay," said Coo. And all of them pushed Whispy back.
"Well, all is well," said Kirby.
"Yay!" squealed the pink fish. "Now everything's better and it's all because Kine was such a brave-"
-Chuchu grabbed the pink fish by the tail and dragged her off.
"You know, for once, I actually approve of Chuchu's homicidal tendencies," said Kine, relieved. "You have no idea how b-"
"I can guess," said Nago.
They fell silent.
"So," said Kirby, sitting down.

"-and you're also a girl and that's wonderful because we can be the bestest friends ever and that will be so-"
"This," said Chuchu, raising a tentacle, "is for giving a bad name to females."
The pink fish wondered what was about to happen.

"Wow, that's loud," said Kirby.

"This," said Chuchu, "is for giving a bad name to aquatic creatures!"

"Anyone bring popcorn?" said Coo.
"No," said Rick.
"Pity."

"This is for giving a bad name to pink people! This is for giving a bad name to female aquatic creatures! This is for giving a bad name to female pink creatures! This is for giving a bad name to aquatic female creatures! This is for giving a bad name to aquatic pink creatures! This is for giving a bad name to pink females! This is for giving a bad name to pink aquatic creatures! This is for giving a bad name to female aquatic pink creatures! This is for giving a bad name to female pink aquatic creatures! This is for…"

For the record, the pink fish fully deserved it.