Antimatter
By tikitikirevenge
Legal note: I do not intend any profit from writing about Nintendo-owned characters. However, if you could spare a couple million dollars, I'd be much obliged…
Dark Heart of the Woods
"So dark here," said Pitch. "So
cold, too."
"Shut up," said Coo, throwing a stick at
Pitch.
"ARGH!" yelled Pitch. "THE PAIN!"
"Hmm…"
said Kirby, as they moved deeper in. "We're here to see Whispy,
right?"
The others nodded. Whispy Woods was the resident
anthropomorphic tree of Green Greens, and he was quite a useful and
wise friend.
"We should talk to him to see if he knows what to
do," said Rick. "He's always level-headed in times of
crisis."
"Actually," said Kirby, "I seem to recall that
whenever crisis strikes, he always gets possessed and/or coerced into
fighting us!"
"So…?" said Rick.
"So he could be
possessed and evil again!" said Kirby.
"Ridiculous," said
Coo, "that's just a wild and unfounded guess."
"So the
fact that it's dark and cold here doesn't count?" said
Kirby.
"No," said Coo.
"Or the fact that everyone here
has really red eyes and is glaring at us menacingly?" said
Kirby.
"No," said Coo.
"ARGH!" screamed a random Cappy,
running past them. "WHISPY WOODS IS POSSESSED!"
"Aha!"
said Rick. "Kirby was right!"
"I knew it all along," said
Coo, who was very wise.
"Letsch find Wisspy adn eet Wadl D's,"
said Gooey simple-mindedly.
As it turned out, Whispy Woods had
indeed been possessed by Dark Matter. It was rather unfortunate, for
him at least, because whenever Whispy was possessed, someone
invariably beat him up. Usually Kirby.
As Kirby and friends were
about to encounter him, the outcome of this meeting should be
completely unsurprising.
"Hi, Whispy," said Kirby.
"I'm
Dark Matter, idi- oh, hi, Kirby, it's me, Whispy," said Whispy
Woods.
"See?" said Pitch, turning to the others. "Whispy
isn't possessed!"
Whispy Woods laughed maniacally and dropped
an apple on Pitch, crushing him.
"Ow," said Pitch.
Whispy
Woods laughed a bit more and started bombarding them with apples.
"I
still hold that he's possessed," said Kirby.
They ran.
Around
in circles, of course. For some strange reason, it hadn't occurred
to them that leaving the vicinity would help them escape the wrath of
a tree.
"Well, back to my old anti-Whispy standby," said
Kirby, who was too tired after about one second of running.
He
inhaled an apple…
…and spat it out at Whispy Woods!
He
inhaled an apple…
…and spat it out at Whispy Woods!
He
inhaled an apple…
…and spat it out at Whispy Woods!
He
inhaled an apple…
…and spat it out at Whispy Woods!
He
inhaled an apple…
…and spat it out at Whispy Woods!
He
inhaled an-
"An orange?" said Chuchu incredulously.
"Since when do apple trees- oh, gross; pretend I never said
anything."
"Ooh vewy ecksotic," said Gooey, right before the
eggplant he was staring at crushed him into a pulp.
"Ha!"
bellowed Whispy Woods in Dark Matter's voice. "As an apple tree,
I can't be defeated! When I control Pop Star, I shall be
invincible!"
"Right, right," said Nago, scratching
Whispy Woods in the face.
"Ow!" said Whispy Woods. "That
stung!"
"Serves you right for trying to destroy everything
that we all hold dear," said Nago rather self-righteously.
"HA!"
shouted Whispy Woods. "You cannot defeat me, the great Dark Matter!
I have tracked your progress across Green Greens, and I-"
"How?"
said Coo.
"Single mind," explained Whispy Woods, who was
actually Dark Matter, who was actually – oops, we'll just leave
that for the un-climatic climax, shall we?
During the fight, Gooey had snuck away to hunt Waddle Dees. He met with little success. Thus Gooey was a prime candidate for your pity.
Somehow, the
fight completely devolved to the point where Whispy Woods trapped
everyone somewhere nasty, such as… under a giant apple!
"Oh,
no," said Kirby. "Whispy Woods is going to kill us unless someone
shows up at the last minute to save us!"
Fortunately and
predictably, Kine showed up. "Stop!" he said. "Don't hurt my
friends!"
Whispy Woods, again speaking in Dark Matter's voice,
said, "Oh, yeah? And what exactly are you going to do to me,
fish?"
"Oh," said someone else, "he's going to really
beat you up because he's the most amazing person in the world
and after that we're going to be best of friends and we'll
have-"
"You brought her along?" said Chuchu angrily,
motioning to the pink fish.
Kine blushed. "She won't go away;
and besides, I thought it would make for a useful distraction."
"Fair
enough."
"How did the seven of you get trapped under that
apple, anyway?" said Kine.
"Shut up!" shouted Whispy Woods
a. k. a. Dark Matter.
The annoying pink fish held her ground.
"-but then if that happens, that'll be okay because we're,
like, like, you know, like the greatest couple ever and then
we'll all be best friends and the world will be perfect
and-"
"Come closer!" shouted Whispy Woods, straining to
attack the fish.
"I'm just going to sit down and watch the
show," said Kine.
"Oh, but I don't need to," said the pink
fish, giggling, "because Kine is, like, the best fish in the
entire universe and-"
"GARGH!" yelled Whispy Woods,
and he broke away from the ground, and started walking on his roots
towards the pink fish.
"-then that evil person will have to
listen to reason and Kine will-"
Whispy Woods walked closer,
beginning to bombard the fish with fruit.
The pink fish didn't
notice. "-which will, of course, you know, mean that- OOH a
tree out of the ground!"
Whispy Woods looked down. "Oops.
Well, this body is useless, then." With a loud bang!, Dark
Matter zoomed out of Whispy Woods. "Curse you, you vile and utterly
annoying fish!" he yelled, before zooming away.
It finally
occurred to Kirby that he could just inhale the apple pinning them
down, and promptly did so.
"Oh, not again," said Whispy Woods,
looking down. "Uh, could someone push me back to my usual spot?
Before I die, you know?"
"Oh, okay," said Coo. And all of
them pushed Whispy back.
"Well, all is well," said
Kirby.
"Yay!" squealed the pink fish. "Now everything's
better and it's all because Kine was such a brave-"
-Chuchu
grabbed the pink fish by the tail and dragged her off.
"You
know, for once, I actually approve of Chuchu's homicidal
tendencies," said Kine, relieved. "You have no idea how b-"
"I
can guess," said Nago.
They fell silent.
"So," said
Kirby, sitting down.
"-and you're also a girl and
that's wonderful because we can be the bestest friends ever and
that will be so-"
"This," said Chuchu, raising a tentacle,
"is for giving a bad name to females."
The pink fish wondered
what was about to happen.
"Wow, that's loud," said Kirby.
"This," said Chuchu, "is for giving a bad name to aquatic creatures!"
"Anyone bring popcorn?" said
Coo.
"No," said Rick.
"Pity."
"This is for giving a bad name to pink people! This is for giving a bad name to female aquatic creatures! This is for giving a bad name to female pink creatures! This is for giving a bad name to aquatic female creatures! This is for giving a bad name to aquatic pink creatures! This is for giving a bad name to pink females! This is for giving a bad name to pink aquatic creatures! This is for giving a bad name to female aquatic pink creatures! This is for giving a bad name to female pink aquatic creatures! This is for…"
For the
record, the pink fish fully deserved it.
