I've never really noticed how cold parts of the Dauntless compound is, but I've never wandered around partially clothed before either. I steadily move away from the infirmary, and towards what I hope is my bunkroom. My ankles hurt, and my wrists hurt, and my head hurts, and I wish I was asleep in my bed, but the first thing I'm going to accomplish is a shower and brushing my teeth. I have no clue what time it is, but by the time I get back to my room I figure it's only a few hours before everyone else is us. I grab my things, my towel, my toothbrush, and a new set of clothes that includes pants, and march to the bathroom.

I reset the shower spray twice and relish in a longer-than-normal shower. The hot water stings the wound on my head, but it makes my muscles go from feeling line grinding stones to feeling like stiff jelly. When I don't see any more blood washing down the drain, I just stand there. I think about Adele, and I think about the men that nearly killed me tonight, and I think about my brother and Eric coming to my rescue when I thought there wouldn't be one. I think about the worry on my brother's face, and the rage on Eric's. I think about everything until I'm tired of thinking about it.

I climb out of the shower and dress in my clean clothes, barring my boots and socks. I leave my hair loose so I don't agitate my cut, and I wash my face again to make sure that there isn't any makeup, or blood, or vomit left. Then I spend ten minutes brushing my teeth. Once that laborious task is completed and I feel like I can talk without gagging, I head back to my room to stash my things. I find my socks, and I lace up my boots, and I leave.


I don't know where I'm going, but I feel like I can't sit still. I head towards the Pit, and as soon as I step out into the open I know there are too many people around, never mind that they only number twenty or so. No one looks twice at me, and I take it as a godsend that no one has heard about what happened in the middle of the night. I flee the room, and I head towards the chasm, and I pause at the edge of the walkway. I don't fear what happened, because it didn't; they didn't throw me over, I didn't fall into the water, I didn't die.

I put one foot in front of the other and I make myself cross the bridge. I haven't been through this part of the complex, so I figure it's a nice place to get lost in. The tunnels are a little better lit, the floors are smoothed out a bit more, and I don't feel like I'm going to bleed every time I bump a wall. After I travel a few yards down the hall, doors begin to appear at random. They look solid, and well built, and exactly the same. They aren't marked with anything, and they don't seem to be numbered, so I have no way of telling them apart. I keep going.

I turn this way and that, and weave around corners, and every so often the floor will rise for one or two steps, then slope back down. I walk until there isn't anywhere else to walk to. I reach a dead end, but I don't feel like turning around, so I put my back to the wall and just sit. It's quiet. I put my head on my knees and I think I sleep.


"Olivia."

"Olivia."

"Stop kicking me, Eric," I say, shoving his foot away.

"Where the fuck have you been? Four's been looking for you since you disappeared last night."

"I didn't disappear," I tell him, moving my hair out of my face.

"No one's seen you in eight hours."

Has it been that long? I must have been more tired than I thought.

"Sorry," I say faintly. "What time is it?"

"One in the afternoon. You were supposed to stay in the infirmary last night. You have a concussion."

"I didn't want to," I tell him, climbing to my feet. My knees are stiff. "And it's not like the nurses tried to stop me."

He rolls his eyes, and I lean against the wall.

"Well," I say. "You found me. Now what do you want?"

"Four wants you brought back to the infirmary. He even said you'd argue."

"He's right. I'm not going."

"Fine. Make sure you're at training in the morning."

He turns his back to walk away.

"I want to go on a train ride," I say before I can think about it.

"What?"

He turns to look at me and I have to make the decision to keep going; my mouth is dry and my tongue is sticking to the roof of my mouth.

"A train ride. You said the next time I needed to clear my head I should go on a train ride. I can't go without a Dauntless member."

"So take Four."

"It was your idea."

"I'm not going."

"Why not?"

"I don't have to tell you why not. I'm not going."

"Are you scared?"

Something in his eyes darkens, and a chill runs through my fingers, but I refuse to be afraid. He stalks towards me, tall and looming, his boots hitting the floor quietly. It isn't until he's less than a foot away from me and I'm backed up against the tunnel wall that I realize how much bigger he is than me. Eric is about six feet tall, maybe a few inches more, and he's at least twice my size. He's intimidating, I'll give him that, but it's not like I have anywhere to run with my back pressed against the wall. I meet his eyes, and I have to tip my head back to do so.

"Do you want to repeat that, transfer?" he says softly.

"No, not really. But I feel like I'll scream if I have to stay here any longer, and you look like you still want to punch something. We both need a break. I'm offering you an excuse to disappear for a few hours."


We jump off of the same roof I arrived on. It's more violent this time; there isn't much room to gain a running start, so when I grab hold of an open car, the train pulls me off my feet and I have to pull myself in before I fall. Eric doesn't have the same trouble. His movement is a graceful 1-2-3 run-grab-pull that I hope I'll be able to accomplish sometime in the future. I sit on the edge of the car and let my legs hang out the door. My hair whips around until I catch it in a loose ponytail; it aggravates my cut a little.

Eric sits further into the train car, backed up against the metal sides with his legs stretched out in front of him and his arms crossed. He leans his head back and closes his eyes, and seems to drop off to sleep. Without his eyes on me, I'm free to examine the tattoos on his arms; the stylized blocks have been extended to his elbows instead of stopping half way there. I turn away and leave him be.

We're headed away from the city, towards the fence and the Amity farms. I don't know if Eric wants to go all the way to the end of the line, but I don't question him right now. I watch the rest of the city whiz by, factionless and broken. Grey buildings made of concrete, like in Abnegation, buildings made of glass and steel, and some smaller buildings made of brick. Even though this part of the city is technically factionless, I don't think they live this far out. These buildings are just empty.

I close my eyes and I let the wind roar and the wheels bump against the tracks, and I stop thinking.


It takes an hour for the train to reach the fence. I can see it in the distance before we reach it, and it extends in either directions towards the horizon and farther than I can see. It's twelve feet tall, and the top is interwoven with barbed wire. I stand on the lip of the car door, and lean out. Of what I can see beyond the fence, it's beautiful outside the city. The sky is blue, and the fields are green, and the air smells cleaner than it ever has in the city.

I pull myself back into the train car and walk towards Eric. He's still asleep like he has been the whole time. I call his name and nudge his boots with the end of mine, just like he did when he woke me up. He doesn't stir. I repeat myself, and kick him a little harder. Nothing. I give up and walk a little closer.

"Eric," I say again, this time shaking his shoulder.

His hand comes up and grabs my wrist, but he isn't harsh; I don't know if it's because he doesn't consider me a threat, or because he's always this slow when he's been asleep, which I doubt. He blinks up at me, and standing this close to him I can tell his eyes are green and grey, and slowly let's my wrist go.

"What?"

"We're nearing the fence. Are we going all the way around or are we walking back?"

"If we go all the way around the city, we won't make it back for training in the morning," he says.

"Walking it is then," I say.

"There's half a mile of grass between the edge of the city and the fence. We'll jump there."

I nod, and go back to the car door.

I don't hear Eric get to his feet, but I can feel him behind me, watching the fence just like I am. The train slows down, not much but enough to be noticeable, as we near the fence. He doesn't have to tell me to jump when we reach the grass. I tuck my knees in and roll, just like brother taught us how to take a fall, and just lay on the ground, my limbs spread out in the grass. Eric jumps, hits the ground, and only has to take a few steps to regain his balance. I thread my fingers through the blades and pluck a few.

"Quite marveling at the grass, and come one," he says, heading back the way we came; we should be able to follow the tracks all the way back to Dauntless headquarters.

"We didn't have grass in Abnegation, just gravel," I say climbing to my feet and following him.

"You can come back and roll in the dirt after you pass initiation."

"What makes you think I will?" I ask, pushing myself up on my elbows.

He's only about ten feet from me, and he just keeps walking. I scramble to my feet and follow him, gaining slowly until I'm walking evenly with him, despite his longer gait. He pretends like he hasn't heard me and I count to thirty before I repeat the question.

"What makes you think I'll pass initiation?"

"What makes you think you won't?"

"Because I don't know what the others are capable of," I pause, "Az is a better fighter, but not as good as a shot; Harper isn't a good shot at all really, but he's both resourceful and vicious in the ring, never mind if he was actually having to fight for his life or someone else's; I wouldn't stand a chance in a fight with either of them. I have no idea what the Dauntless born initiates can do. They've been doing this their whole lives, so I have to assume they're better than I am. I'm mediocre, middle of the pile, not the worst, but not the best, and if I'm not the best I can't be sure of where I'll be ranked; if I don't know where I rank, I might as well be out of the running."

"Has anyone ever told you you think like and Erudite?" he asks.

"Yes," I say.

"So why didn't you transfer there?"

"The Erudite give us medicine, and technology, and solutions for problems I didn't know we had," I tell him, "but that's all they care about, how smart you are, what kind of knowledge you can store in your brain, that's it. They wouldn't care if their brother strangled three people, because they would have to assume it was for a good reason. They're selfish, and I don't say that as a bad thing, because I think everyone needs to be selfish at some point, but that's all they are: smart and selfish. They could consume the world and think nothing of is so long as they had someone to gloat to."

"You still haven't given me an answer."

I let my arms swing at my sides for several paces. He's asked two questions I've never had to verbally answer to. I don't know why, not logically, I didn't choose Erudite, I just knew that wasn't where I belong.

"I wanted a family," I say quietly. "I wanted something to make me want to get out of bed in the morning, something I can protect and keep safe, something that wouldn't be a power struggle my entire life, like Erudite."

"Why not Amity?"

"'m too violent," I say simply.


Eric and I have been walking for an hour and are trekking on concrete before either of us says anything else. I don't recognize any of the buildings, but the feel of the city is familiar, and reminds me of Tobias and me walking to school in the morning.

"Where are we?"

"About eight miles south of the compound," Eric says.

"Will it take us long to walk?"

"Shouldn't."

"I want to thank you, but I don't know how."

"Thank me for what?" he splutters.

Oops, I think, I surprised him.

"Getting involved last night. Hitting those men when I couldn't. Saving my life."

"Four's the one who pulled you back over."

"You think he could have done that with two men his size trying to stop him? Maybe eventually, but not before I fell. You both saved my life; you're just the one getting thanked first. So, thank you."

"You're welcome."

"And I don't think I'll be hanging around the chasm much anymore."

"Good."