So before I start my story I would like to thank "Candi711" for always leaving such nice and insightful reviews that make me want to write more. This chapter is dedicated to you, and your wonderful ideas may or may not be incorporated ;).

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Belleview Hospital

Monday, June 15th

11:16 PM

Bethany lies comfortably in the hospital bed. The rape kit had been done and now all Liv and I have to do is go over her statement.

"You can leave if you need to, Amanda." Liv tips her head towards me as she gets out her pen and pad of paper. We stand next to Bethany's bed.

The young girl (a few years younger than me) looks up at me with pity. That's a new one. The victim looking at ME with pity.

I clear my throat and plaster on a smile "I'm fine Liv; you can start whenever you're ready Bethany."

Bethany nods and grabs my hand. We have become quite close in the past hour. There's an unspoken bond there, one that runs deep because of what we have both been through. It's hard to explain if you're never experienced it.

"I was dancing with my friend. A guy grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him. I didn't think anything of it because it's a club you know? You end up dancing on random people all the time. He was cute so I didn't mind. I should have been more careful you know, I had read the newspaper about this guy. I knew that he had raped other blonde girls."

She shoots me a look and grips my hand tighter. I cringe. For a split second I forgot that I was a rape victim. I also forgot that it had made the front page of the newspaper. "DETECTIVE FALLS PREY TO UPPER EAST SIDE CLUB RAPIST"

Nick and Finn had tried to keep me away from the paper that morning. It had worked, until a uni walked in with it in his hands to get a cup of copy and left it siting by the pot. Needless to say Liv was not happy and sent him away from the squad room. There was a lot of yelling involved.

Tears are streaming down her face faster and faster and now it is my turn to squeeze her hand. I try and ignore my own emotions. They claw at my brain and demand my attention.

"It's okay, it's not your fault" I hear myself whisper as if consoling a child. I idly wipe hair out of her eyes and give her a smile.

Liv looks at me concerned from the corner of her eye. I can tell she is worried, and probably has a right to be.

"He was just so cute. His eyes are what struck me the most, such a pretty blue. They look just like yours detective."

I was going to correct her and have her call me Amanda when I registered what she had said. I can tell Liv does too; her head whips to the side to catch my eyes.

"Did you say his eyes were blue?"

Bethany nods "that's why I had my guard down. The papers said he had dark hair and eyes, but the Patrick I met had blue eyes and light brown hair."

Liv and I exchange glances. He's smarter than we thought. Not only has he changed his hunting grounds but he's changed his appearance as well as home. He could be virtually anywhere.

I feel the demons start to claw their way to the surface. Visions of that night swarm my vision until I can see nothing else.

"I'm sorry, if you'll excuse me I have to go." My voice is hazy, dissociated. I turn abruptly and practically run out of the room.

Tears get in the way of seeing and I stumble down the hallway. The flurry of the ER hits me head on and confuses me even more.

Adrenaline pumps through my veins. A doctor puts his arm on me to see if I am alright and I swing my arm backwards, connecting with his face.

I continue to run until I get to a bathroom. It is empty and smells way too clean.

Sobs wrack my frame so violently that I have to bend over to keep from toppling down. This world is cruel, too cruel. I don't know what I have done to deserve this. There is no God, and if there is he's a pretty shitty person.

I must have done something before I was even born to deserve a life like this. HOW IS THAT FAIR?

I stand suddenly angry and punch the mirror. The glass explodes around my fist and I let out a surprised gasp as the shards dig into my flesh.

Blood trickles down my knuckles and palm. I open my hand flat and constrict it again. The pain actually makes me feel better.

Exhausted, I pick the biggest stall at the end of the row and curl up on the floor. My cries are the only sound in the empty room.

I must have drifted off, because I register a gasp just above me and slowly open my eyes.

"Oh Amada, what have you done?" Liv stands over me with tears welled up in her eyes.

I start to cry as I think she is chastising me. I realize I misunderstood when she sits on the floor next to me and pulls me into her arms.

I cry and cry and cry.

All the while she just strokes my hair and whispers lightly to me. Blood gets onto her pants but she doesn't seem to mind.

A doctor comes in and patches my hand and then leaves. I tell Liv we should go but she just shushes me and says we will stay here as long as I need to.

The tears resume even more this time, but she doesn't seem to mind. She never interrupts me or tells me to suck it up.

For the first time I wonder if I may be able to find a friend in Olivia Benson after all.

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Rikers Island

Tuesday, June 16th

11:15 AM

I slam down Bethany Youngs picture and sit down across from Max Johnson. He doesn't even look at the picture.

Riker prison clothing doesn't suit him.

The cocky SOB has lost his charm. He sits grim faced and handcuffed.

"So here's what's up Maxy. Your boy Patrick has raped another girl and threatened a police officer. Now we can't find him, so we're looking to pin it all on you. But maybe, just maybe, if you know where he is then we might be able to make a deal and call off the DA."

Max jumps forward in his chair "No way man, you can't pin this shit on me. The little brown haired bitch and Latino detective already threatened me with this. I'm done man. I didn't do shit. All the girls deserved it, wanted it even. Especially the cop, she was way eager."

Anger flashes through my veins as he mentions Amanda but I don't let it get to me, this case is way too important.

I laugh and sit backwards, leaning deeper into my chair. "All of a sudden so confident for being in handcuffs are we Maxy? Let's remember you're already being charged for possession of GHB and attempted rape of 6 girls. 6 girls. One of them being a police office, that's bad. Now the judge will be more lenient on you if you give us information we need."

It looks like he's considering giving something up for a second. Instead he just tries to spit onto me.

I jump up and grab the chains around his wrists, pulling him forward and slamming his face into the table.

Cries of protest escape his lips but the guard just looks down and tries not to laugh. I wink at him and look back at Max.

"You know what you're right, you are definitely in the place to be acting like a prick" I turn to leave "I hope you have a fun stint in prison. It might do you some good to be someone's bitch."

I motion at the guards to unlock the cell and the door comes open. I set one foot out and hear a protest from Max.

"Wait" his voice is urgent.

I turn around slowly and throw my head to one side. "Do you have something to say, Maxy?" I smile and he grits his teeth.

"Don't be an ass I'm trying to help you." He waits until I wipe the smile off my face before he continues. When he starts to talk it is so quiet I have to take several steps forward.

"Watch out okay? If he's made threats against your partner then he intends for them to come true. He's a psycho. I'd watch her back if I were you. He's smarter than he looks."

After his rant is done he levels out his face again. "See you later asshole."

I turn and leave with a grim face. Amanda is in danger and the worst thing is I can hardly do anything about it.

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SVU Precinct

Tuesday, June 16th

2:13 PM

The squad room is alive with activity. I walk just past the doors and stop. I take a deep breath and let the familiar senses flood my nose and ears.

It feels good, almost like home. I do not know how long I stand there but Nick stays with me the whole time.

I really don't deserve him. He is a good, kind, loyal man. It has been just over a week since I was raped. It feels like it has been a lifetime. I am tired all the time. The strength to go on is sucking the life out of me.

"Amanda, are you okay?" I open my eyes and stare into Nick's dark brown ones. His eyes are gorgeous.

Thankfully I haven't totally gone mad and mistaken him for Patrick. Something I thought I would do because the both of them have dark features. Well at least now Patrick is more lightly colored.

I nod and smile, a genuine smile. "Actually, I am. I feel…. At peace. Ready to move?"

It's funny, I ask him but he's not the one who's holding us back. He just nods and laces his fingers through mine.

The buzz of the station slows slightly as everyone looks but picks up pretty quickly. My eyes are down but I have a feeling Nick is shooting everyone death stares.

There are still bruises on my face but I'm use to covering them with makeup anyway.

"There's my Barbie girl." Fin walks across the room from the coffee pot and stands in front of me. His eyes peer into mine as if to see if I am still me, still sane. Relief washes over him as I smile.

Fin gave me the nickname Barbie on my first day. I didn't take offense as he wasn't using it as an insult. Now and again he calls me Barbie to cheer me up. It almost always works.

"Hey Fin; I'm really sorry I haven't made an effort to see you this past week. I've been…..I've been." I don't know how to explain myself. It's not fair to him really; Nick is the only one I want to see. The only one I know that won't judge me.

I subconsciously know that my team won't judge me, but I can't help but not trust anyone.

He silences me by pulling me into a bear hug. I can't help but cringe. His arms are huge, overbearing. Suffocating me until I can't breathe.

"Fin, Fin stop let go." I squirm out of his arms and bend over wheezing. He lets me go instantly but it doesn't matter.

Nick rubs circles on my back and helps me straighten up. He tucks me protectively into the side of his body and his arm raps around my waist.

"Amanda I'm sorry….. I didn't think….." Fin stands in front of me bewildered.

I wave my hand "No it's okay; it's not your fault. You're just so big and your arms hugged me so tight…."

The situation quickly becomes awkward until Liv walks in.

"Oh Amanda, I didn't know you were coming in this afternoon. Well if you're ready to work lets go. Fin you told me you found something?" Liv continues to throw me worried glances as we walk toward the timeline.

Nick wanted to move it out of the main room and into a private room but I told him no. I wasn't going to hide. If people want to see me up on this board then fine, they're going to learn all the details sooner than later.

"Yeah, I went through Patrick's records, Barba got the warrant scary fast. 2 months ago his wife was dragged into an alley, raped, and beaten to death. Ever since then he's been doing it to other girls, what kind of sick shit is that."

The tension is palpable. I am sitting on a desk and Nick is standing next to me rubbing my shoulder for support.

Liv and Fin don't even react to our closeness anymore. It's common place now.

"Well that explains his jump. Strange how he doesn't kill his victims though. Now we need to discuss what his relationship is with you, Amanda. If he is as smart as he's leading on the situation is very dangerous. We need to catch him before he rapes another girl." Liv looks at the timeline thinking. I can practically see the gears grinding in her head.

I jump up and walk towards her and go to touch her shoulder but wince when I accidently use my bandaged hand "Let me lure him in. I'll go undercover again. I'll just go out and get groceries or something."

Scoffs come from every member in the room. Protests meet my ears almost immediately.

"Amanda are you crazy? You can't go under again!" Nick jumps up next to me and grabs onto my hand. Fear was evident in his eyes.

I shake off his hand and go to stand by the timeline. "Regina York, Amelia Montgomery, Spencer James, Cassidy Sanchez, Kelli Hastings, Bethany Young, and Amanda Rollins."

I slam my fist down on our pictures as I speak each name.

"All of them, all of us were raped by the same man. I will do ANYTHING I can to help prevent another face from showing up on this hellish board. Let me do something only I can do. Please."

I look over to Liv for support but all I get is a deep sigh and hands covering her face.

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Nick is silent the whole way home. I don't blame him. I'm sure he is angry at me.

I try and talk to him on the way home but he doesn't answer. Just grips the steering wheel tighter.

The rest of the night is silent. He goes into my bedroom and shuts the door. I can tell he is pacing, the floor boards creak under his weight.

I take Frannie for a walk around the block while he is in the room. I don't think he hears me go. I return quickly and lay on the couch.

I watch Netflix and dose on and off until I hear him come out of the bedroom. I look at my phone; it is 8:30 PM.

Liv had sent us home right after my revelation even though we had just got there. Our caseload is way lighter than it normally is so she sent everyone home.

This case is everyone's main priority because we have no other cases.

Nick walks towards me with a box in his hand.

I untangle myself from the blanket cocoon I find myself in and make room for Nick to sit next to me.

He sits silently and puts the box in my hand. It is black and wrapped with a blue ribbon. My name is written on the top of it with spiraling, graceful letters.

"What… What is this?" It is sitting in my lap but I don't feel incline to open it. I just feel guilty.

Nick puts the box next to me on the couch and grabs my hands. He looks into my eyes and smiles slightly.

"I know you want to set a trap for him, and that's really, really brave. But you have to understand that it's scary for me too. To see you in pain, it hurts me. You have to know that. Because if that trap goes wrong, if something else happens to you…."

I look at him with curious eyes. I'm not sure what he's getting at. I'm also not sure why he cares; I'm not used to anyone caring about me.

"Nick….."

He puts up a hand to stop me. "Let me finish 'Manda. I'm sure you're sitting here wondering why I'm blabbering on about this and what's in this box. I've wanted to tell you something for a while. I don't want you to get scared and run or something….."

Now it's my turn to stop him "Nick, you're starting to scare me."

He smiles and shakes his head. "Amanda I'm trying to tell you….. I love you. And I have for like weeks on weeks now. I am head over heels, madly in love with you. I can't imagine saying that to anyone else, living with anyone else. If anyone else had brought home a stray cat I would have flipped, or at least been annoyed. But not you, Amanda. It's always been you."

Tears stream down my face while I start to laugh, Nick attempts to wipe them. I have never heard those words before in my life, expect from Kim but I don't think she means it. A man has never said those words to me.

I break out into hysterical laughter. I laugh so hard I can barely breathe.

"Why are you laughing?" Nick looks confused but I just jump up and wrap my arms around his neck.

Cruella hops up on the couch next to me and tries to lie in my lap but I am practically in Nicks.

"Because" I continue to laugh "I've never been so happy. I love you Nick. I really, really do."

Relief washes over his face and he jumps off the couch. In a fast movement he lifts me up and starts to spin me.

It's a way overly dramatic spectacle, but with all the darkness that's clouded us recently it's amazing.

Now we're both crying and I'm sure we look off our rockers.

Time seems to stop. I realize this is what I've been craving all of my life. I've never had it until this moment, love. I kiss him swiftly and his hands come up to reach my face. He brushes a stray hair out of my eye and kisses me again.

I climb out of his arms but still remain attached to his side.

"Now what's in the damn box?" Nick let's go of me and I walk toward the box that's now on the floor. I don't remember when it had fallen but I don't really care.

He smiles as I open it and for the first time I realize how dazzling it is. I don't know if I have just never noticed it before or if I did that to his smile.

My breath is caught in my throat.

A silk, black dress lies gracefully in the box. I pull it out and let out a gasp. It's the prettiest dress I've ever seen.

"Nick, this must have cost a fortune. You didn't have to do this."

When I lift it out I notice a sticky note on the bottom. It reads:

Wear me

Dinner and dancing tonight

9:30

Love, Nick

He smiles up at me. "Get dressed and be ready in 15. Love you."

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Finished this pretty quick, review if ya want. Love you guys.