A/N: My apologies for the long wait, beautiful readers, I've been incredibly busy with end-of-semester work. I can't thank all of you enough for the wonderful and encouraging reviews and messages. I hope you continue to enjoy the story, and I will do my best to update more regularly.

Before we get on with it, there's one thing I want to address quickly. Several of you have reviewed or messaged me expressing dismay at Finn's actions in the previous chapter, when he explodes and walks out on Rae. None of this was exactly pleasant to come up with and write, but we must remember that Finn is a 17 year-old-boy. He is wonderful for Rae, but he is not perfect. He has his own problems, insecurities, and anxieties - they're all there in the marvelous subtleties of Nico's performance on the show. As much as we want him to be, Finn cannot be patient and understanding all of the time. Sometimes his frustration and temper will get the best of him. It's hard to always know what to say or do around someone like Rae, whose own insecurities and fears get in the way of her ability to communicate effectively. No relationship is smooth sailing, and the true test of their longevity will be how well they can resolve the problems that arise and adapt to one another's needs.

Finn didn't have a plan of what to say when he called Rae up, he just knew he had to talk to her or something was going to snap inside of him. She didn't have to talk to him, not if she didn't want to, he didn't care, he just wanted to be near her again, to crawl back into that welcoming shared skin they sometimes inhabited together.

The phone rang for a long time and he almost gave up before someone finally picked up at the other end.

"Yes?"

That deep voice certainly didn't belong to Rae or her mother.

"Yeah, Mr Bou -" He had no clue how to pronounce Karim's last name.

"Is Karim."

"Right, um, I was just wondering – "

"Speak too fast."

Finn didn't know much French, having elected to study Spanish at college, and he certainly didn't have a word of Arabic. So he tried to keep it basic. "Rae? Is Rae in?"

"No."

"Right. D'you know when… d'you know when she'll be back?"

"Rae… Rae hopital, avec maman."

"Rae's in hospital?" Finn shouted, his voice sliding up an octave to crack on the last syllable. If she'd done anything stupid, if she'd hurt herself, it was all his fault, he'd driven her to it. He'd shouted at her, and then he'd walked out. He'd walked out and left her alone. He felt dizzy and clutched the receiver hard.

"Ami," said Karim, who seemed to have given up on English. "Meilleure ami. La fille petit."

"Sorry, I don't speak – did you say friend? She's gone to hospital to see a friend, the little – "

"Yes. Tix-fille," Karim said, sounding relieved.

Finn nearly dropped the phone with relief. "She's alright, then? Rae? She's alright?"

"Triste," Karim said.

Sad. Rae was sad. That made Finn want to punch himself. "Can I leave a message for her?" he asked Karim.

Karim didn't say anything, but the line hadn't disconnected. "Hello?" Finn said. "Hello?"

He heard something that sounded like a plunger being drawn from a toilet. Then Karim was back. "Rae," he said. And then there was a soft intake of breath on the other end, and Finn felt his insides melt. Even the sound of her breath…

"Rae?"

"Yeah?" her voice was small.

"S'me."

"I know."

"Um…" he fumbled for the words. However bad he was with speaking, his difficulties were magnified a hundredfold over the phone, when he couldn't see her, touch her, read her. "Er, what was that funny sound I just heard?"

"That was my mum snogging Karim," Rae said, a hint of wryness creeping into her voice. Finn took courage from this.

"Rae, I'm shite over the phone and I…."

She waited, not helping him.

"Can you come round to mine, first thing tomorrow? I want to talk to ya, but proper, face to face. I – I know I upset ya, and I want to make it right…"

"Me too," she said, but he could hear the trepidation in her voice.

"Everything – we got all mucked up yesterday. I… I fucked up. I was upset with ya, but I shouldn't'a left. I wanted us to talk but – but I didn't give ya much of a chance. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too," she said.

"So you'll come round, then?"

"Yes."

"Early as you like. Nine? We can have the whole day together."

"I'd like that," she said, almost shyly, and Finn pictured the rosy blush that always crept up her neck when she was feeling that heady mixture of elation and bashfulness that he found so endearing.

"You blushin'?" he had to ask, his face cracking into a smile for the first time since their fight.

"How d'you always know these things?" she demanded. "You can't even see me!"

"S'in your voice," he told her. "You blush in your voice."

Finn hardly slept that night. He awoke abruptly at 7 and that was it for sleeping. He laid in bed staring at the ceiling until he heard his parents leave for work, and then after fidgeting about and inventing useless tasks for himself, at 8:30 he took up his station at the window to watch for Rae. An excruciating 37 minutes followed, with Finn keeping one eye on the clock and the other on the window. Rae was seven minutes late, arriving at exactly 9:07 with a sleepy face and mussed hair. The sight of that hair, rumpled on top and tangled at the ends, sent a wave of affection through Finn's whole body. He was at the door before she could ring the buzzer and flung it open so enthusiastically that it rebounded against the wall.

They looked at each other for a moment, and just as he had the night it all began, Finn impulsively surged forward and wrapped his arms around her. He pulled her close against him, so close he could feel her heart pounding. And then it was alright, he knew it was going to be alright because she was hugging him back and burying her face against his shoulder. They were both crying a bit, which should have been embarrassing, but it wasn't. Finn could almost feel their minds in the act of synchronising, merging together like sound waves. All those squiggly lines, like ones on the Unknown Pleasures album, that Ian Curtis had found in an astronomy textbook or summat, joined into a single sinuous, continuous line. No more interference.

He didn't kiss her then, he didn't need to. Sometimes their way of communing was more intimate than kissing (or perhaps even sex, Finn thought) could be.

When they were dry-eyed and smiling again, they ambled into the kitchen. Finn made porridge and toast with greater adeptness and alacrity than Rae would have expected of him, and when she said as much he swatted her behind. They chewed in companionable quiet for a bit, but Rae couldn't help but be distracted by the urn still sitting on the counter, which seemed to dominate the room with silent reproach. Finn's eyes kept flicking over to it as well, and Rae thought it was awful that his Nan was still knocking about, not put to rest anywhere permanent.

"I hate it," Finn said, picking up on her thoughts. "Seems all wrong."

"Yeah," she agreed. "It's not proper closure."

"She'd've hated it," Finn went on, "knowin' we were keepin' her about like this, starin' at her all the time. She didn't like that kind of attention."

"I wouldn't either," said Rae, who found the notion of being constantly looked at, even if turned to ash and concealed in a ceramic urn, entirely discomfiting. And then an idea, perverse and terrible but also thrilling, shot through her. "Finn –"

He grinned widely at her, his eyes alight with the spirit of daring. "You think –"

"We'd get in an awful lot of trouble," she cautioned, trying to be sensible.

Finn shrugged. "She grew up near Anderby Creek," he said, his voice crackling with excitement. "She loved it, never stopped missing it after we moved her to Stamford. I've got the car, it's not far – not more than a hundred kilometers, that's less than two hours –"

"So –"

"We'll pack food –" Finn leapt to his feet and began wildly throwing things into a bag. "I'll knick my dad's whiskey –" He rushed about like a person possessed. "And we'll need blankets or summat for the beach –"

Rae sat back and let Finn make the preparations. Finn liked making preparations and Rae liked watching Finn bustle up and down, looking all focused and purposeful. Finn loaded their provisions into the car by himself, refusing to let Rae help. It was a beautiful day with a gentle breeze that swept away the humidity of the past weeks. Rae tipped her head back and closed her eyes, enjoying the sun on her face and listening to Finn hum to himself. Then he was standing in front of her. "Erm…"

Rae opened her eyes. Finn was there, holding the urn a bit awkwardly. "Um, would ya mind? For the drive? 'Fraid it'll break if I put it in the back."

Gingerly Rae took the ceramic pot from him, half terrified that she would hear something rattling about within. Teeth, or – or bones, or – but she heard nothing. Sliding into the passenger seat she settled Finn's Nan carefully on her lap. It was a great responsibility to be given charge of something – someone – so important to Finn, who was watching with a half smile as she wrapped her arms firmly around it.

Finn was fiddling with the tape deck, and the music that came out was so familiar it caught her off-guard. "The Beatles?" she demanded, half-indignant. "Thought we were s'posed to be cutting edge."

"Just enjoy it," Finn told her. "You don't have to be a snob all the time."

It was rare for Finn and Rae to enjoy music that way, music that didn't hold particular pathos for them, music that didn't demand to be intellectualised at length as they sat on the floor drinking beer. In fact, as they drove east to the sea with all the windows down, Finn was more carefree than Rae had ever seen him. Singing along, his finger keeping time with Ringo on her thigh, he seemed somehow… lighter. He kept leaning over to kiss her, and Rae would shriek at him to keep his eyes on the road and his hands on the wheel, and his lips would graze her hair instead.

Rae felt she could drive with Finn forever, moving on and on with the wind whipping their hair and the countryside stretching into infinity. She was almost disappointed when they made the turnoff for Anderby Creek. The air had changed, turned a bit cooler, and Rae tasted salt when she inhaled.

Finn wanted to avoid the more populated areas so they continued south past the little town and turned off onto a dirt road. Finn stopped the car on a bluff and they disembarked, breathing in the bracing sea air. He reclaimed the urn and Rae was given charge of their other paraphernalia. She lost her balance on her descent along the bluff, tumbling into the sand and sending their blankets flying.

"Even the simplest tasks…" Finn scolded gently as he pulled her to her feet and went about collecting all she'd dropped. Rae brushed sand from the creases of her clothing, watching with undisguised interest as Finn set them up under a scraggly tree. How was he so fucking agile all the time? She felt like an elephant lumbering across the beach, continually losing her footing as she dragged her heavy knapsack behind her. Her trainers were filled with sand, too. "You look all hot and bothered," Finn said when she finally plopped down next to him, shedding sand all over the blankets he had arranged so neatly.

"I'm no good with nature," she complained.

"It's pretty," he said. "Look."

Rae looked. The tide was out and the waves were small, capped with white when they broke against the shore. Their stretch of beach was entirely secluded, with no other beach-goers in sight. It was pretty, in a stark sort of way. Not a comfortable pretty, but a pretty that made you feel alert and energised. Together they watched the waves, Rae shivering a bit and grateful for the extra sweatshirt Finn had thought to bring along.

"I love you," Finn said presently, his eyes still on the ocean.

Feeling tingly, Rae laced her fingers through his. "I lo – "

"You don't have to say it back, just 'cos I said it then," Finn interrupted hastily. "I just wanted to. You know. Say it."

"Alright," Rae agreed, leaning back contentedly and closing her eyes. "I'll say it later, then. Surprise you."

"You always surprise me," said Finn.

They laid there together in silence, holding hands and listening to the waves crash, with Finn's Nan resting between them. After a bit Rae sat up. Finn appeared to have dozed off. A tiny smile was playing about his lips but there was a crease between his brows, which Rae kneaded out with her fingertip. At her touch his eyelids fluttered open and he looked at her questioningly.

"Should we see about your Nan, then?" she asked. "It's what we came here for."

"Right," Finn said, sitting up too and scrubbing at his face.

"We don't have to," she added hastily. "If you've changed your mind we can just bring her home and no one has to know."

"I want to," Finn said quietly. "Sorry, Rae, I just –"

"Shut up, Finn, and no apologising. You hate it when I apologise."

He grinned at that and pulled off his trainers and socks. He cuffed his jeans up and Rae followed suit, rolling her leggings up over her knees. "So?" he asked, turning to her and looking a bit helpless. He cracked his knuckles and looked so anxious that Rae's heart broke a little. It was a powerful feeling, being needed by someone so desperately.

"Pick her up," she instructed quietly. Finn complied, cradling the urn reverently against his chest. "Now, d'you want to walk down – ?"

Finn nodded. Together they walked down to the shore. Rae had to bite back a yelp as the chilly water washed over her toes. She gritted her teeth and made herself follow Finn who, heedless of the cold, was plunging ahead until the waves broke at his knees, soaking the cuffs of his jeans. She drew level with him, her stance wide for balance as the water pulled at the sand beneath her feet. Her teeth began to chatter. Finn was staring straight ahead, clutching the urn to him. He seemed frozen.

"Finn?" she asked gently.

He tried to speak but all that came out was a kind of hoarse grunt. He looked at her pleadingly and Rae forced herself to take charge. "You've got to make the top come off," she said.

Finn nodded. Bracing the urn in the crook of one arm, he twisted and tugged at the top with the other. His muscles strained but it wouldn't budge. And then, in unison, they both broke into gales of laughter. How ridiculous they must look, Rae thought, shivering knee-deep in the ocean, fully clothed, and wrestling with a ceramic pot. The sudden silliness didn't feel irreverent at all. Their laughter was part of the ceremony. Finn always said his Nan made him laugh, just as Rae did now, so it was laughter – noisy, heedless, and inopportune – that united the two most important women in Finn's life.

The top came off suddenly, and Rae heard Finn's sharp intake of breath as the ashes billowed forth into the open. Caught by the wind, the ashes hovered like a dusky mirage in the air before them, shimmering slightly, and then they dispersed and vanished.

Finn was breathing raggedly and Rae took charge again. Grasping his cold hand in hers, she practically dragged him from the water and back up the beach. They collapsed in a shivering heap on their blankets, a mess of water and wet sand. Rae cradled Finn against her shoulder, bracing herself for the furious bout of grief she expected to erupt from him at any second. But when Finn finally turned to look at her, he was smiling despite his overbright eyes. "We did it!" he said hoarsely. "I can't believe we fuckin' did it. She'd be proper thrilled, makin' her escape from Stamford, an' comin' back here…" He embraced her impulsively. When he broke away he placed his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes.

"Rae?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you?"

She swatted at him. "Don't be silly. 'Course you can."

"S'not silly." Finn intensified the pressure on her shoulders. "I want – I don't want to fight, but – I want to hear you say 'yes.' That's you in charge, Rae, if you're tellin' me yes. I get scared when you're quiet."

"Okay."

"Let's try that again, yeah? Rae, can I kiss you?"

"Yes," she said.

Finn kissed her with aching slowness, his lips open against hers. Emboldened, Rae took the initiative and deepened the kiss herself, flicking her tongue against his. Her head was swimming and the sensations were so intense, so heightened, that the waves, the shore the sky – all of it was falling away. Oh – that feels good… Later Rae would reflect that Finn seemed to treat each activity – be it kissing, or caressing, or something even more intimate – as if it were the ultimate goal. Not orgasm, not sex, just itself. He kissed to kiss, he touched to touch. The things he did – to her, with her – were not stepping stones to some larger purpose. He did them for their own sake.

Rae shifted and took his hands, pulling him down until his body covered hers. All of the hurt and fear and anger she had felt the other day was gone, replaced by the most indescribable feeling of… Finn. His body against hers was solid and real. Those were his lips on her lips, his hands cradling her face like it was something precious.

She unbuttoned his flannel shirt slowly, taking her time and trying to work her cold, clumsy fingers. She pulled the shirt off his shoulders and down his arms, tossing it to the side and then wrenching his t-shirt over his head. The breeze raised gooseflesh along his arms, and trailing her lips across his chest, she felt him quiver under her mouth. Dragging her nails up his sides, she felt sure, brave, in possession of herself – Finn's body tightened over hers at the sensation and she leaned up to kiss him again. He rocked his hips against hers and then grabbed her hands, intertwining his fingers with hers and lifting them above her head. He gently let go of her hands, tickling his fingers down her arms, her shoulders, then nudging aside her sweatshirt to nibble at her collarbone.

He tugged at the hem of her sweatshirt. "Can I…?"

"Yes," she croaked. "Yes, yes…"

Finn pulled the sweatshirt over her head, taking her t-shirt with. He reared up over her and patiently disentangled the clothing from her hair before covering her body with his again and burying his face in the swell of her breasts. Rae felt… insane. She could not pinpoint just what it was that she was feeling, but insanity was part of it. When he lifted himself up on his forearms, she shook her head dizzily and tried to pull him back. His hands crept beneath her and she arched her back, letting him unclasp her bra. There was a rushing sound in her ears, and she was certain it wasn't just the sea.

Finn didn't move to take her bra off just yet. He kissed her fervently; her hands moved up of their own accord to tangle in his hair and she felt her body undulating slowly under his. They kissed like that for a long, long time – slow and deep and burning kisses that left Rae with a painful, demanding need somewhere in her stomach. His hands traveled up her waist and slipped under the loosened bra. Both of them sighed when his hands found her breasts.

Then Finn pulled that undergarment, unnecessary and unwanted now, away from her body. He planted wet little kisses along the curve of one breast before switching to the other. Rae curled her toes in a fevered kind of ecstasy, extending her legs outwards. "Finn…" He bucked his body against the burning heat between her legs and she cried out, she couldn't help it, and the sound was swallowed up by the vast, empty sky. They were skin to skin and he was sucking at her, biting her in the most delicious way possible, but she couldn't think about it because now his hands were grasping her hips hard. She met his eyes and then felt his fingers slide under her skirt and curlaround the waistband of her leggings. This time he didn't have to ask; she was already nodding fervently and whispering some sort of garbled nonsense at him before his fingers had even found sufficient purchase on her clothing. Finn yanked the leggings down, taking her knickers with them, and Rae kicked them away from her, desperate to free herself. Then she felt his hand move between her thighs, his fingers gliding lightly across her upper thighs and sliding up.

"Oh, fuck," she gasped, her eyes closing with pleasure. "Oh…"

Finn stroked her slowly, the feeling he created so marvelous that Rae could not think at all. He was moving lazily, almost not moving at all. His fingers pressed gently into her; she lifted her hips off the ground, nearly panting. She clutched the blankets in her fists and pushed herself against him, pulling him closer by his hair and shivering when his mouth brushed the hollow of her throat.

Her fingers trembled a bit as she fumbled with his belt buckle, wrestling it open and clumsily unfastening his jeans. She slipped her hand inside and wrapped her fingers around him. Finn swore under his breath and rested his burning face against her neck as she began to move her hand.

"Rae?"

"Mmm?" It came out as a whimper.

"Can I - …"

"What?" her own voice sounded strange to her ears, high-pitched and breathy.

"Can I… Can I use me mouth on you?"

"What?" she half sat up in alarm.

"Please?" He caught her bottom lip between his teeth and tugged at it gently. "I want to. I been thinkin' about it for ages. I wanna – oh fuck, Rae, please, let me?"

"I…"

"If you don' like it I'll stop, I swear I'll stop, please Rae, let me try…"

She nodded once, jerkily.

Finn hooked his hands beneath her knees and spread her legs apart. Rae trembled, her face burning, as he moved down the length of her body. She felt vulnerable, exposed, but her legs seemed to be spreading wider of their own accord as Finn placed a kiss on the inside of her thigh, trailing little kisses and bites upwards, then switching to her other leg. She was quivering all over, with fear, or anticipation, or –

Finn's head vanished under her skirt, and with the first brush of his lips her hips jerked up violently. She was on fire, she was actually burning up, there was nothing of her body left except this burning hot core in the middle of her. His mouth was so warm against her, and the slight roughness of his stubble created the most delicious friction against her skin… Rae tightened her thighs around his head, failing to stifle a loud moan. Finn put his hands on the tops of her thighs and pulled her even closer, groaning against her flesh and sending vibrations all throughout her body.

"Nhn…" she moaned incoherently. Finn pulled away and crawled up her body and Rae swallowed hard, tears of unfulfilled pleasure springing to her eyes. He didn't like it, she disgusted him, he would never touch her again – …

Finn turned her face up and then kissed her deeply, his tongue reaching almost to the back of her throat. Rae tasted something musky, tangy, earthy –

"That's you," he said roughly, biting at her lips, darting his tongue out and licking her mouth once more. "Like it?"

Rae swallowed hard again. Her whole body felt hyper-aware, sensitive, craving something -

"You're so fuckin' beautiful," Finn was saying, rubbing his face against her breast. "I fuckin' love ya."

"Finn," she said raggedly, "Please…" She was fighting with his jeans and boxers, pulling them down his hips and kicking them down his legs with her feet.

"Rae…" he breathed.

"Yes," she told him. "Yes, yes, yes… I need…"

Finn seemed to know exactly what she needed. He fumbled back for his wallet, pulling something out of it – then he took her hand and guided it to him.

"Take control," he whispered. "You. You're in control. I'll help you. C'mere…"

Rae had no idea what she was doing, she was acting on instinct alone as she took him in her hand and guided him up against her entrance. Finn's arms were trembling with the effort of holding back, and beads of sweat dripped from his forehead on to her. He was directed, focused, every pore of his body concentrated on hers. Slowly, Rae arched her back and moved her hips against his.

It hurt, in a way that she had never hurt before, that moment when their bodies joined for the first time. Her cheeks were wet but Finn was holding her close and breathing hotly against her neck, his moan vibrating throughout her body. He was shaping words against her skin but she had no idea what they were, only that the pain was tearing her apart, it was taking forever – but then Finn moved his hips in a gentle, languorous circle – and it was starting to feel better, good, even, and oh! that was amazing, what he did there… His hand was between her legs now, and he was touching her as he thrust against her and the sensations were becoming overpowering, so incredible she thought she might explode. Suddenly he stiffened against her, moaning her name… she didn't come then but as he moved more and more slowly against her the waves of pleasure released her and subsided peacefully, like a tide going out. There were so few words Rae could find to describe what she felt at the end of it – ecstasy, thrill, bliss – but it was Finn and just Finn and…

She cried out for him to stay when he started to move away, and he kissed her sweetly as he withdrew. She could have wept for the sudden feeling of loss and emptiness at being just Rae again, no longer joined with Finn, and then it hurt to move and she was crying a bit. Finn wrapped himself around her and lightly stroked her back as the ocean breeze stirred their hair, cooling them like a drop of cold water on the hottest day of the year. When she was calm again he wrapped the blankets snugly around them. Rae's eyes began to shut involuntarily. As she drifted off, lulled by the sound of the waves, she heard her own voice, telling Finn that she loved him, and the last thing that she remembered was Finn whispering in her ear that he loved her more than anything.