I'm laughing too hard to talk, I love this chapter.
---
One month later...
"Hey Ed!!!" Ayumi called, slamming the door of his room over. Ed, in his female form, was sitting on the bed reading something. She looked up, glancing at Ayumi before looking at her book again. "Hey Ayumi."
Ayumi grinned all neko like. "Soooo?"
Ed blinked, halting her reading once more. "So what?"
"So! How's your period doing?" Ayumi asked, grinning more. Ed wrinkled his nose and shrugged. "I didn't get it."
"Didn't get it???" Ayumi's eyes widened.
"Yeah. It was only a one time thing, right? Just to get rid of the...egg..." Ed shuddered at the word. "Ah, no, there are about 50 thousand eggs in the female body." Ayumi answered, a sweatdrop hanging on her head.
Ed stared at her. "Damn. Oh well, just didn't get it."
"This could only mean one thing..." Ayumi muttered slowly in a dramatic, forlorning tone. "To the pregnancy test!!!" She cried, pumping her fist in the air.
"The what?!" Ed yelped before Ayumi grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the room.
-
"Okay, here ya go!" Ayumi thrust a small stick thingy into Ed's hand. She stared at it for a long time before blinking. "The hell is this?"
"Pregnancy test!" Ayumi giggled at Ed's expression. "And trust me, this is the most advanced technology you'll ever pee on."
"...huh???!"
"Just go!!!" Ayumi pushed Ed into the bathroom, closing the door and leaning on it, waiting. She heard Ed zipping her pants and pulling them down, fangirl thoughts filling her mind. She covered her mouth, giggling wildly to herself.
"Ayumi!!! How the hell do you pee on this thing?!" Ed yelled from the bathroom. Ayumi went into a laughing fit, covering her mouth again. "J-just...hold it and pee or something!"
"Ugh...why do they make it so damn hard?" She heard her whine.
"It's a lot easier when you can aim, isn't it?" She asked, falling to her knees to laugh all over again.
"Yeah, it is...I mean...shut up!!!"
Ayumi couldn't respond now, as she was rolling on the ground laughing wildly and being unable to breath. Al walked past, stopping to stare at her. "...do I want to know?"
"Ed...bathroom...taking...pregnancy test!!!!" Ayumi made out between mad bursts of laughter. Al stared at her. "Yeah...don't wanna know..." He muttered, shaking his head and walking off.
About 5 minutes later when Ayumi partially got control of herself, she stood up and knocked on the door. "You done peeing yet?" She asked, snickering. The door opened, and Ed stood up, staring at the stick with a frustrated look. "I dunno! I don't get this thing!"
"Lemme see." Ayumi peered at it, which clearly read "HOT'CHA MAMA, A BABY'S ON ITS WAY!" as it flashed different party colors and emitted small tufts of confetti. She blinked rapidly. "Odd..."
"So, what? Did it work? Did I win?" Ed asked.
Ayumi grinned slightly. "Yeah. Turns out you're pregnant!"
Ed gasped in horror. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"
30 minutes later
"OOOOOOOOOOO-"
"OKAY, I GET IT!!!!!" Ayumi finally shouted, covering her ears. Cheese and rice, since when did Ed have such a lung capacity??!
"I can't get pregnant! I'm a guy! And I'm only 16! I can't be a Daddy! Or a...Mommy! Or a...whatever! I'M A GUY!"
"Yes. Yes you are. A pregnant guy." Ayumi nodded slowly. "...wow, this'll be a hit on Oprah."
"Forget Oprah! This is like, the fricking apocalypse here! I'm pregnant, dammit! PREGNANT!" Ed spazzed, clutching his hair and running around Ayumi in circles.
"My child is going to have a parent that's both their mother and father!! Do you have ANY idea what that's gonna do to the kid?! NO, you don't! He's gonna be mentally scarred!! Hell am I gonna explain it!?! 'Hi Junior, don't mind me, I'm just an asexual freak!' NO! That's not gonna work! Oh, how am I gonna explain this to Al?! And Winry! Oh, and that bastard, what'll he think if he sees Elda pregnant and he finds out it's MY kid! Incest much! I'm ruined, ruined! My life is over! Over, I tell you, over!!!!!!"
Ed halted, stopping to catch his breath and noticing Ayumi staring at him, looking through a camcorder that shouldn't even exist at the moment.
"What! The! Hell! Are! You! Doing!?!" She shrieked, veins popping all over her head.
"Recording you. I gotta show this to Al later." She replied, giving her a thumbs-up. "Always looking out for you Ed!"
"Yaaargh!" Ed screamed, stomping out of the room. Ayumi giggled, stopping the recording. "Man, that guy's funny..."
9 days later
Ed was sitting on the couch in his(her at the moment)'s living room, sulking. He was looking quite round around the tummy indeed, and was moping while crunching on ranch style potato chips.
Al and Ayumi both walked into the room, talking about someone unimportant when they both stopped and looked at Ed before bursting out laughing.
"It's not funny! How would you like it if you had to lug around this thing all the time!?" Ed wailed, flailing his arms around.
"I'm sorry, Ed! It's just you...fat...bwahaha!" Ayumi covered her mouth to disguise her wild giggles.
"Yeah, Brother. I mean, you really shouldn't have grown the baby in so fast..." Al told him.
"It's probably hormones or something, I dunno! Blame my asexuality!!!" Ed huffed, making Ayumi crack up again.
"Anyway, we're heading out for the movies. Wanna come?" Al asked. "And yeah, I know, movie theaters haven't been invented, blame the authoress."
Ayumi whapped him as Ed thought about it. "Sure, I'll-ugh!" He suddenly gasped, clutching his stomach and wincing.
"Gasp! Brother, you okay??"
"...feel wet..." Ed mumbled blankly. Ayumi gasped. "Your water broke!!!"
"Eh?" Ed and Al asked together. Ayumi sighed. "Boys...that means the baby's coming!"
"What?!?! You have babies in 9 months, not days!!!!" Ed wailed.
"Blame your asexuality! Now since the hospital's too far away and I don't feel like going anyway, you're gonna deliver the baby here!"
"WHAT?!?!"
"Shut up and start pushing!"
"AAAAHHH!" Ed screamed, suddenly sitting up in bed. He blinked, his breath coming out in pants. He stared down at his stomach, patting the hot, bishi skinny-ness. "Only a dream..."
"Waaaah!" 5 random babies in cradles all around his bed suddenly started bawling, all of them looking exactly like Ed. Can you imagine the kawaii-ness?!
"AAAHHH!" Ed screamed, once again waking up to find he was dreaming again. "Phew..." He sighed, lying down again. "Glad it was only a dream..."
---
Thanks to Sapphire and Manga or ideas of this chapter! Hope ya'll liked it!
Please review!
