Chapter 8. Your Doctor Could Be An Alien!
If you've ever been a teenager, you know a little about insomnia. School, work, friends, relationship issues, it all adds up until sleep is a distant memory.
Have you ever gone several days without a good night's sleep? Have you ever been chased, tied up, beaten, and then forced to walk what feels like miles on a grand total of four and a half hours of sleep? After that much excitement and that little rest, the body reaches a state best compared to being under the influence of some kind of illegal substance. In this state, comprehension shuts down, vision blurs, coordination goes out the window, and rational thought is about as possible as suddenly mastering tae kwon do. In short, you are so tired things don't even make sense any more.
Link and Sheik were in this state as they walked through Link's front door.
They flopped down on the couch almost in unison, leaning their heads on the back.
"So you wanna stay here tonight?" Link asked. "Avoid explaining how your clothes got smoke stained? Until tomorrow anyway."
"Yeah, thanks." Sheik sighed. "My parents are gonna…I dunno. Something."
"Be mad?" Link suggested.
"Pro'lly."
They sat in silence for a minute, staring blankly at the ceiling.
"I was gonna say something," Link said. "But I lost it."
"I hate that."
"Yeah…"
Another silence.
"Hey, Link?"
"Mmnm?"
"You know…back there…for a second I- I was really scared."
Link rolled his head over and looked at Sheik. "Of what?"
Sheik shrugged. "I thought that… I thought I was gonna…"
"Die?"
"Lose you." He rolled his head over too, and Link realized their faces were very close together. "Link…you're my best friend. If you died… I- I just don't know what I'd do."
Link blinked slowly. "I'm not gonna die Sheik."
"You promise?" His eyes were very bright.
He leaned his head a bit closer. "Only if you promise too."
"What am I promising?"
"That you won't go anywhere. Ever. That you… That we… You know."
"Yeah, I know." He smiled. "I promise Link. I promise."
"Good. I promise too."
And then it was the most natural thing in the world to close the gap between them. Their lips met, pressed, parted. Link slid an arm around Sheik's waist as Sheik twined his fingers in Link's hair. Warm bodies, the press of flesh, a tangle of tongues.
And then Link's eyes opened wide and he found himself at the far end of the couch, without even knowing how he'd gotten there. "Oh my gods!" he exclaimed, hands flying to his mouth.
Sheik stared at him for a couple seconds before what had happened registered. He blinked, and his mouth dropped open. "Oh…oh shit. Dammit, Link, I am so sorry."
"Oh gods oh gods oh gods…" Link moaned, burying his face in his hands.
"I'm sorry Link, that- that was way out of line. I never should have- I'm so sorry!"
"Why?" Link muttered. "Why did this have to happen? Things were going so well and now this…"
"I'm sorry. Link, I'm sorry. I'm so so-"
"Stop apologizing!" He raised his head up to shout. "Just- just stop, dammit. This is my fault too."
"You? But Link, I-"
"I kissed you too!"
The silence that followed was the most uncomfortable Link and Sheik had ever shared.
"We…we can just forget about this," Sheik said after a moment, looking down at his hands. "It doesn't have to mean anything."
"But it did…" Link muttered. "And you know it."
Sheik twisted his fingers until they hurt. "Link I… I know how I feel, but you-"
"Feel the same way. And I don't know why!" He shoved his hands through his hair and leaned his head back. "It doesn't make any sense. At first I thought it was just 'cause you're my friend and I'm so lonely and I was, like, projecting on you or something. But every day it got stronger and stronger until this… And you're a guy! A guy, dammit! I'm not- At least I don't think- I mean I know I like girls. I never thought, never even considered, it never even crossed my mind that…"
He groaned and switched positions again, slumping over the arm of the couch. "I guess… I guess the best way to explain it is it's like people who fall in love over the internet. They've never met, never even seen pictures of each other, but they love each other all the same. There's a physical aspect too, because they're only human, but more than anything they're in love with who the other person is, not what they look like, or their gender or anything. Does that make any sense at all?"
Sheik was blinking at Link with the look of one who didn't know whether to be happy or sad, and had instead opted for shock. "Did you…did you just say…love?"
Link blinked too. "Um…no?"
"Link-"
"Just forget it."
"Link, listen to me."
"I can't- I don't know- I just…"
"I'm sorry."
"I told you to stop apologizing!"
"No, not for that." Sheik stood up and took a few steps away. "For…everything else. For everything that's happened between us since the day we met."
"Sheik… No, don't say that."
"But I am! Link, I- I don't know how I can expect you to forgive me, or even understand, but…" He gestured desperately. "You saw tonight, that I can do magic."
"Yes, but so can lots of people. I mean, no one I've ever met, but I've heard of people who still do it. And you're a Sheikah so I kind of assumed…"
"That's the thing… I'm not a Sheikah. I'm not gay. I'm not even a guy. Link…I'm so sorry."
He put his hand to his chest and took another step back, then started to glow. There was a bright flash of light, so bright that Link had to shield his abused eyeballs. When it faded he blinked back tears and looked at Sheik.
Princess Zelda looked back at him.
Link's mouth dropped open, but no sound came out. He realized he was pointing accusatorily at her, and that probably wasn't the best way to react to finding the girl of your dreams in your living room, but he couldn't seem to stop.
Zelda meanwhile, was involved in panic-induced babbling. "Impa taught me most of the magic, including how to turn myself into a different person, she meant for me to do it if I ever needed to hide or something, but I don't think she meant for me to use it to hide from the press, and when I met you in that bar and I told you it was like a vacation for me? That was true. 'Cause it just gets really old knowing that everything I do might get printed up in a magazine with my head Photoshopped onto Malon's body. Fuck, who am I kidding? Those magazines use MS Paint. And nobody cares what Sheik does, Sheik is just some guy. Sheik's not a princess. Sheik's about as not-Zelda as it's possible to be. Different gender, different race. I just wanted to be a background character for a while, you know? I never expected to make friends and really good friends too, and oh gods Kafei and Ralph are going to be so pissed off when they find out. I am so so so sorry about all of this. Link, I've liked you for the longest time, and at first I didn't think about what it might mean, becoming your friend as Sheik. I decided I wouldn't complicate things and stay away from you as Zelda but I fell for you more and more so I knew I had to tell you the truth eventually but I was so scared because I knew it would hurt you and hurting you is the last thing I want, but honestly I never never expected to fall in love with you 'cause, well, that would just be stupid wouldn't it? Falling in love while you were pretending to be someone you're not. But it just happened and it got so out of hand and I am so so sorry and I know you can never forgive me but-"
"Zelda."
She stopped.
"Did you just say…love?"
"Um…no?"
They looked at each other for a moment, then burst out laughing.
"C'mere," Link patted the spot next to him on the couch, and Zelda sat nervously.
"I'm not going to pretend this isn't crazy as hell," Link said. "But, well, you know how I feel about you. Both of you. Ralph's teased me about it enough."
"Yeah…"
"And I've gotta admit, this makes things simpler. At least I don't have to question my sexuality."
Zelda giggled. "Yeah… Although really Link, you might-"
"So what now?" he said quickly.
She blinked. "Um…I was hoping you might have an idea."
"Not a single one."
"Oh."
They sat in silence. Then Zelda leaned her head against Link's shoulder.
"Umm…"
"Is this okay?"
"I- Yeah." After a moment's pause, he shifted and put his arm around her shoulders. "Is this okay?"
"Oh yeah…"
They looked at each other.
"Are we idiots?" Link asked.
"I think so, yeah."
"Can I say something sappy?"
"Sure."
"We… We can be idiots together?"
Zelda looked at him, and his hopeful puppy-dog expression. "You have to ask?"
It took just a little shifting of weight and a hand on his knee for leverage to press her mouth against Link's. He stiffened for a moment, then melted into it.
"You know," he said when she pulled back. "I think you might be the man in our relationship."
"Do you mind?"
"I honestly don't know." He slid his hand along her cheek and leaned down for another kiss. "But this feels pretty good."
"Good."
zzz
There was some kind of obscenely loud noise coming from somewhere. Link's brain was far too sleep-fogged to figure out what it was, or where he was, or what the warm thing lying on him was, but that noise was enough to force his eyelids open and make him take a look at the world.
Living room. Sunlight. Morning? Car horn?
"Shit!" Link leapt to his feet, dislodging the warm thing that he had still failed to identify, and charging straight out the front door to the end of the driveway where Kafei waited in his van.
He pulled the passenger door open and slumped against it, panting. "Woah," Kafei said. "You look awful. Isn't that what you were wearing yesterday? And you're all dirty and rumpled."
"Yeah, um, I know." He patted his hair to see how bad his bedhead was. Felt pretty bad. "It's a long story, but can you give me five, maybe ten minutes?"
"We're going to be late. Just grab a clean shirt and a comb and…let's…" He was staring beyond Link, at the front door.
Link turned and saw Zelda standing there, leaning half out and looking as dirty and rumpled as he felt. She was blinking at them vaguely, apparently still mostly asleep.
"Give me details and you can have twenty minutes," Kafei said.
"Um, yeah, sure." Link made a hasty retreat, pulling Zelda back indoors behind him.
Twenty minutes later, Army-showered and both dressed in Link's clothes, he and Zelda climbed into the back of Kafei's van.
"Sorry about that," Link said.
"Yes, sorry," Zelda added. "And thanks."
"Hey, no problem." He glanced back at her. "You can trust me by the way."
"I know. I mean, because you're Link's friend and all," she amended quickly.
"Umm, are you wearing Link's shirt?"
"His pants too." There was a pause. "What? I couldn't just wear my clothes! They were all dirty and charred."
"Charred?"
"Long story, don't ask. Besides," she grinned, "I think I look better in this shirt then Link ever did."
"That's because you've only done three of the buttons," Link smirked back at her.
"That too."
When they were a couple blocks from the school Zelda asked Kafei to pull over. "There might be paparazzi watching for me, and I don't want to get either of you mixed up in that."
"Why would there be paparazzi at the school?" Kafei asked. "I thought they weren't even allowed on the grounds."
"They're not, but there're these newfangled inventions called 'zoom lenses.'"
"Har har."
"Sorry." She rubbed her arm nervously. "The thing is, I didn't tell Impa, my guardian, where I was going to be last night, so she might have been looking for me. And if one of the photographers who hangs around my neighborhood noticed that they could be lying in wait."
"You make it sound like they're predators or something."
"They are." She shrugged. "But I don't care. It's their job." She pulled open the van door and slid out onto the sidewalk. "I'll call you later Link?"
"Yeah. See you."
Kafei pulled away from the curb in complete silence. Link waited.
"Well?" Kafei said after a moment.
"Well what?"
"Well what was the princess doing at your house! She spent the night, Link. Don't think I couldn't tell."
"Kafei…"
"I mean, I knew you had a crush on her, but wow. That sad puppy dog thing you've got going must work better than I thought."
"I- Wait, what?"
"And I laughed when Ralph said girls dig pretty guys. I laughed!"
"I'm what?"
"So spill man! Tell me everything!"
"You- What- You… There's nothing to tell."
"Come on, don't be like that."
"I'm serious Kafei." Link sighed. "Nothing happened. We met in the park, there was some craziness with college girls and tentacles, then we fell asleep on my couch."
Kafei blinked. "College girls and tentacles? Have you been renting movies with Ralph again?"
"No. Look, it- it was really complicated and confusing there for a while, but nothing like what your imagining happened."
"Well…you fell asleep on your couch?"
"Yeah."
"Both of you?"
"Yeah."
"That's something, isn't it?"
"I guess."
"And you do have that crush on her."
"It's…a bit more than a crush. At least I think so…"
"Ohmigosh!" Kafei laughed. "You're blushing! You're actually blushing!"
"Hey, shut up."
"Good one Link."
"I'm still only half-awake." Link leaned back in his seat and ruffled his hair. "You know, I don't care what you think. Half of it I don't understand, and the other half isn't even my secret to tell. So you draw your own conclusions. Whatever."
"Can I tell Ralph my conclusions?"
"Whatever."
"If you fall asleep during math class I'm drawing on you."
"Fair enough."
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
AN:
Once again, the chapter title doesn't mean a damn thing. It was, however, a real article in the Weekly World News a couple weeks ago.
This chapter seems really short when I proof-read it, but in a way I've been writing it for months. That first bit with Link and Sheik smooching has been written almost as long as the first chapter. The only other future scenes I have written are the end of the next chapter, the beginning of the one after that, and a bit of funny dialogue about anime and The Lord of the Rings that won't come up for many many chapters. WOW this fic is unorganized.
Anyway, there it is, Sheik/Zelda's revalation. Who else will she tell? Can Kafei really be trusted? How long until Link has a breakdown? What's an Army-shower?
To answer a few questions: Link is NOT gay, he likes girls plenty. And somebody wondered about Anju and Dark. Yeah...no. I'm not going to go breaking up a canon couple. Dark's just a perpetual flirt, Anju knows he doesn't mean anything by it. Oh, and the hentai reference in the last chapter was the bit about the white knight and the tentacles. Which is a movie I would totally watch.
I can't think of any other questions... If there's something you didn't understand, and that I won't have to reveal plot details to clarify, ask it in your review.
Oh, and an Army shower is just a really really fast shower. Like, less than five minutes. My dad used to use that term, but I don't know if it's accepted wide-use slang.
Hope you liked the chapter!
