Hey, lovely readers!
Thanks so much for the reviews for chapter 7. Always much appreciated! I'm glad you guys are happy about Arthur knowing to trust Gwen and Merlin. I didn't want his decision to accept magic to be made lightly, but I don't want to to go in circles, either. I'll figure out how to handle it in the next few chapters. Now, though, it's on to the bracelet and getting some redemption for Guinevere's character. Enjoy, guys!
And disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or Bradley or the fabulous Merlin castle in France. I don't really own anything, and yep, that still makes me feel all sad.
Arthur and Guinevere: A Love Which Brings Light
Chapter 8
Merlin's mind races as he inspects the bracelet. Where did it come from? Why was it here, in the cells? It looked to have been there for some time. It pulsed with dark magic, Merlin could feel it. He wiped the dust off with his ever-present scarf and headed back up to the council chambers where he suspected they were waiting for him. They were. Arthur glared at him and he shrugged in apology. There wasn't much that could be done, anyway. The trial had already begun. Arthur questioned the man with the fairness and good judgment of the king Merlin and Gwen knew him to be, and he continued to do so now as Merlin took his place next to Arthur, on the other side of Gwen's chair.
The king eventually sentenced the man to banishment, declaring him an enemy of Camelot. The man left in anger, but the look on Arthur's face showed that he had done the right thing. He held hands with Gwen and the two of them were just about to depart from the council chambers when Gwen stops, noticing the bracelet Merlin is holding. She turns around, and Arthur does too.
"What is that?" she asks.
"Oh, this?" Merlin holds up the bracelet. "I don't know. I found it in the cells."
"The first one, on the right?"
"Yes, how did you know that?"
"Because that's my bracelet," Gwen says, her voice shaking slightly. She swallows hard and looks to Arthur. She feels as though she might actually cry, something she hasn't done in years. Her throat hurts from not doing so, but instead she says, "Lancelot gave me that bracelet."
"Lancelot?" Arthur asks, looking down at his wife. Gwen nods, tears pricking at her lashes.
"After the guards threw me in the cells, I took off the bracelet and threw it in anger. I didn't know it was still there."
"When did he give it to you? Why?" Arthur asks now.
"It was right after he'd come back, you know, unexpectedly. H-He came to my house one morning, which I had thought was strange. Even the way he looked standing in the doorway...I didn't want to let him in. He didn't look like the Lancelot I knew. When I was hesitant, he said he only wanted to wish me well. I let him in after that. I told him that I felt guilty for his sacrifice on the Isle of the Blessed, having him die to protect you, Arthur." Gwen looks to see her husband's face in a long grim line. She keeps talking. "He gave me the bracelet then, saying he saw goodness in me. I-I didn't want it, but he slipped it onto my hand before I could stop him. He then took my head in his two hands and drew me close to him and kissed my forehead." Gwen can't look at Arthur as she says that, so she looks down at the floor instead. "I felt extremely uncomfortable about that. He wasn't the same man. I could tell."
"That's because he was a shade!" Merlin finally exclaims, barging in on the martial conversation. "Lancelot was a shade, a mere shadow of his former self. I knew this because he was the only one I told about my magic, and when he returned, he had no memory of it at all. I checked for sure with a spell, and found out he was only a shadow."
"Why did I never know any of this?" Arthur asks.
"Because we figured it wasn't really what you were upset about. What Gwen did, that's what you were mad about. Except, you know, she didn't."
"Who didn't what?"
"Gwen didn't really betray you, Arthur. That bracelet, it was enchanted, too," Merlin said, connecting the dots, finally. It all made perfect sense to him, now. Lancelot hadn't there to physically harm Arthur, as they'd seen during the jousting match, but to tear apart the best thing he'd ever known: his relationship with Guinevere, which was undoubtedly a more painful wound. "Lancelot, as a shade, gave that to her to make her have feelings for him again, Or, should I say Morgana. She was the orchestrator of this whole horror anyway."
"Morgana. I should've known." Arthur says his sister's name with a tinge of remorse. He's much too good to fully hate her, even now, even after everything that has happened.
"Yes, you should have known, Arthur," Gwen says, tears filling her eyes. "I took off the bracelet before our fight. All those things I said to you...I meant them and you didn't believe me. Why didn't you believe me?" She is openly crying now and she goes out into the hallway to try and get a grip, Arthur following behind her.
"Guinevere, I am so, so very sorry."
She can't look at him. She keeps crying.
"I said I was, and I shouldn't have been. I had no reason to be because I didn't do anything wrong!" She yells this at him, whirring around to face him now. After she says it, she puts her head in her hands and weeps, shame ganging up behind her eyes. This is all such a mess.
"You said you were because you were," Arthur says quietly now. "You are a good person, Guinevere, certainly the best person I know."
"Well, thanks for that, but that doesn't change anything. You banished me...everyone thought I was this horrible person for having betrayed you like that." The tears are back now and Gwen wipes them away furiously with the back of her hand.
"I didn't think that. Merlin didn't."
"Oh, you didn't, did you? Then why did you banish me?"
"Because of Agravaine," Arthur says, his voice raised, annoyed that she keeps yelling at him. "He told me that adultery in noble families was punishable by death. I didn't want that. I never wanted that."
"What, am I supposed to be grateful? Thanks for not killing me and all of that?"
"No, of course not," Arthur mutters now, not looking at his wife, but at the floor instead.
"Then what, Arthur? How do you want me to feel about this?"
"I want you to forgive. It's in the past, Guinevere. I feel horrible about it, really I do, but-
"But nothing!" she shouts at him, making him look at her for the first time since their conversation began. "Do you know what happened to me after I left Camelot?" Arthur is silent, so she continues. "I couldn't find work. Not anywhere. People thought I was this...stain on the pure and honorable Pendragon legacy you've created. Merlin's mother was kind enough to give me work, somewhere to stay. She felt sorry for me."
"Did Merlin know of this? Did he purposely lead us to Ealdor because you were there?"
"I've no idea, honestly," Gwen replies. "All I know is when I saw you that night-
"Did you throw away your ring?"
"What? What ring?"
"The ring I gave to you when I proposed," Arthur says. "I found it in the woods, still on the chain."
"While you hunting with Princess Mithian, right?"
Arthur sighed. How did she even know about that? He guessed she had her sources. If they were telling secrets, he might as well tell this one too.
"Yes, Guinevere. Mithian happened to come into my life just as you'd left it. Anything that happened, which was me literally turning her away and giving away half the kingdom because of it, was foolish. I didn't love her."
"It wasn't foolish," Gwen says quietly now. "I think that's...incredibly romantic, what you did."
They cannot look at one another, even though they want to.
"But your ring-
"My God, OK. Here's what happened with that: I've no idea! I wore it around my neck ever since I left Camelot. I'd hold onto it all the time, thinking of you."
"Then why-
"Why was it in the woods? I don't know. I know only that I woke up in the woods and was no longer wearing it."
"Why were you in the woods in the first place?"
"Ealdor was attacked, remember? I was running away, and I don't know, I must've fallen or something. I remember being slammed to the ground awfully hard. And then, it just goes black, nothing. And when I woke up, my leg was injured and the ring and the chain were gone."
They are suddenly interrupted by the knights and council members emerging from the room they left. People are able to tell something is wrong, but Merlin ushers them on, looking back at his friends with concern but leaving them be. Once everyone has cleared out again and the hallway is quiet, the two of them stand staring at the floor again.
Tears leak from Gwen's eyes again at the mere thought of that terrible time. "I didn't do anything," she says quietly. "I-I never did anything and you banished me-
"Guinevere-
"I think I just need to...be by myself for a while."
At that Arthur's mind raced. For a while? What did that even mean?
"Guinevere, be reasonable," he says instead, his voice a low rumble in his throat.
"I won't," she says, and then she walks away.
AGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAG AGAGAGAGAG
Gwen walks out to the hills on the outskirts of Camelot. She knows she's conspicuous with her dress and her tears but she doesn't care. She sits on the ground, leaning up against a tree, hugging her knees to her chest, trying to stop crying, and then realizes she doesn't care about that, either, and so she cries for everything-for the loss of her father and Eleyan, for the lack of a mother in her life, for that terrible enchantment, enacted by a girl who used to be her best friend, for all the terrible things Morgana had done to them. And then she cried for Arthur, for how much she loved him. She mostly cried about that. She cried until she she was tired, something that should've been done years and years ago. She wipes her nose sloppily on her sleeve, knowing it isn't at all Queen behavior. She's glad when no one comes and asks her what's wrong.
AGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAG AGAGAGAG
"Go find Guinevere, would you, Merlin?" Arthur asks his servant a few hours after their fight in the hallway.
"Forgive me, Sire, but isn't that your job?"
"No, it's your job, seeing as I just told you to go do it. Now, go."
"No."
"No?"
"Yes, Sire. No. This is something you must do."
"And what makes you say that?"
"She's your wife," Merlin says simply, no accusation in his voice at all. He knows he's said something right when Arthur looks down at the speech he's writing. When he doesn't say anything in return, Merlin continues. "I know things are...shaky after your argument, but you've got to talk to her. I mean, you've got to clear this all up sometime, right?"
"This is our first big fight, you know. With the exception of the Lancelot one."
"I know. Don't you want to have it mean something, then?"
"Did you know Guinevere was in Ealdor when you led us there?"
"No, I only knew when we arrived."
"And I bet you were happy about that, weren't you?" Arthur says sarcastically.
"Yes," Merlin says quickly. "But it was a good thing, right? I mean, look what happened. Gwen came with us and you guys got back together. All good, right?"
"Wrong."
"Why? Everything worked out for the best, didn't it?" Arthur is silent. "Come on," Merlin says now. "Don't be stubborn about this. What's done is done."
"Guinevere doesn't seem to be very accepting of that, now, does she?"
"Can you blame her?"
"Do you honestly think I would've banished her had I known about the enchantment? Of course not. This wasn't all my fault."
"Then tell her that," Merlin says. "This whole thing is based on deception, lies, is it not? Don't you think it best to clear the air, to be honest about everything?" Arthur is quiet. "Talk to your wife," Merlin finally says, and then he leaves the room.
AGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAG AGAGAGAGAG
And so, Arthur does.
He goes looking for Gwen, feeling a bit panicked when he doesn't find her in the usual places-in town, visiting with the people, in the school visiting with the children, in the market, in the shops. He concludes she's gone elsewhere to gather her feelings and finally finds her on the outskirts of town, among the trees and hills. He notices her red dress right off and goes to her.
"Guinevere."
She glances up at her husband.
"What are you doing here?" she asks, even though she knows the answer.
"Looking for you, of course."
"Why would you want to do that? Aren't you mad at me?"
"Yes," Arthur says simply, sitting down next to her on the grass. "That's why I came. You're mad at me, I'm mad at you. We've got to clear this up."
"We can't," Gwen replies flatly. "Lancelot's dead, remember?"
"I know that," Arthur says quietly.
"Well, I guess we're stuck then, aren't we?"
"No. Guinevere, listen to me: I love you. Why dredge up old feelings?"
"Because those feelings changed the course of our relationship! You could never look at me the same...after."
"Is that really what you think?"
Gwen nods miserably.
"My God, Guinevere..." Arthur's voice trails off. He holds her face in his hands, kisses her, wipes away her remaining tears with the pad of his thumb. He's relieved, albeit surprised, when she doesn't push him away. "I could never, ever look at you as someone other than who you are. You are so good, so good to me. I was a jerk when we first met."
"You were," Gwen says, trying not to smile at the memory of how they used to be, so young, so scared.
"And you were there, so kind and wise and honest. Just like you are now," Arthur says. Gwen doesn't reply. Silence settles between them like a sheet.
"Thank you," she finally says.
"For what?"
"For forgiving me."
"God, Guinevere, don't thank me!" Arthur exclaims. "Don't feel like you owe me anything. You don't."
"I do."
"You don't. You're just saying that because you feel like you have to."
"Well, what else am I supposed to say?"
"Say you love me again. Say everything will be like before. Anything but thank you. Don't say thank you."
"I do love you," Gwen says softly.
"And the other? Will things be like before?"
"No. I don't see how they can be, anymore."
"Why?"
"Because!" Gwen exclaims. "Now that we know everything...it's all...wrecked."
"How can you say that? Now that we know everything, there's nothing else to know. No more secrets, no more mystery."
"Says the man who wishes things to be like before," Gwen says dryly.
"I didn't mean it like that and you know it. I just meant...I want you to be happy again, like you used to be. Can you...be like that?"
"I don't know," Gwen says. And then: "I want to."
"You do?"
Gwen nods. "I just wish...you'd listened to me. I poured my heart out...I told you I loved you and you dismissed it! You threw me out of Camelot!"
"I was angry, Guinevere. You must know that."
"And I was enchanted!" Gwen yells. "Now you know that."
"You're right, I do. I didn't that night. I didn't until you did, until this morning." Arthur considers his wife, really looks at her. "That was the darkest time in my life, you know. When you weren't there. I'd look for you in a room and to have you not be there..." His sentence trails off. "You're like this beacon of light, guiding me through the darkness." At that, Gwen smiles a tiny smile at her husband.
"You really don't blame Agravaine, do you?"
"For telling me how to handle the whole Lancelot thing?"
Gwen nods.
"Well, I do a little. He tricked me, deceived me just as Morgana did, just as Mordred did." Arthur is silent, then says: "Believe me, I regret what happened. Really I do. I should've handled it better."
"You were angry, like you said."
"If I had known about the enchantment, surely you know I would've dismissed the whole idea of your betrayal completely. I really am sorry, Guinevere."
"I know. I know you are. I'm sorry I didn't give you the chance to say that, instead I just keep shouting at you. It just shows what a good man you are, and were during that time, forgiving me in spite of what you'd thought I'd done."
"You helped make me that man, Guinevere. I owe most of my good qualities to you."
"You're right, you do," Gwen says, making them both laugh quietly. "And that's the man I fell in love with. This good, honorable, fair-minded man. Not the one who banished me. I'm sorry for being so angry at you. That's not fair of me."
"Don't be sorry", Arthur says. "As I said before, you don't owe me anything. We're a team, Guinevere, husband and wife, remember?"
"Indeed we are," Gwen says, smiling. They sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes.
"Are we good now?" Arthur asks.
"Yes," Gwen says. "We're all good again."
"Good," Arthur says, getting to his feet and helping Guinevere to hers. "I love you, Guinevere. I love you so much."
"I love you too", she says, and means it with all her heart. They kiss long and slow and sweet among the trees. And then, holding hands and in love as ever before, they make their way home to Camelot.
