Shh Claire, it's just me.
No, don't shout. No one will be able to hear you.
Shh Claire, it's just me.
Shh Claire, it's just me.
I shot up from where I was laying. My breathing was short and panicked, and it scared me. My hair stuck to my bare back and I had no idea where I was. The back of my eyes stung from unshed tears as a result of the nightmare. My head hurt so fucking badly. It seemed like the drum line from school was inside my head and was beating on their instruments.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
I looked around and found that I was in my car. What the hell was I doing in here? And why was I half naked?
The sun burned my eyes and I groaned as the memories from last night came to me.
Zombies. Lots of Zombies. And…
Oh God.
Jesus Christ.
Fuck. Did I really do that? Did I really do coke and heroin last night? Why did I fuck up so badly? It had been almost five years since I had touched any sort of alcohol or drugs. And why did I have to go back at a single moment of weakness?
Maybe because I was weak.
You can't fight back Claire. You know why. It's because you're weak. You're such a weak bitch.
I shook my head, trying to get the memories out. I wanted to break down and cry. Not only am I completely heartbroken, but now I have to go through withdrawals all over again. Due to one moment of weakness. I felt so disgusted with myself.
I didn't even wonder how my shirt got on the back window. Honestly, I didn't want to know. I grabbed my purse off the floor and looked for my phone, but of course, it was fucking dead.
I pulled my sunglasses out and slipped them on, hoping that it would help with the headache. It didn't.
Pulling away from the parking lot, I wanted to turn my mind off. I wanted to stop thinking about what I did. What he did to me. But I know that it was what I deserved.
So I drove. And I thought.
I didn't want to face my family like this, but I knew that if I didn't go into my house right now, then I wouldn't want to go in there again.
I wanted to make myself look as put together as possible so I pulled a small hair brush out of my bag and slowly worked through my tangles. I pulled some make up out and started to apply it, hoping that I looked slightly normal. I slipped a piece of mint gum into my mouth and sprayed myself with my PINK perfume. I knew that I was still slightly drunk so my mom would be able to tell right away. She knew my old habits so well.
Opening the door with my key, I slipped inside silently; even though I knew everyone should be up by know.
I didn't want to hide it. I wanted to tell my mom immediately, even though I didn't want to get in trouble.
"Claire Stacy Lyons,"
"Dad," I said completely surprised.
"Where the hell have you been Claire? Your mom and I have been up all night worrying about you!" He shouted at me.
I was angry. It was the first time I've seen him in a week and a half and he has the nerve to yell at me? As if he knows exactly what's going on with the family? With me?
"You have no right to talk! I haven't seen you home since last Tuesday! You have no idea what I have been going through this week! I am in more pain then I have ever been in, and that's saying so much!"
"I'm here now Claire! Why don't you tell me what's going on!"
"I'm in love with Derrick!" I sobbed out, sliding down against the refrigerator. The tears I had been holding back for hours freely flowed now. They streamed down my face and hung off my chin. My dad came over and pulled me into his lap, wrapping his arms around me. I sobbed into his chest. "I went to a bar. I got drunk and high, and I think I slept with someone!"
My dad tried to comfort me, but it didn't work.
"I'm such a fuck-up! If my own father doesn't want to see me, then why should my best friend?"
"Don't you ever say that." He commanded, but he didn't say anything else.
I knew he wanted to see me. But he didn't show it, and he knew that.
I heard footsteps on the stairs, and knew that it was probably my mom.
She gasped when she came into the kitchen, seeing my extremely bloodshot eyes, and smelling the alcohol on me, even if I had tried to cover it with perfume.
"Claire! Jay, what's going on?" She asked, an undertone of disappointment in her voice.
I felt my dad shake his head saying to my mom, don't ask. At least not right now.
Right now I just needed comfort. I just needed my dad.
