Chapter Eight

All Sorts of Help

"Ay, Gildarts! Old man, you awake?" I knocked on Gildarts door, causing various stones around the doorframe to fall from his cobblestone house

I heard a loud thunk, and then something like someone was being dragged away. Worry and curiosity got the best of me, and I turned the knob, forcefully pushing the door open, ready to fight something if I needed. Before I could react to Gildarts laying on the ground and dragging himself in my direction, Mirajane's unique fragrance clouded my senses.

"It smells like Mira in here." I stated dully, shaking my head and exhaling through my nose before walking over to Gildarts, only for the stench to get stronger

"She just left like, less than five minutes ago." Gildarts lifted his head and looked at me before slamming his face back to the ground, letting out a long groan

"What's wrong with you?" I crossed my arms and stood above him

"I didn't sleep last night." I groaned rolling over

"What were you to doing this whole time?!" I chuckled at him as he lay lamely on the ground

"W-well." I looked up at me "You know.."

Hmm…. Hmmmmmmmm…..

"Uh," I shrugged lowering my hand to him

"Don't you?" He grabbed my hand, and sat up for a second before standing

"I have no idea what you're talking about to be honest."

He had a nearly dead look on his face before, but the fact that he turned paper pale only added to the dead look "You don't know about.. that..?"

"About what?" I scratched my head

His eyes wandered around the room before he leaned in "You don't know what sex is do you?"

"Sex?" I tilted my head

"OH LORD!" He threw his hands in the air and turned around, walking to the stool from yesterday "Natsu, sit down. It's time someone gave you.. The Talk."

"I talk all the time." I raised my eyebrow

"A different kind of talk."

"There's more than kind of talk?"

"Kinda- Natsu I can't get over the fact that you don't know what sex is." He crossed his arms and looked at me, a slightly disgusted look on his face

"Sorry." I shrugged

"Well.. Erm.." He grimaced and looked away "W-When a man and a woman.." He looked at me, his eyes seeming to beg 'SAY YOU KNOW THIS SO I CAN STOP' "Love each other.."

Love? I focused on him

"They.. Well they'll have sex." He looked at me, an uncomfortable look on his face

A moment of silence before I asked: "Is that a type of food or... what?"

"Uh, no Natsu." He sighed "Sex is when you… you know…" He looked up at me, his fingers flailing around

I sighed "If I knew what sex was we wouldn't be having this conversation. TELL ME WHAT IT IS BEFORE I KICK YOUR ASS!" I set my fists aflame and struck a violent pose

"It's when you stick your dick in her pussy." He blurted out

"My what in who's what?" I raised my eyebrow at him

He covered his face with one of his hands "Holy shit Natsu." He huffed, slightly closing his eyes and rubbing his temples "Tell me what you do know about sex."

"GILDARTS. I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT SEX."

"WELLSHIT."

"I KNOW. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT A DICK AND A PUSSY IS."

"Shit Natsu don't yell that." He lunged at me and covered my mouth "I have neighbors."

OH FUCK. PLEASE TELL ME NO. WHEN I FIND OUT WHAT THIS IS I MIGHT BE MENTALLY SCARRED AND NEVER LOOK AT HER AGAIN BUT I'M GONNA ASK.

"Did you and Mira have sex?"

He froze for a second, his dark orbs staring back into mine. He sat back down and crossed his arms "I'm going to tell you everything you need to know. Things like did I fuck someone is unnecessary."

Fuck? WELL SHIT

"Is having sex when you fuck someone?"

He looked up at me, a confused look on his face "W- Y-Yeah. How do you know the slang term but not the real one?"

"Gray and Laxus. But they never told me what is was to fuck so…."

"FUCK DAMN IT."

"Sorry."


So after about ten minutes of me and him finding other words that mean the same thing as sex, words that mean the same thing as pussy, and the same thing as dick, I finally had an idea of what it was.

"Oh, you mean mating?" I raised a brow at him

"Uh, yeah, but the word mating is more for animals…."

"Well I was raised by a Dragon." I chuckled

"Well fuck. We could have avoided this entire thing.."

"So do you love Mira?"

"What?"

"At the beginning of this whole awkward thing, you said when a man and-"

"I KNOW." I interrupted, a heavy blush painted on his cheeks "People also do things like that for purely pleasure, but it's different."

"So you admit you did mat- had sex with Mira?"

There was a moment of silence before his awkward stare turning into a annoyed glare "Did you need something, Natsu?"

Oh yeah. I gotta ask him about Luce… Okay.. Here goes

"I need your help with some stupid shit about love. I-I'm in love with- Someone.. a-and I don't know what to do. I'm pretty sure she likes someone else, and I have no idea what to do because I can't just force someone out of our guild." I blurted out, keeping my eyes locked on my hands as I spoke

His glare turned into a soft smile, before calmly shifting to a laugh "Well hell, Natsu." I looked up to him "I'm good at getting sex, not love. But it sounds like you're jealous of Flask cause you think Lucy likes him."

"I-I never said.." I stared at him wide eyes

"You and that blondie were always really close. When I got to the guildhall and saw Flask I knew he was a newborn. No one can sit calmly and talk in this guild for long. Him and Lucy were flirting with each other alooooot." He smirked at me

I'm going to rip out his ribs and stab him in the neck with all of them. My eye twitched

"But I'm not the person you need to ask. I don't know that Lucy to well. Ask one of her close friends." He shrugged

Levy.

"Alright." I nodded, my eyes flicking between the wood panels on his floor

"Sorry I couldn't be any help."

"It's fine." I stood up and nasally sighed, slightly relieved when Mira's heavy scent revealed other things, Like my own and Gildarts "You were kind of helpful. I mean, I know what sex is now. I guess I'll see you later?"

"Yeah, I'll be at the guildhall later." He gave a weak salute

"Seeya." I nodded and walked toward the door

Alright. Levy lives in Fairy Hills doesn't she? Damn, I won't be able to walk in, but she might be at the guildhall. Might as well check the guildhall first.


I spotted Levy and smiled, glad I didn't have to find my way to Fairy Hills. A small bit confused that Gajeel wasn't glued to her side, I walked up to her anyway "Ay, Levy!" I grinned at her, waving at Jet and Droy

"Oh, hey Natsu!" Levy smiled at me

I walked over to her table and sat down next to her "Where's Gajeel?"

"I don't know actually." She looked around the guildhall for second

"Hmm. Well, let's hope he tries to fight me, but I need to talk to you." I glanced up to the two boys on the other side of the table "Alone."

"Oh?" Levy looked wide eyes at me

"Nothing bad," I stood up and grinned at her "I promise. I just need help with something."

"What is it?"

"Well, uh." I looked back over to Jet and Droy "It's a sensitive subject."

"Oh, okay.." She stood up, a questionable look on her face before it faded to a smile and she pushed her books to the boys "Watch these for me would you?"

Droy pulled Levy's book towards him and Jet just nodded, a slightly suspicious look on his face. Levy looked up to me with a smile and I turned to walk away. A bright shade of gold caught my attention as I did, and my heart dropped at the sight.

Flask sat there, with his arm around Lucy. She showed no sign of discomfort under his hold, and she had her head slightly on his shoulder.

I'm going to kill him. My eye twitched, and all noise faded to white noise. I'm going to fucking KILL HIM. I huffed, and without meaning to, I set myself aflame.

Luce scooted closer to him, and he tightened his hold. He's getting too friendly with my-

"Natsu?" Levy's voice snapped me out of my enraged trance "What's wrong?"

"Huh?"

"You were…" She sighed and shook her head "going to tell me something?" She raised her glance to meet mine

"Oh, yeah." I glared in Flask's direction before walking towards the guildhall's doors

"So can you tell me what it's about?" Her chestnut gaze was fixed on the doors

"Uh," I pushed the doors open, and made sure they shut before walking a small bit. I didn't stop, or even look at the small bluenette "It's about Lucy."

"Oh?" Levy smiled and lifted her hands up to her face "What about her?" She cooed, a very large grin plastered on her face

I looked around for a second, then inhaled deeply to check and see if Gajeel was stalking us "I'm in love with her." I muttered under my breath

"What?" She leaned in closer to me, her head angled so her ear was pointed at me

"I said… I-I…" I sighed "I'm in love with her."

"OOH!" She cooed, her eyes twinkling "SO WHENS THE WEDD-"

I put my hand over her mouth and lowered myself to her ear "Hey listen," I said in the lowest and most intimidating voice I could "You're not gonna tell anyone. At all. Not Lucy, not Gajeel, not even your own diary." I sat up and smiled at her, my voice normal "Okay?"

She pouted "O-ka-y." She looked down to the ground, pout still on her face

"So you and her are basically one right?" I continued walking, deciding to to go my house instead of Fairy Hills

"Yeah. Kinda." She caught up to me

"So I was wondering," I put my hand on the back of my head "If you could give me some advice on fighting for a girl?"

"Who are you fighting agains- Oh. Flask…"

"Yeah." I averted my eyes and bit my tongue

I'm gonna win Lucy's heart and I'm gonna rub it ALL OVER Flask's stupid, ugly, and annoying face.

"Well… Sure." She smiled at me "But uh, where are we going?" She looked questionably at the rocky path that lead to my house

"My lovely little abode," I bowed, waving my hand to the path with a smile before standing back up to see her looking up at me suspiciously "I'm not gonna hurt you Levy." I rolled my eyes

"I know, I just like knowing where I am." She began walking towards my house, watching her feet as she did so

"So, uh." I put my hand on the back of my head again "I have no idea how to get a girl"

"Well," Levy looked up, her gaze fixing on my crumbling cottage "Do you want a girl, or do you want Lucy."

Lucy. I want Lucy. No one else is like Lucy. She's perfect. Of course there are other women that are nice and pretty, but Luce is a whole new breed of human. She's-

"Natsu!" Levy huffed at me

"S-Sorry. I got caught up in my thoughts.. Definitely Luce."

"Okay, well…"

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Levy stopped, and before I could look up to see what's up, I ran into my door. I stepped back and rubbed my face, pinching my cheek and pulling out a splinter. I looked over to Levy to see her struggling to hold in a laugh.

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes and opened my door, leaving it open behind me as I walked in and kicked several things out of my way as I headed to my couch.

"So, what do you need to know?" Levy closed the door, then walked up to me and sat down, grunting as she plopped down onto the nearly cushionless couch

I sighed and propped my head up on my knees "Everything."

Levy looked at me, a very surprised look on her face. That stunned look slowly faded to a very devilish grin "Okay. I know where to start." She looked around my room, before stating "You may wanna take some notes."


After about five minutes, she said "Take notes on whatever you think you might forget."

About 10 minutes later, Levy looked down to see me frantically writing down words"What are you writing?" She glanced down at the paper

"Everything you've said since 'Take notes on whatever you might forget.'" I finished my sentence before throwing my pencil on the ground and groaning as I held my wrist "You talk alooot." I balled my hand into a fist

"Oh, okay well how about I tell you what you're gonna need." She picked my pencil back up then handed it to me

"That sounds way better."


About an hour past before I heard heavy footsteps quickly approaching my house. I shushed Levy and glared at my door, standing up and standing over Levy.

"What is it?"

"I can't smell it from outside." I huffed, clenching my fists and staring at the small opening I carved into the bottom of my door for that exact reason

The noise suddenly stopped, and I heard a slight creak from the wood 'porch' I had in front of my door. I was about to run up to the door and kick whoever or whatever's ass was behind my door, but a small breeze was enough for me to catch the scent.

"Iron." I grinned, tensing up

"Gajee-?"

My door flew from the frame, breaking in several places, and I had to catch one of them to keep it from hitting the small bluenette. I set my fists ablaze and turned the shattered chunk of wood into ashes "Damn Gajeel. You should learn not to send chunks of wood everywhere if you want to protect-"

Gajeel didn't let me finish before he ran at me, his entire body covered in his element. His iron fist swung at me, and I grinned as I dodged each of his attacks, slowly backing up as I did so. I was almost at the point of doing a backbend when I noticed Levy was trapped in the corner of the couch.

"Alright hard-head." I caught his fist, only for the heavy smell of burning metal to fill the air "Calm dow-" He punched me in the stomach, and threw me out of my own house "Rude." I huffed, catching myself in a dog-like stance "Interrupt me and kick me outta my own house?"

Gajeel walked out of my house, his blood red eyes throwing daggers in my direction.

"Oh. I get it." I grinned "You thought we did something huh?"

Gajeel ran up to me, only for me to push myself off of the tree behind me and slide under him

"Calm down, we were talking." I stood up and patted the air

"About, what?" His gruff voice, for once, was slightly scary

I stood up and put my hand on the back of my head, heat rising to my face "Uh, heh.."

"Natsu." Gajeel spoke, his eyes flicking behind me for a second before back to me

"Well you see," I bit my lip, then darted back to the house and ran at Levy. I grabbed her shoulders and hid behind her. Gajeel stopped and glared at me "You wouldn't hurt your little Levy would you?"

"Natsu…" Levy put her hand on her face, and I could see a slight blush on her cheeks

"What the hell were you two talking about?" Gajeel's tone mellowed, but his eye twitched

"L-" I covered Levy's mouth

"What did I tell you?" I growled

"Don't.. touch her.." A low whispered growl came from Gajeel

"Anyway," I huffed waving him away, yet still hiding behind Levy "Go away so we can continue our conversation."

He sent daggers in my direction

"Gajeel. Please." Levy's light voice caught my attention "I'm helping Natsu with a personal problem."

"Why can't he get his own m-" Gajeel's eyes dilated "Why can't he get Lucy's help?"

"Well.." Levy smiled

Gajeel returned to normal and started laughing. His cold glare turned into an amused glance and he straightened up "Well you and Lucy having problems fireball?"

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH GEARHEAD." I pointed my fist at him and bared my teeth

"Whatever, I know your secret so there is no need for me to leave."

"How about you by me a new door like you said you would." I walked up to him, cracking my knuckles

He grabbed the neck of my vest and pulled me close to him "Listen Natsu." His voice was low, and basicly whisper "If you put your filthy paws on my girl one more time I'm gonna murder you."

I grinned devilishly at him and pulled away "Oh Levy," I said slyly, walking up to her "I've got some new information for you." I grinned back to Gajeel and propped my elbow on the petite girl "Apparently, you and Ga-" Gajeel grabbed me and wrapped his arm around my neck

"Shut the fuck up." He huffed

"Boys." Levy huffed, crossing her arms

Gajeel shoved me back, causing me to fall, only to flip and land in a crouching pose.

If this dickface doesn't go someplace I'm gonna have to find some other help.

"If you really need help you're gonna have to learn to intimidate your opponent," Gajeel glared at me "If you let your competition hang all over your girl she's gonna think you don't care."

"What do you know about relationships?" I tried to hold back a smile

"I know how to beat the shit outta the people who threaten it." He sent daggers my direction

"Fair enough." I shrugged

"Excuse me, I was telling him how to-" Wendy objected, only to be interrupted by both me and Gajeel saying:

"Yeah, yeah, be quiet and let the men talk."


After about ten minutes of Gajeel saying something about fighting, and me replying with

"I know how to fuck a bitch up Gajeel, tell me something useful!"

He finally told me some random shit about intimidating others without having to cause a scene or fight. Levy was sitting across from me on the couch, with Gajeel next to her. I had pulled my one chair from my kitchen and

"Oh come on Gajeel, how do you have fun if you can't fight someone?"

"Lucy's not the type of person who always wants a huge scene." Levy interjected

"But I'm the epitome of huge scenes." I crossed my arms

"Yeah, you are." Gajeel rolled his eyes at me

"I want her to love me for me.." I smiled slightly looking at the wooden panels I had for a floor

"Whoa, fuck you want some wine with that fancy ass cheese?" Gajeel laughed, and Levy said

"OH THAT'S SO CUTE, YOU AND LUCY WILL BE PERFECT!"

"She doesn't even like me though." I sighed, my smile fading away

"Well…." Levy grinned her eyes flicking towards the opening in the front of my house

"Well?" I looked up at her with interest

"When we hang out, she talks about you… alot." She shrugged at me, her light brown gaze locking with mine

"How much is a lot?" I bit my lip

"Like... " She leaned in close to me, earning a disapproving glare from Gajeel "A lot."

SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT

SHE'S LIKED ME THIS ENTIRE TIME? WHAT THE FUCK! MMMMRRRRR I'M GONNA HIT MYSELF WITH A TRUCK. WHAT THE HELL IS MY PROBLEM. WHY AM I SO-

"I don't know what flirting looks like…" I crossed my arms and leaned back, disappointed in myself

"Alright. I'll show you," Levy smiled at me

"Hmm?" Gajeel sat up, a catch in his throat making his hum-thing sound all scratchy

"Oh Levy, you know how jealous that would make Gajeel." I managed to blurt out before Gajeel pounced at me, causing us both to fall back in my chair and roll before I seized the chance to kick off of him and went up in the air a small bit before Gajeel grabbed my ankle and slammed me to the floor, the wood panels breaking and coming undone, leaving us both with multiple splinters. I glanced up to Levy to see her spaced out with a light blush.

If happy was here, he'd say "OOH THEY LIKE EACH OTHER!" In his usual singsongy voice


OKAY HERE IS THE CHAPTER IT IS 11:59 AND I'M TYPING LIKE A CRAZY SON OF A BITCH.

OKAY THANK YOU TO THAT ONE PERSON, AND HERS IS THE CHAPTER I PROMISED YOU.

LOVE ALL YOU HOES

TASHI

SONUVABETCH

Shit nevermind. Oh well. :I
I tried doe,

Anyway imma ad some more shit naow

Okey this chapter is hella shitty and lame. it only has 3541 words of story and I'm just like;

"I promised a buddy that I was gonna post but the days already past because of you and yo shitty little sleeping scheduale. Now everyone hates you cause you break promises. Bitch."

Anyway. Sorry. What matters is that I tried. Plz forgive me. I love chu.

Bai.

-Tashidapandawolf