Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the characters.
Chapter 8 – Living Without You
Author's Note: I'm so sorry it took so long for me to post this. I got fed up with school stuff. The next chapter will be the next. I hope you guys like this one!
Carlisle had spent the last two weeks trying to forget Esme, or at least trying not to remember her all the time, so he was working a lot. He would get to hospital early and leave later than usual, and he wasn't even doing that to get extra hours. Everyone knew that he was miserable. The females at the hospital got super excited when they heard Carlisle had broken up, but when they saw him they got really sad and didn't even bother to take advantage of him now that he was single.
Because of the breakup Carlisle had been going out with his co-workers. Actually he went out with them for two nights only and it wasn't all that bad but he still was really sad. He was definitely considering to go back to Boston. It made perfect sense now. His friends and family were there, and they could help him. Plus Esme was the one thing that would hold him back. Hospitals are pretty much the same thing everywhere, but Esme was one of a kind. She was the one he wanted, but now that he couldn't have her he thought it was best to leave. Every place in NYC would remind him of Esme after all. He wouldn't be able to get over her there.
Tonight was a Friday and Carlisle felt really tired since he didn't get enough to sleep because he read some articles until 2 am in the morning, so he went home on his normal time. He was getting ready to go have something hot to drink when he heard the buzzer. He thought that it was probably the mail, but he had a surprise when the doorman said that it was Edward. He had developed a really nice friendship with Edward but Carlisle didn't think he would be seeing Edward so soon.
"Edward. What a surprise." Carlisle greeted him.
"Hey man. I came to see how you are doing." Edward said and Carlisle seemed kind of shocked. "What? You thought that we weren't friends anymore?" He laughed. "I've tried reaching you here and on the hospital but you haven't returned my calls so I've decided to come here. I'm sorry for coming on such short notice."
"That's okay. It's nice to have you here."
"So, tell me, how have you being?" Edward asked.
"Not very good actually. I've been working a lot, so I'm pretty tired all the time."
"Don't do that to yourself man." Edward advised. Carlisle knew better than anyone that what he was doing wasn't healthy but it was the best way to keep Esme out of his mind.
"How is Esme doing?"
"She's fine, I guess." Edward said. He didn't want to talk about Esme a lot. It's not the best thing to do. "So, have you got a chance to go out and have fun? That can help."
"I have gone out a few times with some co-workers. It was okay." He didn't sound very excited at all.
"You can always go out with us. I mean, Emmett, Jasper and I. We can take you to do some guy stuff and just have fun, you know?"
"Thanks, but I don't think so. I'd feel kind of ackward."
"Oh, come on! That's bullshit! There's no ackwardness at all. We're friends."
"I know. But the thing is that I'm leaving soon. I'm going back to Boston."
"What? Why? I thought you liked New York!" Edward was shocked. He didn't want Carlisle to leave and it would make Esme even sadder.
"I do like it. It's just that Esme was the only thing holding me back, you know? There's no reason for me to be here anymore. Hospitals are the same thing, man. It doesn't change it if I'm here or in Boston. All my friends and family are there and it would really help to have them around, so why would I stay here? I don't see any good reasons." Carlisle expained.
"But what about your contract? Can you just leave like this?" Edward wanted to know.
"I can leave after six months. So, I can leave next week, and it's probably what I'm going to do."
"I know I can't force you to stay, but I really wished you would change your mind. Esme doesn't want you to leave either." Edward said hoping that mentioning Esme would make him want to stay.
"She doesn't want me anymore, Edward. She's probably never going to trust me again and I can understand that. I've screwed up, and now the only way out I can see is going back to Boston." Carlisle told his friend sadly.
"Okay. You seem pretty sure of your decision. I still don't like it. I wished you would stay. Well, I should probably let you rest now." Edward said heading for the door. "I'm here if you need anything, okay? Remember: you've got friends here." Edward said. Him and Carlisle hugged each other briefly and Carlisle thanked Edward for everything. And then Edward left and went to Esme's apartment where everyone was waiting for him. He hadn't told anyone where he was going, so Bella was probably getting worried by now.
"Hey. Where have you been? I was about to call you." Bella said as soon as Edward opened the door.
"I was at Carlisle's place." Edward answered.
"Oh, yeah? How's he doing?" Emmett asked. He felt very protective of Esme naturally but he liked Carlisle. He seemed like a good guy in his eyes. It was a shame he messed things up.
"Not very good. He's going back to Boston next week. And he's already made up his mind it seems." Edward let everyone know. When Esme heard her friend's words it was like her stomach had fell and her heart started pumping way too fast.
"Why?" Esme asked almost desperately.
"Why do you think? Because he doesn't have you anymore. And he hasn't got many friends here. You were his whole life here, Esme. Now that you're not in his life anymore he's going go to go back to the life he used to have." Edward wanted to make Esme feel guilty. He wanted her to go to Carlisle's apartment right now and make up with him. He knew that what they had was true love, and if Esme wouldn't forgive him then she would be miserable for the rest of her life.
Esme didn't say a word. She just got a jacket and left. She needed to be alone now. She walked until a bench in Central Park. She had many memories from that place but the only thing she would remember was when she was there with Carlisle. She sighed and reached for the letter Carlisle had wrote her two days after they broke up. She would always carry the letter with her and she hadn't showed it to anyone. Even though she had read the letter about 100 times now she went through his words all over again. They said:
Dear Esme,
I know I have hurt you. I am deeply sorry for what I did. I can't even tell you how much. I miss you so much already. I sincerely hope that you can forgive me someday, but if that doesn't happen, I will know that I should try and forget you. It wouldn't be easy, but I would know I can't have you, so I would try to get over you. Hopefully this doesn't have to happen. I wished you would come save me from this heartache.
I would talk to you face-to-face but I was too afraid that you wouldn't want to see me. I hope you can forgive me for my weakeness.
The last thing I really wanted to say is that I love you, I surely do. You're one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I wished I could be with you now and forever more. I know it sounds cheesy, and I never thought I would ever actually say that, but it's true. It's what my heart tells me it's true.
If you don't answer this letter I'll know that you want me to move on. If that is the case, I hope you have a great life. I only want you to be happy, and that is the most important thing for me, even if it means you're happy without me.
Yours truly,
Carlisle.
She couldn't help almost crying after each time she read the letter. It was incredicle how wonderful Carlisle could be. She didn't know why she didn't answer the letter. She was sure she wanted him back but she couldn't make a move towards him. Something was holding her back. Whatever it was it wasn't holding her back anymore. She couldn't let Carlisle leave. She had to go talk to him and that is what she is going to do.
