A/N: Still looking for a beta reader if anyone is interested.
Who has to know?
The way she feels inside
Those thoughts I can't deny
These sleeping dogs won't lie
And now I try to lie
It's eating me apart
Trace this life back
I'll keep you my dirty little secret
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
[…]
Who has to know?
Who has to know?
"I like this one," Blair held up a newborn blanket with a pink ditsy print. "They have it in lilac too," she indicated. Nate crossed the baby boutique to examine Blair's choice.
"I think I like the pink," he nodded.
"Me too," Blair smiled as she handed it to the Bonpoint sales assistant who had been trailing them around for the last forty minutes.
"Come and see these little shoes, they're adorable," Nate led her by the hand over to where he had found a pair of tiny gray knitted booties.
"Aww," Blair cooed as she lifted them. "They're adorable, we should get them in more than one size so that she doesn't grow out of them too fast!" Blair excitedly fumbled for a newborn pair as well as a six to nine months.
Another forty minutes later Blair and Nate emerged from Bonpoint onto Madison Avenue. "Let's go to Ralph Lauren," Blair insisted. "The baby store is only a few blocks away."
"Whatever you want," Nate kissed her forehead sweetly. Blair smiled up at him and took his hand as they wandered towards their next destination.
They returned to their apartment that afternoon with more baby clothes and accessories than they were ever going to need, but both very happy. Blair sank down into the sofa as soon as they'd deposited their shopping bags in the soon to be nursery. "I'm so tired already," she whined. Nate smiled and joined her on the sofa wrapping her in his arms and letting his hands rest on her expanding stomach.
"Only two more months," Nate reassured her gently. "And then we'll have our beautiful little girl."
"Two months is a long time," Blair sighed. Her belly was now uncomfortably large and she was needing to pee constantly. Shopping was the best distraction Nate had been able to find. "I'm so fed up of being fat," she jabbed the top of her bump.
"You are not fat," Nate assured her kissing her hands lightly. "You're pregnant, there's a huge difference."
"Huge," Blair sighed. Nate chuckled.
"You always look beautiful to me and in two months time our little baby will think you're beautiful too."
Blair planted a chaste kiss on his lips. "I love you Archibald."
"I love you too," he returned the kiss a little more passionately. Just as their kissing began to get a little carried away the phone rang.
"Hello?" Blair answered. "Oh yeah he's right here." She handed the phone to Nate. "It's for you."
Nate took the phone smiling. Blair settled against him happily as he spoke on the phone with someone from work. He absent mindedly ran his fingers through her hair, which had become a lot thicker as a result of her pregnancy. She rested her hand on a spot where she could feel the baby moving a little. Her touch made the little one's movements more defined as she sensed Blair's touch. Blair often fantasized about finally having their little girl home together. The nursery was almost complete and the heirloom Moses basket, which Serena had gifted to Blair's baby sister, had been shipped from California and was positioned in the crib ready for it's new occupant.
Blair jolted back to reality when Nate hung up the phone. "What did they want?" She asked as she lowered his now free hand to where the baby was moving so as he could feel it too.
"They want to steal me away this afternoon," Nate looked at her pleadingly as she pouted.
"But we have an antenatal class, remember?"
"I remembered, but I do kind of need to be there for this pitch. Can you spare me from one class? Call Serena, I'm sure she'd love to come."
"Serena's too busy with whatever's going on with her and Humphrey."
Nate pressed his lips together. He still felt guilty about what that night had led to between Serena and Dan. They were practically separated and Serena was not in a good place anymore. She had dumped Heidi on himself and Blair more times than either cared to count in recent weeks and the five-year-old seemed a little distressed by the whole situation.
"I'll call my mom to see if she'll go with you," Nate answered a little quietly.
Blair said goodbye to Anne and thanked her for accompanying her to the Lamaze class as they exited the building on 73rd Street. Blair began to make her way home, she'd chosen to walk as it was another nice day and she planned on dropping by Nate's office with a Starbuck's Green Chai Latte. As she made her way down Fifth Avenue her legs were assaulted by Heidi who had spotted her from down the block and had raced Dan to hug her.
"Oh, hi," Blair smiled brightly on catching sight of the little darling.
"Heidi, I told you not to run off," Dan scolded her. "If you keep doing this then we're going straight home."
"No," Heidi whined clinging to Blair as Dan made to detach his daughter from Blair's legs.
"Thanks," Blair smiled as Dan lifted Heidi to him, the extra strain on her legs was really not needed.
"Blair, come to the park with us!" Heidi squealed excitedly. "Please! Please daddy, tell Blair to come with us!" Heidi demanded.
"Sure, I'll come with you," Blair smiled as she walked hand in hand with Heidi towards the playground on 72nd street.
"How are things?" Dan asked as he and Blair took a seat on a bench and observed Heidi.
"Great," Blair smiled happily. "I just came from a Lamaze class; Nate couldn't make it today, but he's been to most of them. He's taken some time off work to get ready for the baby. How about with you guys? Have you worked things out yet?"
"Not so much," Dan shook his head. "We've been talking, but we both want different things and I think that maybe the only reason we forced this was because we wanted things to be perfect for Heidi."
Blair nodded sympathetically. She couldn't ever see herself getting stuck in the kind of relationship Serena had been in. She loved Nate more than anything and this baby was going to make things even more perfect, even if it shook their lives up a little to begin with.
"Do you mind me asking - it's just that Serena never said anything - but what happened with you two?" Blair's eyebrows furrowed. "I mean I know you guys have fallen out in the past, but is it really that bad this time?"
Dan considered her for a moment. "Didn't she say anything?"
"She said it was petty, but when she's dumped Heidi on us four nights out of nine, we sort of began thinking it was more."
"Well it started that night that you and Nate had the fight-"
"What fight?"
"You know when Nate stopped over at our place? Serena said you guys fought and that he slept on the couch at our place."
Blair remembered the night that Dan was talking about. "So what's the problem? It was us that fought and we've made up."
Dan paused. "You know what we shouldn't be talking about this. I mean you have your relationship and we have ours and they're not the same so it's probably better if we just don't tangle them because I know you and Serena are friends-"
"Humphrey, what are you saying?" Blair cut his nonsensical jibber jabber off.
Dan glanced at Blair's exploding stomach and then back up at her. "I've said too much."
"Dan? What's going on? Does this have anything to do with me?"
"Listen," Dan took her hand gently, barely able to take his eyes off of her pregnant stomach. "I found Nate's belt in the en suite the morning after he slept over and Serena had changed the sheets before Heidi and I got home."
Blair stared at him for a moment as tears collected in her eyes. "But Serena said that he slept on the couch." Blair bit back the tears. "Why are you so skeptical of what she said?"
Dan looked at her sadly. "I guess that maybe I don't trust what she said."
"Well I trust Nate, in every sense of the word and maybe you and Serena should resolve your own issues before you go screwing up anyone else's relationship." Blair stood up and was on her way out of the park before Dan was even aware of what he'd done.
"Hey sweetheart," Nate kissed her cheek as he arrived home from smoothing things over at the office. "How was the Lamaze class?" He noted her tear stained eyes and gently combed stray hair from her face allowing his hand to linger against her cheek. "Is everything OK?"
She heard the panic in his voice as his hand dropped to touch her baby bump.
"Did something happen?"
Blair shook her head.
"Are you OK?"
"I ran into Heidi and Dan when I was out," Blair tried to hold tears back, but they were dripping from her eyelashes as she put on her brave face. Nate stood waiting for her to finish the story of what had turned her day upside down with concern etched across his face. "He said that you and Serena," Blair faltered as tears overcame her again.
"Blair," Nate tried to pull her to him.
"My best friend!" Blair shouted. "Again!"
"Blair you have to listen to me," Nate insisted as he tried to hold her hands.
"No I don't!" Blair shouted. "I'm fed up of listening to you. You proposed to me that morning! You said that you loved me and you had had sex with my best friend! I'm carrying our baby and you slept with someone else!"
"It doesn't change that I love you, I just didn't want to hurt you anymore than I already had."
"And you thought keeping it a secret would help?"
"No, I wish it had never happened, it was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. You mean the world to me and I love you more than anything and you know how much this baby means to me and to us. We're getting married Blair and we'll be a real family in a few weeks."
"How can I marry someone who won't ever commit to me? I can't ever trust you again."
"I was an ass, I know I was. I wouldn't disagreed with you, but that night was the biggest mistake I ever made and when I realized what had happened I knew that all I wanted in the world was you and our baby."
Blair tears were still falling down her face. Nate gently brushed some away.
"Please Blair, forgive me. I promise you now that from that morning I proposed to you, you and our baby were my only priorities. Don't walk away from our relationship. You know how much I love you; I always have and I always will."
"She's my best friend," Blair's eyes were still swimming in tears, but her body language was less hostile and more helpless. "You guys will always have history, what do we have?"
"Blair we have more than history," Nate assured her taking her arms. "We're mythic. I've wanted to be the only one for you since the fourth grade. Don't you remember we used to switch partners to get to dance together at ballroom lessons? And how we went to elementary school prom together? We have more than history. We've been together for ever and ever and I never want things to change."
"Neither do I," Blair whispered. "But promise-"
"I'll never hurt you again and I'll do everything I can to stop our daughter ever getting her heart broken."
Blair stood in front of him conflicted; the last thing she wanted right now was to be left alone or to push Nate back to Serena; but the feeling of knowing that Nate had had sex with Serena was tearing her apart.
"Come here," Nate extended his arms to her.
She took a tentative step forward and let him embrace her.
"I love you," he whispered gently into her ear.
"Always have; always will." She said more to remind herself than him.
"Are you OK?" Nate asked quietly as he slid into bed beside her that night. Blair nodded silently. "You've barely said a word since we argued and I don't want to let this lie if you're still mad at me."
"It changes things," Blair said quietly.
"It doesn't change the way that I love you," Nate gently stroked her hair.
"It does change things," Blair insisted. "I need you right now in the same way that Dan and Serena thought they needed each other when Heidi was born. I don't want to end up unable to talk civilly to one another in six years time."
"I know I'm asking a lot when I ask you to move past this, but I really think that if we can then everything we ever wanted can be the way it's supposed to be. We're going to have our first child in a few months and then we'll get married and then we can have more children. We're going to have the life we always talked about here in New York as a family of our own."
Blair fell silent; as right as he was she was now questioning what she had always wanted. "Promise me that it won't happen ever again."
"I promise you that I will never make that mistake again and I will always be right here when you or our daughter needs me."
"And promise me that you aren't just saying all of this stuff because we're having a baby. Do you want to be part of this?"
"I want to be here, through all the good times and all of our fights; I love you too much to miss any of it."
Blair smiled as she snuggled into him. He'd said it all just like the script of the movie in her head had planned it. "One more thing?"
"Whatever you want," he kissed her neck gently.
"I don't want things to change between Serena and myself, but I don't want you guys being friends any more."
"You have nothing to worry about," he kissed her again. "I haven't spoken to Serena in weeks and I have no intention to. Besides neither of us are going to have any time for friends in a few weeks anyway."
"She's worth it though," Blair smiled happily as she positioned Nate's hand on her bump to feel the gentle rumbling of their daughter.
A/N: Thank you all so much for the wonderful response the last time, I was so glad to see you hadn't all given up on me! I hope to get the same again, but no pressure ;)
