For the next three months, Delic's job as a host supported them decently. Psyche's music was starting to get more popular, and he had some money coming in through online stores from people buying his covers.
Behind closed doors, Psyche and Delic began to grow a more intimate relationship. Psyche wasn't certain if it was love, but he didn't mind. Delic wasn't servicing women after hours, and was coming home to focus on his needs. That was all Psyche thought he needed.
The sex became more loving. It was still fast paced and sudden, but he could feel affection in every touch and hear tenderness in every sound. There were moments he nearly said that forbidden statement, but bit his tongue to hold them back.
He could never utter those words. If he did, he would ruin everything he and Delic had. If Delic knew that his best friend loved him…who knows how he would react. Psyche would like to think he wouldn't leave, but Delic was one to run from love.
The thought broke his heart, but Psyche was a masochist when it came to Delic. He was willing to live in a one-sided relationship with his best friend as long as it meant they were together.
Despite the conflicts in his heart, confidence began to grow within the brunet. He started going out with Delic to the clubs, trying to get a job as a performer. He wouldn't mind singing on stage, and it would give him more time to spend with Delic.
His voice soon landed him a part time job. He would sing along with the band during the evening as the hosts worked.
He would often watch Delic as he worked, singing songs he knew Delic would enjoy. He couldn't help but smile when he would sing one of the blond's favorites and see him smile a little more genuinely. Though, he dislike seeing Delic surrounded by potential suitors.
He knew it was purely business. However, Psyche couldn't help but feel possessive and protective of his best friend. He didn't like seeing the blond parading around with women and the occasional man.
Delic was his. They were best friends. No one could ever know Delic as well as he did. Seeing those…those whores try to peel away the layers of Delic's personality pissed him off.
There were moments when his voice would grow harsh when singing, catching Delic's attention. He would shake it off and continue to sing, pretending that their gazes didn't meet.
This process repeated every night. Psyche would start singing perfectly, but would start to falter when Delic would get a bit too close to his suitor, or when he would flash a smile that was a bit too sweet. Delic would notice and watch him quietly, concern in his eyes. Only the blond could tell when Psyche was upset by the slight hardness in that normally sweet tone, just as Psyche could read the emotion in his best friend's eyes when their eyesight caught for a second too long.
Both pink clad men knew that they couldn't ignore the elephant in the room any longer. After one performance, Delic went backstage to check on Psyche. The brunet was drinking tea, trying to soothe his voice to prepare for the next few hours.
"Hey Psyche."
The raven turned, smiling when he saw Delic coming. He opened his arms, rushing to hug him tightly. Psyche sighed as he breathed in Delic's cologne. It always could soothe him.
"Did you enjoy the show?"
"Yeah I did. You're doing great up there." Delic smiled, patting Psyche's head the same way he had since their elementary days. "I just came back to make sure you're doing alright."
"Never been better!"
He had spoken a bit too quickly. Psyche knew that, and Delic knew that. Two pairs of pink eyes stared at each other for a moment before Delic broke the gaze.
"We can talk when our shifts are over, ok?"
Psyche nodded, knowing that Delic would bring it up when they went home. The host turned and left to head back to his current "date". Psyche frowned, feeling that green monster growing inside of him again. He forced it away, turning to walk back onto the stage. He couldn't sing when he felt like this. He had to focus on the music.
Two more hours passed before their shifts ended. Psyche finished his song, bowing and smiling at the thinning crowd as he headed backstage again. He pushed his way into his dressing room and changed into more comfortable clothes, staring at himself in the mirror.
With a sigh, he poked at the growing bags under his eyes. These long shifts were wearing him down. He didn't know how Delic could do it. Sure, he wasn't performing on stage for hours, but he was acting and putting on a show for his clients.
He rubbed his eyes, grabbing his bag and heading to the backdoor where Delic would meet up with him. He saw the blond sitting at his booth with an older woman, in her mid thirties. She was obviously flirting and trying to coax Delic to service her more. She ran her hand along his leg, causing Psyche's blood to boil.
The raven shoved the door open and ran outside, sprinting away from the club and back home. He didn't want to see any more women on Delic. He didn't want to imagine what happened after hours. He didn't want to know. He didn't want anything except Delic to be with him.
By the time he reached their apartment, he was winded and gasping for air. He leaned against the wall, dropping his bag and sliding to sit on the concrete. Panting, Psyche looked up at the night sky, the clouds covering the stars and the moon. His throat burned and his legs ached, but he forced himself to get back up and make his way back to their makeshift home.
Fumbling with the key, Psyche let himself inside. He threw his bag into the corner and flopped right onto the air mattress, sinking into it as it slightly deflated from his weight.
He hated this feeling that had grown inside of him. He hated that he had no control of what he thought or how he felt. He hated how he was wrapped around Delic's finger and the blond didn't seem to notice or care. He hated it all.
Curling around a pillow, Psyche buried his face into the blankets and tried to hold back tears of stress and heartbreak. He only stopped crying when he felt a comforting hand on his back.
Psyche looked up, sniffling when he saw Delic's face. The blond ran his fingers through Psyche's hair, trying to soothe him silently. There were no need for words. They both knew what Psyche was feeling. They didn't need an explanation.
"Are you mad at me?" Delic asked as Psyche rubbed his face with his sleeve. The raven shook his head. He wasn't mad at Delic. He was annoyed with his job, and all the people who clung to him.
"Is this about what happened last time we…"
Psyche glanced up, trying to read Delic's expression. He had mastered the mask that he kept on his face while working. It was sweet and caring, and Psyche couldn't tell if it was sincere or not.
"Yeah…I guess," he murmured, pulling his knees close to him. Delic sighed softly, shaking his head. He didn't know how to handle this situation. He never imagined Psyche would develop feelings for him. He wasn't planning on having this conversation.
But first, he had to make sure he and Psyche were on the same page.
"Are you upset because I'm always around women?"
Another soft nod.
"Is that because you…" Delic paused, almost afraid to even utter the word. He knew deep down that this was what needed to be said. But…he couldn't bring himself to say it. "Because you don't want to lose me?"
Psyche shrugged, "I…I guess that's part of it. It's...it's more than that though." Psyche could feel his hands trembling. He was so scared. He knew that Delic was against this; against the idea of love and romance. His lifestyle refused to allow that emotion into his heart.
Delic waited a moment, lowering his gaze before choking out the question that would expose everything. "Is it because you're in love with me?"
The brunet could feel tears welling in his eyes, and his shoulders shook as he tried to hold back the urge to cry.
"Psyche…you know I-"
"I know! I know you don't believe in love and you don't want to get in a real relationship. That's why I haven't told you! Why I never wanted to tell you!" Psyche said quickly, his voice raising as he rambled faster, "You're my best friend and I didn't want to ruin it because I was getting attached. I'm…I'm so sorry…"
Delic reached over, pulling the brunet into his lap. He rocked him gently, rubbing his back. He knew that this was a delicate situation. Although he didn't believe in love, he knew that heartbreak existed. He had experienced it once before, and he knew that if he didn't tread lightly, he could easily crush Psyche's heart.
"Psyche…" he started, sighing as he pet his hair lightly, "…you can do so much better than me." He could feel Psyche whimper and shake his head against his shoulder, trying to deny what Delic was telling him. "You know it's true…I'm…I'm not right for you. I don't deserve to be loved by you."
"Yes you do…you never left me. You've always protected me and stayed by my side. Even when we grew apart, you never abandoned me or replaced me!"
Hearing Psyche try to argue with him, try to protect his heart, hurt Delic deeply. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt him. "Please, Psyche…you're making this hard for me."
"And this isn't hard for me?" Psyche pushed him away and stood up, wobbling a bit on the mattress, "You should be the first person to understand how I feel!"
"I do, Psyche! I know exactly how you feel. I've already gone through this before..." Delic tried to move to stand up as well, but Psyche shifted and moved to the floor, head shaking. "I'm trying to make this as painless as possible."
"Well it is painful…"
"I know…but I don't want you to feel this way when I -"
"Don't say that!"
They remained silent, staring at each other with a harsh stare. Psyche faltered first, eyes overflowing with tears as he kneeled onto the half deflated mattress and cried. Delic opened his arms, gently coaxing him back into his embrace. Although it hurt Psyche more to be close to him, he craved the comfort and affection. He was trained like Pavlov's dog to go to Delic when he was in pain.
"Psyche…"
The raven hiccupped in response, burying his head into the blond's shoulder.
"I'm sorry that I can't…I can't reflect those feelings for you. I'm so sorry that I've hurt you."
Psyche nodded, knowing that Delic meant no harm. He wasn't that kind of person. "It's…it's ok." He hugged him tightly, trying to push down the hurt. He knew from the beginning that Delic wouldn't love him, and he even knew deep down that Delic wouldn't leave him. But that didn't help heal his broken heart any faster.
I'm so sorry this took so long to update! This fic has been really hard for me. My Delic muse is so weak ;-; I'm not dropping this fic, however it will be put on the back burner because I'm participating in Camp NaNoWriMo to work on an original story. So bear with me for the month long drought through June! And thank you so much for reading~!
