Chapter 8 – The Baker and the Hunter
AN: To my reviewers, an eternal thank you for your comments. They are always appreciated. Any mistakes made in writing this chapter, I blame on my mad caffeine fix. Happy reading and have a great weekend.
The night air is cool as I sit on my bed against the headboard. The bedroom window is wide open even though it's freezing outside. It's quiet and the silence unnerves me. Something in the air hovers like a shadow. I tried to clear my mind from the last few days. The task of baking Tamryn's cake almost shattered whatever piece of sanity I had left. The memories of my family and the bakery consumed me with both anger and sadness. My hands trembled as I poured each ingredient into a bowl. Images of the past before the games flashed in my mind gutting me. The urgency to explode was imminent. What saved me from imploding was my promise to Tamryn. I concentrated on her sweet little face as we drew the design to her cake weeks before. Taking deep breaths, I latched on to the memory of her twinkling eyes and smile. My mind also streamed images of a little girl with the same dark hair and steel colored eyes. The Capitol didn't warp those memories. At least I know they were real.
With task completed, I was too exhausted in mind and body to dwell on any recollections of my family. So here I am, tired but relieved that I kept the promise I had made. The wind entering though the window brushed my face. I sniffed the air as a familiar smell surrounded me. The perfume that blew in shocked me to awareness. It is of Katniss. Reminding me the waft of the trees and primroses that clung to her skin after a morning out in the woods. I closed my eyes and prayed that I am not in a middle of another hallucination. My visual delusions were not the only thing that developed during my torture. I had developed olfactory delusions as well. After a nightmare I swore I smelled blood and ash.
"Hey," Katniss whispered as she appeared before me in my bedroom. "I guess you couldn't sleep either." I'm not surprised that she was able to walk into my home undetected. Her steps were always light.
"Real?" I gasped in surprise as my eyes bulged. "Are you real?"
Her brow lifted at my question. "What?" she asked as she approached me and stood by my bed.
"You're here?" I reiterated. "You're real?"
"Yes, I'm real," she answered. "Feel your heart, Peeta." She gestured to herself as she placed a hand on her own chest. I raised my hand and felt my own. My chest was beating fast. "I hope you don't mind, but I couldn't sleep and I saw the light in your room."
"Why can't you sleep?" I asked. It was stupid to ask since I've known. I've always known what haunted her.
"Bad dreams. Nightmares. I still have them," she answered.
"Me too," I admitted. I was all too aware of her presence. She wore a light dressing gown that covered her mid thigh. I gulped feeling my throat constrict. Her unbraided hair is cascading down her shoulders. She was beautiful standing before me, dreamlike and ethereal. She walked towards me and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Actually, I've been thinking about you. I've missed you." One hand was close to my leg as she leaned forward.
I'm speechless. When I decided to return to 12, I knew that whatever chance I had with Katniss was gone. I had to move on with my life even though I lived near her. I had to exorcise my obsession with her but she never lingered far from my mind. So I stayed away. And yet here she appeared always so close but unattainable.
"I'm sorry, Peeta. I'm sorry for everything," she apologized. She placed a finger on my lips, as I was about to speak. She felt cold from the cool air. "I'm not good with words so maybe I'll should just show you what I can't say." She placed her lips on mine. They felt soft and cool against my own. I whimpered as her lips left mine. "Is this okay?" she asked as her hand cupped my cold check.
'Real, real,' my mind chanted as I prayed that she was here in my room. I blinked my eyes several times. She laughed. "I'm here, Peeta. Real," she quipped. "I know that we need to talk but can't we just…" she said with shy smile as she took my hand in hers. This is the Katniss I never knew. Shy, vulnerable and unsure of herself. "I haven't been able to sleep well since the Victory Tour. You make my nightmares go away."
"You want to sleep here?" I asked. "With me." She nodded her head with a pleading look in her eyes. Without any hesitation, I lifted my blanket and gestured her to join me. Smiling, she took off her robe and slipped next to me. She shivered from the chilly air as a gust of wind passed through my window. "It's too cold for you. I'll go close the window." I'm nervous and stupefied that she has come to me. It's been so long since I had held her in my arms. I got out of bed when I noticed my prosthetic leg leaning against my nightstand. I looked down to see that I am standing on my bare feet. Both feet. I lurched over as if someone has punched me in the gut.
"Peeta, what's wrong?" Katniss cried out in concern as she gets on her knees to reach for me. I backed away.
"Not real," I wailed as I begin to sway. "Not real."
I woke sitting up on my bed as reached down to feel for my leg. It was a dream, Katniss in my bedroom kissing me. It felt real. I dropped backwards and sighed. I looked around my room; the lights are off, my window closed and I am hidden in darkness. Some nights I dreamt that I am home with my family at the bakery. Other times, I'm with Katniss in the train during the Victory Tour. I dreamt of rare moments when I was happy. Those dreams were rare and a few. My nightmares consisted of killing Katniss over and over. There is a battle inside me that fights for what I know and what I feel. My love for Katniss will always be real and true but I know that what she felt for me was never real. Now, I have too many mental and physical scars. Whatever dreams I had of having a normal and happy life will never come to fruition. I have nothing to offer but a broken heart and mind. And that is what I had to accept.
My days are filled with mindless errands and routines. I wake up, tend my garden, eat, sleep (if I can) and repeat. One day a week I call Dr. Aurelius for a forty-five minute session. Our parley together are a retelling of my mundane routine, and spewing emotional vomit that exhausted me physically and mentally. After my session Johanna or Delly had to walk me to my bed where I sleep for the rest of the day. All in all, it's embarrassing and humiliating. I am forever grateful for my roommate's patience and tolerance of my mood swings and sullen behavior. Knowing that this cannot go on forever and after much prodding, I convinced them that they had to go on with their lives. So Delly found work at the new Medical Clinic in town. As for Johanna, she left to go back to 7 stating that she would return after she had taken care of unfinished business.
Today, my anxiety level is at its' peak. Greasy Sae called me and asked if I could pick up Tamryn from school. She is helping a midwife deliver a neighbor's baby and cannot pick up her granddaughter. I said yes not realizing the impact the decision would affect me. I am standing in the middle of a schoolyard with several women gawking and whispering around me. The topic of conversation? It's probably me.
The attitude in town towards me took a turn since my return. There are only a handful of former residents who had survived the bombing. Where I was once welcomed home, I am now shunned by the new community. The new residents didn't appreciate the traitor from District 12 living amongst them.
Soon, the dismissal bell rings. I craned my neck to watch for Tamryn since she doesn't know I am here to pick her up. I smiled as soon as she recognized me.
"Peeta!" she shrieked so loud that everyone turned to watch us. I crouched down to hug her since I'm still uncomfortable of her hugging my prosthetic leg. "What are you doing here?"
"You're grandma is busy so she asked me to come and get you," I answered.
"That's so cool," she gushed as she grabbed my hand. "Come on, I want to show you my drawing I made at school today." The whispers and gossiping continued as we left the schoolyard hand in hand.
I don't know whether it's just me being paranoid but as we walked back home I felt that someone was watching us. I kept my face neutral as not to alarm Tamryn. I felt a prickling in the back of my neck. I could no longer hold back the fear I felt not for me but for Tamryn. I remembered the conversation I had with Dr. Aurelius when he informed me of the threat against my life. The media, stalkers and groupies were common fixtures in our lives after becoming Victors and the Star Crossed Lovers. It was most apparent when Katniss and I visited the Capitol during the Victory Tour. Our experience taught me vigilance.
After a couple of yards, I turned to look and discovered a figure walking behind us. As I watched him approached us. I turned to Tamryn, "Go run home, Tamryn. Go ahead of me, and go to Mr. Abernathy's," I ordered.
"Why, Peeta?" she asked as she looked around her. She was frightened.
"Just be a good girl and do as I say, go now and don't stop until you get to Mr. Abernathy's house," I commanded leaving no room for an argument. She took off not looking behind her. I focused my eyes making sure that what's in front of me was real. He looked the same like he did at the train station wearing all black. His uniform and facial hair made him looked older and more mature than his 20 years. However, he was still the brooding, sullen and angry classmate I remembered back before the games.
"What do you want, Gale?" I asked.
"Shouldn't you be in house arrest or something?" he commented as a sneer appeared on his face.
"I'm home like you, Gale. It's a free country," I remarked. He inched towards me.
"They should have kept you in solitary confinement far away from people. You are a danger to society, especially to Katniss," he said as he placed his hand on his Taser gun.
"Katniss can take of herself, or haven't you noticed. She been doing that for a long time," I reminded him. I felt my pulse beat faster. I looked at my wristband and noticed that it was still green. Gale noticed my gesture as he too looked at the band.
"You not good enough for her, you never have been. Now, you're a danger to her. You should stay away from Katniss," he barked as his anger rose. I knew he had a mean temper and was quick to anger when provoked. I remembered an incident in school when he got into a fistfight over a comment one of the merchant classmate said to him one day. Gale reacted quick and decisive as he pummeled him with his fist. He was suspended for 3 days.
I am well aware that Gale is taunting me. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. I didn't want to have another episode in front of him.
"I'm heading home, Gale. You should do the same," I said as I turned to walk to away. I took two steps.
"You're a pussy, Mellark. You hide behind your calm and peaceful demeanor when you're nothing but a coward and pussy," he spat.
I turned to him. "And what about you, Gale. You think that throwing insults at me makes you better than me. Is name calling all that you can do? I fought bigger and stronger people than you. I survived the Capitol. You maybe bigger and taller than me, and all you're insults and taunting just make you a bully."
"Fight me, you pussy. Or did the Capitol take your balls too?" he spewed as spit flew from his mouth. He took a step and shoved me hard that I fell on the ground falling on my back. I stood up as fast as I could. He charged at me and I stepped aside to avoid any contact from him.
"I don't want to fight you, Gale," I said with bated breath.
"Fight me, Mellark," he spat. I turned to walk away. My gesture only fueled his anger towards me. "Don't turn you back at me, you coward.
Again, he charged at me that I took the advantage with a move I learned from my wrestling days. For a moment, we grappled together until I had him face down on the ground and one arm behind his back. I pined him down with his other arm trapped beneath him and my other arm wrapped around his neck.
"Stop moving or I'll break your neck," I said. He struggled for a moment. "I said stop moving," I ordered as he strained to free himself. He stopped when we hear a voice cut the air.
"Peeta," Katniss screamed as she ran towards us. I let go of Gale and stood up away from him. "Peeta." She ran straight to my arms that I had to anchor my legs from falling backwards. She searched my face and head, touching my face with her hands. "Are you hurt?"
"He attacked me Katniss," Gale screamed as he stood off the ground glaring at us.
"Don't lie to me, I saw everything, Gale. He was walking away when you charged at him," she yelled back at him. "Get the hell away from him, I swear if you hurt him, I'll kick your ass."
"You have to get away from him, Catnip. He's still unstable. Who knows when he'll have an episode and kill you," Gale voiced his concern. "I'm only looking out for you."
"I can take care of myself," she spat. "I don't need you to watch over me." She stood between Gale and me her hands clenched at her sides.
"Someone has to. You're not thinking straight. What is it going to take for you to realize that Mellark is dangerous," he uttered then spat, "I swear you're just as bad as his groupies back in the Capitol. Why don't you just fuck him already and get it out of your system."
Both Katniss and I gasped from the vile spewing out of Gale's mouth. She pulled her arm back and punched him in his already bruised face. "You're an asshole," Katniss bellowed. I reached and grabbed Katniss' arm and held her back. "Stay away from Peeta, I mean it."
"Katniss, I'm just trying to protect you from him," he pleaded.
"I don't need you to protect me. Just get that into your thick skull," she screamed.
"Katniss, where's Tamryn?" I interrupted trying to relieve the tension in the air. "What are you doing here?"
"She's fine. I saw her running to Haymitch but he wasn't home. So she came to me," she explained. "I left her at my house. You're sure you're not hurt?"
"I'm fine," I answered. "Calm down, everything is okay." She looked relieved. "I gotta go, Tamryn is probably scared," I turned and walked away.
"I'll go with you, there nothing for me here," she added as followed me home without a backwards glance to Gale.
I walked as fast as I could back to the Victor's Village. I twisted my prosthetic leg from the fall but I didn't mention it to Katniss. Pain radiated from my leg with each step I took. I just ignored it. As we reached her home, Tamryn ran from the house and greeted us with a frightened look in her face.
"Peeta, you're alright? I was so scared," she bawled. I picked her up and walked inside Katniss' home. She sobbed in my arms for a while not letting go. Katniss made hot chocolate to soothe her. It was the first time that I had been inside her home. It felt odd being there not seeing Prim or her mother. I wondered how she managed to stay in a house filled with ghosts.
Tamryn clung to me all afternoon, never leaving my side. She got tired from crying and fell asleep so we left her in the living room sofa. Katniss caught my grimace as I stood up and walked into her dining room to stretch my legs.
"So not that the emergency is over, you want to tell me the truth?" she questioned as her brow lifted. She pointed to my leg.
"It's nothing, Katniss. I just twisted it when I fell," I said as I rubbed the upper portion of my leg. "I'm all right."
"You didn't fall, Peeta. You were pushed to the ground," she spat in response. "I don't know what the hell is wrong with him."
"He has every right to be concerned," I admitted as I turned away.
"No, he doesn't. I don't see him for months and suddenly he wants to play hero. I was fine without him," she said in a bitter tone. "I don't need anyone to take care of me."
"That's apparent," I whispered as I sat down on a chair and closed my eyes.
"Peeta?" Katniss asked.
I opened my eyes to see anger replaced with a worried look on her face. "I should head home," I said as I stood up only to fall back down from fatigue. Katniss laid a hand on my arm to steady me.
"You look beat. Why don't you stay until Sae calls and have dinner with Tamryn and me? Besides, she might freak if she wakes up to find you gone," she advised. Too tired to argue I agreed. Dinner was calm and relaxing. Having Tamryn between us made the situation bearable.
By the time Sae came to pick her up she was tired and it was late. Katniss offered to let them stay over for the night. I said my goodnight to Sae and Tamryn and I turned to leave when Katniss called out to me. "I'll walk you back home, Peeta." She walked to her closet to put on her jacket.
"It's not necessary, Katniss," I fired back. I didn't want her to go with me. I had reason not to.
"I'm coming," she argued as she walked out the door. I followed behind her. I couldn't prevent what would happen next. She walked up my porch and faced me. "I know why you didn't want me to walk you home." She turned and picked up white rose sitting in front of my door. "Were you ever going to tell me about this?"
I turned my head not knowing what to say to her. It was my problem not hers. "I didn't want anyone to know," I admitted.
"I'm not anyone. Haymitch told me what's been happening at the Capitol during your recovery," she said. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"First off, it wasn't his business to tell you," I added as I felt a tinge of anger surfacing. "And second, I resent him for talking to you about my business."
"Why, Peeta?" she voiced as I heard the hurt in her tone. "Why keep this from me?"
"It's my business. I can take care of it myself," I said. I took the rose away from her. "Go home, Katniss. This doesn't involve you." I saw the hurt look in her eyes. "I mean, I don't want you to get involved." I walked inside my home hoping that she would leave me alone. I turned to close my door but she placed a hand from shutting it on her.
"We protect each other, Peeta. We have since the reaping," she reminded me. Something caught her attention as her eyes bulged when she looked behind me. She pushed through my door and walked straight into my living room. On the walls were 'Killer' and 'Traitor' spelled out in upper case and in blood red. On my coffee table were a dozen white roses in a crystal vase.
The air grew thick around me. My mind flashed with memories of my torture and abuse. I heard screams in my head.
"Peeta?" she queried as I turned my back on her. I didn't want her to see me fall apart. "Are you okay?" She placed a hand on my back.
"You need to leave," I said as I gritted my teeth. My band remained green so I knew I was not experiencing an episode. I was assaulted of images that will be forever etched in my mind. "I'm fine. Just please leave me alone."
"I can't. I won't," she said as she stood her ground. "I've left you alone too long."
"I don't need a keeper. You don't have to pretend anymore. The games are over and I have accepted that what we had wasn't real," I said as I sat on my sofa. My head began to throb.
"I'm not pretending and I'm not leaving you alone," she demanded. I remained quiet. "Regardless of what happened between us, all the pretending and all the lies, we still protected each other. That was real."
I knew she was stubborn. I didn't want her pity or feel obligated to me. So I fought back with the one argument she couldn't dispute. "Just leave. Gale was right, you're not safe with me anymore."
She opened her mouth to argue but we both heard a gasp that interrupted us. Delly stood at the entryway with a hand covering her mouth, "Peeta, what happened? Who did this?" she asked. "Katniss, what are you doing here?" She fired questions I couldn't answer fast enough when she gasped again noticing the white roses on the coffee table. "Peeta, are you okay?"
"I'm okay, Delly. We just got here ourselves," I answered. "I'm just glad that neither you and Johanna were here when this happened."
My eyes were unfocused as my head ached. "Thank you for walking me home, Katniss, but I think we should call it a night. It's been a long day." I turned and ran up the stairs.
The next day I repainted my walls. Katniss offered to help but I refused it. I can't have her anywhere around me. Anyone close to me would be in danger. A few days later Johanna returned to 12. She was livid that I didn't tell her about the graffiti and the roses when she called days before.
"Peeta, do not ever keep anything from me. We have gone though so much together, if I was to lose you now to some creep, I'll kill you myself," she seethed.
"How do you think I would feel if you or Delly, or anyone got hurt because of me? I can't…I won't be able to live with myself," I said. "It's best that you and Delly find somewhere else to live. Maybe you both should go back to 7."
"You're stupid if you think you can do this on your own," she added. "So far, all he's done is break into your house and leave a message. The next time, you might not be so lucky."
"I think that's a good enough reason for you and Delly to leave," I insisted.
"You really are out of your mind if you think I'm leaving you alone," she fired back. "I agree that Delly needs to go, but I'm staying with you and I will not hear anymore discussion about it."
"If you stay, so will Delly," I alleged. "I can't have her stay here."
"I'll talk to Delly," she said. "You and I, we're in this together. You'd do the same for me. I've never forgotten, Peeta. How you took care of Annie and me at the Capitol. Let me do the same for you."
A couple of days later, Delly moved to another home in the Victor's Village. Johanna had petitioned to live in one of the other empty houses. It wasn't official but with the circumstances, Delly moved into Johanna's home temporarily. She protested and screamed at us. I gave her no choice. I couldn't stand to lose another person in my life.
Katniss POV –
When I came home after the rebellion, I didn't have a lot to pack. Whatever clothing I had was either District 13 gray or the Mockingjay suit. Neither of which I wanted to take with me. I wore pants, shirt and jacket when I was dropped off at the train station. Haymitch carried a travel bag and my bow that I used during the rebellion. He dropped off both items as soon as I entered my home in the Victor's Village. I had forgotten about the bag and its' contents. I found it lying in the bottom of my hallway closet. Curiosity won me over as I looked inside. Besides a pair of socks, pants, shirt and underwear, I found two items I had thought was lost or destroyed during the Quarter Quell; the locket and pearl that Peeta gave me at the beach. How both had survived I will never know. The pearl was in my pocket in my wetsuit while I wore the locket before Peeta and I separated that night.
I clutched the locket in my trembling hands. It was tarnished and beaten from the explosion. With all the courage I could muster, I pried the locket open to find my mother, Prim and Gale's pictures in great condition. I sobbed as I gazed at Prim's photo. I will have to ask Peeta how he obtained the photos of my mother and Prim. How he also managed to get Gale's is beyond me. I cringed as I look at the image of my old hunting partner and best friend. The Gale I now know is someone foreign to me. With his facial hair, it made him look older and sophisticated, not the miner's son who hunted besides me during the hardest times of my life. I miss that Gale, not the Gale I see now with his new job and disposition. The new Gale is confident, hard and bitter. It was unrealistic for me to think that the war didn't change all of us.
Gale and Peeta. One is night as the other is day.
I think that between the two, the one that changed the most is Gale. Beyond the torture of both body and mind, I know deep inside that Peeta is still the Boy with the Bread. I see it in his eyes and in the tone of his voice. I want and need that Peeta to move forward in my life.
Gale was wrong when he said that I would choose the one I couldn't survive without. I could survive without Peeta. I survived without my mother's love and guidance. I survived without love because I didn't know what love was all about. The only example I had was with my parents. When my dad died, a part of my mother died too. I thought that's what love did to people. I was wrong. I could survive and live without Gale. Surviving without Peeta is one thing, but to live without him, I know I couldn't. Not only do I need him in my life, I know that I can't live without him. I haven't been living before he entered my life. Peeta is the sun that breaks through a dark rainstorm. He is the ray of light in the middle of darkness.
It hurts knowing that I know longer have his regard, his affection. What I shunned due to my ignorance pains me. Is this how he felt each time he reached out to me in friendship and love? How he endured this feeling for so long attested to his complete devotion and fidelity. I have to get it back. I need to.
After the incident, Haymitch and I spoke in great depth of what must be done to protect Peeta. I know that Peeta denying my help was out of concern for my welfare. I just need to find a way to convince him that we need each other, to protect each other. Just like we did during the games.
I'm sitting in my room when I hear Delly screaming as she ran out of Peeta's house. I rushed out my front door.
"Where the hell have you been, Peeta?" she screeched as he walked up to his front steps holding a brown paper bag. Both are oblivious to my presence.
"I went into town for some groceries," he answered as he gestured to the bag in his arms.
"By yourself? What's wrong with you?" she yelled.
"Delly, I'm capable enough to go to town by myself without a bodyguard," he said.
"We all agreed that you would not go anywhere without one of us going with you, especially if you're going into town," she exclaimed.
"No, you and Johanna agreed," he smirked. "I'm not going to be a prisoner in my own home just because some psycho painted graffiti in my house."
"You're not taking the threat to your life seriously," she added.
"Oh, I am taking it seriously, Delly. I'll be ready," he disagreed as he gestured to a knife sheathed in his waist belt. Delly stared at the knife.
"Peeta, where did you get that?" she asked in shock. He kept quiet for a moment. "Never mind I know who. I can't believe she gave that to you. What are you doing, Peeta?"
"I'm protecting myself," he answered as he moved to walk inside his home.
"No, you trying to get yourself killed," she sobbed. "If something happens to you, I don't know what I'll do." Delly grabbed him in a tight hug. They stood together in an embrace while he whispered into her ear. A minute later, she nodded her head as they both headed inside the house.
I am shocked and paralyzed to what I have witnessed. Was I so oblivious that I didn't realize that something had developed between Delly and Peeta? How long has this been going on? When did this happen? My stomach sunk as new feelings surfaced. Feelings I had never felt before. Rage and jealousy. I am so crazed and distraught that I didn't realize I was standing outside of Haymitch's door until he opened it.
"What's wrong, sweetheart? You look like you've seen a ghost," he said with a surprised look on his face. I pushed myself into his house without an invitation. I walked over to his liquor cabinet and took a long swig of his coveted Winter's Solstice. I chocked as the bitter liquor hit my throat and burned my eyes.
"Hey, watch it that's my last bottle until the next delivery," Haymitch hollered as he took the bottle away from my grasp. "Now, you sit over there and tell me what's got you into a tizzy that you would raid my cabinet without so much of a hello and ado."
"Peeta and Delly," I answered as I tried to hold the tears from falling. Bile rose from my stomach. 'This can't be happening. Not now,' I thought to myself.
"Peeta and Delly?" he said dumbstruck. "Yeah, what about them?"
"They're together," I sobbed as I covered my face with my hands.
"Together as in living together? I thought she moved out and is living next to you," he said. He still wasn't getting it that I had to spell it out.
"No, they're together as in…boyfriend and girlfriend," I choked. The pain in my chest grew with each word I spoke, stifling me.
Haymitch looked at me for a mere second then laughed. A loud belly laugh. Here I am in his home, confessing my pain and heartache and what is he doing? He's laughing at me.
"Oh, Katniss, we really need to work on your self-image," he said after composing himself. "What makes you think that they're together like that?"
"I just saw them outside his house. You should have seen her face when she thought he was missing," I said. "The way they are with each other. I didn't see it."
"You do know that they're best friend and she's been taking care of him at the hospital during his recovery, right?" he stated. I couldn't face him or believe him. "They're just friends, Katniss. Close friends. Like you and Gale."
"I never looked at Gale the way Delly looked at Peeta just now," I whimpered.
"You're seeing things that's not there, sweetheart," he said. "You're just torturing yourself."
"What if it's too late? What if Peeta has finally given up on me?" I whined at the realization. This feeling hurt more than anything I have every known.
"For as long as I've known him, Katniss. What he has always felt for you has never waivered. I don't believe for one minute that he's over you. I believe that he loves you more than he ever has. He's just to afraid to," he confessed.
"How do you know?" I asked, needing the assurance from him.
"Even in his broken and hijacked mind, he came back to 12. He could have gone anywhere. He came back here, Katniss. To you," he smiled at me.
"You think so?" I asked as I wiped the tears from eyes.
"I know so, like I know that the sun rises in the east," Haymitch nodded as he handed me a tissue to blow my nose.
"That's sappy even for you. So what do I do?" I queried.
"Now, what you're going to do is be patient with him and give him time," he recommended. His advise for me was easier said than done. But what else can I do, but be patient and wait as he suggested. "So, are you ready for dinner this evening?"
I was so distressed I had forgotten that Delly had arranged a dinner party at Peeta's house. This time it's an adult party with no kids and liquor being served. It was a mini celebration of sorts. Delly had just accepted a new job in town and Johanna's application as resident of 12 was approved. Thus revealing her unfinished business she had mentioned before leaving District 12. I had asked Delly if I should bring something for dinner. Delly rejected my offer. She advised me to look pretty and find the opportunity to spend time with Peeta. Bless her heart, she was providing the time I needed to bond with Peeta. I wished I had remembered that before I had my meltdown with Haymitch. It would have saved me a world of embarrassment and humiliation. Still, my conversation with him was reassuring and it gave me the courage to pursue Peeta.
I looked forward to the get together just as long as Johanna does not confront me. My attempt to see or speak to Peeta has been thwarted by Johanna's interference. She still hasn't forgiven or talked to me since the incident at the train station. This, however, won't stop me from spending time with him.
My preparation for this evening didn't take as along as the first time. I had a little help from Effie again. She sent me a nice blue dress that matched Peeta's eyes. It was simple and comfortable. Soon I found myself in front of another door. I felt queasy and excited at the thought of spending a few hours with Peeta. I hoped that Johanna didn't answer the door. To my relief Delly yanked the door open.
"Katniss, come on in," she gestured with her head as she pulled my arm. "Haymitch just got here a few minutes ago." I greeted Haymitch who held a glass of liquor in his hand and grunted back at me. "Please make yourself comfortable. I'll be right back." Delly left the room leaving Haymitch and I alone. He gazed at me and smirked.
"Ready for battle, Katniss?" he snickered. I smiled back as he gestured a thumbs up in my direction.
The smell of fresh paint lingered in the air as I remembered the words painted on the walls. I looked around to see if Peeta was anywhere in site when he appeared walking out of the kitchen with an apron around his waist. For a moment I saw a glimpse of the Boy with Bread. He looked shy and handsome as ever.
"Hey, Peeta," I greeted him. I was nervous all of a sudden. "Whatever you're cooking smells wonderful."
"Hi, Katniss. We're having Beef Burgundy. Delly cooked so if you get sick it's not my fault," he quipped. Delly hits him in the arm as she rounded the corner.
"I heard that," she said. "Don't pay attention to him. I'm a great cook." I looked at Peeta and Delly. I envied the ease and friendship between them. An image of Gale flashed in my mind. I shook it away acknowledging that my friendship with him was gone forever. What he wanted from me, I never could give him. It was something I never felt for him. After a moment of awkward silence, Delly bantered, "Doesn't Katniss look beautiful, Peeta?" She nudged him.
I blushed as I realized that Peeta was staring at me. I saw a look of longing in his eyes that faded away. A look I hadn't seen since the Victory Tour. Maybe Haymitch was right, there is still hope for us.
"You look lovely, Katniss," Peeta complimented me. He wore a dark green shirt and brown pants. I wondered if he remembered that green was my favorite color. The moment was broken as Johanna entered the room.
"Hey, now that everyone is here, can we eat already? I'm starving," Johanna announced. She looked at me for a moment. "Hey Katniss." For this evening, she wasn't attired in her usual black clothes. She wore a simple dark green knee length dress with dark black boots while Delly wore a light pink dress that suited her personality.
"Johanna, congratulations with your new residency at 12," I said as I walked to the dining area. She nodded her head in thanks.
The meal was delicious as the company was enjoyable. Delly was right, she was a wonderful cook. Peeta was subdued throughout dinner. Haymitch didn't talk much as Delly and Johanna dominated the topic of conversation. Delly loved her new job as a resident nurse at the Medical Clinic while Johanna spoke of the tension and riots that still prevailed in Districts 4, 6 and 9. It was a discussion I thought wasn't appropriate for a dinner party. Effie would have agreed with me. But, I didn't care because I sat next to Peeta during dinner. His presence soothed me.
"You know what I don't understand? Why is Gale still here in 12 when he should be containing the riots?" Johanna asked. I caught Peeta's reaction to Gale's name being mentioned in the conversation. He flinched and closed his eyes for a second.
"Hazelle is bringing her family back to 12 and Gale is preparing for their arrival and housing," Haymitch added. "I heard a rumor that he's trying to make 12 his permanent resident."
"Doesn't his job restrict him to District 2?" Johanna wondered. "That's where the New Guardsmen offices are located."
"Doesn't matter what he wants, it'll never happen," Haymitch interrupted. We all looked at him to explain further. "Even if he wanted to set up shop in 12, he can't. No hovercrafts are allowed in District 12 and he needs them for transportation to get to the other districts. So he can request and demand all he wants. Paylor will never agree to it." I remembered his deal with Paylor and what it entailed. I wondered if he mentioned it to Peeta. "Besides, Gale will be gone in a few days."
I sighed as I glimpsed at Peeta. He had a blank look on his face. Johanna was relieved and Delly was nonchalant. I guess Gale didn't endear himself with this crowd.
"Hey, what's with the doom and gloom? It's time for cake," Delly announced at she stood up to retrieve the long anticipated confection. It was a simple one layer chocolate cake with vanilla bean frosting. The cake was moist and delicious and the frosting creamy and smooth. "This is delicious, Delly," I said as I took another bite.
"Don't thank me, it's all Peeta. He hovered and bossed me around all afternoon," she smiled at him in appreciation. "Putting it together was not hard, but icing it was a challenge." I guess baking Tamryn's cake was a one-time deal. It didn't matter.
"It's still wonderful. You two did a great job," I added.
"It's marvelous, Delly," Johanna said as stuffed a large piece in her mouth. After two pieces later and stuffed stomachs, we sat in the living room for coffee. Haymitch walked over to Peeta's kitchen and opened a cabinet revealing a bottle of Winter's Solstice in his hand.
"You dog, I thought you said that you couldn't get another bottle until the next delivery," Johanna beamed a smile at Haymitch.
"Got one for this house so you won't be taking a swig of mine, Mason," he snickered as he poured the rare liquid in five glasses. "I like to make a toast. To a new era in Panem and a new beginning for everyone."
We all raised our glass and toasted each other. "To new beginnings," I repeated as I looked at Peeta. Our eyes met for a second. His crystal blue eyes mesmerized me. I long to stare at his eyes for the rest of my life. Our moment was broken as Johanna grabbed the bottle and gave another toast.
The night continued with good humor as Haymitch told stories of Johanna as a young victor. "I mean, all I saw was this skinny girl with long black hair wearing nothing but her skivvies running after Finnick with a very large axe," he laughed. "He learned a very important lesson that day. Never play a prank on Johanna while she's sleeping." Haymitch's eyes twinkled from the memory.
"Yeah, we became best buds that day. We even swore to get tattoos together, but he chickened out the last minute confessing that he was delicate and was scared of needles," Johanna guffawed. "Big, strong and manly Finnick was scared of a needle."
"I only met Finnick once when he showed up at the infirmary after they rescued Peeta, Johanna and Annie from the Capitol," Delly recollected. "He was so sweet with Annie. I couldn't believe he was the same Finnick I saw during the games." She sighed. "Then, the next day he turned up and started to flirt with me. I wanted to slap him on the face." We all laughed. "He was such a character."
"That's Finnick, the charmer. I miss him," Johanna voiced. The doorbell rang interrupting our celebration. Peeta walked to his door and looked down to find a large white box with big white box wrapped around it.
"This was left in front of the door," he said as he carried the box inside the house. He placed it in front of him.
"I don't see a card. Maybe you have a secret admirer." Delly teased. I felt my stomach dropped. Peeta peeled the large bow from the box and lifted the cover. The smell of roses filled the air. Inside the box was a white formal suit covered by a dozen roses. It was the suit that Peeta wore during his interview with Caesar Flickerman. Peeta's face turned pale as Delly reached out to hug him. I took his cold and clammy hand into mine. Enraged, Johanna took the box and flung across the room.
"What the fuck! Who the hell is this guy?" she roared as she ran to the front door. "Come out you coward." She yelled into the dark night. "Face Peeta like a man, you shit." She turned around, slammed the door and walked back into the living room. "We have to find this guy. We have to find him so I can throw an axe in his face. Where's my fucking axe when I need it?" Her face was red and her breathing harsh. She looked at Peeta. "I'm sorry, Peeta."
He gazed at her for moment before he placed a hand on his mouth and ran up the stairs into his bathroom, locking the door. The sound of retching filled the air and running water a few minutes later. When he came back down the stairs we're all in the middle of a conversation that we didn't notice his presence.
"I know Peeta, Haymitch. He's not going to leave 12. This is his home. He's not going to runaway," Delly said.
"Well, he can't stay here. This isn't a secure place," he stated. "He can get to Peeta at anytime."
"Haymitch, it wouldn't matter where he went. His life is in danger wherever he goes. It's best that he stays her. We can protect him here," I added. I couldn't bear to have him leave when I couldn't watch his back.
"You're damn right he's not going anywhere. We're going to hunt this asshole down," Johanna cried out with venom in her voice.
"Johanna, stop saying things like that, you're scaring me," Delly sniffled.
"What!? It's the truth. It's the only way for Peeta to be safe. We need to go after him when he least expects it," Johanna stated. "Get to him first."
"And how are going to do that?" I asked, frustrated and scared for Peeta. "We don't have any idea who he is? Where do we start?"
"You're doing no such thing. What we need to do is set a trap. Have Peeta call him out of hiding," Haymitch suggested.
"No way," Johanna refused.
"You'd put Peeta in harms way?" I shrieked. Delly sobbed by my side, speechless.
"Why don't all of you ask me what I want?" Peeta screamed at us. We all turned to him in shock. He was beyond angry. He was white as a ghost and his eyes blazed with heat as his hands shook.
"We're just talking, Peeta," Haymitch said as he shrank from Peeta's angry gaze.
"You're all talking about me, like I'm not here. Like I don't have a mind of own to decide what's best for me. I shouldn't be surprised. You…" He pointed at Haymitch. "You look me straight in the eye and lie to me. You make deals without my consent. You talk behind me back. Making decisions and plans with her." He then pointed to me with an accusing tone. "You did it during the games and you're still doing now. Stop treating me like I'm some idiot."
"Peeta, you need to calm down," Delly interjected as she stood up and placed a hand on his arm. He retracted his arm from her touch.
"I'm sick and tired of everyone talking over me, about me and making decisions for me. It's insulting. You making decisions for me just put me and anyone around me danger." I recalled his anger when I revealed what I had hidden from him and Haymitch in District 11. Lives were lost with my omission during the Victory Tour.
"Peet, we're just talking," Johanna defended. Peeta glared at her. "We wouldn't have done anything without your input."
"They had been lying to me and making plans without me since the games," Peeta sneered. "It's like I'm not a real person who mattered. Like I have no voice or my opinions don't matter."
"That's not true, Peeta," I whimpered. Is that what he thought and felt all this time?
"How would you like it if someone lies to you all the time. Pretend that they listen to you while they're making plans behind your back. Well, all the games, the pretending, the decision making without me is going to stop," he roared. "This is my life all of you are fucking with." He stopped as his breathing became impaired. He placed a hand on his chest as he looked into his wristband. "And if you can't, you can all get the hell out of my house. Get out of my life while you're at it."
We are all stunned into silence. Delly placed an arm over Peeta's shoulder. They walked to the sofa and sat down. He was angry and trying not to cry. He was trying to hold himself together. Peeta was right. Both Haymitch and I talked about the threat to his life right after the graffiti incident. We never approached him or consulted him of what we should do.
I sat next to him. His hands trembled as I took his into mine. "You're right, Peeta. I'm sorry. We all are."
"I'm sorry too, Peet," Haymitch added. "It's a habit I developed through my years as a mentor. I don't mean any disrespect."
"You have to stop treating me like some innocent boy who needs protection. I know that all of you care and are worried. I really appreciate it. Just stop talking behind my back. Talk to me," Peeta said as he leaned over to Delly's shoulder and closed his eyes. I felt jealous that he sought her comfort and not with me. I watched as she took his left wrist and checked on his wristband. I remembered the conversation I had with Haymitch explaining the devise and its purpose. Delly sighed when she noticed it was green but nearing yellow.
"Just breath, Peeta. Clear your mind. Take deep breaths," she said in soothing tone. Peeta responded and a few breaths later, he calmed down. When he looked up his eyes were sad and weary.
"Peeta, just remember one thing. We all care about you and we want to help. You're not alone," I reminded him. "We are all in this together. All of us." I squeezed his hand in assurance.
Throughout the games I was distrustful and resentful of those around me. My faith in humanity was nonexistent. I trusted and lived for Prim. Only she mattered to me. When Peeta entered my life, I couldn't trust what he offered. I looked at the people around me. This is my family now. We are broken and weathered but we are also resilient. Delly is ever faithful, Johanna is loyal to a fault, Haymitch is reliable and Peeta is… There are not enough words to describe him, but the Boy with the Bread even after being altered by the Capitol.
That night Haymitch and I left Peeta's home in a somber mood. The next few days were tense and nerve wracking. We never spoke of Peeta's meltdown and carried on as if it never happened. I now know I have much work to do in order to have Peeta's love, trust and faith in me restored. The end result will be worth it. He's worth. I was surprised when he showed up on my doorstep and asked me to accompany him to town. We walked together in silence and ease as we enjoyed each other's company without any angst or drama. It was a baby step. To my relief, I heard that Gale had left a few days ago returning to District 2. His job as 1st Guardsmen demanded it. The community watched us as we walked into town together. The Star Crossed Lovers were once again the topic of town gossip. I didn't care. I walked beside him with a huge smile on my face.
Peeta POV –
Then next morning after Delly's dinner party, I woke up as if I had a hangover. To say that I was embarrassed for my outburst the night before was an understatement. I was jolted from my thoughts as Johanna appeared in my bedroom.
"Hey, Peeta. It's close to noon. It's time you got up," she said. "Tea is ready downstairs."
"Thanks, Johanna. Hey, about what happened last night…" I started. She brought her hand up.
"No need to explain, Peeta. No apologies necessary," she added as turned and left the room. One thing you can rely on Johanna is her deep understanding of anger and how it affects you. I remembered the days and nights of her angry screams during her torture. After one of her beatings she had confessed to me that anger fueled her and had kept her alive. But it also festered and rotted her soul. She kept people at a distance. She told me to stay true to who I am and never let the Capitol change me like they had changed her. I had promised her that I would try, but the hijacking changed me in so many other ways. Still, my nature to protect the people I care about hasn't altered me. And I surprised myself when I asked Katniss to accompany me to town. I felt guilty for screaming at her days before. I can tell that she was pleased with my request, but I kept her at bay from my heart. Reaching out to her again to have her pity me after all this time, I couldn't bear it. I still don't know what is real when it came to her feelings for me. I don't have the energy and mental strength to pursue it.
Johanna confronted me after my walk with Katniss.
"Did you have a nice walk into town with Katniss?" she asked, as her face displayed no emotion of anger or resentment.
"It was okay. Just the same old curiosity about the Star Crossed Lovers in District 12," I commented. "They kept their distance even though we knew they were talking about us."
"How do you feel about that?" she queried as she crossed her arms and forehead furrowed.
"Everyone adores Katniss. She's the Mockingjay that freed Panem from the Capitol. I'm just the guy who betrayed her. The guy she forgave," I said. "Not all of Panem has forgiven me for my 'betrayal.' You're a witness to that," I mentioned. "What I did in the Capitol will be written down in history as her lover who betrayed Katniss during the rebellion. It will never be forgotten."
"We know the truth, Peeta. That's all that matters," Johanna stated. "And what they know is just out of ignorance. Not everyone believes that," she argued.
"Public opinion will always matter when it comes to us Victors, you know that, Johanna," he corrected. "It affect us on how we make decisions and how we live our lives. They're entitled to have it just as long as it doesn't dictate our lives."
You're a good man, Peeta. Even with everything you've been through, Katniss is lucky to have you," she said.
"She doesn't have me, not the way you think," I corrected.
"She would if you let yourself," she encouraged.
"I'm not going there, Johanna. I've been there so many times to only be disappointed," I said.
"She's trying, Peeta. Everyone can see it. She's changed," she implied. "Even I can admit that."
"I've changed too," I said. My confidence is shot and my courage diminished. Besides, love is in the bottom of my list of priorities.
All afternoon, my mind swirled with thoughts of my stalker. What is his endgame? What's his next move? Is Haymitch right that I should leave 12? Should I leave so that everyone I care about would not be in danger? I pulled a rake out of my shed. I needed physical exertion to distract my mind. Gardening was therapeutic and cathartic. My mind was at peace for a few hours. My body ached from staying out in the garden. It's a good ache. The next thing I knew, the sun was setting and the air dropped to a cool temperature. The air felt wonderful as it cooled my sweaty skin. I was so engrossed that I didn't see a figure sneak up from behind me. I felt a sting on the back of my neck. The world turned black as my last thoughts were of Katniss.
