Disclaimer: Characters belong to Mr Wolf and I'm just playing.
AN 1: For Sam, Laura and Hannah, who despite everything else always manage to make the world a better and brighter place.
AN 2: This ff (and the current JAG one I'm updating) mark the last ffs to be posted on this site for a while. I am taking a break - it may be a month, it may be six, I'm unsure. There are 60 stories in my portfolio to check out in my absence. Thanks to all who have supported my writing. Feel free to PM me or email me.
Thanks for the amazing reviews - much appreciated.
Ignore spacing issues - it's the site not me.
--Asphalt--
After thirty minutes of checking all the public areas of the hotel, Elliot returned to the room hoping she had returned in his absence, she had. He opened the hotel room door and noticed the balcony door was also opened. Looking outside he saw her sitting on the snow covered concrete leaning against the wall. He sat inside the room, leaning against the door jamb.
"Hey, Livvy," he said quietly. "Glad you came back."
"Mmmhuh," she replied, tears evident in the guttural sound.
"You want to come inside?" he asked, reaching for her arm.
"Nope," she whispered. She flinched as his hand touched her near frozen arm.
"God, Liv, you're freezing!" He jumped up and moved to her. "Come inside," he said, holding out his hands for her but she shook her head. "Liv, come inside!" he growled loudly, frustrated with her and everything about this situation.
"No!" she replied in the same manner.
Without listening to her protests he scooped her up from the balcony and carried her into the room, shutting the door behind them. Olivia thrashed in distress; distress about Elliot not listening to her and more distress at him manhandling. Her thrashing caused him to put her down on the floor near the foot of the bed. Instead of releasing him as he expected, she pulled tighter to him mumbling sorry over and over again.
Dragging him with her as she collapsed onto the floor, she cried and begged his forgiveness. Elliot could do nothing to placate her, so he pulled her into his lap and spent the next ten minutes running his hands around her body in an attempt to warm her up. It failed. As her crying subsided it became evident her trembling was due more to the cold than her emotions.
"You need to have a shower and warm up," he whispered kissing her forehead, the warmth of his lips made her shudder.
After it was evident she was going nowhere of her own accord, he scrambled to stand them both up and walked her into the bathroom. Absolutely exhausted, she sat on the edge of the tub as he turned on the water. Too tired to think for herself, too ashamed to even look at him, too cold to get her hands to work properly she sat there.
"Olivia, the water's right now," Elliot said gently, running his hand through her hair. Olivia didn't respond. He knelt down and removed her shoes and socks. "Liv, you need to have a shower to warm up." She looked up at him, fresh tears evident in her red, swollen eyes. She shuddered again. It broke his heart to see her in this state.
Elliot toed off his shoes, threw his wallet and watch on the vanity and stepped into the tub fully clothed. Taking Olivia's hand he gently encouraged her to come in with him, smiling when she did. Despite her initial reluctance to be touched, the week took it's toll and she welcomed the support of his strong body as her legs gave way amid the pulsating hot water, the tendrils of steam and his tender caresses.
Slumped in the tub Elliot never once let her go. He knew she was talking to him but she was talking so quietly it was lost in the drumming waterfall.
"Hey, Livvy." He raised her head up. "You don't have anything to apologise for," he said as he watched her mouth form the word sorry over and over again.
"I do," she replied. "I should never have kissed you, I'm so sorry."
"It's okay, Liv, really it is," he replied and he wasn't kidding, circumstances being different he would have been more than happy with the kiss.
"No, I should never have…I mean…just because…no…" her voice trailed. He ran his fingers through her sodden locks and brought her head to his chest.
"Tell me why you did it?" he said gently.
"I just wanted to … god, I wanted to feel something…something more than this stupid mess which is my life. I wanted to feel something other than pain. I wanted to feel good about something, I wanted to feel that someone actually wanted me because they loved me not just because they gave birth to me or wanted sex or whatever, just wanted… wanted…me, something I've never had." She sobbed into his chest but no tears came, they were long gone.
"Livvy," he whispered as he kissed her head. "You've got to stop wanting what you already have. You have someone who loves you – Me!" When she failed to respond he continued. "Did you hear me, Livvy? I love you." Olivia didn't move from her position but raised a hand to grab onto his shirt and then she sobbed some more, this time with freshly discovered tears.
No more words were spoken as they sat entwined in the tub, when Olivia was warm enough Elliot reached up and turned off the spray before climbing out. He stretched out his hand and helped Olivia out too. Grabbing two towels from the rack he threw one over his shoulder and gave the other to Olivia.
"I'll get dried and changed out there, okay?" he said, opening the door. "I'll just get your bag for you." Olivia nodded. Elliot retrieved her bag before changing into dry boxers and a beater, thankful he'd brought some extras with him.
"You okay, Liv?" he called out when she hadn't come out ten minutes later.
"Um…yeah," she called back unconvincingly. He made his way to the bathroom door.
"You need something?" He rapped softly on the door.
"Oh god!" He heard her mutter.
"Liv? I'm coming in!" he called, turning the knob.
"No!" she shouted and he stopped instantly.
"Olivia, talk to me, please," he begged, fighting hard against every instinct to open the door.
"It's nothing," she replied, though her frantic movements told a different story.
"Liv, what's wrong?" he asked. He pressed his ear on the door and heard a range of sighs and sobs. "I'm coming in!"
"NO!" she screamed. "DON'T!" He could hear her trying to calm herself. "Elliot, I'm okay…I just can't find anything to wear."
Elliot searched through his bag, pulled out an oversized blue Nike t-shirt and cautiously passed it through the slightly opened door.
"Here you go, Liv," he said quietly, shutting the door after she took it. He smiled broadly when she walked out wearing it. "Looks better on you than me," he smiled.
"Thanks," she mouthed.
Silently he watched as she crossed the room and climbed into the bed, she squished the pillows until she was happy with them then laid on her side, facing into the middle of the bed. Elliot flicked off the bathroom light, then the room light, leaving only the soft glow of the bedside lamp illuminating the room. He did other menial things, all designed to look busy while she settled. Before long she sat up again.
"El?" she said quietly. "You are going to sleep here with me, aren't you?"
"Is that alright with you?" he replied, trying hard to conceal his smile. She nodded. "I promise I won't kiss you again," she said, lowering her eyes in shame.
"What if I don't want you to make that promise?" he asked, sliding into bed and edging closer too her.
Olivia looked up at him confused until the meaning became clear. "Oh!"
"And just so you know, I'm not promising I won't kiss you," he said leaning forward to kiss her forehead. He was surprised at how her skin had changed from icy cold to fiery hot. Like a concerned parent he placed the back of his hand on her forehead. "Liv, I think you're running a temperature."
She sighed deeply. "I think you're right. Might have got a cold from those two trips out in the snow." Elliot crawled out of bed and went to the bathroom quickly returning with a glass of water and a couple of aspirins.
"Here," he said, handing them over. She downed them, taking her time so she wouldn't gag on them. "And here," he added, retrieving a chocolate bar from his bar.
"My favourite," she said quietly.
"I know…eat up," he instructed.
"I'm not really…" she began but he cut her off.
"I know but you shouldn't take aspirin on an empty stomach. You don't have to eat the whole thing, how about we go fifty – fifty?" he said, climbing back into bed.
Olivia nodded and took the first bite offering it to Elliot who took the smallest bite possible, the same happened with the second and third bites before it was gone.
"I think I ate more than my share," Olivia said as she lay down and pulled the covers up over her.
"That's okay, I'm watching my figure anyway," Elliot chuckled. When Olivia joined in laughing, he leaned over and kissed her forehead, happy to know this ordeal hadn't taken away her humour altogether.
Silence ensued as they both lay there in the quietness of the hotel room. Elliot was desperate to talk to her, to make sure she realised his declaration in the bathtub was not just a throw away line but that he really was in love her, had been for a long time. However, try as he may he didn't quite know how to broach the subject, by the time he had rehearsed his opening line ten times she was asleep. Elliot didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed.
Sleep was fitful and fleeting for both, Elliot only allowed himself to drift away when he was sure Olivia was properly asleep. The moment he succumbed to the sandman, Olivia was awake and out of bed to use the bathroom.
"You okay?" he murmured as she crawled back in beside him.
"Yeah," she whispered. "Go back to sleep."
As soon as she settled again, Elliot drifted off only to be woken some time later by another bathroom trip, and another one and another one. The second and third time, Elliot waited patiently for her to return and despite the increasing lengths of her absences she did return. The fourth time he waited and waited to no avail. Eventually he got up and went to the bathroom.
"Liv," he said quietly knocking on the door. "You okay?" He got no reply so he repeated the question. Getting no reply the second time, he eased open the door and got the fright of his life.
