You guys were amazing with all your reviews and PM's telling me your thoughts on Ana and Christian. I loved that you were so passionate and said not just what you thought, but your reasons behind those thoughts. I know this won't make everyone happy but I hope some of you will like it and I can't wait to hear what you think. Thank you for reading and for your continued support. Keep telling me what you think.

Chapter 8 – Shared Anger

I knew this was going to happen. In some hidden part of my mind I have been afraid of this moment since I heard Christian growl at Isaac when I first saw him. Yesterday had been perfect, Noah and Christian bonded and we spent the entire day as a family. It went so much better then I ever thought it could, and I went to bed happy and content.

Today was different; it was not my day from the very beginning. I spent the morning with Noah, which is normally my favorite thing but today he's decided that using the bathroom was entirely too much work. He's had two accidents. Potty training a 2 year old should come with a warning, just when you think they've got it they'll show you how wrong you are.

Then, traffic was horrible downtown and my dad was late getting to my place, which made me late for my class. The students were restless, making my lecture frustrating and ineffective, and the student I was supposed to meet after class for extra help never showed up. I couldn't wait to get home, have a glass of wine, and relax.

When I finally got home, I noticed something was off from the moment I walked in the door. For the first time all day though, it was off in a good way. Noah was in bed, and my dad and Christian were sitting on the couch with a glass of scotch in hand, chatting like old friends. They were laughing and arguing about the Mariners game that was on TV. I felt like I was in the twilight zone. It was…odd, very odd. They'd always got along fairly well but I don't think I would have ever called them friends. It was more like mutual respect. Even when our marriage was falling apart my dad was supportive and strong, but he would always remind me that problems are very rarely all one person's fault. This was different though, something about how at ease they were with one another struck me. Christian's never at ease around anyone, except maybe his family.

My dad makes his leave almost as soon as I get there. That's odd too but I assume it's to give Christian and I some time to talk. I meant to ask Christian what was going on with my dad, but I never got the chance.

"Alright Annie," my dad says, "I'll see you guys on Wednesday at 11am. He was great tonight and no accidents at all. Remind him Papa was grateful and loves him." He's smiling, probably at his good fortune at not having to clean up pee during his stay.

"Thanks dad, I'll tell him. I'm so glad he got all his accidents out with me," I say sarcastically, and then I add, "The joys of being a parent."

He turns to Christian and says, "Christian, it was good to see you son. I'm glad we'll be seeing you regularly." He extends his hand to Christian and when Christian takes it, Ray slaps him on the shoulder affectionately with his other hand, like he would an old friend.

I expect to see Christian freak out as Ray touches him but he doesn't, he looks a tad uncomfortable for a second but that's it.

All he does is say, "Thank you Ray, I couldn't be happier. Thank you for everything."

I have no idea what he's talking about or how on earth he's so comfortable with my dad. Strangest of all, when he says the second 'thank you' he's almost gets choked up, the words are so filled with emotion. He means it; I can hear it in his voice.

My dad turns to me, kisses me on the cheek, and says, "Goodnight Annie. Love you, and I'm so glad you guys have come to your sense," and with that he's gone.

"Christian," I start but I'm interrupted by my ringing cell. I should have just let it go to voicemail; it would have saved so much stress.

I grab it out of my bag and almost hit ignore but I see it's Isaac and I haven't spoken to him since Saturday. I decide to pick-up and tell him I'll call him back in a bit.

"Sorry, I just need to tell him I'll call him back later," I say to Christian.

"Hey," I say into the phone when I answer it. "Christian's here and I just got back from class. Sarah never showed up for office hours like she was supposed to. It's been the worst day; Noah was a monster for me this morning. I'll tell you all about it later. Can I call you back once Christian's gone?" Isaac easily agrees and we hang up. The whole conversation takes less than thirty seconds and was harmless.

"Okay, sorry," I say as I put my phone on the kitchen counter and turn towards Christian. "Today has been the worst day. I'm going to grab a glass of wine and then you can tell me how your day was with Noah. Do you need a refill?"

As I stop my rambling, I look up at Christian and see his whole demeanor has changed in the past two minutes. With my dad he was relaxed and open, now his jaw is clenched, as is one of his fists, and he's staring at me. His eyes are narrowed and have the same intensity they had when he first asked me if Noah was his son.

I can see he's trying to calm himself, I think he's silently counting but whatever he's doing, it's not working.

I chose to ignore him in the hopes that he'll get control and be able to explain to me what has pissed him off so badly. I turn and go fix myself a glass of wine, and then go back to the counter, grab his drink and refill it. He clearly needs another drink.

He's still struggling when I hand him his refreshed drink and I've had about all I can take.

"Alright Christian, out with it." I say, when he makes no attempt to talk. "It's been a long day, tell me what's the matter so we can deal with it."

It takes him a minute but finally he says, in a low, strained voice, "Who was on the phone Ana?"

It all makes sense after he ask the question, except now that I understand his problem I have no idea how to deal with it. I want to ignore it completely and just go crawl into bed, but I know that's not an option. There's no way he's just going to drop this.

I'm nervous now; I don't want this to go wrong. We've been doing so well. Finally, I take a few deep breaths to try and calm myself and say,

"His name is Isaac, you saw him on Saturday, he took Noah home so we could talk. We're good friends so I assume he came up in the security reports on Noah and me."

He doesn't look any calmer but his voice comes out deathly calm when he says, "How good of friends Ana?" He's barely holding it together.

I'm honestly surprised that he doesn't know this already but Isaac and I didn't really ever show a lot of PDA. I guess it's possible that the security guy didn't know. This is going to kill him but there's no way to soften the blow, I know there's not, and I feel absurdly guilty.

"Christian," I say hesitantly, "I'll tell you everything, but you're not going to like it and I need you to try and hear the whole story and not go off halfcocked.'

I'm not even sure he hears me because all he says is, "How good Anastasia."

I look down at my hands before I speak and realize that I'm shaking.

"He was one of the first people I met when I moved here. He's a professor at the college. He had a horrible tragedy in his life and he needed a friend as much as I did."

I stop and try to gather my thoughts. This is Isaac's story, not mine, and I don't like repeating it. It feels like a betrayal to talk about his heartbreaking story with someone he doesn't even know.

Once I'm composed again, I continue, "He had a wife and a three year old daughter who were killed in a car accident, about a year before I moved here. I was pregnant and need a friend and he had lost his family. I think that being there for me helped him heal a bit. I think we helped each other."

Christian doesn't seem shocked by this information and I know then that he already knew the story. I see him soften a bit. He's just met Noah, and the thought of losing him is probably too much to bear. The next part is what will be difficult for him.

I wait a second and continue, "We were friends for a year and a half, just friends, but when Noah was about a year we dated for almost 6 month."

I expect anger, yelling, maybe throwing things. I'm prepared for anger but what I get is so much worse. He doesn't say anything but his face falls and he looks devastated.

I want to hug him, to fix this for him. I know how I felt yesterday when he was talking about trying a vanilla relationship with someone else, or trying to find a sub, and it felt like my world had ended. The idea of him having a vanilla relationship with another woman felt like such a betrayal, even though I knew it wasn't.

"Did you fuck him?" I hear Christian say after a minute. He speaking but he's not really with me. His voice is soft and hard at the same time and he sounds destroyed.

"No Christian, we were both so broken. We probably never should have tried to date but we became so close and we had helped one another so much, it was kind of the next logical step."

His voice is a bit stronger when he speaks again. "Did you love him Ana?" then I hear him say quietly, "My god, do you love him?"

For the first time since seeing Christian again, I consider out and out lying to him. In the end, I don't. Instead I say,

"I care about him a great deal and I do love him, in a way, but not the way I loved you. It was never like it was with us. It turned out to be more friendship then anything else. Isaac and I were good for each other; we supported each other and cared for each other when we needed it most. There was never that all consuming passion, never that life changing, soul shaping love. It was never like what we had, not even close."

I hear myself say words like 'loved' and 'had' and I know it's not the first time I've said thinks like that to Christian. I also know that it's not the truth. It's not past tense, not gone. If it were this would be so much easier. We're both quiet for a while, both trying to process I think.

Then I hear Christian say, "You didn't fuck him but you did have a relationship with him. He kissed you and held you, comforted you when you cried, took care of you when you were sick. He touched you."

His voice is getting louder and angrier as he says each word but I'm getting angry now too. He wasn't here and he made that choice.

He repeats the words again, emphasizing each one. "He. Touched. You."

When I speak my voice is raised too, but only slightly. Noah is here and I don't want him walking up to us arguing. I can't help the condescending, angry tone I take when I say,

"Yes, he touched me. Yes, he did all those things. That's what people do when they're in a relationship. What the fuck was I supposed to do Christian, you weren't here and I was heartbroken. I was pregnant with your child and alone. I know I made that choice. I know I did, but it doesn't change the facts. I needed someone and he was here for me, and here for Noah, when you weren't."

When he finally speaks he says, "I don't know how to deal with this Ana." His voice is strained but quieter.

For some reason, that last bit infuriates me. "You don't know how to deal with it. Jesus Christian you told me yesterday that you tried vanilla relationships and subs. Can you imaging how that felt? I handled it though, you didn't see me flying of the handle screaming at you did you?"

Ironically, I am screaming when I say it now.

"I said I tried Ana. Tried. Nothing fucking happened. Can you imagine what that feels like? I'm Christian fucking Grey for Christ's sake. Fucking was the only thing I was sure I was good at and I couldn't even do that after you left. I tried, went to clubs and tried, but I couldn't."

He's been shouting up until this point but when he continues he's much quieter and obviously embarrassed.

"I came close but every time I thought about the fact that it wasn't you, it felt like a betrayal. I couldn't fucking get it up. I kept thinking about you and the baby, and hating myself for not being there for you. I just…I couldn't do it. I never needed an emotional connection for sex before you. It felt like my body was betraying me."

I'm dumbfounded. When he said he tried I thought he meant that he tried a vanilla relationship and it didn't work, or that he tried a sub, fucked them, but didn't enjoy it. Never in my wildest dreams did I think he wouldn't be able to get it up. Ever.

I can't help it, I smile with relief and then I start laughing. The thought of him with someone else has been killing me. I'm unbelievably relieved.

"That fucking great Ana, laugh it up when I tell you the most embarrassing thing in my life. Thanks for that, thank you."

Shit, I need to explain myself.

"No, Christian no, it's not like that." I pull him to me and hug him. "I'm sorry. It's been killing me since you said you tried yesterday. Killing me, and I was just so relieved that you haven't slept with anyone either."

With that admission he finally puts his arms around me and hugs me back.

"What are we going to do Ana? We're so fucked up," he says shaking his head.

"You have no idea," I say. "I couldn't either, with Isaac. I couldn't. I wanted to, I wanted to be able to move on but every time we got close I would freak out. It was the main reason we went back to being just friends. Neither one of us was ready to move on from out pasts."

He tightens his arms around me and says, "I hate him Ana, and I want to beat the shit out of him. I don't know how to deal with what I feel."

I know where this is going and I need to stop it before it starts. I hug him tightly and then remove myself from his arms so I can look at him.

"We're not going here Christian. You're not going to control this and tell me that I can't be friends with Isaac. He's been in my life a long time and he's a good friend. He's important to me, and he's important to Noah."

Christian's voice is firm and serious when he says, "I don't want him around you Ana. I don't think I can take it. Could you take it if I was friends with an ex-sub?"

I'm not having it and say, "Probably not, but if it was important to you I would try. This is important Christian. Isaac and I are just friends and that's all we've been for a while. You and I aren't together and, even if we were, you don't get to dictate who my friends are."

I know that this will be hard for him and it's asking a lot, but we need to establish these things early. I'm not that 22-year-old girl anymore. I won't be ordered about or walked on.

"Logically, I understand that Ana but fuck, that's asking a lot. I can't just make myself okay with it."

He's being much more open to this then I expected. Baby steps are all I can ask for so I say,

"You can't make yourself ok with it, but that's why you have Flynn. You'll have to talk to him when you're home this week. Maybe next week we can have brunch with Isaac. You guys can get to know each other," I say with ridiculously over exaggerated smile.

Christian huffs and says, "Fuck, fine, whatever, I'll talk to Flynn but that's the extent of my promise right now. Can we please talk about Noah? I need a happy topic to take my mind off this shit."

I know this topic is not over, but in this moment I'm so proud of myself. I've stood my ground.