AN: Thank you to those of you have reviewed my story so far. Even to those you just read it thank you for taking the time to give it a shot. I'm not too thrilled with this chapter. It's a good chapter and this scenario was supposed to happen in this chapter, but I don't know how it come off. I just feel like it's missing something. Just let me know what you guys think. Any review is welcomed. If you have any ideas or things you want to see, just let me know and I'll see if I can fit it into the story. Read and Review guys!
As soon as I lock eyes with Payson, I know that she's been hurting. I feel a pang of guilt wash over me as I see her pain filled eyes. I look at the floor before I make my way over to her bedside. I notice that the bruises on her face are fading and the cuts are healing nicely. The only thing that indicates she's been in an accident is the plaster on her leg and the stitches and staples from her surgery. I take my usual seat next to her and reach for her hand. I cringe when she yanks her hand out of my reach. I glance up and I'm shocked to see furry in her beautiful face. When she speaks, her voice is cold and blunt.
"Took you long enough to come around."
I sigh before meeting her eyes as I make a feeble attempt to contradict her. "I've been by everyday Payson."
She crosses her arms and scoffs. "You know exactly what I mean Sasha."
"What do you mean Payson?" I try to get her to talk and figure out what she suspects.
She narrows her eyes before starting her rant. "You only come around when my parents are here. You're avoiding me Sasha Belov and I want to know why."
I swallow harshly when she uses my full name, or at least the parts of it she knows. "I'm not avoiding you. I stayed away because I want to give you time to heal."
She narrows her eyes in my direction again and I shiver. Slightly out of fear and slightly out of how beautiful she looks. "No. You just don't want to talk about how you feel. It's not a coincidence that you've stayed away since we started that conversation. What is there to be afraid of?"
I stand up and run a hand through my hair as I move over to the window. I look at the clear blue sky and observe the people in the parking lot. I smile wistfully, as I witness and man with his wife and newborn baby going towards their car to go home for the first time. My imagination takes me to a similar scenario, years from now maybe, with different people involved. Instead of the shorter man and woman with dark hair, I can see myself walking beside Payson who's holding our newborn daughter close to her chest. As I open the car door for her she speaks my name softly. I keep staring at her as her voice gets louder with each utterance of my name. I jump slightly when I realize I'm not in the parking lot with my wife and daughter. Instead I'm in a hospital room with the woman whose captured my heart.
"Sasha! I've been calling you for the last couple of minutes. Were you falling asleep on me or were you just pretending so you wouldn't have to answer my question?"
I turn to her and sigh as I walk back over to the chair. "No Payson. I would never...intentionally avoid or ignore you and you know that. I came by to see how you were doing everyday. If I was avoiding you I wouldn't have come by at all."
She rolls her eyes at me before she stares down at her lap before locking eyes with me again. "Fine you don't want to talk feelings then, we can talk gymnastics."
I'm taken aback that she even uttered the word gymnastics. I've avoided mentioning the sport or anything related to it, in case it would upset her. I look at her and smile tightly before closing my eyes and leaning back in the chair. I open my eyes when I hear her sigh deeply. I raise my eyebrows at her expectantly.
She glares at me as she crosses her arms over her chest before her loud voice carries throughout the room. "You don't want to talk feelings or gymnastics? What do you want to talk about then? Just let me know Sasha so we can start talking."
I stare at her and she looks every bit of an eighteen year old getting ready to through a temper tantrum. I can't help, but laugh at her expression, but recoil slightly when her glare becomes even more prominent on her beautiful face.
"I see nothing funny about this Sasha Belov."
I stop laughing and look at her and notice she's trying not to smile, but failing miserably. "I'm sorry. It's just that your facial expression just now was priceless."
She smiles just slightly and rolls her eyes. "At least I never look like I'm spooning a hippo."
I feel my face heat up as I scramble for a comeback, but fail when I see her bright eyes. I smile at her and I'm glad to see her smiling for a change, even if it's at my expense. She smirks at me and I smirk back and lean forward. I stare at her and sigh before touching the top of her hand with my fingertips. Her eyes meet mine for a split second before I decide to dive forward.
"Payson..." I pause making sure I want to go into this, "we can talk if you want."
Her breath stops for a second before she raises her eyebrow. "Seriously? I can ask anything and you'll answer, no matter what?"
I swallow thickly before meeting her eyes and nodding. She smiles before locking eyes with me gauging my body language. I sigh when she smiles softly before nodding and patting my hand.
She taps her chin with her fingertips as if she's trying to figure out what she's wanting to ask, before grinning and looking at me. "Okay then nothing too big. Favorite written play?"
I raise my eyebrow and shrug. "Play huh? I've always been fond of Hamlet."
She tilts her head and smirks. "Hamlet? Out of all the wonderful plays and writing from Shakespeare you choose Hamlet?"
"Don't knock it. It's one of his best plays every written. It has everything: romance, lust, jealousy, betrayal, bloodshed and action." I look and see her small eye roll.
"Does all the male population like action and bloodshed?"
I smirk at her while she smiles back. "It's a guy thing lo—Payson. My turn. Your favorite play is Romeo and Juliet..." I pause and try to think of something meaningful to ask and smile when I have just the thing.
"What is your favorite book and why?" I'm interested to hear her answer. If it's what I expect then we could have hours worth of conversations on literature alone.
"Oh that's easy. Jane Eyre is my favorite book because of the morals of the story. A young girl was belittled and demeaned all because she was an orphan and had no money. She was shipped off to a cruel boarding school, but she survived and became a better person. She found love and a home with a loving man despite the fact that he was.." She stops abruptly to glance up at me and I'm confused to see her face flush a bright red.
I raise my eyebrow. "Despite what?"
She blinks before shaking her head. "Nothing. She just found love and her life worked out in the end."
I look in her eyes and I know that there's more to this story than what she's telling me. I decide to think about that later and continue with our conversation. "Your turn Payson."
She pulls her bottom lip in between her teeth and glances up at the ceiling before glancing back at me. "Okay between Romania, England, and the US which place do you prefer to call home?"
I lean back in my chair and close my eyes as memories of England and my childhood wash over me. I think of my mother and our backyard on warm summer days as well as my father. I smile as I remember some of the family trips we all took to Romania as a child. The landscapes and the countrysides are breathtaking. Even though Romania is beautiful and England is intriguing no place feels like home without the people I love.
"In the past I would have said I wouldn't be able to choose because both countries are home. Now I'd say the US is home."
I smile when I see a shocked expression on Payson's face. I grin and tap her arm to get her attention.
"Come on Pay don't looked so shocked. My mum always said that a home isn't a home without the people you love in it," I shrug as I continue my explanation, "besides I have no family in England or Romania besides my dad. Well my dad is here in Boulder for the time being, but that's besides the point. I have no family anywhere else and I like it here in Boulder."
She smiles at me before raising her eyebrow. "Do you ever want to go back? Even if it's just to visit."
"Yea of course I'll want to go back. Maybe when I have a family of my own one day I'll take them to see Romania and England."
She glances at the wall nervously before smiling softly at me. "I'm sure that they'll enjoy it."
I'm too lost in another daydream of Payson and small blonde haired children chasing each other in a large backyard in the Romanian countryside to hear her next question. I shake my head and look at her apologetically.
"I'm sorry Payson. What?"
I smile when I hear her laugh before mock glaring at me. "Do I have to repeat everything today Sasha?" She pauses before getting a serious expression on her face. "I asked if you really wanted a family one day?"
I smile remembering my recent dreams.Instead of speaking my thoughts of only wanting a family with her, I just nod and shrug. "One day."
"It's kind of funny that we're talking about families when we started talking about literature."
"I forget whose turn it is Pay, but I'll ask the next question." I grin as I think of the next question. After a few minutes of silence I break it.
"What's you're favorite animal?"
"A dog. To be more specific, golden retrievers. I've always wanted one, but with dad working and Becca and I never being home and at the gym, mom always says no." She scowls as if she's remembering something. "That's the only good thing that could possibly come from me not doing gymnastics anymore."
I sigh as the taboo topic has finally been mentioned. I lean back and try to decipher how she's feeling and what she's going through. I see many emotions pass through her eyes in the span of only a few seconds. I reach forward and grab her hand and sigh in relief when she doesn't pull away this time. Her voice is small and broken and I know it's finally hit her that she can't do gymnastics again. I'm just glad I was here when it finally happened.
"I really can't go to the Olympics...can I?"
I swallow roughly to lodge the lump out of my throat, but as I look in her eyes I feel her pain and can't help, but let a single tear run down my cheek. "I'm sorry Payson. The doctor says your leg won't heal in time. Even if it did you wouldn't be strong enough to compete."
My heart breaks as I feel her grip on my hand tighten and as I watch tears stream down her face. She leans forward and I sit on the very edge of the bed so she won't fall off. A second after I'm on the edge of her bed she leans towards me with teas running down her face like rain. I wrap my arms around her as if I can shield her from the harsh reality. As she sobs in my chest, I stroke her hair and whisper in her ear.
"Sshhh. It's okay Payson," I pause and know I'm trying to convince myself as well as Payson, "no matter what happens, I'm always going to here. Gymnastics or no gymnastics I'm here with you every step of the way."
She stiffens as I utter that statement, but before long her body relaxes as her tears subside. She pushes against my chest and I pull back to see her sad eyes.
She takes a calming breath before speaking in a soft tired voice. "Sasha...thank you for being honest with me concerning gymnastics. I'd rather know the truth than have false hope. One of the things that I can always count on is you being honest with me. No matter what."
My body stiffens as she speaks of honesty. I can't help, but be plagued with images of me pushing her away when she kisses me in the gym. I as good as lied to her when I pushed her away. I cringe when I remember how that one single moment changed all our lives...Payson's especially.
My tense muscles relax as she leans back against her pillows and tries to pull the blanket over her. I notice her trouble and reach down to grab the blanket and gently throw it over her. She smiles at me appreciatively before closing her eyes. I lean back and close my eyes ready to daydream again when her voice brings me back to the present.
"You're not leaving are you?"
I smile knowingly and shake my head. "No I just got here not too long ago Pay. There's no where else I'd rather be."
I hear her soft intake of breath before I hear her voice again. "You'll be here when I wake up?"
"Of course dragă."
As I listen to her breaths even out I relax into the chair beside her bed. My mind wonders to a future with three or four children in a warm house by the countryside. As I watch my children I can't help, but notice how much they look like Payson; how much they look like their beautiful mother. I smile softly at the picture in my minds eye as sleep finally overtakes me.
Translations: Draga – sweetheart
