A/N: The following chapter was originally intended as a separate story called "5 Dark Lords in Space" but I put it in here. It's got crossing-over-stuff with other things, like real life, Star Wars, and the Simpsons. Isn't it cool? It must be my longest chapter ever! R&R!
Warning: If you're sensitive about Hitler, do not read this fic. He's portrayed as… I dunno, and I don't know if anyone will take offence… If you do, I'm really sorry in advance.
There was darkness.
Voldemort was floating, disoriented, in a black nothingness that screamed out evil and suffering and loneliness.
"Cool," he whispered reverently. His voice fell flat in the floaty emptiness.
"Who's there?" someone else called out, with a German accent. "Vere am I? Vat am I doing here?"
"Don't ask me. Wait, do," someone else said in a dark heavy voice, breathing heavily.
"So, can you tell me vere I am?" the German guy asked. Voldemort waited silently for the answer, curious about the exchange.
"Yes!" the dark voice said, the breathing noises that he made starting to get on Voldemort's nerves. "We're in Space!"
"Gee, that answers a lot," Voldemort muttered. "What do you mean, 'space'?"
"Who are you people?" someone else asked in a feeble, angry voice. "And what am I doing here?!"
"I have no idea who these other doormats are-" the heavy-breathing guy started, but Voldemort interrupted.
"I think you mean, 'Hail the Dark Lord'," Voldemort said hotly.
"Why thank you," heavy breathing guy replied. "I worked hard for my title, in slaughtering countless citizens."
"I think you'll find that I have slaughtered countless more innocents than you pathetic lot," a new voice said haughtily.
"How many people are here?"
"I don't know! There are too many! My head will explode if another nameless person joins the conversation!" Voldemort wailed.
"Okay, so let's introduce ourselves then," the old guy said a bit haughtily. "I'm Montgommery Burns. You can call me… Mr. Burns."
"How original," someone else commented dryly. "I'm Wyatt Halliwell. I'm also very and extremely evil."
"So am I!" the heavy breathing guy said. "I'm Darth Vader."
"I'm Hitler," the German guy said. "And if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to my dictatorship."
"Your dictatorship ended like, a gazillion years ago!" Voldemort said. "And for anyone who wants to know before you die, I'm Voldemort."
"And now it is time for you to die, uh… What was your name? Vladimir?" Darth Vader asked.
"It's VOLDEMORT!" the previously named Dark Lord seethed. "GET IT RIGHT, ASTHMA BOY!"
"I DON'T HAVE ATHSMA!" Darth Vader yelled right back. "I fell into a pit of lava and I need to wear this suit to keep me alive and breathing. It's very noisy."
Voldemort paused. "Let's play strip poker!" he laughed manically.
"Vait a second… Lava?! Don't tell me, you vere lowering James Bond into a pit of boiling magma and your plan "backfired"…" Hitler said sarcastically.
"Not James Bond. Obi Wan Kenobi," Darth Vader sulked. "I wasn't lowering him into lava, either; I was planning a house for my wife and me when I turned over to the Dark Side."
"I saw that movie!" Wyatt said. "It was lame. Number 4 was the best."
"Movie?" Darth Vader asked.
"AHAHAHAHA you're all fictional characters!" Voldemort laughed. "Darth Vader's from a movie, Wyatt's from Charmed, Mr. Burns is from the Simpsons and Hitler is dead!"
"Hey! I'm not fictional!" Darth Vader said, hurt. "That's like saying that you're all figments of my imagination! It's mean!"
"Well, you are sitting in the middle of space with four Dark Lords of Earth," Wyatt said.
"Has anyone apart from me noticed that all the really evil people come from Earth?" Darth Vader said suddenly.
"What, you think I'm human?" Mr. Burns asked.
"Hey yeah!" Voldemort said with dawning realisation. "Boy, is our planet screwed-up."
"Just our childhoods, I suspect," Wyatt added vaguely.
An awkward silence settled down upon them.
"So…" Voldemort said nervously, tapping his arm. "Who likes pizza?"
"Do I have to kill you to get it?" Darth Vader asked.
"Yep," Voldemort replied.
"Then die!" Darth Vader said, switching on his light saber. It illuminated his black mask eerily. Red light glanced off a ring on Mr. Burns' finger and Voldemort's bald head.
Putting a hand on his head, embarrassed, he whipped out his wand. "No, YOU'RE gonna die!" Voldemort yelled, a shot of green light being emitted out of his wand in a light-sabre-ish way. They floated and met in the air with a tinkle and a clash.
Swan Lake music started playing.
"Aww," Voldemort grumbled. "What happened to the fight-to-the-death tape?"
"We're in the middle of space," Wyatt said, annoyed. "This is all we have."
They sat quietly for a moment, the Swan Lake music playing in the background. Then Wyatt looked around, and said, "Has anyone seen Mr. Burns? He seems to have disappeared."
"Meh, he got rescued a vile back by somevun called Vailing Smithers," Hitler said, shrugging.
"WHAT? Why didn't they rescue me?" Voldemort whined. "I wanna go home."
"Oh quiet, you blithering fool," Wyatt snapped. "Can't you see that we're all in this together? When the next spaceship or Martian comes along, we'll all escape together."
Silence reigned. "You do know that I'm evil, right?" Voldemort pointed out apprehensively. "There's not much of a chance of me coming back for you."
"Fine!" Wyatt sniffed.
"Fine!" Hitler yelled.
There was more silence, and Hitler said hesitantly, "There should have been another fine there."
"Hey," Voldemort exclaimed angrily. "That creep with asthma escaped! He must have signalled his minions somehow—and after all we've been through together, he deserted us!"
"There, there," Wyatt said, awkwardly floating up to Voldemort and patting him on the back. Voldemort buried his head on Wyatt's shoulder and started sobbing. "We'll get out of here. I'll think of a spell and I'll…"
"SPELL!" Voldemort jerked upright. "Of course, I'm a wizard! And that stupid alien isn't here with that stupid shield! I'll apparate out of here!"
He twirled around and disapparated.
A/N: Yay! It took me ages to finish this, but oh well. Was it worth the wait? Send me a review and tell me! The next chapter will be back up as soon as possible.
