I appear to have lost the script… Guess I have to improv from what I remember. And there probably won't be any footnotes, either1.
Sasuke opened his eyes. Because he was emo. He then closed them. Because he was emo. He then opened them again. "Where am I?", he wondered. Because he was emo. "I… don't think I'm in Kansas anymore. Wherever that is."
He sat up, and looked around, but there was no one nearby. No one. Not even Near. In fact, if there was an equation describing the population of Konoha3 nearest to him, it would be y = -1.
There were still some noises in the distance, though, but only in one direction.
The desertedness pulled on Sasuke, on the very fabric of his being."Where am I?", he asked, before realizing where he was. It was so obvious, it was right in front of him.
"I'm in a place", Sasuke said.
Then, he decided to be more specific. "I'm in Konoha. The narrator said I was."
I did?
"Yes, you did. Right at the third footnote."
Hmm, you appear to be right. That was a brilliant idea, you know. Using the narration to find out where you are, that is4.
"I'm in the wrong fanfic?"
No, no you're not. What could make you think that?
"You just said I am. You exclaimed it pretty loudly, you know. I could hear it from all the way up here."5
"Yes, yes I can."6
Well, I'm still not telling you where you are.
"No need. I've already figured it out. There's noise in that direction, which means that there's probably some semblance of life over there. There's only one type of fic in which there's only life-wannabes in one place."
And what's that?
"The high school fic!", exclaimed Sasuke, before running off in a poof of smoke.
Well, there's also the lemons…
Sasuke's face fell. However, since he had run off into the distance, he had already found the building he was looking for – Konoha High. Clutching a kunai to defend himself in his trembling hand7, he walked slowly towards the door, hoping against all hope that this new fic wasn't what the narrator said it was…
And he opened the door.
What he saw nearly made him run out the door8/9.
The corridor in front of him was dark, the perfect kind of place to build suspense, or whatever its replacement was, in a lemon fic. Sasuke made sure to keep a firm hold on his kunai, and then walked in.
"Don't show fear… Don't show fear…"
We interrupt this fic for a brief announcement by the author.
Thank you for the introduction, Daydream/ Narrator. I apologize for this, but I've repeatedly lost and rewritten this chapter, and I'm not rewriting this again, so **********.
Wait, so what am I supposed to do?
Don't worry, I'll distract you. We'll just do what we normally do in my daydreams.
In this fanfi- umph?
Anyway, I'll just summarize this chapter for all of you. Remember that puppy that Sasuke kicked in chapter whenever-his-pov-was? Yeah, it came back as a skeleton to lead him to Inner Sasuke. The place he was in was actually his mind, which was represented by the life he wanted.
Ohhhhhhhhh...
However, it was a trap. Inner Sasuke was actually the personification of Sasuke's despair, and tried to trick Sasuke into opening the double doors to his heart, so that he could make Sasuke despair forever.
More...
A red orb glowed.
Morrrreeeeee...
However, when Sasuke opened the door to his heart and Despair!Sasuke took over, Sasuke found a power that the Dark Ninja knew not.
He found…
Mph...
The power of…
Mphhhhh...
Trading scrolls!
Mphhhhhhhhhh...
And so Sasuke accepted his fate, and accepted the position of Otokage, and became a protagonist.
Ohhh...
You're not satisfied?
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Yeeees, yeeeesss, IIIII aaaaam.
Not you. YOU.
Ohhhh...
Well, fine, then, enjoy the following parody of this story while I Daydream.
Summoning Abridged (A Parody of Something)
On a battlefield of Worthy Opponents…
Sasuke attacked. "Disgaea reference!"
Naruto attacked. "Disgaea-Disgaea reference!"
Sasuke attacked. "Disgaea-Disgaea-Disgaea reference!"
Naruto attacked. "Disgaea-Disgaea-Disgaea-Disgaea reference!"
Hhhhhhhhhhhh...
Sasuke summoned Itachi, using a jutsu that was never mentioned again.
Hhhhhhhhhhhh...
"Itachi", Sasuke commanded, "Naruto's father must die by the hand of an Uchiha, again!"
Naruto, who had just finished summoning his father from an eternal war in the Shinigami's stomach for the sole purpose of having him fight, said something dramatic too. Then, Itachi and the the Yondaime fought.
Hhhhhhhhhh...
Itachi was somehow strong enough to be a match for the Yondaime Hokage, the most powerful Hokage ever, for the three episodes that Sakura must have been having flashbacks during. Eventually, Sakura said something that nobody cares about, and Sasuke and Naruto threw scrolls made of Spiral Energy1 at her.
Sakura said some ham2, and then she summoned Exodia the Forbidden Gunman. For some reason, after it beat Sasuke, he acted in a very out-of-character way and did not swear vengeance on it, nor did he leave the village so that he could improve, eventually allying with the man partially responsible for the death of his family. Instead, he came back to the village, and they all lived happily ever – until the readers decided to be assholes and convince the author to write more chapters.
Revieowwww…. Pleaaassseee…
(1) Just kidding2.
(2) No I'm not.
(3) This is a sentence3.
(4) Stupid ninja… At least he'll never guess he's wandered into a different fanfic!
(5) Can you hear this?
(6) Darnit!
(7) Sasuke would claim this was because of blood loss.
(8) Although he would claim he walking. Or maybe he was emolling.
(9) This wouldn't have made sense anyway. He hadn't even walked in the door yet.
(1) They got the spiral energy from a machine god.
(2) She said this – "You foolish bastards! When they talk about the badass ninja of the Hidden Leaf who doesn't do anything, they talk about me, the paragon of ninjaness, the great and mighty Sakura!" Nobody really paid attention, though, because she was Sakura, she didn't have sunglasses, she was Sakura, she got the quote wrong, she was Sakura, there was a flashback during the battle, she was Sakura, she wasn't topless, and she was Sakura.
