Everything Changes
Chapter 8
*Okay loyal readers, this one covers a lot of ground, I think. Hopefully it answers a lot of your questions. It has been fun reading your speculation. I hope you enjoy this.
The A shift had split uncharacteristically fast that morning as C shift took over. Perhaps it was due to the tension caused by such a drastic change in the firehouse, or perhaps something else. Johnny wasn't really sure. He was just glad the shift was over. As he drove to Sharon's place Johnny thought about how the shift had gone. Roy had been uncharacteristically moody. It was obvious that he wasn't happy about Sam's introduction to the mix. Hell, none of the team was very happy about it, but Johnny thought there had been more to it than just the fact that Sam was a woman; at least as far as Roy was concerned.
It seemed to Johnny that he must have known her from some prior time in his life. It also seemed to him that there must be unfinished business between them. He hadn't been surprised that Roy wouldn't talk about it when he had pushed, but he knew he would have to get Roy to talk about it sooner or later. That was just the way Roy dealt with things. He mulled them over and over, chewing on them, processing slowly. The problem was that he never really started to move past issues until he talked about them. Often times he avoided doing so far too long for his own good.
Just as Roy knew Johnny better than anyone else, and how to be a good friend and partner, Johnny also knew Roy like no one else did. He was going to have to push his Pally to get him to talk. It would wait until tomorrow though. Right now he had other plans.
When Johnny arrived at Sharon's apartment complex he was greatly anticipating seeing her smiling face. He took the steps to her floor two at a time. When he reached her door he smoothed his hair with his hands before knocking. Just as anticipated, Sharon answered the door with a warm smile and a twinkle in her eye. "Johnny! Come in."
Johnny gave her brief hug as he stepped into the apartment. Sharon happily allowed it and put her hand on his shoulder to pull him down to her so she could give him a quick kiss on the cheek. This earned her a famous full out Gage grin. "Thanks! What was that for?" he asked.
"Just because. Are you hungry?" she asked, brightly.
"Am I a fireman?" he asked, chuckling.
"How 'bout a ham and cheese omelet with mushrooms and onions, hash browns and some fresh fruit?"
"It sounds like the perfect breakfast for a hungry fireman!" Johnny answered enthusiastically.
"Good. Why don't you wash up and have a seat while I put it on the table."
Johnny happily complied and soon the two were enjoying a wonderful breakfast together. He complimented her several times during the meal and she blushed at each one. "Johnny, it's just breakfast." She finally said.
When all traces of food were gone, Johnny insisted Sharon allow him to help clean up the kitchen and wash the dishes. Sharon would have none of that though. "Johnny, you just worked a long shift. You go put your feet up and relax on the balcony with a nice cup of coffee. I'll join you in a few minutes when I'm through. I'll be 20 minutes, tops." When Johnny started to protest Sharon thrust the rolled up morning newspaper at him from off of the counter and pointed toward the sliding glass doors. "Go on. I mean it." Realizing he wasn't going to win, he winked at her as he thanked her and headed outside.
Johnny sat down on an aluminum framed lawn chair and put his feet up on part of the balcony railing. It was warm out with a slight breeze. From where he sat he could see the playground in a nearby park. There were young children on the swings and the slide with their mothers very close at hand. An occasional jogger would run past the playground, seemingly oblivious to the rest of the world. Johnny enjoyed the view for a few minutes then decided to take a look at the rolled up newspaper that had been thrust at him in the kitchen. As he unrolled it, he saw a very familiar face on the front page along with the headline: LA County Fire Department Breaks New Ground –Hires First Female Firefighter.
The picture with the article was an action shot of a very soot covered Sam in her Pierce County Fire Department bunker gear, with an injured fireman over her shoulders in a classic fireman carry. Johnny started reading the article, hoping to find out more about her. It told of her service as a volunteer firefighter, and how she had struggled for acceptance within that department. The article also talked about how women had been some of the biggest and loudest critics of female firefighters. The final paragraph told of how she had saved the lives of three firemen during her final shift with that department and then had moved out of state shortly after that, gone to paramedic training at Harbor General Hospital and then been hired by the LACoFD. The last line of the article stated, "A spokesman for the LACoFD refused to comment as to which station Ms. Anderson would be assigned to."
"So that's why Dixie didn't know her! She trained at Harbor General!" Johnny said out loud, not realizing it.
"Who are you talking about?" asked Sharon as she stepped out to join Johnny on the balcony.
"What? Oh, I was just reading the newspaper you gave me. There's an article in there about a new paramedic trainee we had this last shift. I couldn't figure out why Dixie didn't seem to know who she was, but the article says she trained at Harbor General. Of course Dixie wouldn't know her then."
"Her? Your new trainee is female?" Sharon asked, surprised.
"Yeah. That's her in the picture," he answered, pointing to it.
Sharon looked at the newspaper and glanced through the article. "Wow, she sounds like a pretty tough cookie."
"She'd have to be. Firefighting is hard, dangerous work. Mind you now, I don't know yet what she's really like. I've only spent one shift with her but I don't really think most women could handle this job." Johnny was careful to use the qualifier "most" because he didn't want to start an argument. He quickly added, "Heck, there's a lot of men who can't hack this job either."
Sharon wasn't sure she was really for the idea of female firefighters, but still she felt herself feeling a little defensive about it when Johnny was saying women couldn't handle the job. She didn't want to get angry about it so she decided to change the subject. She nodded, knowingly, at his last statement then said, "Johnny, are you through with the paper?"
"Yeah, sure." He answered and let her have possession of it. She took the paper and walked back into the apartment over to the wastebasket and tossed it in. Johnny took the hint that she wasn't very excited about the conversation that had just taken place and followed her into the apartment. "Sharon," he said softly. "I didn't mean…"
"Sshh. I know what you meant. I don't know if I agree, but the whole thing does kind of worry me." Sharon said.
"Why?" asked Johnny.
"Because I don't want you to get hurt."
Johnny looked at her with a questioning look on his face. He didn't understand what she was talking about. "What do you mean?"
"I want to know that if you go into a fire, you have a partner that will look after you and be strong enough to bring you out if you need help."
"Believe me, so do I," said Johnny. "But you saw that article. Sam certainly seems capable."
"Maybe, but I don't know…" she couldn't really explain why she felt the way she did. She had mixed emotions. Mad one second that there would be any implication a woman couldn't do just as good of a job, and her own doubts the next because she was afraid a woman wouldn't be strong enough. "It's just that… If anything ever happened to you… "
It was Johnny's turn to "Sshh" her. "Sharon, nothing's gonna happen." He said softly. He stood up and took her hand, pulling her out of her chair. He put his hand on the side of her face and tilted her head up to look him in the eye. "We're a family. The guys all look out for each other. We make sure to get everyone out and any one of us would put our life on the line to do so for the others." He could see doubt and worry in her eyes. They were starting to tear up.
"I know, Johnny. Inside I know. But that doesn't make it any easier." She put her arms around his waist and hugged him. "I didn't want to fall for a fireman, Johnny Gage, but I have. I love you and I don't want anything to happen to you."
She loves me? Johnny held her tightly in his arms and didn't say anything for a moment. He just wanted to comfort her and to lose himself in the moment. He couldn't believe she had said it. She had been so shy but suddenly she was opening up and wearing her heart on her sleeve. He knew he had better be very careful with her. He cared deeply for her and he wanted to tell her exactly how he felt but he didn't want her to feel like he would rush her in any way.
After a moment he stepped away from her, just a little, so they could look in each other's eyes again. "Did you just say that you love me?" he asked her. She blushed and gave him a small smile as she lowered her head a little. "Sharon," Johnny took her face in his hands. "You don't have to be shy with me. I'm not going to hurt you. I love you too." He bent his body forward and gently kissed her on the lips. She kissed him back, tentatively. He started to stand back up but she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him back down, kissing him again with more confidence and feeling.
"That's more like it," he said afterward. "I've wanted to kiss you for a long time. I just needed to be sure you wanted to."
"I do," she said softly. "But Johnny, I still want to take things slowly."
"Fine," he said, "as slowly as you want to. I'm not going anywhere."
Sharon looked deeply into his warm brown eyes and saw nothing but love and respect reflected in them. "Good. I don't want you to."
Johnny bent down to kiss her again. Sharon kissed him back enthusiastically until they both were out of breath. Then Sharon decided she'd better get a handle on things before they got out of hand so she suggested they go for a drive to somewhere pretty.
"How 'bout we pick up some chicken and biscuits, maybe some salad and fruit, and something cold to drink and head back up to Frazier Mountain Park? It's early enough we'll have some time to hike if we want and then we can find a nice spot to enjoy our little picnic and watch the sun set before I bring you home" Johnny suggested.
"That sounds wonderful," agreed Sharon. "That was such a beautiful area. But I'm not dressed for hiking. I'll need a few minutes to get ready."
"Well how 'bout you get ready while I go pick up the food and then we'll go."
"Okay. I guess I'll see you in a little while then."
"I'll be back soon!" he promised as he gave her a quick hug. Then he kissed her cheek and dashed out the door.
Mike couldn't wait to hear Roy's explanation. If Sam had been an old flame, or worse yet, a secret current flame, things could have gotten really awkward for the quiet engineer. But this news really took him by surprise.
"Before my parents married…" explained Roy. "My father had been dating a girl named Moira who lived next door to him. Her parents were in their forties when she was born. It seems she was quite a surprise to them and they really were not that thrilled. They neglected her a lot and she sought love and attention anywhere she could find it. Apparently she and dad saw each other for quite a while. I guess after a while they figured they were not really all that compatible and they decided to stop dating."
"It wasn't long after that when my mom and dad met. They had kind of a whirlwind romance and were very happy for a few years. They brought me into the world and then for whatever reason, things changed. They began to argue constantly, according to my mom. Finally dad left the house and at some point, he and Moira moved in together. He came over regularly and helped with taking care of the lawn, fixing things around the house and all. He sent money every payday. He even spent time with me doing the things father's do but he always left at the end of the day. Then, when I was about 5, he came over and had baby Sammy with him. Moira had died giving birth. Dad never left after that. He moved back in with us."
"Wow." Said Mike. "That is quite a story."
"Yes," said Sam. "But there is more. Dad insisted that "Mom" adopt me and so after a while she did. Mom always resented me though. She told me when I was about ten that every time she looked at me it made her sick! I guess I was the spitting image of my birth mother. Roy and I grew up with him running interference for me. He was always protecting me from her. She wasn't physically abusive but her words hurt more than any physical pain ever could have. Then mom and dad began taking in foster kids for the money. We had 4 of them ages 3-7 when dad went to work one day and never came back. He and his partner were both killed in a warehouse fire. After that I could never please mother. I cried in bed every night and Roy would hear me through our thin walls. He always came to me and held me until I stopped crying and fell asleep. Then he'd tuck me in and go back to bed. He was the only person left in the world that loved me, and the only person I could talk to. Mom kind of stopped living when that happened. I mean, she was there, but she didn't do anything except sleep, drink and yell at me. Roy went to work doing whatever he could to help support us, and I took care of the kids. But then Roy got drafted."
"That must have been really rough on you both." Mike said.
"It was. Roy's best friend Jack helped me a lot at first. He used to come help me with the kids and the housework after he got off work. Then he would hang out and keep me company. He'd talk to me until late at night. Then he'd go home and I'd go to bed. I still cried myself to sleep. I missed Roy so much. Mom kept telling me he left because I was such a pain in the ass. Later she'd tell me it was my fault when we didn't hear from him for a long time. Then Jack got drafted too. He was only there a week when he was killed."
Sam went on to tell some of the horrors she had to endure emotionally at the hand of her adopted mother. Roy was horrified at the pain it must have caused his sister.
"I just up and left home after that. I had no help and no one to talk to and I couldn't take that woman any more. I still don't speak to her. The funny thing was, she was always loving and kind to the other kids. Dysfunctional yes, and unable to care for them after Dad died, but she loved them. She never loved me. All she could do was hate me. And she let me know it every day."
Roy had never heard the whole story from Sam's point of view. He had no idea how bad it had been for her after he left. Now he understood why she left and why she made sure none of her family would find her. She had changed her name to her birth mother's last name and left the state. When Roy returned from the war, he never even thought of looking for her by that name.
He had tears on his face, unashamedly when she finished speaking. He asked her, "Sammy, why didn't you write me and tell me these things? In fact, why didn't you write me at all?"
"I did write you, but I never got any kind of acknowledgement. Mom said you hated me and resented me for taking Dad away from the family. I kept writing you anyway and Mom would insist we mail our letters to you in the same envelope. I wrote you every week. When a letter would come from you, she would read them to me. She would "read terrible things that you said about me…"
Roy was truly horrified at this. He had always written to his mother, but he always included a special letter in the same envelope just for Sammy. Apparently she never got any of them. "Oh Sammy," Roy started. Both were in tears as he spoke. "I never said anything against you. I love you. I've always loved you. I hated being away from home because I worried about you. Especially after I found out about Jack. When I came home, Mom said you had left and told her that you hated all of us and never wanted anything to do with the entire DeSoto family again. I tried to find you. Really I did. But I couldn't."
As the two realized that their mother had lied to both of them they both openly cried. Roy held Sam close in the booth until they both had let out some of their pain. Mike carefully had excused himself to the restroom, for almost 30 minutes, to give them some privacy. He kind of wished he hadn't insisted that they tell him what was going on because it had been so painful and so personal for them. Clearly they had a lot of unspoken pain between them that they would need their own time to deal with.
When Mike was certain that the siblings had composed themselves, he returned to the table. After a few moments of awkward silence he said, "I am so sorry I pushed you two. I know it was painful for you to share and to do so while at the same time discovering more horrible truths together. I'm really sorry."
"It's okay Mike." Said Sam. "I am really trying to move on from all of this. I've spent a lot of time talking to God about this and facing it has really helped me on my road to overcoming it all."
"I'm glad." Said Mike. "Roy, are you doing okay?" he asked.
"I guess I am kind of numb right now," he answered. "It's a lot to deal with." Turning to Sam he said, "I have to confess something to you."
"No you don't…"
"Yes, I do!" Roy wasn't going to let Sam stop him. "Sammy, when I saw you walk into the bay at the station, I was shocked beyond belief. When I saw you were in uniform I was horrified. So many emotions were running through me. I was thrilled to see you and that you were okay. I was shocked that you just showed up in my life out of the blue. I was terrified to think you chose to be a firefighter. It's so dangerous and I don't want anything bad to happen to you. And I admit, a little embarrassed too. The guys are gonna be relentless. First they have to deal with the fact that women are going to do this job. On top of that, the one blazing the trail is the sister of one of their own. And all the hurt I felt when you didn't acknowledge my letters and then when you were gone when I got home just flooded through me in a fresh wave of rage. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve all that. I'm glad you're here."
"Roy, I don't blame you now for any of those feelings. I have plenty of my own emotions about all of this. All I have ever wanted from you is to love me and to be proud of me. That is why I am here. That is why I became a firefighter. It made me feel close to you again in some way. When I felt I was good enough, I came back to LA so that I could find you. I figured if I was good at it, you would want me back in your life."
"Oh, Sis," said Roy. "I think we're both pretty messed up from all of this. You don't have to prove anything to me. I love you. I've always been proud of you. You are such a survivor and have such a strong spirit. And still, all I want to do is protect you from the whole world."
"Well, Big Brother, I'm a big girl now and I've been doing it myself for a long time now. You'd better get used to it. And Roy, I love you too. I never stopped."
"It's getting kind of mushy in here, don't you think Mike?" Roy said, smiling. Mike nodded in agreement. "I think we should have this great looking ice cold food packed to go and get out of here."
"Great idea," said Sam. I was hungry when we got here, but now I am too spent to eat.
"I'm not very hungry either." Said Mike. "And hey, again, I'm sorry I put you two on the spot. I want you to know; I of course won't say a word about this. And, if you want to talk to someone, you can call me. I'm a good listener. Sometimes talking can make a big difference."
"Thanks Mike," they both said at the same time. "It already has," added Sam.
"I'm paying for the breakfast none of us ate," said Roy.
"No," said Mike. "This one is on me. It is the least I can do for friends." Roy started to protest, but Mike already had his wallet out.
"Next time, then." Said Roy. Mike nodded at him then headed to the register to pay the bill.
Roy looked at Sammy again. "You have any plans the rest of the day?"
"No."
"Why don't you come meet your niece, nephew and sister-in-law?" he suggested.
"Did you marry who I think you did?" asked Sammy.
"Yeah," he said. "I've been in love with her since fourth grade. I didn't really have a choice!"
"That is so sweet!" said Sam. "I can't wait to see them all."
"Good! Let's go!."
*Thanks for continuing to read this. I hope this explanation was to your satisfaction. I'll write more whenever I can but I sure appreciate all the feedback I have been getting from you. Don't stop now. It keeps me writing. -Hotflash
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