When Daryl woke up he was in complete darkness. I slept through the day. Daryl sat up and stifled a yelp when he saw a figure sitting in a chair in the corner of the room. The person was sound asleep by the looks of it. Daryl squinted. Jacqui, she had been on the supply run when his dad got left behind. He didn't know her very well, at all really. Daryl quietly slid out of bed and padded into the kitchen. Dale was asleep on the couch. Daryl became overwhelmed with guilt and trepidation. Dale couldn't be happy that Daryl had taken his bed. Daryl wondered whether it would be worse to wake Dale up to tell him his bed was free, or to let him remain sleeping on the far less comfortable couch. Daryl bounced on his toes, thinking. "Daryl,"
Daryl squeaked. Daryl whirled around and saw Jacqui standing there. His heart beat against his breastbone like a wild animal running on hard soil. "H-hey. I'm sorry if I woke you."
"It's all right sweetie. I didn't mean to fall asleep anyway."
"You can sleep in the bed. I'll go back to my tent," Daryl said.
Jacqui shook her head. "No sweetie, you don't need to do that."
"I don't mind."
"I do," Jacqui said. "You can stay up if you want, but I need to ask you to stay in the RV with me. It's not safe out there. That's why we're leaving tomorrow."
Daryl's eyes widened. "You're leaving? All of you?"
"All of us, yes," Jacqui said.
"You're going to leave me here?"
A very deep sorrow filled Jacqui's eyes. "No sweetie, you're coming with us."
"But I can't. I have to stay here and wait for my dad," Daryl said.
Jacqui smiled at Daryl. It was the saddest smile Daryl had ever seen. It was the kind of smile a person put on when they had nothing to smile about and so had to smile just so there would be something good happening. Daryl had seen one of his dad's girlfriends smile at him like that once. She had possessed long blond hair and two perky breasts that she didn't feel the need to encumber with a bra. "You that kid he was tellin me about?" She'd asked.
"Um-hm, I'm Daryl."
That sad smile had come out. "You poor bastard,"
Jacqui's smile was different. The blond with the perky breasts had looked at him like he was a dead dog on the side of the road. To her he was just another white-trash bastard who would never graduate from high school but might knock a classmate up with his own illegitimate bundle of joy before he left. Jacqui's sad smile was full of compassion. There was a warmth in her, a light that touched him. "Daryl we can't leave you here by yourself," she said.
"You don't need to worry about me. I can take care of myself. I can hunt for my own food and kill walkers. You saw what I did to Ed. I can do that to walkers too."
Daryl was stunned when Jacqui's warm dark body enveloped him, her arms forming a cocoon around him. She whispered in his ear. "You don't have to be alone."
Despite himself, Daryl found himself hugging her back. "I can't leave him."
"It's not safe here, and if your dad was coming back he would be here by now. I know you want him to be alive, and I want that for you too, but I can't let you risk your life."
Daryl buried his face in Jacqui's neck. There was nothing to say, not really, nothing that hadn't already been said explicitly or implicitly. Daryl couldn't go back to sleep, so he and Jacqui just sat at the table till dawn. Neither of them spoke, and neither of them minded one bit.
Shane watched Lori help Carl get their tent into the trunk of Carol's car. He watched her wipe sweat off her brow as even at this early hour the air was shimmering with heat. Lori's shirt was sticking to her chest and Shane could see the outline of her breasts. Shane saw Carl run off to grab something from the campsite and leave Lori standing alone by the car. Shane had treated Carl like his own son. That was how it started really, because of Carl. Shane had decided he owed it to Rick, his best friend, his brother, to look after the man's family. Shane had never had a child of his own, but he liked kids. He and Carl had always gotten along, and when Shane stepped up to fill the role of father for him Carl seemed to accept him wholeheartedly. Being a father to Carl satisfied something in Shane. Being a father completed him in a way he had never known he was incomplete. Lori had seen that, and she had loved him for it. Now they were both gone, and Shane was struck by the horrible unfairness of it all. Shane walked up to Lori, who was wiping the sweat off of her arms with a rag. "I need to talk to you for a minute."
Lori didn't even look at him. "I have nothing to say to you."
That threw him for a loop. "Lori,"
"No," Lori began to rearrange things in Carol's trunk. "We're not doing this."
"I just want you to know-"
"It doesn't matter what you want. I wanted my husband to be alive, and you kept him dead to me with your lies. You ruined my life Shane. I can't forgive you for that."
"Lori, it wasn't like that."
"Go away Shane. Stay away from me. Stay away from Carl. Stay away from Rick."
The implication was clear. Don't tell him. Shane thought that Lori must think he was crazy if she thought he would tell Rick he slept with his wife. Shane could almost laugh at the idea, except it really wasn't funny. It wasn't just what Rick might do, which could be anything if Shane's experiences with jilted husbands was any baseline. It was the sense of betrayal that Rick would feel. Shane could picture the pain in Rick's calm blue eyes, leaking out and drowning Shane in its depths. "I love that man. I love him like a brother. If I had thought for one moment that there was any chance he was alive I never would have looked at you. You gotta know that."
Lori slammed the trunk closed. She gripped the trunk lid and stared at the metal, burning in the sun. "I don't know anything as far as you're concerned. I don't know you."
Shane felt as though he'd been slapped. He backed up. "Lori-"
"Mom,"
Shane turned around and saw Carl holding a gallon container filled with water. "Do I still need to put this in the trunk?" Carl had no idea what was going on. Shane envied that innocence.
Lori opened the trunk, still avoiding Shane's gaze. "Yeah,"
Carl smiled at Shane. "Are you going to ride with us?"
Shane saw Lori stiffen, her fingers tightening on the metal of the car and her back becoming rigid. "Naw buddy, I gotta drive the jeep. I'll see you when we stop for the night."
"Ok, be safe."
Shane ruffled Carl's hair. "You too little man."
Shane started to walk away and crossed paths with Rick. "Hey, I was thinking you would take point," Rick said, all business. "I'll follow in Carol's car and the RV will be sandwiched between me and Morales. I think that's the safest line-up." He has no idea, how can that be?
"I like it," Shane said. Shane raised his hand for Rick to grasp. Rick did so, with the same ease he had always done. They were still partners, still brothers. Nothing had changed.
"Glenn, T-dog and Jim will be riding with you. Is that all right?"
"Sure thing,"
Rick looked at Shane and for a moment, just one moment, Shane saw something in those always calm, always still blue eyes. It was there and then gone before Shane had any chance to identify it, but he definitely saw something. "I'm hoping we don't have to stop until nightfall."
"Let's get started." It was nothing. You're just being paranoid.
"Do you still have that knife?"
Shane looked at Rick in confusion. "What?"
"The one we took from Daryl my first day in camp," Rick said.
"Yeah, what about it?"
"I was going to give it back to him. If we keep Daryl's weapons away from him it will make him think we don't trust him." Rick spoke as though this were all casual and normal.
"Rick the kid may be innocent, but he's still a child. You don't see the need to have Carl armed, why is this kid any different? I'm not sure I'm comfortable with him having a knife."
"Duly noted," Rick said. "Do you have it?"
There it was again, that look. Shane sensed something painful in it. Shane pulled out the hunting knife and handed it to Rick. "Rick, I… I know you think I jumped the gun when I said what I did about that k- Daryl, but I want you to know that I was only thinking about the safety of you and your family. You guys are all I have left. You're my brother Rick," Shane said.
Rick clapped a hand on Shane's shoulder. "And you're mine. I know you only ever have the best of intentions. But you're a hothead sometimes. In this world there's too much temptation to be guided by our impulses. We have to temper our instincts with thought," Rick said.
You don't get it. There's no time for that anymore. When your back is to the wall there's no time for thinking. You have to rely on your instincts. But you can't do that, because those instincts are trying to keep you alive, and you always have to do the right thing. You're going to die Rick. This idea filled Shane with sorrow, though maybe not as much as he thought he should be feeling. "I guess I'll have to work on that. In the meantime, I've got you to keep me in check."
Rick squeezed Shane's shoulder. "Yep, I'll see you tonight."
Sophia ran over to where Daryl was taking down the tent he and his father had shared while Jacqui assisted him. The boy meticulously folded the material and then wrapped the skeleton of the structure in it. Daryl placed the folded up tent in a bag with fastidiously folded clothes and some random tools. Sophia watched Daryl look at his dad's bike, stripped of all its fuel and any useful parts, and sigh. Sophia walked up to him. "Maybe he's still alive, and he'll find us one day. Maybe he'll look for you like Mr. Grimes looked for Lori and Carl."
Daryl tried to smile at Sophia, but his sadness showed. "Thanks Sophia,"
Jacqui grinned at the girl from behind Daryl, encouraging her kindness. "Do you want to ride with me and my mom on the way to Fort Benning? Carl and his family will be there too, but there's plenty of room. It won't be as boring if you're there. We can play I spy, twenty questions and old maid. Games aren't as fun with only two people, so please say yes."
Daryl turned around to look at Jacqui, and the adult smiled encouragingly. "Ok,"
"Great," Sophia grabbed Daryl's hand and started to pull him toward her mother's car, forcing him to snatch up his bag and jog a little to keep up with her.
Miranda looked around the camp. Everything had been packed into vehicles except for things like empty cans and fish bones that were of no use to them. They were leaving and heading off into the unknown. "We don't have to go with them," her husband said. "If you really want to go to Birmingham we can go, the group will understand. Even if they don't understand, it's not as though they would try to stop us. I know you really want to look for your hermana."
Miranda looked over at Andrea and Amy, getting into the RV. "I want to find my sister, but our children have to be the priority. I don't know if we can make it on our own. Last night, if Jim hadn't had been there…" Miranda trailed off, not sure how to say what she needed to without it coming across as her accusing Morales of not being able to take care of his family.
Morales understood. He pulled her toward him and kissed her brow. "We will get to Benning, and the children will be safe. When this is over, then we will find your sister."
Miranda kissed him on the lips and tried to smother the voice in her head. What if it never ends hombre? What if it goes on and on forever and this is all there will ever be?
Carol held out her keys to Rick. Rick studied them for a moment. "It's your car," he said.
Carol smiled, a faint amused smile. "Ed didn't let me drive much. I can, but you're more used to emergencies. I would just panic and veer off the road. You drive, keep us safe."
Rick took the keys. "All right."
Carol got into the back seat. A moment later Sophia came running up pulling Daryl Dixon behind her. She hopped into the car next to her mother. Daryl hesitated before placing his bag in the foot well and then taking the spot next to Sophia. The back seat was now full, so Carl got into the front. His parents were probably glad he was where they could hold him. Carol heard Lori speak to Rick in what she likely thought was an inaudible whisper. "He's riding with us?"
"Yeah," Rick seemed confused by the question.
"Wouldn't he be more comfortable in the RV?"
"The RV only has four seatbelts," Rick said. "Besides, most of the supplies are in there."
Lori scoffed. "So this is about seatbelts?"
"It isn't about anything Lori, why does it matter where he rides?"
"Because you're undermining me. I told Carl I didn't want him around the Dixon boy so he went to you and you told him he could and now you have him riding with us. You're making our son see me as a joke. As far as he's concerned what I say doesn't matter because you can just overrule me. How am I supposed to parent a child who doesn't listen to me?" Lori asked
Carol snuck a glance at Daryl and saw that his cheeks were flush with shame. He heard them too. Carol felt a flash of white-hot anger on the boy's behalf. Carl's awkward squirming and Sophia's silence let Carol know they heard the Grimes couple as well. "Lori, I didn't know anything about that. How can you expect me to enforce a rule you never told me about?"
"If you spent more time worrying about our son and less worrying about some random stranger's kid, maybe we would talk about Carl once in a while and you would know."
"I can't believe you're doing this right now," Rick said.
"I just-"
"Lori it's time to go, we can talk about it tonight."
Rick got into the driver's seat and Lori got in on the other side. Carl was sandwiched between them. Carol saw Lori reach for her son's hair before the preteen dodged her touch and scooted closer to his dad. Carol was ashamed of it, but she felt a certain sense of satisfaction when she saw Carl's rejection of his mother. Carol looked at Lori's face, at her expression of pain and betrayal. Carol's satisfaction evaporated. I deserve worse. I kept Ed a secret. No one has brought it up yet, but they will. They will, and what will they say? What will they do?
"Next stop," Rick said. "Fort Benning."
Sophia waved out the back window. "Goodbye camp."
Goodbye Ed.
