Meredith paced the floor, pausing only to stare at herself in the mirror. On a whim that morning she had dyed her hair a deep chestnut brown and had it permed so it fell into loose messy curly. She liked it. But it took some getting used too.

She crossed the floor again and stepped out on to her small balcony. Her room over looked the salt-water pool and she felt a sudden urge to go for one last swim. Instead she curled into the deck chair, waving to a friend who was tanning by the pool, and picked up her phone.

"Shepherd."

"Hey."

"Hi."

She thought she could hear his smile through the phone. "Still coming to get me?"

"I'd like to see someone try to stop me. I've refused 3 surgeries already."

Meredith laughed, "See. Now that is love."

"It's necessary. I miss you. How was your hair appointment?"

"Great. You may not recognize me," Meredith flirted, "I'm like a whole new person," she glanced down at her nails which for the last 3 weeks she had kept perfectly manicured in a shimmering sandy colour.

Derek was silent a moment, "Are you sure you're ready? If you want more time…"

"I'm ready to come home," she interrupted, "I miss you."

"Mer, don't come home because of me."

'I'm not," she insisted, "But I'm kinda starting to feel like I'm hiding. I need to know if I can go back to my life."

"Of course you can go back…"

"I just…" she paused pensively, "I feel different now. I'm different. I'm more… me."

"Luckily I love 'you'."

"But what if the 'me' you love isn't the same as the 'me' that I am now?" Meredith could sense that he was taken aback by what she had said. She was surprised herself; she never voiced things like that to him before.

"Not possible," he assured her, "I love all the 'you''s."

Meredith laughed merrily, "This conversation is sounding ridiculous..."

Derek chuckled his agreement, "Go get some lunch. I'll be there before you know it."

"Okay," Meredith agreed happily, "I'll call you after I eat."

XXXXX

Addison dropped her things on the nearest counter. She was a firm believer that Dr's should have caddies, like in golf.

"Hey."

She turned, "Hi," she said softly.

Derek moved closer and lined up her files neatly, "Need help?"

"No. I've got it."

They watched each other for a long moment.

Finally Addison looked away, "Meredith is coming home today?"

He nodded, the moment between them broken, "I'm driving up to get her this afternoon."

"You'll be glad to have her back."

Derek was silent, "Yeah I will."

Addison tapped her finger anxiously against the counter, "Derek," she said suddenly, "I…"

Ring Ring Ring

Derek glanced at his caller ID then looked guiltily at Addison. "It's Meredith…"

Addison nodded.

"She calls a lot," he explained.

Addison gathered her things. "Tell her I said hi."

XXXXX

"Mark," Izzie laughed, "Absolutely not/"

"Come on."

"No!"

"It's funny."

"No," she laughed, "It's tacky."

"Hey," Addison walked up to them, a smile on her face, "What's going on?"

Izzie slowly stopped laughing but didn't reply.

Mark grinned and crossed his arms over his chest, "I've decided that Izzie is not allowed to name our children."

"Hey!" Izzie started to laugh all over again, "I pick good names. And who in their right mind would have your baby"

"What are you trying to name?" Addison asked softly.

"I will have you know," Mark continued, not hearing Addison, "That many women would kill to have my children. You are clearly a defective member of your species."

"Well now I am definitely not going out with you."

"Then I guess you are stuck here. I'm driving you home remember."

"Jerk!"

"Tease."

Izzie narrowed her eyes.

Mark looked at his watch pointedly, "I'm leaving in 20 minutes."

"I'm going. I'm going!" Izzie protested, "But I'm still not talking to you."

"Good," Mark called after her, "I could use some peace."

"So you are in love with Izzie Steeven's this week?" Addison asked.

"No," Mark cracked his knuckles, "We are just working on a little project."

"Personal or medical?"

"Personal. Jealous?"

"You wish."

Mark winked at her and backed away, "You bet I do."

XXXXX

Derek stepped out of the car and blinked into the sun. This was the first time that he had ever been here; Meredith had never wanted him to visit. He looked around. He hadn't seen Meredith in a month.

"Derek!"

And then she was there.

He barely had time to register that it was her before she had flown into his arms and was tightly hugging him, her legs wrapped around his waist. He hugged her back just as tight, unwilling to let her go.

She pulled back kissing him full on the lips before sliding out of his arms.

He stared at her. She wasn't the same person. She had lost the frailness in her limbs and now seemed strong and vibrant; and she no longer moved awkwardly, but confidently. Her skin was tanned and glowing, her hair was full and shiny and her eyes sparkled.

"Meredith," he said slowly, "You look gorgeous."

She grinned, "New clothes. I didn't really bring much with me," she joked, "wait here. I'll get my bag and we can go home."

He watched her move across the stone pathway and pick up a bag and sling it over her shoulder. He had never before appreciated how long her legs were or how great she look in those little tailored blouses and fitted Bermuda shorts with flats.

She grinned at him, "You, are staring at me," she teased.

He smiled back and moved to open her door for her, "Just thinking how lucky I am to have you."

XXXXX

"I missed this house," Meredith sighed happily as they walked across the font porch hand in hand.

"It missed you too," Derek assured her," I'll take your bag upstairs," he offered, dropping her hand.

"No," she grabbed his hand again, "Stay out here with me." She sat down on the porch swing and pulled him down with her. She slid over into his lap and curled her head under his chin, "You missed me right?"

Derek laughed and wrapped his arms around her waist, "Just a little."

She chuckled and melted against his chest, the rocking of the porch swing and the warm summer sun lulling her to sleep.

"Do you think she's okay?"

A loud whisper slowly dragged Derek from his nap. He blinked twice. George, Cristina. Izzie and Mark stared down at them.

"What's wrong with her?" Izzie whispered loudly.

"Nothing," Derek frowned sleepily. He untangled his fingers from Meredith's hands and brushed a few of her new curls out of her face. He kissed her forehead, "Mer. Wake up, honey."

Meredith's eyes drifted open and she immediately grinned, "Hey!" She jumped up and immediately embraced her friends, her leg still resting across Derek's lap. Derek smiled at her happy chattering with her friends and the comments about her hair and how good she looked.

"Hey," Mark spoke from the back of the group, "Don't I get a hug?"

Meredith laughed, then squealed, "Oh! Guys! I can't believe you… awww."

Derek strained to see, but within moments Meredith was back in his lap, a kitten cuddled in her arms.

"She's from Izzie," Mark explained, "I was just the lucky one that got to be scratched to…"

"Mark!" Izzie exclaimed, hitting him hard on the chest.

"What's her name?" Meredith asked, totally entranced by the calico kitten who desperately wanted to claw at Derek.

"It's up to you," Izzie said, glaring at Mark, "She's your cat."

"I wanted to name her Percocet," Mark stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked around at the eyes now glaring at him, "Get it. 'Purrrr'-cocet??"

Meredith immediately started to laugh, "I love it."

Everyone exchanged glances and laughed hesitantly.

Mark sat down on the porch swing opposite Meredith and Derek. He winked at Meredith, "I knew you'd see the humour in that."

She winked back at him, rather boldly Derek thought, and leaned closer to Mark with a conspiring smile on her face, "It must be an ex-dirty-mistress thing.

XXXXX

Derek never thought himself to be the kind of man that dwelled on things. He liked to think that he accepted and moved on.

But lately he was dwelling.

He wasn't sure what he was dwelling on precisely. He was actually very happy. But still he was dwelling.

He stared long and hard at the water, then he turned the key in the ignition and pulled away from the waterfront.

It was three weeks to the day since Meredith had come home. Three weeks where he had come to realize that Meredith was an incredible human being. She was more thoughtful then he realized, and gave things more consideration then he assumed she was. She talked to him more, asked him questions and really listened when he gave the answers. He thought that she was content just knowing the 'Derek' that he was now, but that didn't seem to be enough for her now. She wanted to know everything.

And she was telling him things too. He didn't know that when she was 4 her Dad had given her a doll that she still had packed in a box in the attic, or a tea set from when she was 8 that she still had all the pieces to, unbroken. He now knew that she had actually started out in medicine just to piss off her mother and intended to complete her first year of medical school at the top of her class and then quit to bartend in her boyfriend's nightclub.

It had been three weeks of waking up in the morning and seeing just how much they needed each other.

Then why was he dwelling?

It had been 3 weeks and 4 days since the day he had kissed Addison in the prep room. He had been feeling low. No depressed, just as if the universe was repeatedly knocking the wind from his lungs. He was convinced that he was sick. That his body was slowly going to wither away. That he was going to be a burden on everyone that he loved. He worried what his sickness would do to Meredith. And he dreaded dying. Leaving the people that he loved.

He'd been clinging to Addison. He didn't know why. Maybe because she was letting him. Because he needed someone else to carry some of the burden and she was the only one that volunteered. Because she wanted to help, and he wanted something familiar and comforting.

Three weeks and four days since he had kissed her when he knew that he shouldn't and that she didn't want him to. His palm had cupped her cheek and he hadn't pulled away until he felt a tear run down the length of his thumb and he realized that she was crying. Her hands where resting on his chest, pushing him away but neither of them moved.

He was dwelling because when she whispered 'I can't' over and over, he didn't know if she was talking to him or herself. He was dwelling because he wanted to know.

But for two weeks and three days he had been driving past her house every night, usually twice. Most of the time she wasn't there.

After two weeks and three days of driving past her house, he knocked. Only once, softly, knowing that it would be better for both of them if she didn't answer. But she did.

The night air was motionless, the perfect combination or warm and cool where you can't feel it at all and without even the smallest breeze. It was just them, standing on either side of her threshold not knowing what to say. Their eyes locked together, waiting for some sort of sign, some inspiration of what they were suppose to do. Wondering if she saw as much apprehension in his eyes as he saw in hers; or if he saw the longing in her eyes that she saw in his.

He smoothed his hand over her jaw, his thumb dragging across her lips until they parted slightly. She leaned into his touch, closing her eyes and pacing her hand on top of his to keep him close.

He bowed his head and closed his eyes at the feeling of his hand between her palm and her skin. Her fingers curled around his and she brought their hands away from her face and down to their sides until their fingertips barely touched. He opened his eyes and stared at their hands, the pads of their fingers resting against each other midair.

He took a step away, reluctantly pulling away from her touch. When he looked into her eyes she was already searching his. Curiosity, desire, fear. Her eyes begged him not to hurt her again. He swallowed hard his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he stared into her eyes, "I want more."