OMGAWD SUPER FAST UPDATE!
Yeah, I already had part of this chapter on the previous one, so it wasn't like I churned it all out immediately after. Plus, I just want to get this story finished with already, and it'll probably be a tiny bit longer than 9-10 chapters, just a tiny bit more, do not worry...I won't make you read that much of this junk!
Anyway, before anything...this is a LONG chapter.
Possibly my longest (and I've had long chapters), so beware.
bobba: I can't believe I haven't said this, but thank you for sticking around since the first chapter!(:
it means a whole lot that you actually take the time to review XD so thank yooou!
saki-hime: well, they're here! in this chapter, and yeah, not too exciting, but I tried compensating emotionally.
elhai: there's a lot of that anxiety-vanishing-holding-hands in this chapter, so I think you'll enjoy that :3
lhaine07: your review was actually a semi-template for this chapter XD, kinda like a guide, I took some of what you said and tried to
incorporate it in this chapter, some of the teasing, their "witty" conversations (although my own wit's been running low), and the first move shall be accomplished ;D big time lol.
broken emerald: you're always too sweet towards my writing! I do appreciate the compliments though, I'm glad it's not being taken for granted ^^'
Happyham: Ahhh Shouta's just kidding! Totally not gay! Lol. But plenty of things shall happen in Europe, you shall see in this chapter the beginning, muahaha.
And yeah, I think that's just my kind of writing, I like ending each chapter with its own little 'lesson learned' type of feel, or kinda 'epiphany moment' ending, idk.
I wish I wasn't tone-deaf: OMG EXPLAIN! I'm lost D: ish
Riley S: Thanks! If it's the one with Keira Knightley, then yep, that very one. I thought the movie was really good, but the book's way way better (like most books).
I suggest you read it if you enjoyed the movie :) and I'm glad my music references are appreciated! They seem to be everywhere on this story lately.
Oh, and it helps reading this while listening to Best Coast, not a must, but it's what I had on when writing, just saying.
Well, I hope you enjoy this chapter, thank you.
DISCLAIMER: CLAMP owns Card Captor Sakura, indeed.
I hardly remembered the tears Sakura Kinomoto had shed the instant we arrived at the Milano Malpensa Airport, the bustle of people that slipped by our unprepared bodies had made absolutely no reminder of it. I looked back at the luggage I nearly thrashed around as we exited the catastrophe of unheard conversations, and realized, though we were all safe and sound at the entrance of the airport, a single honey haired girl was missing.
"Ehhh, where'd Sakura go?" Touya's concern missed not one ear, and perhaps the older brother affection was settling in.
"Wasn't she behind us?" Feimei looked around, her eyes hoping for the appearance of our missing honey haired, emerald eyed princess.
Shouta took his phone out and began to dial, who I assumed was, Sakura.
"I'm pretty sure your phone's completely useless in another country" I informed him, knowing my own had died upon the foreign air of Italy.
And I was pretty sure he hadn't purchased any calling cards during our suffocation era in the airport.
"It's my dad's business cell, it works everywhere" he narrowed his eyes at me, seemingly offended by the misunderstanding of a common folk's knowledge.
"It works everywhere" I managed to mimic in a high-pitched voice, that very same generic voice for mimicking (which never happens to sound like the person).
He rolled his honey softened eyes at me, and proceeded to move away from the fleeting flock of panicked tourists, some gawking at the bright intensity Milan greeted their morning with, others astounded at the complete ignorance they had for the Italian language (setting aside mama mia!).
"Her phone's off" he sighed, his gaze returning to look for a trace of the missing Sakura.
"Well, she has to be around, it's not like we dropped her off somewhere else!" Touya grumbled, pacing around the entrance, but never daring to actually enter the black hole.
"Let's just calm down, she knows where the entrance is, she knows where the taxi cabs are supposed to be, she's a smart girl, I'm sure she can figure this out on her own"
Feimei attempted to reassure the nearly grieving older brother's anxiety, placing her hand on his shoulder for consolation. Right, Feimei, consolation.
"Hah, Sakura may be a smart girl, but trust me when I say this, the girl is as senseless as her mother was" Touya scoffed, his worry disregarding most of his logic.
"Look, we have to get to the hotel before ten, it's already nine-fifteen, we really don't know how far away it is from here, so how about we get going while you look for her, yes, Kinomoto-san?"
I turned abruptly, my mind circulating around the seemingly and seriously concerned (and mature, and grown-up, and every other adjective I never thought to describe Feimei with) tones of advisement she spoke to Touya with.
"Yeah, but the reservation's under my name, they'll need to ID me" he kept on going, his eyes never leaving the crowd of heads before us.
"Where exactly are we staying?" Shouta's eyes hadn't left his phone, his fingers searching for whatever his quick thinking had in mind.
"The Principe Di Savoia" Touya muttered, caressing his hair against his worries.
Feimei and I nearly flipped in the magnitude of residing within the walls of, not only a place we could hardly pronounce should our tongues allow the Romantic language invasion, but much less ever imagine affording. I glanced at the surely pale stricken sister of mine, her eyes meeting my own halfway. We both send each other a nervous grin, realizing how out of place we appeared between the very Touya Kinomoto and Shouta Watanabe. Kinomoto and Watanabe, two very powerful names in Japan (well, Tomoeda).
"Ahhh, yeah, there's no getting past that without an ID"
Shouta bit his bottom lip, his eyes narrowed once more, because even he had reminders of the extravagance and significance luxuries weighed on humanity.
I looked into the crowded airport and wished I had super-human vision. I wished I could scan the entire place with one swift glance and immediately locate Sakura.
I wished her lovely radiance would be enough to guide me to her; I wished I could fly in there and sweep her off her feet. I wish I could've done that long ago.
"I'll look for her, you guys go ahead and get to the hotel before it gets any later"
I spoke from the concerned faces around me, as I stepped onto the sidewalk and whistled for a taxi like I had seen in nearly every movie.
Surprisingly, Hollywood kept some sincerity to their fiction.
My sharp whistle instructed a single cab to my existence, as it pulled over at our demand and gave us his most polished welcoming to Milan.
Funny, I had only been kidding when I expected a Super Mario look-alike to greet us at the entrance of Milan.
On notice of our luggage he popped open the trunk, and got off the cab to help us load. Yes, good Mario.
"Welcome to Milan!" his cheery smile lifted his fluffed mustache, elating in the thrill of curious foreigners.
We were all pleasantly surprised at his fluent sounding English, well, Touya and Shouta anyway. I'll stick to Japanese and Chinese, thanks.
"Thank you very much" Touya smiled his polished manners at the man as he helped him with the luggage, to which the man was overly grateful for.
Feimei and Shouta were the first to enter the taxi cab, Shouta explaining our situation in vague details.
Super Mario nodded, understanding, and flashed us a patient grin. Maybe most Italians were all this happy…must be the pasta.
But anyway, before I get too stereotypical (only because it's time convenient to do so), Touya turned to me, his dark eyes glazed by the preoccupation of his young and only dearly beloved sister.
"Listen, I trust you with my life here, you better do as you said you would, got it?"
I looked directly into the young Kinomoto man's eyes and sensed the uneasiness his heart must have been processing. I couldn't fathom the worry Touya held for Sakura, because I wasn't her brother and I didn't have some creepy sister complex. But I understood that Sakura was, although probably not severely, lost and assuming her loss of directions, I knew it was in my hands for her own hands to be held once more (hopefully by me).
"She'll be just fine, relax" I mumbled at his disposition and handed him my luggage as I turned into the automatic doors of the Malpensa airport.
She would be just fine, because I would find you Sakura, and no one else. No one else will bother with you because you've been reserved for me. And if anyone else smiles at your pretty eyes, I won't worry. You'll smile back because you're polite, but somewhere in my soul, I felt the sincerity of your recent tears, and it's a memory that assures me security. I feel a little special holding your hand, comforting you while your heavy heart slept.
Sheesh, poetic creeper, much?
Nearly immediately upon entering the airport, my footing sensed a familiar presence. I took steps near the café because my heart felt nerves I knew of. Sure enough, a dazed stare decorated the countenance of two bright eyes. The pink lips and small nose gave no indication of any other beauty but of Sakura's. She sat in one of the seats located at the entrance of the café, her earphones secured in her ears, safe from the inconvenience of a foreign land. Safe from any more pesky sentiments that could ruin otherwise a lovely experience.
I sat at the seat in front of hers and realized she hadn't noticed one change in her companionship. Her eyes were casted upon the tiles illuminating the steps of every soul traveling elsewhere. There wasn't a single thing that could distract Sakura from her own distractions, so I felt only a little rude when I poked her cheek gently.
"Hoe!" she jumped out of her seat and instinctively embraced herself from what she may have assumed to be a cheek fetish Italian pervert.
I tell you; those Italians reigned every sexual fetish on the face of the earth…at least that's what Feimei's stay in Europe explained to me (gross).
Her cheeks were flushed when she noticed my casual smirk and the proximity of our hands once more.
She immediately dusted her skirt from embarrassment; her next actions were in accordance to her flustered facial expression.
"You guys completely left me behind!" Sakura's pout accused me in representation of 'guys'.
I glanced at her facial features and decided that pouty Sakura deemed cuteness higher than teary Sakura, but only by a little.
Her eyebrows were knitted together, her eyes looked down at her feet, a petty discomfort she felt upon the mere accidental confusion.
"Look, we weren't the only people here, it was a little inevitable, I'm sorry" I pointed towards the herds of business men, tourists, and "locals" that inhabited the airport.
She followed my finger, even if she knew of the present fact.
"…You owe me a coffee" she mumbled underneath her hand which held her, her elbows steady on the table.
"Sakura, coffee at your age will be most unbecoming"
"Syaoran, lecturing at your age will be most unbecoming"
We shared a moment of staring, nothing but eyes connecting and intertwining.
Meddling in the old sentiments that recollected in the first few days we managed to speak to one another (excluding small talk from former years).
Her eyes gave up first.
"You have very pretty eyes, you know"
The moment those exact words, I mean, every word that followed the other, left her lips, I feared for my life.
Because at the second the compliment danced from her lips and crashed into me, I fell a little more and a little deeper. The blush couldn't help it, I couldn't help it.
"You're weird" I mumbled, regaining comebacks school girls my age normally conformed to. But that's probably because they liked someone just as badly.
"And you're blushing" her lips continued on with the incessant blushing my face had to endure.
Her eyes held a glint of good intentions while warmth inexplicable to me maintained her good-natured smile alive.
I looked away and managed to keep a steady heart beat, while steady graced by the presence and unexpected compliments of Sakura cared for.
She kept her composure, her back straight and relaxed, and I kept wishing her eyes felt the same.
"I read them, well, one, I started on another" I blurted because the tear across her eyes insisted on reacting.
Today must have been heavy for the Kinomoto heart.
"Eh?" she tilted her head slightly, a gesture I had become familiar with.
I clenched my hand, and leaned my head on my hand, my elbow placed above the table, like her own.
I may not have needed the support like she did, but I would accompany it all the same.
"The reading list you gave me, one down, four to go" I grinned at her reaction, her eyes were suddenly awake and her lips reunited with happiness.
"No way, really, I'm so happy!" her reality surpassed my expectations. I expected Oh wow, fucking great, Syaoran, you read; you know who does that without being asked to? Shouta. Yep, only he's been reading for most of his life, books I like to read too. I might as well be with him, he is very smart, after all. But I laughed on the inside. I laughed because the happiness growing and inching towards my hands came from reality and not my expectations.
"It's not that big of a deal" but I replied coolly, completely composed of the nonchalance Shouta harnessed with ease, except I carried none of his charm.
So I might have just sounded like an asshole.
"I think it is, I was afraid we would part ways there" she softly spoke her last words, words only audible to the mind, my mind.
"I don't think we'll part ways anytime soon"
She looked up at me, her earphones becoming unimportant all the more, the music she formerly drowned in finally fell beneath her waist and she stood with simplicity above the water.
Happiness should be her better days.
"Not for another two weeks?" she poked her answer meekly at me.
"Not for another while" my reply provoked a smile, a genuine one.
She stood up from her seat and grabbed her luggage, "I hope it's a long while"
The small steps she took to stand in front of me contrasted greatly to the steps we took to be in front of each other after twelve years of coexisting. Coexisting but never saying more than what school days asked from us, never wondering if we needed more than we spoke from each other. I'm sure my random 'Sakura Kinomoto' dissecting days could not prepare me for the breaking moment that preceded this one.
"Milan awaits us" her lovely lips spoke, as she extended her hand in reach for my own.
I wasn't sure if to react immediately, or pull of some Chuck Bass move
(whatever that was anyway, most of the girls in my class repeat that name over and over again, it's become an exclusive adjective for modern suaveness where masculinity is concerned).
But I reached for her hand and laced my own fingers with hers. The delicacy her hand caressed my own with sent shivers down my spine, the electric feel that MGMT chirped on about existed. That spark you hear about, holding hands you read about, everything flaunted on every clichéd pop song could not amount to the reality and happiness that now coexisted in my life.
Sakura Kinomoto, you are my electric girl.
I insisted on carrying her luggage with my spare hand, and although she denied my help because her character told her to, it was less of a hassle.
We exited the airport in serenity, our hands building sentiments with the feel of the other. Everything felt beneath my feet, and I felt above gravity. Its official – and I mean legitimately official.
I'm in love with Sakura. I know if something terrible happens, I will know of that heartbreak Rika could not ignite.
The streets that welcomed us gleamed with Italian sophistication. Though the streets graced undertones of tradition, the fashion and commerce that invaded most of Milan reached levels of modern life. There wasn't a boutique that Sakura did not 'Ooh' or 'Aah' at. There wasn't a dress she didn't insist on trying on, but then remembered she had left all her currency with her father, so with tears of exaggeration, she opted to dive into her strawberry gelato. We sat outside an ice cream parlor, rich with its traditional and uniquely fattening treats.
"I really just want to see Glasgow, to be honest" she sighed, slipping the small, white, plastic spoon into her mouth.
"Really, just Glasgow?" I couldn't say I wasn't surprised. You've bundled up the major attractions of Europe and you anticipate Scotland the most? Don't get me wrong, I'm sure its capital has some charms to offer, but you don't generally expect people, teenage girls specifically, to dream about Scotland over Spain and Italy and England. Just saying.
"Mhm, Belle & Sebastian, Camera Obscura, Teenage Fanclub, Franz Ferdinand, it's the indie capital of the world, and I wouldn't miss it for it" her reply fit perfectly with her character. Sakura probably didn't need as much feminine idealistic desires as she put on. Something told me her happiness relied on her soul. Like everybody, but she knew of it, and she bared it all to the earthly happiness that came from something as poetically simple as words.
I liked that.
"I forget you like sad music the most" I looked for her reaction, it was the same face those 'politically correct', uptight walking dictionaries gave whenever you termed anything for anything else.
"It's more than that!" she exclaimed, dropping her cup of ice cream down on the table.
"There's more than sadness?" I began our old words of debate, a grin on my face growing with each grumpy expression she gave.
"There's more to everything, Syaoran, believe it"
"Okay, Naruto" I jokingly compared, filling my mouth with even more mint chocolate ice cream. Great, straight to my thighs.
She laughed at my childish reference, leaving her spoon in her finished cup of ice cream. I was mistaken when I concurred that all girls in shape must eat carrots and celery sticks every fifteen minutes to keep breathing. Some girls ate everything, prime example, Sakura Kinomoto and her healthy appetite.
"Why do you like sad music so much?" I finally asked, wondering why someone who fit happiness better than God intended would prefer sulking to the days of Morrissey.
"It makes me happy" her simple reply constructed a paradoxical characteristic in her.
I lifted an eyebrow at her response and began to speak when she beat me to it.
"It's funny, you think sad things should make you sad, they ought to make you feel lonely, or maybe you feel lonely already, and it just accompanies you in your darkest hour, right?
Well, I mean, I have those days too, but when I don't, which is more than I do, I'm happy listening to something sad like Sia, or – "
"Taylor Swift?" I hoped to interrupt because I wanted to make her laugh.
She giggled (success), and rolled her eyes, replying, "Only when Joe Jonas broke my heart" she feigned tears and wiped them away, "that totally crushed my everything"
"Oh, tell me about it, girlfriend" I said, pretending in our silly informal parody, but remembered her earlier words, "but go on"
She looked at my eyes, her emeralds connecting once more with mine.
"I just like feeling everything, sometimes feeling sad reminds me that I'm not dreaming, and that reality can be just as pleasant, just as beautiful"
she finished shortly, her words resonating deeply and richly with the story of my life. I felt my heart swell in admiration, but more than that, it beat faster because I wanted this girl so much.
"You're a lot, Sakura" I finally replied after moments of silence, a smile satisfying my lips.
She looked down, a sheepish expression grazing her face, her fingers twirled together, and she was trapped in the shy girl she naturally was.
The shy girl I naturally liked.
"Sorry" she mumbled, and I laughed.
"Don't, but speaking of apologies, you better come up with some type of grand performance for your brother when we get there"
I glanced down at my watch and realized we had lollygagged for nearly an hour at random boutiques and cute ice cream parlors.
"Oh, that's right, Touya's going to be so mad, great!" she grumbled, rubbing her temple.
It seemed disappointment wasn't one of those earthly sentiments she appreciated too well.
"Don't worry, we'll say you were lost…very, very lost, yes?" my words seemed to soothe her worrisome expression in the slightest, preparing for the performance for forgiveness in a lifetime.
"You're turning me into a liar; I hope your conscious is fine with that" she replied, standing up from her seat.
I followed suit and grabbed her luggage.
"My conscious is fine with a lot of things" I smirked at her, bravely extending my hand towards hers. She looked at it for several seconds, before a smile graced her own face. Her eyes still seemed a bit dim in comparison to her usual days. Maybe there wasn't a single thing I could do for her sadness today. Maybe God had already divided her happy days from her sad days and there wasn't a single external force that could decide otherwise. Maybe the easiest way to see happiness in her once more was to let the sadness take over.
But she held my hand, and we held hands, unbeknownst to any misunderstandings, but more so, not caring to ask, why are we doing this? Or are we more than this?
Because all of that would cause confusion and no one needs that when you're sad.
"Hey, Syaoran, do me a favor" her voice interrupted a silence our hands created.
"Sure"
"Don't let me listen to sad music for today"
I glanced over to look at her as we passed a small pizzeria.
"Just for today?"
She looked down at her feet, her steps stopping.
"I can't afford it today" and she continued on with our collective pace, admiring all the local bistros we seemed to be passing by.
The local delights of Milan were entirely missed, because all that we encountered at the center of downtown were wannabe fashionistas, powdered girls with tiny dogs, and the occasional resident just trying to get through the busy pavements.
"We really should look for a cab" I said, looking around for any tiny yellow cab, my hand still with Sakura's hand. Funny, we had but a clue to what we were doing, and to the world, we may have looked like a couple. Sometimes I'd hear voices whispering compliments, words on how cute we looked, sometimes calling us the Chinese couple, the Japanese couple, or even the Korean couple. You never really notice a culture difference until you're out of your own safe air.
"Yeah…Syaoran, that lady keeps whispering about us" she grumbled her last words in a low tone, looking towards the indicator of our problem, our hands.
"Oh, well, you can let go if you want…" please say no, please say no, because I really like how soft your hand feels in my own.
Sakura's eyes looked around, nervously taking in the eyes that a couple attracted.
Eyes she was used to, but not for the reasons that were brought upon. But she smiled meekly and tugged on my hand.
"Do you want to let go?"
Oh, Sakura, you're supposed to say yes or no, it's a simple as that!
Not ask me what I think of holding hands with you, you'll make me babble on about how nice it feels, because truthfully, no hand has ever felt this way. I've never felt this way.
But I grunted and mumbled, "Let's just go look for a cab" dragging her along with our hands still attached. I heard a giggle from her, but I dared not look back.
I couldn't afford any more embarrassment.
After minutes of walking beside one another, and minutes of hands fumbling with each other's, we managed to haul in a taxi, somehow a bit harder than the first time (whistling doesn't always work). The taxi pulled over, and was it by any chance a rule that every taxi driver had to look like a character from Super Mario? The man's mustache seemed less abundant, and held a rather harsh look to it, his nose was round and button-like, but not cute button-like, more like clown-nose, you know? We concluded that he shall be named Wario. Wario, take us away!
"Where to?" his English seemed stockier than Mario's, but we understood all the same.
"Principe di Savoia, please" the smoothness in the pronunciation of her words astounded me.
Sakura was smart, pretty, cultivated, kind, witty, everything. The unrealistic feeling is setting back in.
Wario hardly managed a smile, if one, it was for the lovely lady by my side, but simple grunts and grumbles were just for me.
Oh, joy.
"Have you decided on the excuse you'll tell your brother?"
Sakura turned to look out into the streets as we passed by with ease. Her eyes maintained its smooth composure when she answered; "We were making out, you got carried away and I let you" she turned back and smiled. I felt my face burn with the idea of the very own Sakura imagining such physical contact with me.
Sure, not like I've never thought of it, but for her to think of it? And then say it? It was just too much.
"E-eh? I-I can't, n-no, he'll, you and us – "my lips couldn't even fumble around the words that attempted to form in my mind, not with the very image plastered all around.
"Yes, us" but she ignored my stuttering incoherency and smiled sweetly, her hand clasping my own.
Great, now she knew my hands were sweaty.
I felt my eyes widen as I gulped nervously, I looked down at her hand, our hands, and realized my happiness was just as good as her own.
They were very near each other, and all it took was one step to unite the two. I shall not falter.
"Sakura…listen – "
"WE'RE HERE" the obnoxious voice in which Wario interrupted my own could not have been more intentional.
Remind me never to trust Wario look-alikes; they're just as bad as real Wario's.
I grumbled a few curses at the taxi driver as I gave him whatever I estimated to be the exact currency.
He kept the change.
"Grazie" I mumbled my thank you as he sped off without hesitation.
Asshole.
We stood amongst an architectural marvel I could only imagine in movies, the ones with George Clooney or Meryl Streep, well, before she went all 'rom-com' on our hearts.
Sakura looked just as astonished upon the beast of the building; it was necessarily lavished in its urban-like design, but deemed recognition on its own.
She took steps ahead of me and stopped at the entrance.
"Hey, Sakura, I wanted to talk about – "but before I could finish she sped off, carrying her luggage with her.
She didn't look twice; she didn't care for my words. What is wrong with you?
"I'll meet ya' inside!" she called back to me, turning slightly with her words in my direction.
But she left me dumbfounded, gawking at the inexistent presence that once stood by me, listening and holding my hand. What the fuck?
What is wrong with me? What am I even thinking? Am I sick? Hm, no, no fever. Am I high? No, my dealer's out of town (just kidding). Ugh, what are you thinking girl! Holding hands with someone who isn't even your boyfriend, you're not five, you can't just grab a hold of anyone's hand because you're afraid and teary-eyed, no, that sort of comfort is strictly reserved for two special people. Not…not friends, not someone you want…not someone you're afraid to tell the truth to. I really don't want to ruin anything, so maybe by staying by your side, Syaoran, and not telling you hey, hey you, I like you this much! will make everything at its best.
"It's not right…" I spoke softly, my body on the comfort of the luxurious bed. I shared my hotel room with Feimei, but she had gone shopping as soon as they checked-in.
Shouta and Syaoran shared a room, Touya and my dad shared one, and Shouta's dad had his own. It must have been an age division/gender thing…or something.
My hands tingled with the missed sensation Syaoran had ignited.
His hands were big, much bigger than mine, warm and strong.
I could etch every inch of his skin with my mind and not feel the same comfort I had in my hand, not realistically.
I really shouldn't have ditched him like that…but when he spoke words in that serious manner, a manner that indicated, hey, let's talk about what we're doing and what's going on because I need to know of this beforehand. I couldn't listen; I didn't want to, I wanted us to be together…us, side by side, laughing and smiling, not awkward and shy.
You're being unrealistic, Sakura.
You like him…a lot.
I stood up because sleep had been completely useless at this point. Dr. Seuss was right, wasn't he? You don't sleep because your reality is better than your dreams now, now that you're in love. In love? Is that what this is? All these irrational feelings of selfishly wanting someone, without regard to anyone else? I thought love wanted happiness for the loved one, not…wanting them with you at all costs. At all costs, is that our friendship? Life's a big trade-off, you trade one thing for another, and so does that mean I'm trading our friendly days for those of greater meaning?
But who says friendship isn't just as important as love…love, how overrated.
I grumbled at my tired appearance. I hadn't showered, I hadn't changed, I hadn't done a single thing since arriving into Milan but fatten myself and complain about normally irrelevant matters. They're matters you need to do something about though; I had to do something about selfishly holding his hand and not letting go.
I want to hold his hand again.
Sighing, I proceeded to remove my navy blue skirt and white button up, short sleeved shirt.
Before I go do anything crazy, that could further endanger my relationship to the one boy that's ever driven me crazy, a shower would be necessary…but maybe a bubble bath would be nicer.
Turning on the marble bathtub, I looked between the provided hygienic materials and decided on vanilla and sugar.
I needed something to purely scrub off all the ill-intentions I had thought of earlier today, especially on that taxi cab.
Maybe I could sleep a whole lot after this warm bubble bath, because my delusional mind clearly needed it.
Syaoran's sake clearly needed it.
"What happened?" Shouta's monotone voice interrupted all my fumbled thoughts, his eyes glued to his laptop, fingers clacking against the keys.
I ruffled my hair, hoping my thoughts were ruffled away, but alas, reality is not quite as simple. Shouta sat on his twin bed, working diligently on something since I had entered our room.
I lay on my own bed, parallel of his, regarding my own thoughts with whatever had occurred earlier today with Sakura.
"What, nothing, I'm fine" I replied, clearly bothered.
His gaze was kept on his laptop's screen, his fingers busy with unspoken words.
"Something happened, you're all bitchy" Shouta kept his same uninterested, monotone voice.
If any curiosity was alive within him, it could not be heard.
"What the fuck, not even" I grumbled, laying on my back, covering my face with a pillow.
"…anyway, what did you do?" he continued in the same voice.
The same voice that began to irritate me, because he asked questions but showed no interest, but maybe because I needed to talk to someone.
"I…its Sakura"
He finally looked up and closed his laptop.
He sat Indian-style on the edge of his bed; his hands supporting his face, as he said "Go on"
My eyes traced his own, realizing that he probably knew more than I could imagine.
He had been sneaky the past week, crawling all over Sakura, claiming her company his, and probably speaking words I couldn't know of…secrets.
"I-I think she might like me, uh, what do you think?" the words shocked even myself, I hadn't planned on it, I hadn't thought too much of it.
But it was instinct.
Shouta was quiet, and he stood up abruptly, grabbing his navy blue cardigan, ignoring my own stare.
He looked defeated, once more, and irked by the very own uncertainty of my words.
I couldn't understand the irritation, because it wasn't entirely jealousy.
"…where are you going?" I asked as he grabbed the key to the room.
"You're fucking annoying, seriously" he spat without hesitation, no apologetic hint hindered his words, they were plain and simple.
He was real.
"Hey, what the hell?" I stood in front of the door, demanding an explanation.
I mean, I know I've thought the same for him, hell, he probably knows of it as well, but to be said without a cushioning?
I felt a turning point in my day, another one.
"You're a fucking idiot, you know that? You've got it all so fucking planned out for you, and you don't even bother being a man and owning up to it, owning up to her, seriously, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of seeing you two smiling at each other, and that flight, oh my God, kill me now, you couldn't have pretended I was there, you couldn't have pretended you cared for my sake, not one fucking bit of consideration…sheesh" Shouta's face was red, his eyebrows were furrowed together, his fists were clenched tightly.
There wasn't anything that prepared me for his anger, his bare naked anger.
"…you were asleep, it's not like I…" I couldn't even gather an apology, anything.
I was dumbfounded.
"Oh yeah, like someone sleeps for that many fucking hours, Syaoran, God, you piss me off so much"
he slammed his fist on the door behind me, avoiding me entirely, but just as upset.
"Oh, I piss you off, really? Like you don't do the same" all consideration was lost, if he wanted to argue, I'd fucking argue his pretty little head off.
"Hah, enlighten me, Syaoran, let me guess you hate how fucking popular and perfect and fake I am, hm? Yeah, tell me something I don't know, because you're as transparent as you see the world" he neared me, his eyes filled with anger, an anger that equaled my own at this point.
"Shut the fuck up, you couldn't give a shit even if you owned up to all of that, you know it's true, you – "
"Oh cry me a fucking river, you shouldn't even be saying anything, judging people without even knowing them, dismissing them because they put everything they've got out in the open, so it's just easier for you to sit back and say how fake everyone is, but honestly, that's not what pisses me off about you, not mainly"
Shouta grabbed me by the collar of my shirt, tugging me harshly, both our eyes battling in the within the same anger, albeit fueled differently.
"Oh yeah…then what does, hm?" I gritted my teeth, my words coming out roughly.
"Don't act dumb, Sakura likes you"
The last three words were enough to make me melt.
Sakura wasn't around, but for someone to see reality the way I've been suspecting it gave me even more hope.
He let go of my collar and backed away, his hand running through his hair, pushing his bangs back, his eyes seemed all the more deep in disappointment.
Sighing, he sat back down on his bed, his eyes lidded by the situation.
"H-How do you know?" I managed to ask, my voice dry but audible.
He rolled his eyes and scoffed, "Like I said, you're an idiot"
I looked at him once more and realized his eyes had diminished in anger.
He appeared weak and vulnerable, aware that everything he had intended these two weeks was over.
His hair remained under his hand, his eyes empty.
"I'm sorry, but…I'm not doing anything to benefit you" and with that being said, I left the room, not wanting to endure any awkward moments with Shouta.
Sakura likes you. Sakura LIKES you. SAKURA likes you. Sakura likes YOU.
Anyway it was said, it just couldn't register with my mind. My heart seemed too overjoyed to even acknowledge reality, but there must have been some truth to Shouta's unsuspected jealousy and dislike for me. Before Sakura, neither of us would have cared for one another. He would have gone on with his life; I would have done the same. When was it that we both started to speak to one another? When did he fall for her? Was it before I did? Maybe we were always in love; we just needed her by our side to confirm it. When her hands were there to hold, everything felt right. But it couldn't have been any hand, no, if it were any other hand, I would have looked the other way. |
I wouldn't be standing where I was, I wouldn't be walking to Sakura's room.
My brave hands were ready to knock on her door, when something else stopped me, someone's finger tapping my shoulder.
"Uh, what're you doing?" I turned to see Feimei carrying three plus-sized shopping bags, looking lively as ever.
It seemed shopping for hours energized rather than drain her from any more physical movements.
"Oh, um…is Sakura here?"
Feimei's eyebrow lifted only a bit, she smiled slightly realizing the air around my search for the cherry blossom.
"No, she's downstairs, in one of the small dining rooms, you should dress for dinner" she replied, sliding by me and into her room.
Before closing the door she said,"She looks a little out of it, you should go fix it"
And then her door faced me once more. It seemed I was on my own with these feelings. Shouta couldn't help, and it would only be cheap on my part to anticipate his help. Feimei wasn't too engaged in my love life, she never was, but it's because she knew I knew of everything on my own. She didn't know this was a matter foreign to me.
But I did as told and went back to my room, luckily, Shouta was already heading downstairs as I met him on the way back.
He was dressed nearly the same as I had been on my first dinner with the Kinomotos.
A black suit, his hair with small traces of mousse giving him a suave edgy look…there was no way I was about to top that.
So I opted for a simple look. I walked back down into the dining room in my black slacks and a button up, yep, no suit, just a black skinny tie.
I'd rather not have to be compared to Shouta throughout the entire night, especially with the promotional company representatives from Milan being there.
Exiting the elevator and entering the fifth floor, I saw a sign which indicated the Kinomoto-Watanabe-Li reservations (I think Kinomoto would have sufficed). At the table sat all the Kinomotos (minus Sakura) and both the Watanabes, my mother but not my sister. I sat next to my mother, who sat next to Fujitaka, who sat next to Touya. Shouta and his father sat opposite Touya and Fujitaka, which left Sakura the seat next to Shouta and in front of me. Great.
"Is Feimei coming?" I asked as I took my seat next to my mom.
Mother looked refined in her dinner's best dress, nearly unrecognizable from all those crazy Sunday writing sprees she normally indulged in.
"No, she's terrible tired, I'm afraid" Mother replied.
I sighed feeling alone in a roomful of people, people I would normally feel at ease with, where formal settings required.
A few minutes later, Sakura arrived, panting from the run from her room. I would've looked away from our earlier shortcut of words, but she the way she looked for the evening…
She wore a red cardigan, with a small sailor collar to it, her skirt was of a valentine red-pink button up, and her legs were covered in sheer tights, pink high heels elevating her 5'5" stature. She wore a pearl bracelet with a small pink heart charm attached to it. Her honey hair was let down, tresses of waves enhancing the beauty I was once dumbfounded by, but could now only gape at with love-stricken abandonment.
"Sorry, I'm late…again" she mumbled lastly, bowing down, but we all silently forgave her.
She took her seat in front of me, beside Shouta, who she gently smiled at, but was only welcomed with a weak smile, hardly suitable for his handsome countenance.
Her eyes held concern, but did not explore anything else. She couldn't, we couldn't, not amidst the formal companions.
And that's when two unfamiliar men entered our room.
One was of a tall stature, green eyes, brighter than daylight, and thick curls of dark hair, framing his oval face, his companion fell a little shorter, with a lighter complexion and olive green eyes, his hair was of an ashy brown. Fujitaka stood up to greet them, their Italian accents bordering their every word, but regal, nonetheless.
"This is Alberto Ricci, our promotional guide for Milan, and his assistant Emilio De Luca" Fujitaka announced the two men, and soon introducing Yelan and Watanabe (whose name was apparently Kouhei), we were given brief introductions (to which Touya was slightly peeved by).
Alberto took his seat next to Fujitaka while Emilio took the seat across from him. Suddenly, their conversation was invaded in foreign speak. I couldn't believe just how fluent Kouhei's Italian sounded. I wondered how many languages he knew, if Shouta knew just as much or was on his way, if I was the only one completely puzzled by the strange words, everyone seemed calm.
The relentlessly long dinner was a bore, Fujitaka and Watanabe having resolved all their issues and announced a PR interview with Yelan tomorrow morning.
My mother looked delighted in the idea of having cameras filming her every word. She normally liked the attention.
Sakura and Shouta appeared lost, meddling in their own subconscious, unaware that I couldn't meddle elsewhere but in their circumstances.
I wanted to finish everything with Sakura once more, without Shouta's vulnerability to hinder anything.
They both whispered something to each other and asked to be excused, a thought that did not bode well with me. I felt my insides churn in anxiousness, because I had no idea where Shouta's words would lead Sakura's heart. Mother glanced discretely in my direction, her eyes telling me what I should do. So I said, "Please, excuse me" and stood up following the two.
As I walked their direction, I heard bits of their conversation.
"If you wanted to, we could go early, it's such a pretty spot, during Yelan's interview, I mean we don't have to be there…besides, I really want to show you, you'll love it"
that was Shouta, undoubtedly asking Sakura out on another date.
I closed my hands, aware that Sakura would say yes. Of course she would, Shouta was only fucking with you. He's like that, because before you knew him to be pleasant, you knew him to be manipulative, charming to benefit his own desires. That's right, don't feel bad, you should never feel bad when you want something this badly, Syaoran.
"Shouta…I, I'd love to– "
Lord knows why I threw logic and timing out the window, but I approached the two, angered that Sakura dared accept another date with him, after having held my hand and gently spoken words I could never expect.
"Really, Sakura, really?" they both turned to look at me. I didn't have to hide; my face no longer masked disappointment.
It revealed everything.
Sakura's eyes flourished in confusion and bits of betrayal. Her lips were open, ready to speak, but I spoke first, my eyes then rested on Shouta.
"I mean, no big deal, but, do you just hold hands with anybody, hm? Do you like making people feel like that just to forget them the next day? Hah, actually, no, the next instant? I don't know who you think you are…but…" I felt my voice weaken once my stare let go of Shouta's angered look, as it fell upon Sakura's crystallized eyes.
They swam in pools, captivating our moment in tones of hurt and disbelief.
I had to tell her though, "…but you can't do that to people, you can't just say things like that, say that you like them and then completely forget they have feelings, you can't…you can't flirt the way you do for so long, because…because it has consequences" I finished, looking away, aware of the vulnerability standing before me.
But she just stood there, Shouta getting a hold of her shoulder, meekly attempting to comfort her, knowing that if she cried on his shoulder, he would have the upperhand.
I sighed, after realizing Sakura wouldn't say a thing, and in defeat, said, "Just go on your date, forget it, I'm no one to tell you what to do" and I turned around, mumbling curse words at my own rash behavior and decided on exploring Europe on my own account, without unnecessary earthly sentiments.
But seconds after I began to walk away, I heard heels clicking in my direction, a sweet voice calling me out, calling me to stop for her, calling for my attention.
"Syaoran…please, wait"
I slowly turned around; trying to prepare for whatever may have come my way. But the uncertainty stayed by my side, like most of my life. There was always that uncertainty making me stop, making me catch myself from actually risking anything. And it was in those moments that I envied Eriol's abrasive actions, how he did what he pleased, be it superficial or not, he followed the pursuit of his desires, all consequences out the door. And here I was, half-assing it all, even when it came to her.
"…" I didn't say a word to her, I didn't hide my frown, my tired eyes would have given everything away anyway.
"I don't think you understand" she finally uttered, but what didn't I understand? I didn't understand how much greater Shouta was? Is that why you selfishly flirt with me because it's silly and it's all just fun and games….but you go on dates with him, you want to go on dates with him. You want the fairy tale dream with him, is that it?
That bastard must've been gladly cheering and congratulating himself right about now on his way to our room.
"Then tell me…what don't I understand?" I told her, leaning in closer to her, making sure she knew I was here, and that everything around us was real.
Everything we had could be so much more.
The space between us felt short. There was absolutely no depth for us to compensate in, she could reach out for me within the small distance that stood between us.
Her hands could easily touch my cheek, caress my hair, pinch my nose, and brush my eyelashes as she complimented my eyes once more.
"You don't…you don't understand how I feel, I don't like Shouta. You know that, you've known that…and, even though I don't know what's going, I want it, I want it to keep going, I want us to keep going, but, but I really don't know if we can stay the way we are without getting impatient" she finished with a faint blush on her cheeks, a lovely rosy color that allowed my expectations to vaguely align with my reality.
My silence meant she had to fill in the empty blanks that must have been the way she interpreted anyway.
She lowered her gentle voice a bit; tender in the way she awoke.
"When we were in the airplane, I knew what I wanted to do when I got here; I just hoped I had the courage to do so…I don't think I do, Syaoran, I don't know if I can do it on my own, especially on that flight, when I cried, I wanted to cry so much more, but I couldn't because I wasn't alone, I was with you…you were with me, holding my hand and it felt like the world had stopped, but even when the world stopped, I couldn't tell you" her lips trembled, I had a feeling grasping my heart, a feeling that I wasn't the only person weighing heavy on her heart, this was beyond me. This was beyond love, it was beyond nostalgia, it was about existence, the existence of her mother.
"Sakura…please, just tell me everything"
She looked up and into my eyes, memorizing every speck she could find.
"I…I want you with me, I want you there with me when I cry, because I hardly ever do and it hurts a lot, I want to stop hurting, so I want to cry, and I can if you're with me. I know, this makes me sound weak, but it's just the opposite, really. When I'm with you, I have fun and I'm happy, I don't worry about stupid things like making sure everything's right…I just like being with you, because, well because I like you and – "
I like you is all I needed.
Because things wouldn't feel right without it, I pulled Sakura, almost a bit too roughly, because I couldn't stand the space between our chests. My arms wrapped around her small shoulders instinctively, as I buried my face into her honey kissed hair. I felt my heart stop when she responded, her arms wrapped around my torso, her breathing deepening into my chest. I felt right, the world felt at ease, my heart couldn't decided whether to beat or not, and my happiness was one.
The faint scent that welcomes me was that of completion and vanilla.
"You know, you could've just said I like you a lot, silly" I mumbled into her hair, taking in the moment piece by piece.
This was reality, right?
I heard her laugh a bit, and then mumble something to herself.
After a couple more seconds, we let go and looked at one another.
The stare lasted a while as well, until she began to laugh, and laugh and laugh. I lifted an eyebrow at her, curious to know what exactly tickled her fancy.
It wasn't just a tiny laugh, it was a shameless laugh, ignoring everything, ignoring my curiosity.
"Oi, what's so funny?" I asked, grumpy sentiments bordering my words.
She looked at me and managed to tone it down a bit, and speak, "It's just funny…you know, the two of us, together…right?"
I looked at her, a smile framing my features, and replied, "Well, I mean, it's not 'us', yet"
She titled her head, her eyes bright with interest, "Huh?"
I grabbed her hands and caressed them with my own, memorizing all the softness her fingers knew of, the delicacy I knew of with my hands.
These hands that would do so much for her.
"I don't know how to ask without sounding stupid…but um, do you want to be – "
"WHAT'RE YOU DOING TO MY SISTER?" Boom – crash – disaster.
Fuck you Touya.
The overprotective older brother arrives to serve his duties, grabbing Sakura by her shoulders and demanding her presence in his arms and not mine.
"Touya! We're just, we're just talking, sheesh!" she pushed him aside, flustered at the intrusion of our private moment.
I couldn't help but laugh a little, which caused Touya's attention to me once more.
"What's so funny, hmm?" he barked, grabbing Sakura's wrist.
"Nothing, nothing, just uh – "Touya butt in once more though.
"You will see each other tomorrow, WITH PEOPLE AND CAMERAS AROUND" Touya's voice yelled in exaggerated tones, dragging Sakura off with him.
She smiled sheepishly and apologetically, waving a 'see ya' later'.
I sent her a smile, disregarding everything that could have been wrong with our day. Our happiness could waver off these pesky nuisances, our days would light up everything because we knew of an existence that wanted more than to coexist. We would hold hands all we'd like, we would tell stories of the impossible, we would whisper every secret we've ever thought to mention. Because Sakura meant more to me than any girl I previously cared for. She meant the world, but she also meant an 'us'.
I searched into my pocket and turned on my iPod, announcing a farewell to expectations.
So when I'm with you I have fun, yeah, when I'm with you, I have fun.
OMG SUPER CHEESY DIALOGUE!
lol, sorry I couldn't help it, but I'm a romantic at heart and I wish people spoke like that (◕ 3 ◕)
I hope this was alright, thank you, feedback please :)
