07.18.11

WATCHING WHAT I SAY

Have you ever had a moment where time seems to stop?

Sort of like something happening that only lasts a few seconds but feels like a hundred years?

What am I saying, of course you have. Everyone has at least once.

The moment when the twins decided to jump off that building was one of these for me. In reality, it probably only took about 3 seconds for them to hit the ground, but for me it felt more like 3 hours, which it might as well have been considering I was able to quickly reevaluate my previous statement and realize what had gone wrong.

'Come down right now,' I had said. 'Right now.'

Clearly, these robots were programmed to obey my every command, but took everything I said as literally as possible. So when I told them to come down 'right now,' they'd decided their best bet was to come down the fastest way possible.

Which happened to be jumping.

In front of a crowd of about 30 people excluding myself and the other 4 robots.

Kill me.

So as I was saying, they jumped off the building. Everyone started screaming, since it looked like the twins had done what the bystanders had all thought they were going to do. I was more concerned with praying they were durable enough to survive the fall, they couldn't be so blindly obedient that they'd endanger their own existence, right?

They landed on their feet. I didn't see it coming even though I probably should. They kind of slowed down a bit as they got closer to the ground, it seemed they did have something built in for situations like this (I have to wonder how that feature was initially pitched).

It should also be noted that they hit the ground at the exact same time, bent their knees on impact the exact same way and brushed themselves off completely in synch. They then proceeded to casually walk over to us as if they'd done little for than step over a puddle.

Okay, I know I've said this a million times now and I promise I will never say it again, but right now, it has to be said.

THEY. WERE. CREEPY.

Thank you and now, back to the story.

The twins closed in on me and smiled, separating from each other solely so they could wrap their arms around me from either side.

"We were worried, you know," they said cheekily. "You shouldn't run off like that."

I shouldn't?

And then the crowd started applauding. I'm completely serious. I actually jumped when I heard it because I'd momentarily forgotten they were there. I wondered what they could be cheering about, until a couple of them began yelling.

"That was awesome!"

"Best street performers I've ever seen!"

"How'd they do that?"

"They must be magicians or something, I don't even see any wires!"

The remarks left me completely speechless. Really, everything that was going on caused it, but this was the icing on the cake. And even worse, the twins were encouraging it. Once they figured out everyone was cheering for them, they let go of me and went to take a bow.

"Street performers," I muttered in a total daze. "They think you're street performers."

"If it bothers you so much," Kyoya said with a shrug. "You could correct them."

"How?" I shot at him. "You really think anyone's going to believe that you're all super advanced robots?"

"Technically, we're androids," he responded coolly. "And if that's the case, wouldn't it be easier to let them believe the twins are mere performers?"

I hated to admit it, but he had a point. Any attempts to explain the truth would land me a one way ticket to the nut house, best to leave things as they were.

"Alright, fine," I muttered to Kyoya, then I remembered something else important. "By the way, stop telling people you guys are my lovers."

Kyoya barely reacted.

"Why not?"

"Why not?" I repeated. "Do you have any idea how it would look to people if they thought I had six lovers?"

"Actually five," Kyoya motioned at Hunny. "But I think they'd imagine you are a wealthy young woman with several male escorts and be envious of your good fortune. If not that, they'd likely view you as a whore."

I know the manuals said that Mori was supposed to be the emotionless one, but Kyoya often made me wonder. I mean, how can anyone say something like that so calmly?

Shaking my head, I gave a sigh.

"Just don't say that anymore," I told him. "Make something up if you have to, but don't tell anyone you're my lovers. You aren't anyway."

He smiled, as if to say, 'not yet,' but I ignored it. I was far too exhausted to fight him anymore.

Now I just had to get the twins away from their adoring fanbase before things got worse.

"Hold it!"

Worse like two cops coming by and seeing the show, then deciding to step in.

They pushed their way through the swarm of people. One of them walked up to the twins while the other worked on breaking up the crowd. The former was the larger and more intimidating of the two, he stared down at Hikaru and Kaoru they were bugs under a microscope. He probably expected them to look away and cower in fear, but the twins just stared right back completely unfazed. After a minute of this, the cop seemed to realize he wasn't getting anywhere and switched tactics.

"I saw that little stunt you just pulled," his voice was deep and rumbling. "It was quite a show."

"Why thank you," the twins answered with wide grins.

"Yes…" the cop wore a fake smile of his own. "And I assume you boys had some sort of permit for your little stunt?"

Their smiles fell. The twins blinked and looked at each other, then turned to me.

"Hey Haruhi," they said. "What's a permit?"

If there was a wall nearby, I would have introduced it to my head a couple of times.

"Well," the cop said as his companion finished driving everyone off and went to stand next to him. "What do you say we go discuss this down at the station?"

The twins clearly didn't know what that meant, leaving me the one to object.

"Excuse me," I said loudly. "But what exactly are you arresting them for?"

The second cop raised an eyebrow. Staring down at my inferior height with a condescending look that really bugged me.

"Oh I don't know," he said sarcastically. "Apart from the lack of a permit for their performance, there's disturbing the peace, potential property damage-"

"What property damage?" I interrupted incredulously.

"Potential, I said," the cop coldly went on. "We don't know what kind of equipment they have up there."

My mouth hung open, but I couldn't speak. They'd left me completely lost for words and I could only watch as the twins were grabbed by the shoulders and pulled away.

Now, I'm sure you remember in my first post that the robots got arrested twice, and reading this, you're probably thinking this was the first time.

Well, it's not.

Yes, you read that right, they did NOT get arrested. The actual arrests, well firstly, all six of them were arrested both times. Anyway, the actual arrests didn't happen until a few weeks later. This time, the twins were saved at the last minute thanks to something I still to this day cannot believe they pulled off.

By 'they,' I specifically mean Kyoya and Tamaki. It started when the cops were about to cuff Hikaru and Kaoru. Kyoya suddenly took a determined step forward.

"Excuse me," he said in a business-like tone. "I'm afraid you can't do that."

The cops stared at Kyoya, then glanced at each other.

"And why not?" the second one asked with a smug smile.

If Kyoya noticed they were close to laughing at him, he didn't show it. Instead, he just went on as if they'd said nothing.

"Our elderly mother would just be crushed if they were sent to jail."

The first thing I noticed was that Kyoya was a spectacular liar. He gave no indication that his words were anything other than truthful. He looked them in the eye and spoke clearly and evenly. Unfortunately, they clearly didn't buy what he was saying, but I suppose that was a given. Nonetheless, Kyoya seemed to know what he was doing and turned to Tamaki.

"My brother, Tamaki, tells the story better than I do," he told the cops. "Go ahead, Tamaki."

The blonde smiled and stepped forward. He knew what Kyoya was doing?

"Oh yes," he said in an overly sad voice. "Our poor dear mother."

Now the cops really did laugh.

"You can't honestly expect us to believe you seven are siblings, can you?" The first one managed through his laughter.

"Not at all," Kyoya answered.

I was momentarily worried that he was about to blow it, but then he pointed at me and said:

"Haruhi here is our cousin."

The cops quieted, but they were clearly ready to laugh again at a moments notice. I could only hope whatever story Kyoya expected Tamaki to tell would convince them to let the twins go. We were all looking at him expectantly now and he appeared to be enjoying the attention.

"Our poor dear mother," Tamaki repeated with even more dramatics. "She adopted us, you see. We were orphans left in a cold, unfeeling orphanage. We're from all different backgrounds. I was the son of a man with a cruel mother who ordered my own mother away and secretly had me kidnapped and brought to the orphanage. I only found out years later that my grandmother and father were killed in a fire. My birth mother, I never heard of again.

"The six of us met and took comfort in each other. Without them, I don't think I would've survived the tremulous years that would follow. We were beaten daily. The headmistress was a cruel woman who hated children due to her inability to bear them. At times she would lock us and our peers in the basement as punishment for the most minor offenses. One day, she fed us cookies made with Tabasco sauce and told us if we didn't eat them all, we'd be insulting her cooking and would be punished severely. Poor Hunny here had it worst of all that day. He's allergic to Tabasco, you see.

"Our suffering didn't end until five years later, when our beloved adopted mother came and took all six of us in. She was an older woman already and like the headmistress, she'd never been able to have children of her own. Her home was the exact opposite of the orphanage, always warm and happy and full of love. She's a wonderful woman, our mother. You'd love her if you met her. Unfortunately, her age has recently been catching up to her. She broke her leg a few weeks ago and has been bedridden ever since. The doctors say she'll make it, but they don't know if she'll ever fully recovered. Right now, we have every reason to believe she will never walk again. Our cousin, Haruhi, has been visiting to lend a hand, but it's just not enough.

"So you see, you can't arrest my younger brothers. If even one of us got into some kind of trouble, it would crush mother completely. We mean the world to her and we're all she has. I promise they'll never disturb the peace again and you'll find no damages to the building. Just… please…"

Yup.

That's the story he told. I couldn't make this up if I tried. It's like every bad Oscar bait film rolled into one and featured on the Lifetime channel. And you know what the craziest thing is?

They bought it.

Really! By the time it was over, both cops were in tears and believe it or not, I couldn't blame them. The story itself was a big fat lie, obviously, but the way he told it. He made a lot of ridiculous 'woe is me' poses like the over actor he was, but Tamaki actually sounded convincing. I almost wanted to cry myself.

Sensing my amazement, Kyoya leaned over to whisper in my ear.

"The Princely Model has an emergency function which allows him to tell lies naturally and make them sound like the truth," he explained in a smooth voice, "It's not an oft-used function, which is why you didn't find it in the manual. Each of us has one, and each one is different."

"Oh really," I whispered back. "What your's then?"

He smiled that smile again. "Maybe I'll show you one day."

God, he pissed me off.

"O-okay kids," the first cop said, drying his tears. "You're free to go, just don't let it happen again."

"I hope your mother get's better," the second one cried. "I had a sick mom too once!"

The two cops continued crying all the way back to their car. Tamaki looked predictably smug and the twins just shook off what had happened like it was nothing.

"Alright," I said. "It's time to go home and I don't want you to EVER leave the apartment without my permission again, is that understood?"

"But Haruhi," Tamaki protested. "What if you-"

I cut him off with the most vicious glare I could muster. I was NOT in the mood to listen to more melodrama. It proved to be a mistake as the blonde immediately ran to the wall and sat facing it in a fetal position. It took ten minutes to get him out.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. We went back to the apartment, I explained that the supplies for fixing the hole and the window would arrive in a few days and I made a mental note to remember that from then now, I had to clearly elaborate whenever I asked them to do something. The last thing I needed was for them to misunderstand a phrase like 'give me a hand' and actually take of one of their hands and give it to me.

I didn't know if they could do that, but they'd sure done everything else so far.

Okay, I think I'll end this here for tonight. I've had a long day and I'm turning in early.

Good night, everyone.

Posted by Haruhi at 10:48 pm 7 comments