Zombie Protection Agency
Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Capcom.
Chapter 8: This Means War!
Dante was mad. He yelled,
"I won't let Deadpool make a fool out of me like this!"
Trish, who was filing her nails, said,
"Dante, Deadpool doesn't have to help you make you look like a fool."
The demon slayer nodded,
"You got that right."
Taskmaster smacked his forehead and said,
"What do you see in him, Trish?"
Dante blinked,
"Wait, what? Did Trish just insult me?"
The blonde demon slayer looked up and said,
"I'm still mad at you for wanting to take a joy ride on my bike. And, while we're on the subject, what happened to your bike, anyway?"
Dante began blushing and shaking his head,
"No, I don't want to talk about it."
Taskmaster grunted,
"I bet it was something stupid, wasn't it?"
Flashback…
Dante's bike, a sleek, high-speed, old-school looking bike, was parked on the street. It was parked on a street that performed street sweeping every Thursday between two and eight in the morning.
What happened to Dante's bike occurred on a Thursday at 6:45am. Dante was stopping by a diner and ordering eggs and bacon. As he was slopping up the egg yolk with the toast, the street sweeper came down the street and collided with the bike. The bike was being demolished as it ran through the bristles and reduced to scrap iron. Dante was so engrossed in his food that he failed to notice it until he paid the check and noticed the bike was missing.
It was later found that the pieces of the bike were scattered throughout the city, as well as pieces from the street sweeper…
End Flashback…
Dante said slowly,
"No."
Trish rolled her eyes,
"However it happened, it doesn't matter. The point is, my bike got blown up and I'm going to get another one."
Dante jumped up,
"I got it! I'll go blow up that Bulgarian van-up Deadpool has! Then, we'll be even!"
He trotted away, carrying his large sword and pistols. Taskmaster shook his head,
"I hope he'll survive."
The blonde swordswoman asked,
"Why wouldn't he?"
The copy-cat former villain said,
"I was on a mission with Deadpool once, and he really loves Bulgarian cars from the 1960s. I'm telling you right now; if Dante does something to that van-up, there will be a wrath unleashed like none you have ever seen."
He shuddered,
"The things Deadpool did to that guy just for touching the thing. It still sends chills up my spine."
Meanwhile…
Deadpool was driving his van-up down a busy street. He was blaring the horn, which was really the melody of an annoying show tune. Deadpool looked at the camera,
"Wait, what type of show tune? Cuz, it had better not be something really stupid, like the Brady Bunch or something."
The Merc-with-a-mouth was not paying attention and slammed the van-up into a fire hydrant. Deadpool shouted,
"Curse you, Mr. Author Man! You're making a mockery of Marvel's greatest property!"
Just then, the hydrant gushed water and sent the van-up shooting into the air. Deadpool whined,
"Oh, now that is just unfair! What the hell?"
The van-up landed precariously on a flag pole, and Deadpool shook his head,
"O-K, now you're doing this just to annoy me."
He pulled out a cell phone and in a feminine panicked voice, yelled,
"HELP! MY VAN-UP IS HANGING PRECARIOUSLY OFF A FLAG POLE!"
Dante was walking down the street at that moment, lugging the large crate with a rocket launcher inside it. He noticed the predicament Deadpool was in and grinned,
"Now's my chance!"
He opened the crate and took out the rocket launcher. The demon hunter fired and it was a direct hit, the Bulgarian van-up Deadpool had worked so hard to obtain was now a smoldering scrap heap that was coming right on top of Deadpool. Deadpool noticed the shadow of the thing and he cried out,
"Don't worry! I'll save you!"
Too late, as the van-up crushed the regenerating mercenary. Dante cackled maniacally and disappeared.
In a few moments, after the fire and Deadpool were put out, the insane mercenary glared at the camera, his fists clenching in rage,
"You do realize, this means war, Dante."
He then said,
"And you too, Mr. Author Man! You're on my list!"
Next Chapter:
The ZPA and the SPA get called in on the same job. Stay tuned, fellow readers!
