Sorry for the delay, again I hope you like this.
Closer Still
Chapter 8
Sarah
'You okay?'
John turned to face Sherlock's worried face, he gave a weak smile, taking Sherlock's hand and kissing along the knuckles.
'I'm fine, just give me a moment'. He savoured the silence as he packed the last of his stuff into his car, slamming the car boot down when it was all in. It was remarkable how little he owned, or at least how little he was willing to take with him, so much of his stuff was still in the house he shared with Sarah, he felt no pang of remorse for leaving it behind. Sarah was not home, she was once again at her mums, John had spent all evening in a state of near panic, wondering what the hell he was going to say. He had kept this secret hidden from her for so long, and now it was time for it all to come out. He didn't know what the hell he was doing.
He felt Sherlock's hand on his hip, breathing out John suddenly felt reassured by his touch. He was doing the right thing, it would be awful, but this was what he wanted. It was a strange feeling, to finally be following his heart, but it was a good feeling all the same. He wrapped his arms round the younger man and pulled his close, wanting him nearby, never wanting to let him go.
'What is you flat like?'
Sherlock chuckled 'You have asked me that already'
John shrugged and buried his face into the younger man's shoulder. 'I don't care, tell me again'
'It's small, it will be a bit of a squeeze with the two of us, but we will manage. It's right in the centre, there is a good library close by'
John let Sherlock ramble on some more, he was excited to hear about what was ahead. With a brother like Mycroft John highly doubted Sherlock was living in a typical student hovel. He was looking forward to just being with Sherlock, finally, properly. He couldn't wait to fall asleep next to him and wake up and him still being there. He was bizarrely excited at the prospect of doing all the mundane domestic tasks with him. He just could not wait.
He had forgotten who had suggested it, or even if it had even been mentioned, but them leaving for Oxford seemed the most logical thing to do. John did not want to wait a moment longer, there was no way Sherlock was going to stay in Bakerford, and if Sherlock was going then so was he. All he wanted to do was just leap in the car and hit the road, but he owed it to Sarah to at least try and offer some explanation. She would hate him, he deserved it.
They walked from the car up John's front garden and into his house, he looked around, knowing this could well be the last time he saw it. He had fond memories of Sherlock and him hanging out in its walls, but he was not sad to leave it behind. Not when he was taking all that really mattered with him.
Stepping into the kitchen they took a seat by the table, John wrapping his hand through Sherlock's and idly playing with his fingers.
'I love you'
'I know' Sherlock smiled back.
John exhaled and glanced at his watch for what felt like the thousandth time that evening. It was getting really late, Sarah would be home any minute.
'Wherever you want to go, whatever you want to do, I will follow you.' John said quietly.
Sherlock nodded. 'It's going to be all right'
John grimaced, it was easy for him to say, he was not about to tell his wife he was leaving her for a man.
He heard the sound of the front door open. It was now or never.
'hello' he heard Sarah call out in the hallway.
He heard the clapping sound her heels made against the floor, John's heart was in his mouth, suddenly he felt Sherlock get out of his chair and stand beside him. Gently he ran his hand along John's fingers offering him a small smile, John could only smile back weakly, but he appreciated the small show of support all the same.
'Sherlock.' Sarah's tone was slightly startled as she came into the kitchen. 'What on earth are you doing here?' John could hardly blame her, of all the people Sarah would not expect to see standing in her kitchen, Sherlock would be pretty high up on the list.
Sherlock did not answer, instead he bit his lip and looked at John.
'I'm leaving' John spluttered. Sarah gave him an odd look before taking of her bag and placing it on the table.
'Leaving where? Its awfully late John' Sarah asked obviously confused.
'Oxford, I am going to Oxford, with Sherlock's
Sarah gave him an odd look, then suddenly frowned, her eyes flitting between the two men. 'John what the hell is going on?' She demanded.
John walked forward, gently placing his hands on Sarah's shoulders. 'I am so sorry, but I just can't do this any more, I love him and I'm sorry.'
Sarah looked at him utterly startled. 'What the hell are you talking about?'
John looked down at the floor, then at Sarah, determined not to look a coward. He would be brave, he would.
'Sherlock and I love each other very much, and I have to go, tonight, I can't stay its not fair on any of us'
There was a long pause, Sarah continued to flit her eyes between both Sherlock and John.
'The affair, all those years ago, it was with him wasn't it?' she asked, the penny finally dropping.
'Yes, it was'
'But how could you?' she wailed 'he was a child! How could you do that?'
'It wasn't his fault' Sherlock interrupted
'Don't you dare talk to me' Sarah snapped 'jabbing her finger at him 'I let you into my home, I took care of you and this is how you repay me?'
John grabbed her hand 'Don't bring him into this, its between you and me'
Sarah laughed 'Don't bring him into this? How can I just leave him out of this when he is trying to take you away from me'
'I'm leaving, tonight, I'm sorry but I love him, I love him with all my heart and nothing is going to change that'
Sarah swallowed a few times, John saw the tears stem out of the corner of her eyes. 'Don't do this to me, I love you, we can make it work I promise just please, please don't go.'
'I'm sorry' John mumbled again, unsure of what else he could say to her.
'I gave you everything.'
'I know'
Suddenly she lunged forward, John tried to grab hold of her but she was too quick for him, the sound of skin slapping skin, and an angry red mark appeared on Sherlock's cheek.
'You bastard you fucking bastard' She screamed at him.
John managed to restrain her, Sherlock looked emotionless, John knew behind the grey eyes his mind was working away, but on the outside he looked so calm, as cold as steel.
John took Sherlock's hand in his, then quietly he led him outside. He left Sarah standing in the kitchen, tears began to stream down her face.
'Is this really it? After all these years you are just giving up?' Sarah sniffed. 'What does he have that I don't?'
'I can't give you what you want. The past two years, you have seen what I am like without him, I can't do that for another two years, neither can you.'
Sarah glared at him. 'You're not the John Watson I married' she said simply.
John shook his head. 'No. I'm not' It was true, he wasn't. He was Sherlock's now.
He closed the door behind him. He felt as if he was about to cry, but he knew the worst was over with.
They walked, slowly towards his car.
'There is something I have to do'
Sherlock nodded, letting go of his hand then leaning forward and kissing him lightly on the cheek.
'I'll wait'
John smiled, knowing waiting was something Sherlock seemed to do best. He handed Sherlock the keys and watched the younger man step into the passenger seat and do up his seatbelt. Then he walked silently to the end of the pavement, staring down at the drain in the road. He slipped off his wedding ring, then leaned down, placing his hand between the grill and letting the small band of gold fall. He watched as he heard the plopping sound, then watched it sink, till it was completely out of sight.
Walking back to the car he climbed in. Grabbing Sherlock's hand he kissed along the knuckles, knowing that for once in his life he had made the right choice.
'So, Oxford here we come?'
Sherlock smiled back. John saw the love in his grey eyes that seemed never to go out. He could not believe that it was his. He didn't deserve it, the only thing he could do was to never let Sherlock down, that promise he had made so long ago in that hotel room, he would never hurt Sherlock again.
He grinned once more, then started up the engine.
