Chapter 8: Can't They See I'm Freaking Out Here?!

I didn't know how long it had been. I stopped counting hours after the first day. Time didn't matter if I didn't have Nessie. If I wasn't counting the hours till I got to see

her again, I didn't even know if I'd ever be able to see her

again.

I didn't go out any more, I hardly ate. I could tell Billy

was getting worried, but I didn't care, what was the point of

doing stupid human things if I couldn't do them with

Renesme?

Every day Embry and Quil would come over to see how I was doing and every day I would tell them to leave me alone, of course they never listened. Today was no different, I heard the loud knock at my door. "Come in." I groaned, trying to add as much annoyance into my voice as I could muster.

Quil opened the door and sighed loudly, rolling his eyes. "Jake man, you need to get the hell out of this house!" Embry walked in behind him nodding his head. "You look horrible man." he added, raising one of his brows and clucking his tongue on the roof of his mouth.

"Yeah, well I feel horrible." I shifted my body away from them and rolled to my other side, my nose was pressed against the wall.

Quil sighed again "Dude, this isn't healthy. Billy isn't much better then you are. You've got him freaked. He thinks you might like kill yourself." but after he finished talking his expression softened. "We're all worried."

I turned back towards them and sat up in bed for the first time in who knows how long, they both gasped dramatically and pointed at me.

"He sat up." Embry wailed, coming over and wrapping his arm around my shoulders. I shrugged it off.

I didn't realize how bad things had gotten. "I'm sorry I've been so out of whack, but how would you feel if Claire went missing?" Quil winced like he'd been punched in the gut.

"See." I sighed and got to my feet, the blood rushed from my head. It had been a while since I'd gotten out of bed, I was unsteady on my feet. Embry came up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder "I sympathize Jake, but you need to get over this." he shrugged his shoulders.

Embry hadn't imprinted yet, so of course he had no idea how hard this was for me. "At least take a walk with us." Quil suggested, his voice filled with hope.

Ack, how could I say no when he wanted to help so bad?

I could at least pretend that they cheered me up. "Alright,

alright. You win, let me shower."

Quil and Embry looked at each other and raised their eyebrows then looked back at me. "God, I'm not gonna commit suicide. Would one of you like to come inside the bathroom with me?"

Embry laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. "No man, we believe you. Come on Quil." and with that, they both walked out of the room.

I grabbed a fresh pair of shorts and a light cotton t shirt and headed to the bathroom, Billy watched as I walked through the living room but didn't say a word. He

didn't want to take a chance and ruin what little progress had

apparently been made.

I turned on the shower and stripped, I was wearing the same thing I'd been wearing when I found out Nessie was gone. I stepped into shower and sighed, the water beating against my body. The steam seemed to ease all my muscles and I started to feel a little bit relaxed. Then I felt guilty about being relaxed. I dried myself off and got dressed, then slipped on a pair of shoes and walked back into the living room.

"Going out with Quil and Embry, back soon." I said as I

passed Billy on my way to the front door. The guys were

leaning against the side of my car, a 1986 Volkswagen Rabbit I'd built myself.

"I'm out of bed, I'm dressed, now where are we going?" I knew I sounded extremely ticked off but I really did appreciate the fact that they were trying to make me feel better. How much more would my life suck if my friends stopped caring?

Quil shifted his weight from one foot to the other, I could tell they didn't have any particular activity planned. We hadn't really had time to hang out like normal teenagers. I was surprised they even had time to hang out now. Sam must've given them special permission.

"Well, we could go cliff diving." Embry suggested,

with a shrug. "Yeah, Cliff diving." Quil agreed, his voice laced

with to much enthusiasm. "Fine." I said, walked to the driver's

side of the Rabbit and putting my hand on the door handle.

"Uh Jake?" Quil looked at me and bit his bottom lip, he looked nervous like I might punch him. "Do you think it'd be okay if Embry drove? I mean, I trust you it's just we don't want -there will be a lot of cliffs and.." he didn't finish his thought just covered his head with his arms. I rolled my eyes and let go of the door handle.

"Whatever." I got into the back seat and crossed my arms over my chest. They were treating me like a child. No wait, they were treating me like a ticking time bomb. I was fine.

They wouldn't stop talking the whole way there. They asked me questions constantly and I wasn't sure if it was to keep my mind off things or to make sure I hadn't opened the back door and rolled down the dirt road, though their useless chatter made the thought very tempting.

Embry pulled the Rabbit to the base of the cliff and cut the engine, turning in his seat to look at me. "This is gonna be fun man." He said with mock excitement.

I rolled my eyes and opened the door, stepping out of the backseat and into the open air. I had to admit, it was nice to be outside again.

I followed the guys up the trail to the top of the cliff. They continued to chatter on but when they asked my opinion I just ignored them.

When w got to the top, both of them sat down and took off their shoes. I walked to the ledge and looked down at the dark water below. I could see La Push beach from here and I started to remember the last time I was here when I had pulled Bella out of the same ocean back when she was still human. I hadn't spoken to Bella since I'd stormed out of her cottage.

Had they made any progress since I'd last seen them? Had Nessie called home? I would hope they'd call me with any new information. She'd know I'd be sick with worry. I sighed loudly and dropped my face into my hands.

This was so frustrating, it sucked not to know things. I kicked off my shoes and pulled my t-shirt over my head, I don't even know why I even bothered to put one on in the first place.

Quil and Embry were standing on the edge beside me, smiling encouragingly. I tried to smile back but from the look on their faces, it must've looked more like a grimace.

"I'll go first…." I said, backing away from the edge so I could get a running start. I took a deep breath and pushed forward, throwing myself off the edge of the cliff and into thin air. And for a few seconds, I was flying, completely weightless. The wind howled in my ears, a comforting and familiar sound. Then I was falling. I closed my eyes and braced myself for impact.

What goes up, must come down. I landed in the water with a loud splash and started to swim in the general direction of the beach. I let the tide carry me to the shore and let my body lay limp in the rocks for a few seconds, so I could catch my breath.

I sat up and looked over my shoulder at the cliff, I could see three figures now. I was so confused I had to close my eyes and count them again. When I opened my eyes there were only two figures again. I must be hallucinating. I got to my feet and walked over to the drift wood tree I usually sat on when I hung around the beach.

One second I was sitting alone and the next, Bella was perched on the tree next to me. "Uhhhh, hi." I looked at her and raised my eyebrows. Just looking at her brought up a whole bunch of questions.

"We've heard from Renesme." but the words all came out wrong, she sounded sad.

"That's good news, isn't it?" I couldn't stop the smile that crept onto my face. They found her! But Bella was frowning, a "W" formed between her eyebrows.

"She called. She's fine….she seems….happy." Bella closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. "But she is not ready to come home yet, she wants to keep traveling." She sighed "I have to tell you Jake, she's not alone."

My heart sank. "W-what? W-who? Huh?" I jumped to my feet. I was mad but I was sad too. "Please-Please Bella tell me this is some kind of sick joke."

I fell to my knees and gripped handfuls of rocks in each of my hands. A picture of a-still-human-Bella wrapping her arms around herself to keep herself together flashed through my mind and my arms snapped around my torso.

Bella got on her knees beside me and put her arms around my shoulders. "Jake, I'm sorry."

I whimpered, tears burned at the back of my eyes. "April fools?" I whispered, my voice cracking. It wasn't even April but a guy could hope.

"No, Jake." Bella leaned her head on my shoulder and wiped a few of my stray tears away with her thumb.

Embry and Quil had gotten to the beach then, I could see them standing there from the corner of my eye. I am sure they had some general idea of what was going on as they watched me cry like a baby in the rocks, while Bella rocked me back and forth telling me that everything was gonna be alright.

I wanted to claw my heart out but I wouldn't get the chance. The last thing I remembered was my eyes rolling back in my head and landing face first in the rocks. Everything went black