Twice is Coincidence
Ch 8
By: Jack Hawksmoor
Kirk took one step toward the barrier as an angry but rational individual. By the second step forward he was a flaming core of rage that only looked like a person. The third step he used as momentum to smash his fist against the barrier, right where Sweetheart's face would be, if Kirk could get to him. Sweetheart jumped back, eyes widening. It confirmed one of Kirk's suspicions, but at that moment he didn't much care.
"Leave him alone," Kirk snarled. If there hadn't been a barrier, Kirk would have beaten Sweetheart until he stopped moving.
Sweetheart swallowed visibly.
I regret-
"Don't you dare," Kirk said in a low, deadly voice. "Stand there, and tell me you're just following orders." He pointed aggressively at Sweethearts face. "If you can do something to stop this, then you have to do it."
Kirk noted, vaguely, that someone had come up on his right. He supposed it was Vina, and glanced back...but it was Evans standing there, wide-eyed and looking frightened.
Not of the Talosians. Of her Captain, her superior officer, loosing his shit in a hostile situation.
Kirk took a breath and clamped down ruthlessly on the urge to strangle every last big-headed idiot on this planet. He needed to be calm. In charge. Captain Kirk.
I am not my own man any more than you are, Captain.
"Don't even bother," Kirk said through his teeth. "I know exactly who you are now." He smiled, thinly. "We've met before."
He thought of Kodos' face. Kirk thought of him deliberately. They called him 'The Executioner', now. He'd killed over 4,000 colonists on Tarsus, when the food supply had given out. Kirk remembered the way he'd looked in his high-necked tunic, standing in front of those he'd chosen for death. Grim and noble. He'd given a speech, to the condemned. A speech. Like he was fucking Abe Lincoln or Zefram Cochrane or something.
Kodos had said, in his own grand way, how sorry he was. How this was the only way to save the colonists who were most worthy from starving to death. Better some to survive, than none at all. Better for him to choose the best of the people to live, than to leave it up to chance.
Most worthy. Best.
Kirk remembered, very carefully, very deliberately, the exact color of the eyes of the officer who'd saved his life. Big brown eyes, like good chocolate. The officer had pulled him out of the line, yanking him off the trail and shoving him down into the spreading pile of bodies. Jim never did find out why that soldier had picked him to save, over the others.
Kodos had promised to give every colonist's body a decent burial, in recognition of their noble sacrifice. There were a lot of bodies, thousands, and it took a long time to bury them all. So Jim waited, among the dead. It wasn't safe enough to run.
Kirk could feel the Talosians, right there with him in the back of his head, but they were shoving at his mind differently now. As if they wanted him to get away from this memory. Move onto something else, something more pleasant.
There were other kids in the line, confused and crying, some of their parents already dead. Jim was too old and too smart to be confused. He was shaking so hard the soldier almost had to drag him. His feet just wouldn't work right. Jim skinned a knee as the soldier shoved him down. For a second, he thought the soldier had just pulled him aside to rape him. He had a wild, half-formed idea of playing along until he could get a chance to hit him and run.
"Don't move," the brown-eyed soldier whispered instead, sweating and scared. "Play dead."
Jim couldn't resist lifting his head a little to watch the man run back to the others. Jim had been living alone in the woods for weeks, ever since the soldiers had found where he was camping and killed his friends. It had been a long time since an adult had tried to help him. It had been a long time since an adult hadn't tried to kill him.
He listened to the sounds of people dying for a while, trying to tell himself that there was nothing he could do, that he was just lucky not to be dying with them. Then he covered his ears and pushed his face in the dirt and tried not to make any noise as he cried.
He could never save them. He could never save anyone.
He was laying between an old man and a little girl. The little girl's face was really close to his. Every time he opened his eyes he could see her, looking at him. She was even younger than him, a redhead, with freckles on her nose. Her lips turned up naturally a little at the corners. He tried not to wonder what had been wrong with her, what had been 'less than optimal' about her that had landed her on Kodos' list. He tried not to think about the hole drilled into her forehead with phaser fire. It was hard enough not going nuts every time he heard someone walk by, thinking he was about to be found, about to be shot. He shut her eyes after a while so she would quit staring at him.
He waited for hours, until both the little girl and the old man started getting cold beside him. Jim was so terrified for so long, he got used to hearing his heart trying to pound its way out of his chest. Long enough that he started to think more about making Kodos and his people pay, instead of running and hiding. Once there were less of them around, and Jim could sneak off into the woods. He'd kill them, he would, somehow he'd make them pay for this why would anyone...how could anyone...
Jim laid his head on his arm and made himself stop. He wasn't any good at crying quietly anymore. Not since he'd been left alone in the woods. Any time he did he just wanted to howl. Crying quiet hurt worse than not crying at all.
He wondered if any of the other soldiers had taken kids away from the line, and hid them. He didn't know...he didn't know if that made it better or worse. Why him? Why not the girl with freckles on her nose? She looked nice. Like she had been nice. Before she died. Why not Josh or Maria? They'd both been shot and cut up when he'd found them. Little Liam, too, and he was almost a baby. They'd been way up in the hills, nobody would have said anything if they'd just let them go. Nobody would have noticed. They weren't even stealing food any more-there wasn't anything to steal. All cut up. Why...why-
Jim had to stop thinking for a while, after that. He was sick of thinking.
Kodos came through twice. The first time Jim was too surprised to even move. By the time he realized who it was Kodos was out of reach. The second time Jim almost jumped up-he was nearly close enough to get to. By that point the hate he felt was almost bigger than the fear. Jim could have bashed his head in with the rock by his hand. He could almost hear the sound it would make.
He didn't, though. He was never sure why.
Jim was sneaking away, stumbling through the strewn bodies towards the trees, when Starfleet finally arrived with help. Too late. It was a like a nightmare, walking through the dead. Some of them were looking at him. Some of them were looking at the sky, like they were still hoping for someone to come along and save them. Pleading with their eyes, like they didn't know they were already dead.
The transporter effect was loud and suddenly seemed to be coming from everywhere around him. Jim tripped, surprised by the materializing men in uniform, and put his fingers right through some guy's eyeball when he threw a hand out to break his fall. He pulled his hand out, fingers covered in this...fluid.
Vitreous humor. He knew that now.
Kirk's deliberate, rather vicious recollection was interrupted when Sweetheart turned and fled. He almost ran toward the lift, not looking back.
Kirk watched him go with a sick kind of triumph, curling his hands into fists to stop them from shaking. If this was the cost of getting himself and his crew out of this alive, reliving some fake echo of a hell he'd already lived in, he'd pay it laughing. He'd already been to that hell when it was still alive and snarling and able to kill people he loved. This was nothing.
"More where that came from, Sweetheart," he said softly, blinking as the pain in his head actually made his eyesight wobble a little. His headache was reaching a level that made him kind of hungry for unconsciousness.
"What...did you do?" Vina asked, timidly.
Kirk barely glanced at her. "Don't worry about it." He relaxed his hands, and was relieved when they didn't start shaking again. This was nothing, he assured himself. He looked down at his fingers. They were dry. It hadn't been real. It didn't matter.
"I've never seen one of them run like that," she said softly, almost to herself.
"They've never had to go up against the captain," Evans said stoutly, as if they'd called down the wrath of god or something. Kirk shot her a mildly startled glance. Vina gave her a look like she'd like to see Evans horribly mangled in a shuttlecraft accident.
Kirk didn't care for that.
"Vina," he said as a distraction. He touched her shoulder, sort of indicating she step to one side with him, as if to have a private word. Vina obliged, looking pleased.
"They can't read our thoughts when we're angry, can they," Kirk said, sideswiping her.
Vina looked up at him in surprise, her face quite clearly telling him he was right on the money. She froze, as if realizing she'd just blown her chance to lie.
Good to know that she'd planned to.
Kirk gave her a knowing expression. His nose was running, which kind of ruined the moment, and he sniffed a little. The action sent a spike of pain up the back of his right eye. He stopped, opting to wipe at his nose instead. He glanced down and blinked, wiped at his nose again. He was bleeding. That was...a little ominous.
Vina let out a breath with something like exasperation, apparently not noticing that Kirk's headache was maybe starting to get serious. "They can't," she admitted. "But it doesn't matter. You can't keep it up, it's too hard to stay that angry."
Kirk gave her a grim look. "Vina, with the right motivation, I can burn for a thousand years." Kirk glanced at Evans. "Nobody kidnaps my crew and gets away with it." Evans set her jaw, looking less scared and more determined. Kirk turned from her, pleased.
"The question is," Kirk continued, taking Vina's hand, "are you with us, or with them?"
Vina was honest enough that she didn't answer right away. She opened her mouth, paused, and shut it, frowning to herself. She glanced down at his hand on hers.
"I-"
Spock suddenly rippled into view, giving everyone a shock. Kirk took one look and lunged towards him as he crumpled, almost managing to catch him. They went down on their knees together and Spock sagged, clutching at his head and hiding his face.
Kirk heard him say...something. He thought...Kirk felt a chill. He thought Spock had said 'mother'.
Kirk gritted his teeth. He would kill them. He would kill them.
"It's all right," Kirk began, trying to get Spock to look up. "It's over, it wasn't real, it-" Kirk happened to glance down, and his words choked off. There were droplets of green blood on the floor.
"Spock," Kirk said with dismayed intensity and grabbed for his chin, leaning in close. Spock looked up for a moment, his face tight with pain he was struggling to hide. His nose was bleeding. Kirk removed his hand and found blood on it, and after a quick moment of alarmed investigation saw with horror that his ears were bleeding, as well.
Spock clutched at his shoulder with one hand, obviously struggling. "I can not-" Spock flinched, shutting his eyes briefly and breathing hard. "The noise-"
"Vina!" Kirk snapped, and she was at his elbow in half a second. She looked horrified, her eyes locked on Spock. "Is that liquid they left us safe for non-humans?"
"I don't know," Vina said, shaking her head, wide-eyed. "I've never seen their minds hurt anything so fast."
"He's a Vulcan," Kirk said. He continued when that got no reaction, his voice almost a snarl. "He's a touch telepath," he said, as if Vina was an idiot.
Spock dropped his head, sort of leaning forward like he was using his whole body to cradle it. He made a faint pain sound, his face hidden, and Kirk gathered him close, his thoughts turning dark and dangerous.
"Oh, god," Vina said, and actually wrung her hands. "He's too sensitive, they shouldn't have brought him, they had to know...why did they bring him?"
Kirk knew. He let himself get enraged about it.
Evans went and got the glass, knelt close. She offered it to Kirk, looking at Spock with a sympathetic expression.
Kirk looked down at Spock for a moment, then then back at her. He shook his head, gritting his teeth against the sick feeling in his stomach. Kirk hated them for a moment, with every scrap of passion in his possession. For using Spock as a tool. Using him as if he wasn't worth anything, when he was worth...was worth everything...
He hated them, because for just a few minutes, he was going to be entirely like them.
Kirk reached out and cupped the back of Spock's neck, leaning in close to his ear. He spread his fingers out intimately, possibly obscenely, over Spock's skin. Touch telepath.
"Listen to me," Kirk whispered, furious enough that he was having trouble with concrete sentences. "They can't hear you thinking if you're angry. They used your mother. Used her, and they'll do it again, and again, until you can't think of her any more without thinking about them. Are you going to let them do that? Your thoughts, your..." Kirk paused, "emotions, used for their pleasure?"
Spock still had a hand on his arm, and Kirk stopped speaking when the grip got too painful to bear without flinching. He'd been giving Spock a lot more information than just what he was saying. The Talosians might not be able to read him when he was pissed, but Spock didn't have that problem. Kirk was counting on it.
Kirk backed off a bit, and Spock met his eyes with an expression of cold fury Kirk recognized and had an entirely reasonable reaction to. It was like staring at a tiger. His heart started to pound with the adrenaline dump and he swallowed hard.
Between the two of them, a race of people whose powers were impotent in the face of rage were utterly, utterly fucked.
Spock nodded very slightly, looking murderous. Then Spock made a choked sound and fell to the floor, arching his back and clutching at his head in agony. Evans gasped, and Vina even gave a little scream.
"Spock," Kirk said, sounding anguished. He looked up at the ceiling, fury burning him up from the inside out. "You're killing him," Kirk said loudly. "Is that what you want? Is it?" He snapped his head around, pinning Vina to the wall with his eyes. "Vina?"
"No! I-"
"If you can call them, then do it," Kirk was shouting. It felt really good. "He's dying!"
Vina clutched her hands together close to her chest, and nodded, too fast. She looked up and spoke to the ceiling. "Help," she breathed softly. "Oh, help, please help." Spock groaned loudly, and she flinched, blinking tears down her cheeks.
One of the Talosians, not Sweetheart, came tearing around the corner down the hall towards them. The lift doors opened a second later, and Sweetheart stumbled out, looking agitated.
Most importantly, the barrier blinked out. It re-formed behind where Kirk was kneeling beside Spock, cutting off Evans but leaving Vina, Kirk, and Spock free. It was probably a mixture of illusion and reality-there was a slight lip around where the barrier had been, the transparent aluminum had probably just retracted up into the ceiling. Some kind of hidden mechanism. It was the new barrier that Evans was now pressing her hands against that was probably entirely illusion.
The cell was set higher than the corridor floor, and both Talosians scrambled up quickly, their eyes on Spock. Kirk clenched his hands until he felt the sharp bite of his fingernails cutting into his skin. The desire he had right then for them to come closer was like good whiskey in his mouth.
The one who was not Sweetheart had some kind of strange instrument in his hands, and was pointing it at Spock before he'd even got close enough to touch him. That one dropped to his knees quick but Sweetheart stayed a step back, turning to look at Kirk, reaching out to reassure him as if they really were friends. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Spock reach up toward the Talosian tending to him, lightning-quick. Sweetheart was crouching down and took his arm, as if to pull him away a little.
Hey, buddy.
Kirk hit him in the face. It was a quick pop, since Kirk couldn't afford to telegraph anything, so it didn't have as much force behind it as Kirk would have liked. Sweetheart still went down like he'd been axed, an almost comical look of bewilderment on his face. Then Kirk was on him like a rabid dog. He hit him at least three, four times before Kirk even stopped to think about it. About twice more than he had to, by the look of the guy. Talosian blood was thick and dark, like red wine. Kirk was crouched on his chest, knees on Sweetheart's upper arms, dropping his fist over and over. Sweetheart tried to fend him off clumsily with one reaching hand, and Kirk dropped an elbow with a grunt of satisfaction. Sweetheart's head snapped to one side and he went limp.
The Talosians were positively howling in the back of his mind, and for a moment he felt dizzy with the level of pain his head was currently putting out. It didn't feel malicious- it felt like they were in agony. Maybe...any pain felt by one of them was shared by all of them? His nose started to drip onto Sweetheart's silver dress. Kirk straightened a little, panting, and realized someone was actually howling- it wasn't just in his head.
He looked up, and when he saw what Spock was doing, abruptly understood why the Talosians were completely losing their shit.
Spock, you magnificent bastard.
Kirk had planned on taking a hostage. This plan was much, much better. Kirk had assumed Spock had given the Talosian a nerve pinch. Quick and effective, considering the rudimentary plan Kirk had tried his damnedest to transmit to Spock in the few moments he'd touched him.
Instead, Spock had melded with the Talosian. Dangerous, crazy, and if Kirk knew anything about mind melds-and thanks to the elder Spock he did-it would be scarily effective. The only thing was, could Spock take the strain?
Vina was a complete mess, wailing and clutching at her head. She managed a step towards Spock and the Talosian he was linked to, fumbling, trying to separate them.
Kirk stopped her.
"Oh, my god, what..." Vina sobbed, grabbing desperately at his shirt, "what is he doing he has to stop doing that-"
Kirk looked down at Spock with something like pride. "Emotional transference is an effect of the mind meld," he said softly. Some small part of him was furious and nearly sick with the thought of what this could do to Spock's mind. The rest of him couldn't help but admire the sheer audacity of the idea, and knew that if Kirk had realized the possibilities, he probably would have ordered Spock to do it himself. The Talosians were currently discovering exactly what it felt like to be one of their specimens.
He knelt down to get a better look at Spock's face.
Mind melds weren't the same animal as what the Talosians used. It was a hell of a lot more intense, for one thing. And it wasn't just seeing the other person. Or experiencing their memories, for that matter. It was like two people becoming one. Kirk had seen everything the elder Spock was, because for a moment, they'd been the same person. Hopes and dreams. Memories. Moral codes. Emotions.
God, so much emotion. Vulcans felt things hard. Just a minute or two of that had been enough to tear Kirk up inside, and he'd known with aching certainty that Spock had been trying with everything he had to be gentle with him. Kirk wasn't sure how tightly the Talosians were connected to each other, but from the horror and anguish they were putting out, he was willing to bet that they were all getting at least a piece of the experience.
These people liked to watch. They didn't seem to care for it when they were forced to participate.
Spock's nose was bleeding freely, his face slightly blank, but still managing to convey the fact that he was in a lot of pain. Kirk waited tensely, holding Vina off.
He would know. When it was too much. He didn't...somehow he would know.
"Please," Vina sobbed, fighting against his restraining arm. "Enough. Can't you see it's enough?"
Spock's expression flickered slightly, and Kirk watched a blood vessel burst in his eye.
"Yeah," Kirk said abruptly, and reached out quick. One hand on his shoulder. "Spock," he said firmly, taking his arm by the wrist with his other hand. "Spock!" Spock's expression didn't change. Kirk watched the spot of green in his eye grow like a new star swelling on the bridge viewscreen.
Fuck it. He pulled Spock's hand away from the Talosian's face. Spock still didn't react, looking dazed and very...not-there. With a growl of frustration Kirk raised his boot and kicked the Talosian roughly back, away from Spock.
The Talosian's head hit the wall, and Spock went limp in his arms.
Spock's head lolled back bonelessly against his shoulder. His eyes were rolled back and his mouth was open- for a second Spock looked like a corpse, and Kirk had to viciously shove down an icy trickle of pure panic.
He snapped his head around to look over at Evans. The barrier was gone. He looked over at the Talosian Spock had melded with, saw that he was curled in on himself, sobbing almost silently. Sweetheart was pushing himself off the floor, bloodied and broken-looking. His nose was at an angle, and he had a vicious split over one eye.
Leave.
Kirk tensed, his arms tightening around Spock's shoulders. Did he mean-?
Sweetheart wiped at his mouth and met Kirk's eyes.
Just go. Now. Take your people and leave this place. You are not suitable. You are dangerous.
Kirk took a breath, staring into Sweetheart's rapidly purpling face. He felt, strangely, as though he'd just kicked a puppy.
"Evans, Vina, we're leaving," Kirk said, adjusting his grip on Spock. Spock was stirring, grasping blindly at his shirt. Kirk grabbed his wrist and pulled Spock's arm over his neck. Kirk staggered to his feet, pulling Spock upright. Spock made some small effort to support his own weight, his head sagging low.
Evans darted in close, taking his other arm. Kirk gave her an approving look, then turned his head to stare at Vina. She was hovering by the wall, looking stricken and lost.
"Vina?" he prodded, his voice kinder. "I think these guys are abandoning the experiment. Something tells me you should get out while you can."
Vina opened her mouth, and her face twisted as if she was going to start crying again. She ducked her head, nodded at the floor without speaking.
Kirk let out a breath, then looked boldly over at Sweetheart.
"We could use a guide out," he said simply.
Sweetheart stared at him.
This way. He turned, not waiting to see if they were going to follow.
Sweetheart led them though a maze of hallways, eventually leading them to another lift. Evans was breathing hard by this point and Spock was gritting his teeth, struggling to keep moving his feet. Kirk pushed him back up against the lift wall, taking the whole of his weight for a moment and earning himself a grateful look from Evans.
Spock took a breath and shook his head slightly, as if to dislodge the voices of the Talosians in his mind. Kirk could hear them himself. Not a chorus any more. It sounded like someone had put their hands down on a set of piano keys randomly without looking. A jarring, conflicted, off key mishmash. Individual notes coming in late. Some dropping out entirely.
Whatever Spock had done, it wasn't sitting well with them.
It hurt to hear. Kirk felt like someone had beat him over the head with a club. He had a steady flow of blood from his nose. He had to keep spitting it out.
Spock looked worse, though.
Kirk leaned close, almost resting his forehead against Spock's. "Hang on," he breathed, his hands kneading gently at Spock's shoulders. "A little longer." Spock shut his eyes, barely nodded. The hair from Spock's bangs brushed Kirk's skin.
Spock took a breath, as if forcing himself to concentrate. "Captain," he whispered.
Kirk glanced up at him with a question on his face. Their proximity made the simple eye contact surprisingly intimate. Spock glanced over at Sweetheart, then back, his expression crystal clear. Kirk caught his meaning like he had absorbed it through his hands. Spock had seen them from the inside, and Spock didn't trust them.
That was less than encouraging, but they didn't have much choice at the moment. Maybe this was just another trick- either way, this was the plan they had. Kirk nodded, glancing down to cover it and squeezing Spock's shoulders slightly. For a moment Spock's breath was warm on his face.
Kirk straightened up, turned to see Vina staring at him as though she'd just had a revelation she didn't like. Evans was giving her a stern look, as if she thought Vina was in danger of doing something stupid.
The lift stopped, so he never found out if she would've. Sweetheart shoved himself away from the wall and walked slowly out onto the planet surface. The lift was cut into the side of a rock face, so Kirk and Evans had to concentrate on picking their way down to the ground without dropping Spock. When they finally made it down, Sweetheart was sitting wearily on a rock, as if he'd used up every last bit of his energy leading them there.
Kirk looked around at the inhospitable landscape. Dirt and rocks and sky, with a few scraggly plants clinging to life here and there. The Talosians had set up the illusion of a makeshift camp with crash survivors here. It had looked like a lousy place to get stuck even when the Talosians had used their powers to make it seem inhabited. He looked up at the cloudy sky, as if somehow he'd be able to reach the Enterprise just through wanting. He glanced back at Sweetheart, slumped on the rock.
Kirk gave Evans a pointed look, stepping back. She nodded, bracing herself, and Kirk stepped away from both her and Spock, walking over to Sweetheart.
"I need to get Spock up to the Enterprise," Kirk said firmly. Sweetheart looked up at him, and Kirk had to squash a twinge of sympathy. Sweetheart looked beat to hell, and Kirk had been there before.
Silently, Sweetheart held out Kirk's communicator. Kirk had worn it on the away team, but it had been missing since he woke up in the cell. Kirk didn't know where Sweetheart had been hiding it-maybe he'd just used illusion to make sure Kirk wouldn't see it.
Sweetheart's hand was shaking.
Kirk took the communicator, moved to step away. He stopped. "I'm sorry," he said. He wished it hadn't gone down like this.
It didn't have to be this way, he thought.
You were our last hope, Sweetheart responded, spreading his hands a little, almost as if he was trying to explain.
Kirk pressed his lips into a thin line, looked down at the sand under his feet, and decided to take a gamble. He glanced over at Spock and Evans, and to his surprise, Spock was already staring at him. There was a look on his face like he could smell Kirk deciding to do something dangerous.
Kirk was going to have to have a talk with Bones, if he made it out of this in one piece. He was ruining that Vulcan.
Author's Note: Did you like this chapter? Did you think it was awesome? Any awesomeness found in this chapter was turned up to eleven by Peachly, who stopped me from throwing away an opportunity I had right in front of me, and simultaneously kept me from doing something dumb. The delay in this chapter was caused by other K/S that unfortunately had to take precedence, as zines actually have like, real deadlines, and stuff.
Doroneko- yes, I too believe much angst could be avoided if in general Spock applied a little more common sense. "Don't go to the planet", "I have a crazy brother", "stay away from bald guys and crappy bridges"...you know, the basics.
KianSpo-*blushes*
Fitful Fantasy- at least not without a solid asswhupping first, yeah.
Nanenna- it's sort of gradually woven through the series, with several serious wtf?gay? moments scattered around, a general lack of personal space given and at least one 'clinch'('and the children shall lead', I remember that scene making me kind of uncomfortable when I was a kid, even. 'Mommy? what are those two men doing?')...and then gets hugely blatant in the movie.
Lady Merlin- sorry, TinyShirtless Spock is mine. (receives a pair of Tiny glares) I mean Kirk's! Kirk's! Or possibly KianSpo's.
A-Quest-of-Scales- Talosian:"yes, this specimen will never know about our powers of illusion" (looking significantly at said specimen) "I said our POWERS of ILLUSION. Totally beyond your comprehension. Because of how awesome those POWERS of-" Specimen: (looking annoyed)"yes, yes, I GET it already. Illusion Powers. Great." Talosian: (gasp!) "How could he have known?"
Alotua- Ha HA! (throwing on a dark robe and putting up the hood) Welcome to the dark side. Should you care for any fic recs, I have many.
Allie C.- yes, I am very much afraid I have already started writing the first chapter of that Laby sequel. I cannot tell a lie-the glitter compels me to write.
