a(n) (un)healthy dose of angst before the last chapter! also in an astounding display of narcissism, i made a playlist for my own fic! amazing. it'll be posted super soon, along with the last chapter. thank you and sorry for everything :')


It was not difficult to go on with life. Starscream adapted and survived–it was in his nature. It wasn't difficult at all.

Skyfire was still under his supervision, they interacted daily. Neither of them brought up what had happened; perhaps Skyfire did not even remember; and that was fine with Starscream. That was preferable. It also seemed as if Skyfire's qualms concerning his memory loss had lessened, or they had settled, but Starscream didn't really care.

(He didn't care, no, even if it felt as if he had bile in his intakes at times, bitter black and suffocating at the mere thought of the shuttle. Even if Skyfire would speak to him now with soft words and a gentle voice, like Starscream was something fragile, and it infuriated Starscream, it made his spark stutter and sway and he knew that no number of kind smiles from Skyfire would ever be due to love. Not ever. Not for Starscream. He was done pretending.)

Thundercracker and Skywarp had brought up the issue of Skyfire's presence once, to tease Starscream, and never did again. It could have been the answering look on Starscream's face, or the violent flaring of his field, but they stopped altogether.

That was two weeks ago.

Starscream was, first and foremost, the Decepticon Second-in-Command. He was aware of that. Megatron was aware of that, as well. So when the warlord demanded that Skyfire join the next raid for energon, Starscream did not protest. He knew his boundaries. Sure, he crossed many of them, he angered Megatron on a daily basis, but to get slagged for a fellow soldier? That had never happened, and Starscream intended to keep things that way. Even if it was for Skyfire. That shouldn't mean anything. It still did not matter.

Skyfire had been training for weeks. It was due time.

But war was war and mechs reacted to being in the battlefield in different ways. Skyfire had always been a lover, not a fighter. Even during their worst arguments, Skyfire would glare fiercely and his frame would thrum with aggression, but he never lashed out. His words could be biting, but that was all there was to it. Starscream had never seen him strike anyone, never recalled him being physical in his anger. Skyfire would have hated this war. He would have hated what the Cybertronians had become. He would most likely avoid confrontation unless absolutely necessary, Starscream was sure.

But he didn't know Skyfire now, his assumptions would not be accurate. There was no telling how things would turn out. Skyfire might get hurt really badly. He might be ruthless, violent. He might turn out to lust for violence, like some of the more aggressive Decepticons. He might turn apathetic. There was no knowing.

Which was ironic, considering Starscream was the person who supposedly knew Skyfire the most. Even Skyfire had said so. It was almost hilarious.

Starscream was fairly brilliant, but he couldn't predict what would happen.

(One possibility came to mind most often, a scenario that Starscream thought would be most plausible, and yet he silenced himself again and again, not wanting to even entertain the notion of Skyfire–)

His soldiers stood in a line before him, at the ready for their mission. His trine, the Coneheads, mechs with flight-capable altmodes. They've all been briefed, they knew what the plan was. Starscream's hands were behind his back, under his wings, and as he stopped in front of Skyfire, he gripped at his own wrists.

"Are you sure that you know what to do?"

"Yes, Commander," Skyfire nodded.

"You'll be carrying most of our army. Don't mess up."

Skyfire nodded once more, serious, and yet a small smile curved his lip components, "I promise I'll do my best, Sir."

His inexperience was as clear as day. He could get seriously hurt in the battlefield. He could get killed.

Starscream gave him a hard look, before moving on. Orders were orders. Starscream could think up all the dangerous situations, and it wouldn't make a difference. They had been putting this off for too long already.

(If Skyfire was in danger, he'd do something about it.)

They were ready to move. Skyfire had transformed, patiently waiting as the troops entered his hold. Most of the Decepticons would be transported by Skyfire, excluding the fliers, of course, and Starscream paced to and fro as they waited for the army to settle down.

"You're hovering," Megatron had said, when Starscream walked a little too close to the warlord. Starscream shot him a dirty look. He had all the right to be concerned, too. They had never done things this way before, there were always risks. Skyfire was still his responsibility and he was the Second-in-Command. Of course he was concerned.

(Didn't explain how he pulsed his field outwards a number of times in inquiry, and Skyfire replied with reassurance every time, still very patient. He seemed to know enough to keep Starscream updated when pinged. It could be that Astrotrain and Blitzwing had warned him, or he simply didn't want Starscream to get mad, it didn't matter. Starscream had no reason to tell Skyfire to stay back.)

Then it was time to depart. One last field pulse and Skyfire's reply was almost cheery, pleasant affirmation at the warning that they would be leaving soon, and Starscream retreated to stand with his trine, flanked by the two Seekers.

Megatron had gave him a look, one that would just make Starscream angrier if he acknowledged it, like always, before entering Skyfire's hold as well. The cargo doors closed afterwards, and Skyfire prepared to fly. His engines powered up with a loud noise, and his thrusters lit up, and Starscream looked away.

This was it.

He ran a few steps forward and transformed, his trine doing the same, and they were airborne, following the flight plan Soundwave had set up for them. The Elite Trine and the Coneheads flanked Skyfire as they headed towards their destination, a form of defense, and once again, Starscream was fully aware of Skyfire's presence.

It used to be just the two of them flying, side by side. They had raced, they had chased each other and zoomed through the vastness of space and–Starscream just–

There was nothing beneficial that could come out of reminiscing. Starscream fired up his thrusters again and zoomed out of formation for a few seconds, before Thundercracker and Skywarp matched his pace. They pinged him with curiosity, but knew enough to only do so a few times. Starscream had his moods.

Their destination was devoid of any living being. That was good. If they were lucky, it would remain so till they were done taking the energon. Skyfire had touched down and opened his hold, and the Decepticons filed out of him to start working. Starscream resisted the urge to ask Skyfire how he was again, but found that he didn't have to. The shuttle transformed, stretched slightly, and eventually glanced over to where Starscream and his trinemates had landed.

Skyfire saluted with a smile.

And Starscream looked away with a scowl. Everything felt so wrong. And Skyfire's smiles still made him feel weak; it was stupid. He didn't want to think about it.

Like an answer to a prayer, the Autobots arrived. Mass comm. alerts were spread and the Decepticons prepared themselves. Megatron was already excited; he always was when there was an opportunity to face Optimus Prime.

Starscream and his trine stood in their battle formation as well, and before they transformed, Starscream risked a glance towards Skyfire.

The shuttle seemed apprehensive. To be expected, this was his very first battle, after all.

War did different things to a mech.

The Elite Trine transformed and shot up into the air, flew a loop before redirecting their course downwards. This was exactly the distraction Starscream had needed. The Autobots seemed microscopic from up here.

He could lose himself in gunfire and violence. He would be in his element.

Nullrays primed, battle protocols active, the Decepticon Second-in-Command dove straight for his enemies, thoughts of mercy and of Skyfire banished from his mind.