Part one because I just wanted to post something for you people. I wrote this while listening to Olafur Arnalds' Variations of Static. It's beautiful.
This is sloppy and sad and dramatic but idk. It was better in my head. As most things I write are, haha.
He was trying his hardest to be quiet.
He stumbled around the room, collecting items of importance and stuffing them into a backpack. A flash of déjà vu hit him. It wasn't the first time Eric had run away from something.
But he couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't pretend that things were all right, or that he deserved to be there. He didn't deserve any of it. The hospitality of the friends he had made, or the warmth and love of Kousuke. He blinked back tears when he thought about the man who had brought him to this place. The man who had shown him nothing but kindness and affection. Eric bit his lip hard and mentally punched himself in the face. Why would he even be thinking about leaving? Because it wasn't for him. He wasn't worthy of any of it.
His head snapped toward the bed, hearing the sheets ruffle, but Kousuke was just rolling over. Eric sighed and hurried along, putting the remaining things in the backpack.
"Not even going to say goodbye?" Kousuke's voice made Eric jump. "What are you doing?" the redhead asked. He was sitting up in the bed now, running his fingers through his hair.
Eric pulled the backpack onto his shoulders and faced the other. "I. I'm," he paused and let out a shaky breath. "I have to leave."
Kousuke eyed him and frowned. "Why?"
"I just do," Eric said. "I have to—"
"Why would you have to leave?" When the blonde didn't say anything, Kousuke scoffed. "You were just gonna leave, then? You weren't going to tell me?"
"Kousuke—"
"You were just going to leave," the other repeated.
"Please don't make this harder," Eric said, his throat was already tight.
Kousuke shook his head and looked down at his hands. "Weren't going to leave me a letter or something? A note?"
Eric scratched at the back of his neck. "I thought you'd stop me."
"I can't stop you. I can't make you do anything," Kousuke said. He looked back up and the other. "Is it something I did?"
"No," Eric said, his voice breaking. He walked to the bed, and sat down. "I just have to go. It has nothing to do with you, I swear."
Kousuke scoffed. "Then what is it? Why would you leave?"
Eric wiped quickly at his eye when a tear threatened to fall. "I need to. I just really need to." A silence filled the room. A deafening silence that was pounding hard at both of their ears.
"Can I get a goodbye kiss?" Kousuke finally spoke.
Eric nodded and didn't move away when Kousuke leaned in, pressing his mouth firmly against his. He tangled his fingers in Eric's hair, tugging gently when Eric's lips parted, allowing his tongue entry. The blonde twisted his own fingers in Kousuke's hair, and kissed back fiercely as tears fell down his face. But when an arm slipped around his waist, Eric pulled back, grabbing Kousuke hands.
The redhead reached up, placing his hands on Eric' face, the blonde's hands still connected to his own. He leaned in again, bringing their foreheads together. "Please don't leave me," he whispered.
Eric let out a quiet sob. It took all of his willpower to pull away from his lover and stand up. "I have to go," he said, not bothering to wipe his wet eyes.
Kousuke stared up at him, his own eyes searching Eric's face for anything that might give away that it's all a joke. "Please," he said again.
The blonde walked away from the bed and to the door, taking hold of the doorknob before glancing back at Kousuke. "I'm sorry," he mumbled before stepping through, and shutting the door.
Kousuke stared at the door for a long time. Wishing and hoping and praying that Eric would come back in and fall into Kousuke's arms. But minutes passed and the other didn't return. Kousuke exhaled heavily as the tears started to fall. He brought his knees to his chest, dropped his head into his hands, and cried harder than he had ever cried before.
tbc.
