Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.
Josh Asks Tara
Tara awoke after two a.m. to find Josh was not in bed. She lay awake, straining for any sounds indicating he was home. "Maybe he's in the kitchen, having a snack," she prayed.
A light from the kitchen gave her hope as she went downstairs, but the kitchen was empty – the light on over the sink. She worried he had gone out, then noticed a crack of light under the basement door. She frowned slightly, it seemed an odd time for Josh to be in his studio. Half-fearful, in case there was some other reason, she opened the basement door and softly called, "Josh?"
"Couldn't sleep."
"I wondered why you weren't in bed," she said, going down the stairs.
Dressed in pajamas he sat on a high wooden stool in front of a large canvas. The back of the painting faced Tara. His wife moved towards him, and Josh guessed the reason, "I wish you wouldn't look," he requested.
"Why?" His reluctance made her more curious. She feared it was a woman Josh was having an affair with.
"It's not finished. I'm having trouble with the eyes."
"I'd like to see it," she told him and moved behind him to view the work. She stopped, in shock. She was the subject of the painting. "It's beautiful," Tara whispered.
"No, it's not," he contradicted her, "the eyes are wrong."
She placed her hands on his shoulders. "No, you're wrong. It's... I'm not that beautiful."
"I can't put your beauty into paint. You are the most beautiful woman in the world. Your eyes... I'm just not happy... I've been working on this, but I just can't get the eyes right." He took her right hand and brought her wrist to his lips, giving her wrist a slow, sensuous kiss.
Despite all he had done through the years, Josh's touch still thrilled her. Tara shivered slightly as his lips caressed her wrist. "I wish I was that beautiful..."
He stopped kissing her wrist, but still held her hand. "You are." There was a moment of silence as they each looked at the painting, one seeing only the good points and the other seeing only the flaws. "Why do you put up with me?" he asked sadly.
"Because I love you."
"Why? I'm a lousy husband. I don't deserve you. I just can't stop... can't stop..."
She wasn't sure if he would have said 'cheating' or 'affairs'. "You need help, Josh."
"I don't need help. I just did need to stop. I don't know why I... No more. Never again."
Tara had heard it before, far too often. "There's no shame in asking for help. At first... At first I thought I wasn't a good enough wife for you, that was what made you want other women."
"Don't ever say that," he warned her sternly. "Don't ever say that." He kissed her wrist reverently. "You are the most wonderful woman in the world to put up with me."
Tara said nothing. He needed help. She had seen a counselor. It had helped her. The therapist had mentioned various things could drive some people to seek affairs outside marriage. There was something called a Lothario complex. There were other possibilities. Without talking with Josh the counselor wouldn't try to pin it down. She hugged him, "Our wedding vows were 'for better or for worse', and 'in sicknesses and in health'."
"They also included something about 'forsaking all others', but I've failed on that. But I will change."
In Tara's mind it was a sickness. If Josh were suffering from cancer or some disease her friends would not be whispering to her that she ought to leave him. They wouldn't be telling her, for her own good – or in case she was ignorant, what was happening. There an old joke asked 'how many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?' 'One, but the light bulb must really want to change.' It wasn't funny, not to Tara.
"I've always been so careful," he said in a voice somewhere between defensive and apologetic, "if... If I gave you something I think I'd kill myself."
"I don't know what good that was do Jason and Jessica," she tried to answer in a light tone. The counselor had made her answer the question whether she would rather stay, knowing of Josh's affairs, or leave. A streak of pride told her to leave – she did not deserve a husband who cheated on her. One part of her argued that leaving might force Josh to seek the professional help he needed. But she had vowed to stay with him, in good times and in bad, and told the therapist, "I need to stay with him."
"You'll see," Josh promised. "I'll never cheat on you again."
She wished she could believe him, but she had heard the promise too often. Perhaps his ego demanded the reassurance of knowing he was attractive to other women. Perhaps... Tara wasn't a trained therapist. She didn't know what was going on in his mind, what compelled him to seek out affairs with other women. She worried what would happen when he began to fail regularly, when women didn't respond to his flattery. Would he finally seek help? Would he plunge into depression? She kept her arms around him as they both stared at the unfinished portrait for a few minutes longer. "And that's really how you see me?"
"I told you, I'm not happy with the eyes."
"It's beautiful."
"No, you are."
