"Does she always sleep like that?"
"No. She is usually up by zero five."
"It's way past zero five."
"She was up late last night. She refused to go to sleep. I think she finally fell asleep around twelve thirty."
"Why didn't she want to go to sleep?"
"She missed me, I guess."
"You know that's not the question I wanted to ask."
"I know."
"So..."
"When I was pregnant, every single day I would try, to picture what she might look like. I never could. I had no idea what she would look like, who she would look like."
"She looks like you."
"No, not entirely."
"You amaze me, sometimes."
"I amaze you? How?" she scowls.
"I don't know where you find the strength."
"Strength? It wasn't strength."
"Then what was it?"
She shrugs, "I don't know."
"What made you decide to keep her?"
"It wasn't really a conscious decision."
"What do you mean?"
"I needed more time. I did not have any more time, so I just decided to see it through."
"So you went to the hospital, with the intention of what? Bringing her home?"
"No. I went there, with the intention of having her. I planned on leaving her there, and walking away, empty handed."
"When did you even have her? I don't remember..."
"I took three weeks off."
"Three weeks?"
"I only planned on taking a few days. My plans never seem to work out the way I want them to."
"What do you mean?"
0700-May 31st, 2010
She walks into the hospital, with a bag. Inside, is a toothbrush, a hairbrush, and a change of clothes. She calmly speaks with the receptionist. She explains that she has been having contractions, for over five hours. She doesn't wince in pain. She fills out the paperwork, and is ushered to a room. The nurse looks at her in pity. Here she was, to have a baby, alone.
She sits in the hospital bed, waiting. Finally her doctor comes into the room. She walks in, with a smile on her face. How could some one be so happy? She had never seen Dr. Graham without a smile on her face. Maybe she was faking. She had to smile, she delivered babies for a living. She had to be pretend to be joyful.
Joyful, this was not going to be a joyful occasion. The doctor finishes her exam. She tosses her gloves in the trash. She stops, at Ziva's bedside.
"You're dilated to three. Do you want something for pain?"
"No."
"You don't want anything? Do you think you might want an epidural?"
"No. I'll be fine."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
"You have time to change your mind, if you want to."
"I won't."
"Do you need anything?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"I just want to get this over with."
1015
The nurse comes into the room. Ziva tries her best to ignore the pain. She could handle this.
"How is your pain?"
"I'm fine," she lies.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm fine."
The nurse checks her progress. She hits the call light. Ziva looks down at her, she notices the look of panic on her face.
"Is something wrong? What just happened?"
Other nurses, and the doctor run into the room. Ziva can't make out what they're saying, through all the commotion. Ziva's nurse doesn't move. She remains stationary, with her hand frozen. Dr. Graham approaches Ziva.
"We're going to have to take you for a c-section."
"What's wrong?"
"Your water broke. Sometimes when your water breaks the cord can come out with it. It cuts off the oxygen supply to the baby. We are going to have to take you for an emergency c-section, now."
The next series of events occurs in a blur. The nurse climbs onto the bed with her. She is whisked out of her room, down the hall, to the elevator. They put oxygen on her. When they reach the O.R. they give her anesthesia.
0115
She opens her eyes, and finds herself back in her room. A nurse, standing by her IV pole looks at her. She smiles. Ziva takes a breath. It hurts to breathe.
"What happened?"
"You had to have an emergency c-section. Everything went well. You have some staples, that will have to come out later. Your baby is in the nursery. She's doing well. Would like me to go get her, for you?"
"No, that's ok."
"I'll let Dr. Graham know that you're awake."
Ten minutes later Dr. Graham comes into the room. She holds up a book, and places it on Ziva's bedside table.
"What is that?"
"It's a book. Last time you were in my office you said that you hadn't picked out a name. I didn't know if you wanted to take a look at it."
"Not really."
"How are you feeling?"
"Like I've been run over by a semi-truck."
"Have you seen your baby yet?"
"No."
"Do you want me to get her?"
"No. Can I get up?"
"Get up? You want to get up? That probably isn't a good idea. Why don't we wait a little while longer."
"I want to get up. I don't want to lie here."
"If you can get up, and walk to the bathroom, then I'll let you get up and walk. Ok?"
"Ok," she agrees.
