I woke up around dusk. I immediately began pawing at my neck to make sure that the child who had been turned down from 'The Exorcist' because she was too scary hadn't taken any drinks from me. No marks. Proceed.
I stood and shuffled through the house, cursing under my breath all the way. All the windows? Locked. Doors? Locked. Back doors? Nailed shut.
Really?
I looked around the kitchen and immediately made a beeline for the fridge. I threw it open and found...
Holy... that is the most orange juice I've ever seen.
I must be in heaven.
I snatched one and ripped the top off. I was going to chug it, but at that moment someone tackled be back. "The hell!" I shouted as Lestat tried to grab the orange juice. I held it over my head. "No!"
"It's MINE!" He screamed. "It has ALWAYS been mine!"
"You're a freaking vampire! Go drink someone's blood or something!" He growled and tackled me again, trying to snatch it. I pushed him away and dumped it over his head. "How do ya like that, FANG BOY!"
He growled again, his eyes burning with rage, the image of which was quite humorous, since he was dripping with pulpy orange juice. "That's it! Screw what Louis says!" He tackled me again, fangs extended. Oh hell.
"Hey! Off!" I whipped out a clove of garlic. Yep, nicked it from Karen. "Eat garlic!" I ground it into his face, keeping him in a headlock.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"
I looked up and saw Louis with a case of bedhead in a fluffy robe with a newspaper tucked under his arm and... pink bunny slippers. With little ears attached.
The hell?
He sighed, rolled his eyes, then walked up and grabbed Lestat. He dragged him off of me and swatted him in the face with the newspaper. "Bad." He said, like he was talking to a dog.
"Yeah, bad boy. In the doghouse." I grabbed another carton and chugged it.
"And you." He pointed the newspaper in my face. Am I the only one trying not to crack up at the fact that he had pink hair curlers in? "Hands off the orange juice. It's a kind of obsession for Lestat."
"And I care, why?"
Lestat growled. "Please let me bite her-."
"NO!" Another swat with the newspaper. This time it knocked him on his butt. "You will not bite her while I am still breathing air!"
"... Louis, there's a bit of an issue with that..."
He did a facepalm. "Damn. You're right."
"So can I bite her now-?"
"HELL NO!" I threw the empty carton at him and sat on the counter.
Claudia came in, rubbing her eyes and cursing like a sailor. Both vampires turned to glare at me, and I raised my hands. "Hey, I didn't do anything. I never knew those words." I grabbed a pen from Louis' pocket and began scribbling them down on my hand for later.
"What-? GIVE ME THAT!" He snatched it out of my hand.
"Hey, MANG!" I shouted, jumping to my feet. Too much Miami Vice.
He pointed the newspaper in my face. "I swear to God, I will not hesitate to beat you all to death with this newspaper."
"Daddy, I'm already dead." Claudia said.
"Yes, I know, sweetheart." He patted her head.
I threw open the doors to the cabinets. "Empty... empty... oh. Yum." I picked up a dead rat by its tail. "Fried rat, anyone?"
Lestat rolled his eyes."Open the last cabinet." He said.
"Yes ma'am." I threw open the cabinet and had a heart attack.
Cookies. My God. There's more of them here than orange juice.
I glanced up at Lestat. "Am I gonna get tackled for the cookies?"
"Help yourself-."
"Don't mind if I do." In an instant, there was an empty pack of Oreos. Oh. My. God.
If I didn't hate these guys, I just might love them.
Stupid gay vampires.
